I Want to Know More - Tools for Your Child's Success

Attachment is the deep emotional bond between you and your child. When babies feel safe, loved, and cared for, they develop secure attachment, which helps them grow into confident, independent, and emotionally healthy children.^1,2

Attachment happens when your child learns they can rely on you to meet their needs—whether it’s for food, comfort, or love. From the moment they’re born, babies are looking for signs that they are safe and cared for. Every time you soothe their cries, smile at them, or respond to their needs, you’re helping build that sense of security.^3

A baby with secure attachment feels safe exploring the world because they know their parent or someone in a parenting role will be there when needed. Signs of secure attachment include^1,2:

●      Seeking comfort from a parent when upset

●      Being happy to see their parent after separation

●      Exploring their environment, but checking back in with their parent

●      Trusting their parent to meet their needs

As your child grows, secure attachment might look like a toddler returning to you for reassurance during play, or a preschooler seeking comfort after a hard day.

When babies don’t consistently get the comfort or attention they need, they may develop insecure attachment. This doesn’t mean parents don’t love their child; it just means the baby may feel unsure about whether their needs will be met. Signs of insecure attachment might include^1,2:

●      Avoiding comfort or closeness with a parent or someone in a parenting role

●      Clinging excessively and having trouble exploring

●      Seeming indifferent to a parent’s presence

The good news? Attachment is not about being perfect; it’s about being responsive most of the time.

You don’t need fancy toys or a complicated plan to create secure attachment. Small, everyday moments matter most.^3Here’s how:

1. Respond to your child’s cues – When your child cries, coos, or reaches for you, try to respond. You won’t always know exactly what they need, but responding helps them feel understood.
2. Be present and engaged – You don’t need to entertain your child all day, but giving them your full attention, even for short moments, strengthens your connection.
3. Comfort them when they’re upset – When children feel scared or overwhelmed, they learn that emotions are safe when a parent or someone in a parenting role soothes them.
4. Enjoy play and eye contact – Singing, talking, and making eye contact during daily routines help your child feel connected to you.
5. Follow their lead – If your child reaches for a toy, talk about it. If they show excitement, share in it. These little interactions build trust.

Caring for a baby is exhausting, and no one can respond perfectly all the time. The good news is, you don’t have to! Research shows that babies need “good enough” parenting, meaning that if you respond to their needs most of the time, they will still develop secure attachment.^2,3

●      Give yourself grace – You won’t always know what your baby wants, and that’s okay.

●      Take breaks – A happy, rested parent is better for the baby. Ask for help when you need it.

●      Repair when needed – If you miss a cue or lose patience, reconnect with your baby with warmth and reassurance.

●      Don’t go at it alone – Attachment can grow through many safe, loving relationships — with grandparents, siblings, or trusted caregivers.

Your baby doesn’t need perfection; they just need to know they are loved and safe. By simply showing up, responding as best as you can, and caring for yourself along the way, you are giving your child the secure foundation they need to thrive.

Babies are born ready to connect with the world, and one of the best ways to support their development is through serve and return interactions. These back-and-forth moments between you and your baby help build their brain, strengthen your bond, and support their emotional and social growth.^1,2 They help your child grow into a confident communicator, thoughtful problem-solver, and emotionally aware adult.

Think of a game of tennis or catch; one person serves the ball, and the other returns it. In the same way, when your baby "serves" by making a sound, smiling, or reaching for something, you "return" by responding with eye contact, words, or touch.^2,3

For example:

●      Your baby babbles → You smile and talk back

●      Your baby points at a toy → You name the toy and hand it to them

●      Your baby makes a face → You mirror the expression and respond

These simple exchanges help your baby feel seen and understood, which is key for healthy emotional development. You don’t need to engage every time; just responding often is enough to build strong connections.^1,2,3

1. Builds Brain Connections – Every time you respond to your baby’s signals, you help form and strengthen the connections in their brain that shape learning, communication, and relationships.
2. Teaches Social Skills – Your baby learns about taking turns, listening, and expressing themselves, all of which are important for building relationships later in life.
3. Creates a Secure Attachment – When you consistently respond to your baby, they feel safe and loved, which builds confidence and emotional security.
4. Reduces Stress – Babies who experience consistent, loving interactions are better able to handle stress and develop resilience.

You don’t need special toys or extra time, serve and return happens naturally throughout the day. Here’s how you can do it:

●      Notice the serve – Watch for your baby’s cues, like sounds, movements, or facial expressions.

●      Return the serve – Respond in a warm, engaging way by talking, smiling, or copying their actions.

●      Keep the rally going – Encourage back-and-forth interactions by asking questions, waiting for their response, or adding something new.

●      Follow their lead – If they show interest in something, engage with them about it.

