Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health and Building Resilience

Parenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially when it comes to supporting your child’s mental health. But here’s the good news: as their parent or someone in a parenting role, you are uniquely qualified to help them navigate these challenges and build resilience. You may not always have all the answers, and that’s okay. Understanding some key concepts and practicing a few strategies can make a big difference in your child’s mental and emotional well-being.

Struggles Are Normal, but Support Is Key

Struggling with mental health symptoms is a normal part of being human. It’s common to feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed at times. These feelings only become a concern when they’re too intense or difficult to manage without help. Your child might not always know how to handle these big feelings on their own, and that’s where you come in. As their parent, you can help them figure out what’s going on and how to deal with it in healthy ways.

The Power of Coregulation

A concept called coregulation can be extremely helpful in understanding how to help your child. Everyone has what’s called a window of tolerance. This is the zone where we feel calm and able to think clearly. When we’re outside this window—feeling overwhelmed or shutting down—it can lead to behaviors like tantrums, yelling, or withdrawal.

For children and teens, it’s especially hard to return to their window of tolerance on their own. They need a trusted adult to help them regulate their emotions, and that’s where coregulation comes in. As a parent, your calm presence can help soothe your child’s nervous system. Here are some ways you can practice coregulation:

• Stay calm even when your child is not.
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• Use a gentle voice and a steady tone.
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• Get down to their eye level or lower to help them feel safe.
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• Offer soothing strategies, like deep breathing or hugging.

When you practice coregulation, you teach your child how to manage their emotions over time.

Modeling Healthy Habits

Your child learns by watching you. If you want your child to handle stress well and care for their mental health, it’s important to model those behaviors yourself. That means taking care of your own well-being and showing your child what healthy coping looks like. The U.S. Surgeon General recently shared that parental stress is at an all-time high, which is why self-care is essential, not selfish.

Here are some self-care strategies you can use and model:

• Build a strong support system by staying connected with friends, family, or a community.
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• Get enough sleep - it’s crucial for your mood and energy levels.
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• Exercise regularly to reduce stress and boost your mental health.
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• Eat nutritious foods to fuel your body and mind.
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• Take breaks when you need them. Step away, breathe, and recharge.
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• Practice gratitude by looking for the positive moments in your day.

When your child sees you prioritizing your mental health, they learn that it’s important to care for themselves, too.

Repairing After Conflict

There will be times when you and your child have conflict – it’s just part of parenting. What matters most is how you handle it afterward. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to initiate the repair, even if your child was the one who started the argument.

After you both have had time to cool off, you might say something like:

“I know you were really angry just now and said some things you probably didn’t mean. Are you ready to talk about it, or do you need more time?”

If you’re still upset, it’s okay to say:

“I’m feeling really upset right now and don’t have the words yet. Let’s come back to this soon.”

By modeling this kind of communication, you show your child how to take responsibility, apologize, and rebuild trust.

Self-Soothing: Healthy vs. Harmful

Learning to calm ourselves is a key skill for both children and adults. As a parent, you can help your child develop healthy self-soothing habits. However, it’s important to guide them away from unhealthy coping mechanisms.

• Healthy self-soothing might include deep breathing, listening to calming music, journaling, or spending time in nature.
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• Unhealthy self-soothing, like excessive screen time or addictive behaviors, can actually make problems worse. While it’s tempting to let a phone or tablet calm your child, relying too much on technology can create new challenges over time.

Encourage your child to explore ways to soothe themselves that feel good and support their overall well-being.

Collaborating with Schools and Professionals

You don’t have to support your child’s mental health on your own – schools and professionals can be valuable partners. They provide resources, guidance, and expertise that can make a big difference in your child’s well-being. Here’s how you can work together effectively:

1. Build Relationships with Key School Personnel
2. Start by connecting with your child’s teacher, school counselor, or school psychologist. These individuals often have insights into your child’s behavior and emotions in the classroom.

• Share relevant information about your child, such as recent life changes or challenges.
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• Ask how your child is doing academically, socially, and emotionally.
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• Collaborate to create strategies that support your child at school and home.

1. Utilize School Resources
2. Many schools offer mental health support, including counseling, social skills groups, or behavior intervention plans. Don’t hesitate to ask about:

• 504 Plans or Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) if your child has specific needs.
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• Workshops or resources for parents on mental health and wellness.

1. Involve Outside Professionals When Needed
2. If your child struggles beyond what the school can address, consider seeking external help, such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or developmental specialist.