Even short moments of serve and return add up. Whether you’re changing a diaper, feeding, or just making eye contact, these everyday interactions lay the foundation for your baby’s future learning, relationships, and well-being. If you miss a serve, that’s okay. Just noticing and returning later (‘Did you want to play with this?’) shows your baby that you’re paying attention and care.^1,2,3

By practicing serve and return, you’re not just playing, you’re helping your baby grow in the best possible way!

Serve and return interactions are simple back-and-forth exchanges between a caregiver and an infant that build attachment, communication, and brain development. Here are some easy, natural ways parents and those in a parenting role can engage in serve and return activities:

1. Respond to Coos and Babbling

• Baby: “Ahh-goo!”
• Parent: “Oh wow! You have so much to say!”
• Matching their sounds or adding words reinforces language development.

1. Make Eye Contact and Mirror Expressions

• Baby smiles → Parent smiles back.
• Baby furrows brow → Parent mimics the face and responds: “Oh, are you wondering what’s happening?”
• This helps babies feel seen and understood.

1. Peek-a-Boo

• Cover your face, then reveal it: “Peek-a-boo!”
• When baby giggles or reacts, pause and wait for them to “serve” back before continuing.

1. Follow Their Gaze and Comment

• Baby looks at a toy → Parent notices: “Oh! You see your bear? He’s so soft!”
• Helps build curiosity and social connection.

1. Imitate Gestures and Movements

• Baby waves hands → Parent waves back.
• Baby claps → Parent claps too: “Yay, clapping hands!”

1. Sing and Pause for Response

• Sing a song and pause to let the baby coo, smile, or move.
• Example: “Twinkle, twinkle, little… (pause and wait for baby’s reaction).”

1. Play with Sounds

• Make silly sounds and wait for baby’s response.
• Example: Parent blows raspberries → baby giggles → parent does it again.

1. Encourage Movement and Interaction

• Example: Hold a toy just out of reach → baby reaches → parent responds: “You got it!”
• Helps with motor skills and problem-solving.

1. Read Together and Watch Their Cues

• Point to pictures in a book: “See the puppy? He says, ‘Woof!’”
• If baby reaches for a page, let them “turn” it to encourage engagement.

1. Comforting Touch and Rhythmic Interaction

●      Example: Rocking baby and saying, “Shhh, you’re safe.”

●      Patting baby’s back in rhythm while humming encourages regulation.

●      Notice the “serve” (baby’s sound, movement, gaze).

●      Return the serve with words, touch, or expressions.

●      Wait and watch for their response.

●      Keep the interaction going as long as they’re engaged.

These simple activities strengthen emotional security and brain development without requiring extra effort, just tuning into the baby’s natural signals.

Every parent or someone in a parenting role wants to give their child the best possible start in life. However, the reality is that adversity is a part of life. Whether it’s a stressful move, financial struggles, illness, or other challenges, difficult moments happen. The good news? Parents and those in a parenting role play a crucial role in shielding their child from stress and helping their brain develop strength and resilience.^1,2

Adverse Childhood Events, or ACEs, are stressful or difficult experiences that can affect brain development. These might include^2:

●      Family stress (divorce, financial struggles, a parent’s mental health challenges)

●      Exposure to violence or instability

●      Loss of a caregiver

●      Serious illness or accidents

ACEs are common and often out of our control, but that doesn’t mean they define a child’s future. Research shows that a safe, loving relationship with a caregiver can protect a child’s brain from stress.

A baby’s brain is growing faster in the first few years than at any other time in life. During this time, nurturing relationships, establishing predictable routines, and providing responsive care help build a strong and adaptable brain. When your child is overwhelmed, your calm presence helps regulate their stress response. Over time, your child learns to calm themselves; this is called co-regulation.^3

When babies feel safe and connected, they develop:

●          Better stress management – Their nervous system learns how to calm down after stress.

●          Stronger emotional regulation – They develop skills to handle frustration and big feelings.

●          Less impulsivity later in life – They are more likely to pause, think, and make good decisions.

●          Stronger relationships as adults – They feel secure in themselves and with others.

Protecting your child’s brain from stress isn’t about perfection or doing everything “right.” It’s about providing a safe, secure, and nurturing environment where your child knows they are loved and cared for.

Here are the key ingredients that help buffer a child’s brain from stress^3:

Safe and Predictable Structure

●      Babies and young children thrive on routine. Simple, predictable rhythms (morning cuddles, bedtime routines, regular meals) help them feel secure.

●      They don’t need rigid schedules, just a sense of what comes next in their day.

Strong, Secure Relationships

●      The most powerful buffer against stress is a loving, responsive caregiver.

●      Even when hard things happen, knowing they have a safe person to turn to helps children process emotions and feel protected.

●      Your support system, grandparents, siblings, extended family, or community, also helps buffer your child from stress. Connection comes in many forms.

Responsive Care

●      When babies cry or reach out, responding with comfort teaches them that the world is a safe place.

●      You don’t have to get it right every time; just showing up most of the time makes a difference.

Emotional Connection

●      Talking to your baby, making eye contact, and simply being present help shape a brain that is wired for connection.

●      Play, snuggles, and laughter all help regulate stress hormones and create positive brain pathways.

Many parents or someone in a parenting role have faced their own stress, trauma, or ACEs. It is important to remember:

●      You are not alone.

●      You are not defined by the past.

●      You can break cycles of stress and build something new for your child.

Simply being aware of the power of secure attachment and making small, consistent efforts to be present and responsive creates lasting change.

Life isn’t always calm and predictable, and that’s okay. Children don’t need a perfect parent or someone in a parenting role; they need a "good enough" parent who shows up, responds with love most of the time, and repairs when needed. If you lose your temper or miss a cue, you can reconnect by saying: ‘I got frustrated, but I love you, and I’m here now.’ Repair teaches your child that relationships can recover and stay strong.

Every hug, every bedtime story, every moment of comfort builds a strong, resilient brain that can handle life’s ups and downs. You are your child’s greatest protective factor.

Parenting a baby or toddler is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but it’s also exhausting, overwhelming, and full of big emotions (both yours and your child’s). It’s easy to put all your energy into your little one and forget about yourself. But here’s the truth: your well-being directly affects your child’s well-being. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Babies are wired to pick up on your emotions, body language, and stress levels. This happens because of something called mirror neurons, brain cells that help us “mirror” or reflect the feelings and behaviors of those around us. If you are feeling calm and regulated, your child is more likely to feel that way too.^1 If you’re overwhelmed or stressed, they can sense it. It’s normal to lose patience or feel overwhelmed, especially when you're tired. What matters most is reconnecting. Saying something like, “That was a hard moment, I’m here, and I love you,” teaches your child that even tough times can be repaired.

By caring for yourself, you’re not just helping yourself; you’re helping your baby feel safe, secure, and regulated. 

Babies and young children don’t yet know how to calm themselves down when they’re upset. They rely on us to help them. This is called co-regulation, and it’s one of the most important ways parents support their child’s emotional development.^1,2

●      When your baby cries and you pick them up, they feel comforted.

●      When your toddler has a meltdown, and you stay calm, they learn how to handle big feelings.

●      When you take deep breaths or use a soothing voice, your child’s nervous system responds to that.

But here’s the key: it’s hard to co-regulate your child when you’re running on empty. That’s why your own health, physical, emotional, and mental, is so important.

The U.S. Surgeon General has called mental health a national crisis, especially for parents and children. Chronic stress, lack of support, and exhaustion can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression, which don’t just affect you but also your child’s development.^3,4

Signs of parental burnout might include:

●      Feeling emotionally drained or detached

●      Losing patience quickly

●      Feeling like you're just "going through the motions"

●      Trouble sleeping, even when you're tired

●      Feeling like you don’t have time for yourself

If any of these sound familiar, you are not alone, and there are things you can do to feel better. If you’re feeling persistently down, anxious, or overwhelmed, reaching out to your doctor or a mental health professional is a powerful act of care for you and your child.

1. Ask for help – You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a partner, friend, family member, or childcare provider, accepting help gives you space to recharge.
2. Find your people – Social connection is one of the best ways to reduce stress. Spend time with other parents who understand what you’re going through. Even a short chat or a shared laugh can help.
3. Take breaks – You are more than just a parent. Make time for things that bring you joy, whether that’s a walk, reading a book, or simply sitting in silence with a cup of coffee.
4. Move your body – Exercise isn’t just about fitness; it’s a powerful tool for stress relief. Even a short walk outside can reset your nervous system.
5. Prioritize rest – Sleep is tough with young kids, but even minor adjustments, like going to bed earlier or resting when your child naps, can help.
6. Breathe and reset – When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to pause. Deep breathing, stretching, or just stepping outside for fresh air can help you reset.

No parent is calm and patient all the time. The good news? You don’t have to be perfect. Research shows that children don’t need flawless parents; they need “good enough” parents who show up, repair mistakes, and keep trying.

The best thing you can do for your child is to take care of yourself. When you are supported, rested, and cared for, you can show up as the parent you want to be. And when things feel hard, remember: you are doing enough, and you are enough.

4. Office of the Surgeon General (OSG). Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents. Washington (DC): US Department of Health and Human Services (US); 2024.