• Ask the school counselor for recommendations or referrals.
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• Share relevant updates with the school team (e.g., if your child is starting therapy or on a treatment plan) to ensure consistent support.

1. Be an Advocate for Your Child
2. As a parent, you are your child’s voice. If you feel their needs aren’t being met, speak up.

• Be specific about what you observe and how it affects your child.
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• Partner with teachers and staff.

By fostering a collaborative relationship, you build a supportive network that helps your child thrive.

The Role of Technology in Mental Health: Positives and Negatives

Technology is a double-edged sword when it comes to mental health. It can be a powerful tool for growth and connection but also a source of stress or unhealthy habits. Here’s how parents can navigate the positives and negatives:

Positives of Technology

• Access to Mental Health Resources:
• Apps for mindfulness, meditation, and emotional regulation can teach your child/teen healthy coping skills. Examples include Headspace, Calm, and Moodpath.
• Fostering Connection:
• Technology allows your child to maintain friendships and connect with others who share their interests, especially when in-person connections are limited.
• Educational Opportunities:
• Many platforms offer educational content that promotes emotional intelligence, resilience, and social skills.
• Creative Outlets:
• Video editing, digital art, music creation, and writing apps allow your child to express themselves and process emotions creatively.

Negatives of Technology

• Overuse and Dependence:
• Excessive screen time can disrupt sleep, increase irritability, and limit face-to-face interaction or physical activity opportunities.
• Impact of Social Media:
• Social media platforms can negatively affect self-esteem, body image, and social comparison. Encourage your child to curate their feed with positive content and teach them to critically evaluate what they see online.
• Escapism or Avoidance:
• Children may use screens to avoid dealing with difficult emotions, which can delay the development of healthy coping mechanisms.
• Exposure to Harmful Content:
• Cyberbullying, inappropriate material, or harmful messages can deeply impact mental health.

How Parents Can Help

• Set Clear Boundaries:
• Create family rules around screen time, such as no devices during meals or before bed. Use parental controls to ensure safety.
• Model Healthy Habits:
• Show your child how to balance technology use by limiting your own screen time and prioritizing face-to-face connections.
• Encourage Tech-Free Zones:
• Designate areas of the home, such as bedrooms, as screen-free spaces to promote better sleep and downtime.
• Teach Digital Literacy:
• Help your child critically evaluate online content and recognize when it’s time to unplug.

By guiding your child’s use of technology, you can help them benefit from its positive aspects while minimizing the negatives.

Reducing Stress in the Family System

When stress levels are high in the family, it impacts everyone. By reducing stress within the family system, you create an environment where both you and your child can feel more balanced and connected. Here are practical ways to lower family stress:

1. Simplify Schedules
2. Overpacked schedules can leave everyone feeling drained.

• Prioritize activities that bring joy and connection.
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• Leave room for downtime and unstructured play.

1. Create Predictable Routines
2. Routines provide stability and reduce uncertainty, which is especially comforting for children.

• Have consistent meals and bedtimes.
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• Build small rituals, like a family game night or a weekend walk.

1. Practice Mindfulness Together
2. Mindfulness exercises can help everyone stay present and grounded.

• Try breathing exercises, guided meditations, or yoga as a family.
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• Encourage gratitude by sharing something positive from the day during dinner or bedtime.

1. Focus on Communication
2. Open communication reduces misunderstandings and builds trust.

• Hold regular family check-ins to talk about how everyone is feeling.
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• Use “I” messages to express needs and emotions (“I feel overwhelmed when we rush in the morning. Can we plan ahead the night before?”).

1. Take Breaks When Needed
2. It’s okay for parents to step away to reset when feeling overwhelmed.

• Teach your child that taking breaks to calm down isn’t avoidance—it’s a way to come back stronger.

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2. Delegate and Share Responsibilities
3. No one can do it all. Involve your children in age-appropriate chores to share the load and teach responsibility.
4. Celebrate Small Wins
5. Stress can feel overwhelming, but celebrating small victories helps shift the focus to the positive.

• Acknowledge family successes, like completing homework on time or showing kindness to a sibling.

By intentionally addressing stress as a family, you create a calmer environment where everyone can thrive.

Conclusion

Parenting isn’t about being perfect – it’s about showing up, learning, and growing alongside your child. By staying calm, modeling healthy habits, and repairing when things go wrong, you’re giving your child the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and confidence. You’ve got this!