Finding support for your child’s mental health can feel overwhelming, but it’s a crucial step toward ensuring their well-being now and in the future. Providing timely support is key when a child is struggling with emotions, behaviors, or relationships. These challenges can impact your child’s learning, relationships, and even physical health. This resource is designed to help you understand the types of mental health support available and how to choose the right kind of care for your child.

Mental health support is not “one-size-fits-all.” Every child’s needs are different, and the level of care required can vary widely. Some children might benefit from weekly therapy sessions, while others may find that joining a sports team or social group gives them the support they need. Being surrounded by people who love them is sometimes the best kind of support. This could be family or a friend group. Here’s a breakdown of some key forms of professional support:

• Psychotherapy: This is often the first step in mental health support. A trained therapist can help your child talk through their feelings, explore their thoughts, and find ways to cope with their struggles. Therapists might have different ways of working with your child, for example, using play therapy or art therapy.
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• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on helping your child recognize and change unhelpful thought patterns that might be causing stress or anxiety. This practical approach can teach them specific skills for managing tough situations. Another related therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), also focuses on teaching coping skills and helps manage intense emotions.
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• Family Therapy: This type of therapy involves the whole family and can improve how everyone communicates and supports one another. It’s beneficial if the issues your child faces affect the entire family.
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• Group Therapy: Group therapy involves sessions with peers experiencing similar issues. This can help your child realize they are not alone and can build social skills in a supportive setting.
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• Medication: Sometimes, a psychiatrist or healthcare professional may recommend medication to help manage conditions like anxiety, ADHD, or depression. Medication is often used alongside other forms of therapy.
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• Social Support & Community Engagement: Structured activities like sports, art classes, or clubs can help reduce feelings of isolation and boost your child’s confidence. Being part of a group activity offers a sense of belonging and can be an excellent support for your child.

When choosing the right support, remember that it’s essential to find what best fits your child’s unique needs.

Finding the right therapist can be as important as choosing the type of therapy. Here are some tips to help you decide:

• Values Alignment: Look for a counselor whose approach aligns with your family’s values. Do they understand your child’s needs and respect your family’s culture and goals?
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• Involvement of the Family: Consider whether the therapist will include you in the process, either through family therapy sessions or regular check-ins. Your involvement can make a big difference in helping your child feel supported.
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• Concrete Skills and Progress: Ask the therapist about the specific skills they will teach your child. Look for progress and ask the therapist to share how they plan to help your child develop coping skills.
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• Comfort and Connection: Your child should feel safe and comfortable with their therapist. A strong connection is crucial for building trust, which can make therapy more effective.

If it seems like the therapist isn’t a good match—if progress is slow or your child doesn’t feel comfortable—it’s okay to change. Reach out to the therapist for feedback, or consider trying a different counselor who might be a better fit for your child. Don’t be afraid to change therapists if it isn’t working.

Remember, each child’s path is unique. What works well for one child might not be ideal for another. Here are some tips for matching the support to your child’s specific needs:

• Personalizing Support: Be open to experimenting with different types of therapy or support. Your child’s needs may change over time, and it’s normal to adjust as they grow.
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• Combining Therapy with Social Support: A balanced approach that includes both therapy and social engagement can be very effective. Being part of a supportive community can complement the work done in therapy sessions.
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• Making Adjustments as Needed: Keep an open mind about making changes along the way. If your child isn’t making progress or their needs shift, it may be time to try a new type of therapy or activity.

Finding affordable mental health support for your child can seem challenging, but there are many options to explore. Start by checking with your health insurance provider to see what mental health services are covered, including in-person therapy, telehealth options, and any co-pays or deductibles you may need to consider. Some local mental health facilities offer sliding scale fees based on income or may even provide free services for families in need. Schools can also be a great resource, as many offer access to school counselors or psychologists at no cost and may connect you with additional community resources. Additionally, online platforms provide accessible options, often at a lower cost, for counseling or therapy. Some nonprofit organizations and mental health apps provide free or discounted resources, so don’t hesitate to explore a range of options to find the best fit for your family’s needs and budget.

Finding the right support for your child’s mental health is an important journey. With patience, openness, and a proactive approach, you can help your child thrive. Remember, there is no single “right” answer—just the path that works best for your child and your family. By seeking the right fit and staying involved, you provide your child with the best foundation for a healthy, happy future.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Finding the Right Mental Health Support for Your Child. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, it's natural to worry about your child’s well-being. With all the challenges children face today—like school stress, peer pressure, and social media—knowing when something is not okay with their mental health can be tough. This resource will help you recognize signs of trouble, understand when to worry, and learn how to prevent suicide by having open conversations and knowing what to do in difficult situations.

It’s normal for children to have mood swings or be upset at times, especially as they grow and change. However, there are some signs that may indicate a bigger issue, like anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Children and teens go through different stages of emotional and behavioral development, so mental health issues can show up differently depending on their age. Here's what to watch for in each stage:

In this age group, children are just beginning to develop social skills, build friendships, and manage their emotions. It’s normal for younger children to have occasional outbursts, but watch for:

• Excessive clinginess or fear: It’s normal for children to want comfort from their parents, but extreme or prolonged separation anxiety can signal deeper distress. This might show up as constantly needing to be close, prolonged difficulty at drop-off, distress even with a brief separation, or difficulty sleeping alone. 
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• Frequent temper tantrums: While tantrums are common in younger children, having them regularly at this age—especially if they’re intense or long-lasting—could indicate emotional struggles.
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• Withdrawing from play: If your child loses interest in playing with friends, engaging in hobbies, or participating in fun activities they used to enjoy, it might be a sign of anxiety or depression.
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• Physical complaints without a clear cause: Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues that don’t seem to have a medical explanation could be a child’s way of expressing emotional pain.
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• Trouble concentrating or completing tasks: Difficulty focusing on schoolwork, constant daydreaming, or falling behind in academic performance could point to attention issues or emotional distress.

If you notice any of these behaviors lasting for more than a few weeks, having a conversation with your child or a healthcare provider may be helpful.

Children/teens ages 11-14 experience many emotional ups and downs as they navigate puberty, peer pressure, and school changes. But some signs can suggest more serious mental health concerns, such as:

• Significant mood swings: Hormones can cause irritability, but extreme or constant mood swings that disrupt daily life might signal anxiety or depression.
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• Social isolation: If your child/teen starts withdrawing from friends or avoids social activities, this could be a red flag, especially if they previously enjoyed these interactions.
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• Changes in school performance: A sudden drop in grades, difficulty focusing, or a lack of interest in school could mean your child/teen is struggling emotionally.
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• Risky or defiant behavior: This could include sneaking out, breaking rules, or engaging in unsafe activities. While pushing boundaries is normal at this age, extreme defiance may be a sign of distress.
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• Body image issues or eating changes: Early teens may develop unhealthy views of their bodies, leading to disordered eating or fixation on weight or appearance. Sudden changes in appetite or weight are important to address.

If these behaviors are persistent or becoming more severe, don’t hesitate to check in with your child/teen and consider seeking guidance from a counselor or healthcare provider.

Teens are striving for independence and may seem more withdrawn or secretive as they develop their own identities. However, some behaviors could be signals of mental health struggles:

• Extreme irritability or anger: While it’s normal for teens to experience frustration, frequent explosive anger or irritability can indicate underlying issues, such as anxiety, depression, or even substance use.
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• Constant fatigue or changes in sleep: Sleeping too much or too little, staying up all night, or being tired all the time are common signs of mental health struggles like depression or anxiety.
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• Frequent self-criticism or low self-esteem: Teens who constantly put themselves down or seem overly self-critical may be dealing with deeper emotional pain.
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• Substance use: Experimenting with drugs or alcohol can be a sign that a teen is trying to cope with overwhelming emotions or mental health issues.
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• Withdrawing from family and friends: While some independence is normal, complete isolation from loved ones or a loss of interest in social activities can be a warning sign.
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• Engaging in risky behaviors: This might include dangerous driving, unsafe sexual behavior, or other impulsive actions. These behaviors can be a sign that your teen is struggling emotionally or feeling hopeless.

These behaviors don’t always mean something serious is going on, but if they last for weeks or seem to be getting worse, it might be time to step in and talk to your teen and consider seeking guidance from a counselor or healthcare provider.

Some warning signs are more serious and can indicate that your child or teen is at risk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Watch for:

• talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
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• making statements like "I wish I were dead" or "Everyone would be better off without me."
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• engaging in risky or reckless behavior, like driving dangerously or experimenting with drugs
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• suddenly giving away personal belongings
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• withdrawing from family and friends completely
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• extreme changes in mood, including sudden calmness after being very upset (which can sometimes happen when someone has decided to end their life)

If you notice any of these signs, taking them seriously is important. Don’t wait—reach out for help. This might include reaching out to other adults in the child’s life, teachers, friends, family, or consulting with your healthcare provider. 

Asking your child or teen if they are feeling suicidal or thinking about hurting themselves might feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most important things you can do. Studies show that talking about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head—it can actually help prevent it.

Here are some steps to start the conversation:

1. Choose the right time and place: Pick a quiet, private time to talk, away from distractions. Let your child know that you want to have an important conversation.
2. Be calm and direct: You might say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really sad lately, and I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
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4. Listen without judgment: If your child opens up, stay calm. Don’t react with anger or shock. Let them share how they’re feeling and listen carefully. Your goal is to understand, not to immediately offer solutions.
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6. Offer support: Let your child know you are there for them, no matter what. You could say, “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m here to help, and we’ll get through this together.”
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8. Seek professional help: If your child talks about wanting to harm themselves, it’s essential to get help right away. Reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline. If your child takes any specific action to harm themselves, like taking a large quantity of medications, an immediate trip to the ER is appropriate. 

Some warning signs that a child might be considering suicide include:

• talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
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• looking for ways to do so, like searching online or trying to access weapons or pills
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• talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or in unbearable pain
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• feeling like they are a burden to others
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• withdrawing from friends and family
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• acting anxious, agitated, or reckless
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• sleeping too little or too much
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• displaying extreme mood swings

If your child shows these signs, take immediate action. Contact a therapist or counselor, visit a hospital, or call a suicide prevention hotline.

Prevention starts with being there for your child. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Encourage open communication: Let your child know it’s okay to talk about their feelings. Avoid being dismissive or making light of their concerns. Ask how they’re doing regularly and listen closely to their answers.
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3. Keep your home safe: If you’re worried about your child harming themselves, make sure to limit their access to dangerous items, such as medications, sharp objects, or firearms.
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5. Teach them coping skills: Help your child manage stress and difficult emotions by teaching them healthy coping strategies, such as journaling, exercising, talking to someone, or practicing mindfulness.
6. Encourage healthy habits: Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sleep can significantly impact mental health. Encourage your child to stay active, eat well, and get enough rest.
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8. Get professional support: Don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional if you are concerned. Therapists, counselors, and doctors can offer guidance and provide your child with tools to manage their feelings.

Self-harm, such as cutting, burning, or scratching the skin, is a behavior some children and teens use to cope with overwhelming emotions. While self-harm doesn’t necessarily mean your child is suicidal, it is a serious issue that shouldn’t be ignored. For many parents, discovering that their child is engaging in self-harm can feel terrifying, but understanding why it happens and how to respond can make a huge difference.

Self-harm is often a way for children and teens to manage emotions they find hard to express. Some common reasons include:

• Emotional release: Self-harm can provide temporary relief from intense emotions like sadness, anger, or anxiety. It may be a way to release the emotional pressure they’re feeling.
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• Feeling in control: For some children, hurting themselves is a way to feel more in control of their emotions or environment, especially when other parts of life feel chaotic.
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• Numbing emotional pain: Physical pain from self-harm can sometimes feel easier to deal with than emotional pain.
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• A cry for help: While self-harm isn’t always a sign of suicidal thoughts, it is often a way to signal that they are struggling emotionally and don’t know how to ask for help.
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• Disconnection or numbness: Some children and teens feel emotionally "numb" and turn to self-harm as a way to feel something, even if it’s physical pain.

It’s important to remember that self-harm is rarely about wanting to die—it’s more about trying to cope. However, it’s still dangerous and can lead to serious injury, and in some cases, it can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts later.

If you discover your child self-harming, handling the situation with care and compassion is crucial. Here are some steps to take:

1. Stay calm: It’s natural to feel shocked or upset but try not to react with anger or panic. Staying calm will help your child feel safe and more willing to talk about what they’re going through.
2. 
   
3. Open the conversation: Gently approach the topic by saying something like, “I’ve noticed some marks on your skin, and I’m really concerned. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Let them know you’re there to help, not to judge.
4. Listen without judgment: Your child may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their behavior. It’s important to listen and offer support rather than immediate solutions. Try to understand why they are self-harming and what emotions they’re trying to manage.
5. 
   
6. Get professional help: Self-harm is a sign that your child needs additional support. Reach out to a mental health professional, such as a counselor or therapist, who can help your child learn healthier ways to cope with their emotions.
7. 
   
8. Remove potential tools for self-harm: If your child is cutting, for example, try to limit their access to sharp objects. This won’t stop the underlying issue, but it can reduce the risk of injury while they get help.
9. 
   
10. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Help your child find safer ways to manage difficult emotions. This might include journaling, drawing, exercising, or using stress-relief tools like squeezing a stress ball.

It’s essential to reassure your child that you’re there for them, no matter what. Let them know it’s okay to struggle, and you’ll help them find healthier coping methods. Self-harm can be challenging to overcome, but with support and professional guidance, many children and teens can learn better ways of dealing with their feelings.

Remember, your response as a parent or someone in a parenting role can play a huge part in your child’s healing process. Stay patient, keep the communication lines open, and ensure they know they aren’t alone.

Part of addressing self-harm is helping your child find better strategies to cope with their emotions. Some alternatives include:

• Creative outlets: Encourage activities like drawing, journaling, or music, which can help them express their feelings in non-harmful ways.
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• Physical activity: Exercise, such as running, dancing, or even hitting a pillow, can provide an emotional release and help reduce stress.
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• Relaxation techniques: Teach your child mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation to help them calm their mind when feeling overwhelmed.
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• Talking to someone: Encourage them to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor when they’re feeling down.

While self-harm is not always linked to suicidal thoughts, it’s important to take the behavior seriously. Some children who self-harm may also be experiencing suicidal ideation, or they may eventually turn to more dangerous actions if their emotional pain continues to build. If you’re worried that your child is thinking about suicide, don’t hesitate to ask them directly, just as you would with any other mental health concern.

Self-harm is a cry for help, not attention, and it signals that your child is dealing with emotional pain they can’t handle alone. By approaching the situation with empathy, having open conversations, and seeking professional support, you can help your child move away from self-harming behaviors and towards healthier coping strategies. 

Your child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health. By paying attention to warning signs, keeping communication open, and taking action when necessary, you can help protect them from harm. Remember, it’s always better to talk openly about these issues than to avoid them. If you’re ever unsure, trust your instincts and seek help early. Your support can make a world of difference in your child’s life.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

Parenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially when it comes to supporting your child’s mental health. But here’s the good news: as their parent or someone in a parenting role, you are uniquely qualified to help them navigate these challenges and build resilience. You may not always have all the answers, and that’s okay. Understanding some key concepts and practicing a few strategies can make a big difference in your child’s mental and emotional well-being.

Struggling with mental health symptoms is a normal part of being human. It’s common to feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed at times. These feelings only become a concern when they’re too intense or difficult to manage without help. Your child might not always know how to handle these big feelings on their own, and that’s where you come in. As their parent, you can help them figure out what’s going on and how to deal with it in healthy ways.

A concept called coregulation can be extremely helpful in understanding how to help your child. Everyone has what’s called a window of tolerance. This is the zone where we feel calm and able to think clearly. When we’re outside this window—feeling overwhelmed or shutting down—it can lead to behaviors like tantrums, yelling, or withdrawal.

For children and teens, it’s especially hard to return to their window of tolerance on their own. They need a trusted adult to help them regulate their emotions, and that’s where coregulation comes in. As a parent, your calm presence can help soothe your child’s nervous system. Here are some ways you can practice coregulation:

• Stay calm even when your child is not.
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• Use a gentle voice and a steady tone.
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• Get down to their eye level or lower to help them feel safe.
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• Offer soothing strategies, like deep breathing or hugging.

When you practice coregulation, you teach your child how to manage their emotions over time.

Your child learns by watching you. If you want your child to handle stress well and care for their mental health, it’s important to model those behaviors yourself. That means taking care of your own well-being and showing your child what healthy coping looks like. The U.S. Surgeon General recently shared that parental stress is at an all-time high, which is why self-care is essential, not selfish.

Here are some self-care strategies you can use and model:

• Build a strong support system by staying connected with friends, family, or a community.
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• Get enough sleep - it’s crucial for your mood and energy levels.
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• Exercise regularly to reduce stress and boost your mental health.
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• Eat nutritious foods to fuel your body and mind.
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• Take breaks when you need them. Step away, breathe, and recharge.
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• Practice gratitude by looking for the positive moments in your day.

When your child sees you prioritizing your mental health, they learn that it’s important to care for themselves, too.

There will be times when you and your child have conflict – it’s just part of parenting. What matters most is how you handle it afterward. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to initiate the repair, even if your child was the one who started the argument.

After you both have had time to cool off, you might say something like:

“I know you were really angry just now and said some things you probably didn’t mean. Are you ready to talk about it, or do you need more time?”

If you’re still upset, it’s okay to say:

“I’m feeling really upset right now and don’t have the words yet. Let’s come back to this soon.”

By modeling this kind of communication, you show your child how to take responsibility, apologize, and rebuild trust.

Learning to calm ourselves is a key skill for both children and adults. As a parent, you can help your child develop healthy self-soothing habits. However, it’s important to guide them away from unhealthy coping mechanisms.

• Healthy self-soothing might include deep breathing, listening to calming music, journaling, or spending time in nature.
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• Unhealthy self-soothing, like excessive screen time or addictive behaviors, can actually make problems worse. While it’s tempting to let a phone or tablet calm your child, relying too much on technology can create new challenges over time.

Encourage your child to explore ways to soothe themselves that feel good and support their overall well-being.

You don’t have to support your child’s mental health on your own – schools and professionals can be valuable partners. They provide resources, guidance, and expertise that can make a big difference in your child’s well-being. Here’s how you can work together effectively:

1. Build Relationships with Key School Personnel
2. Start by connecting with your child’s teacher, school counselor, or school psychologist. These individuals often have insights into your child’s behavior and emotions in the classroom.

• Share relevant information about your child, such as recent life changes or challenges.
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• Ask how your child is doing academically, socially, and emotionally.
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• Collaborate to create strategies that support your child at school and home.

1. Utilize School Resources
2. Many schools offer mental health support, including counseling, social skills groups, or behavior intervention plans. Don’t hesitate to ask about:

• 504 Plans or Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) if your child has specific needs.
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• Workshops or resources for parents on mental health and wellness.

1. Involve Outside Professionals When Needed
2. If your child struggles beyond what the school can address, consider seeking external help, such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or developmental specialist.

• Ask the school counselor for recommendations or referrals.
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• Share relevant updates with the school team (e.g., if your child is starting therapy or on a treatment plan) to ensure consistent support.

1. Be an Advocate for Your Child
2. As a parent, you are your child’s voice. If you feel their needs aren’t being met, speak up.

• Be specific about what you observe and how it affects your child.
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• Partner with teachers and staff.

By fostering a collaborative relationship, you build a supportive network that helps your child thrive.

Technology is a double-edged sword when it comes to mental health. It can be a powerful tool for growth and connection but also a source of stress or unhealthy habits. Here’s how parents can navigate the positives and negatives:

Positives of Technology

• Access to Mental Health Resources:
• Apps for mindfulness, meditation, and emotional regulation can teach your child/teen healthy coping skills. Examples include Headspace, Calm, and Moodpath.
• Fostering Connection:
• Technology allows your child to maintain friendships and connect with others who share their interests, especially when in-person connections are limited.
• Educational Opportunities:
• Many platforms offer educational content that promotes emotional intelligence, resilience, and social skills.
• Creative Outlets:
• Video editing, digital art, music creation, and writing apps allow your child to express themselves and process emotions creatively.

Negatives of Technology

• Overuse and Dependence:
• Excessive screen time can disrupt sleep, increase irritability, and limit face-to-face interaction or physical activity opportunities.
• Impact of Social Media:
• Social media platforms can negatively affect self-esteem, body image, and social comparison. Encourage your child to curate their feed with positive content and teach them to critically evaluate what they see online.
• Escapism or Avoidance:
• Children may use screens to avoid dealing with difficult emotions, which can delay the development of healthy coping mechanisms.
• Exposure to Harmful Content:
• Cyberbullying, inappropriate material, or harmful messages can deeply impact mental health.

How Parents Can Help

• Set Clear Boundaries:
• Create family rules around screen time, such as no devices during meals or before bed. Use parental controls to ensure safety.
• Model Healthy Habits:
• Show your child how to balance technology use by limiting your own screen time and prioritizing face-to-face connections.
• Encourage Tech-Free Zones:
• Designate areas of the home, such as bedrooms, as screen-free spaces to promote better sleep and downtime.
• Teach Digital Literacy:
• Help your child critically evaluate online content and recognize when it’s time to unplug.

By guiding your child’s use of technology, you can help them benefit from its positive aspects while minimizing the negatives.

When stress levels are high in the family, it impacts everyone. By reducing stress within the family system, you create an environment where both you and your child can feel more balanced and connected. Here are practical ways to lower family stress:

1. Simplify Schedules
2. Overpacked schedules can leave everyone feeling drained.

• Prioritize activities that bring joy and connection.
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• Leave room for downtime and unstructured play.

1. Create Predictable Routines
2. Routines provide stability and reduce uncertainty, which is especially comforting for children.

• Have consistent meals and bedtimes.
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• Build small rituals, like a family game night or a weekend walk.

1. Practice Mindfulness Together
2. Mindfulness exercises can help everyone stay present and grounded.

• Try breathing exercises, guided meditations, or yoga as a family.
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• Encourage gratitude by sharing something positive from the day during dinner or bedtime.

1. Focus on Communication
2. Open communication reduces misunderstandings and builds trust.

• Hold regular family check-ins to talk about how everyone is feeling.
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• Use “I” messages to express needs and emotions (“I feel overwhelmed when we rush in the morning. Can we plan ahead the night before?”).

1. Take Breaks When Needed
2. It’s okay for parents to step away to reset when feeling overwhelmed.

• Teach your child that taking breaks to calm down isn’t avoidance—it’s a way to come back stronger.

1. 
   
2. Delegate and Share Responsibilities
3. No one can do it all. Involve your children in age-appropriate chores to share the load and teach responsibility.
4. Celebrate Small Wins
5. Stress can feel overwhelming, but celebrating small victories helps shift the focus to the positive.

• Acknowledge family successes, like completing homework on time or showing kindness to a sibling.

By intentionally addressing stress as a family, you create a calmer environment where everyone can thrive.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect – it’s about showing up, learning, and growing alongside your child. By staying calm, modeling healthy habits, and repairing when things go wrong, you’re giving your child the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and confidence. You’ve got this!

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