Two imperfect people, one spicy topic. We revisit erotica culture, BookTok “spice,” and why the fantasy of extreme dominance can quietly rewire desire, derail intimacy, and normalize what shouldn’t be normal. We also read a listener email from a husband navigating his wife’s romance-novel habit and share concrete steps for couples who want passion without porn—or “book porn.”

What you’ll learn

• How “spice” conditions arousal (just like porn) and what that does to real intimacy

• The healthy female desire for strength and leadership vs degradation and harm

• Why men and women experience dominance differently—and how to keep it healthy

• Resetting your libido: a simple desensitization plan that actually works

• Boundaries and scripts to talk about this without blowing up your relationship

• How to replace fantasy with presence and real connection

Chapters

00:00 Intro: the root desire and “strong dominant man”

02:05 Why we’re revisiting smut novels now

06:10 When fantasy crosses into harmful conditioning

10:45 “Female porn”? How books get normalized vs porn shamed

15:20 The dominance line: strength without degradation

20:05 Listener email: when the books replace the bedroom

27:30 Scripts and boundaries that work (for both partners)

33:15 How to resensitize your desire and reconnect

39:00 What to do if your partner won’t stop

43:10 Takeaways for couples

Resources mentioned (no links)

• The Queen’s Code (Alison Armstrong)

• The Empowered Wife / The Surrendered Wife (Laura Doyle)

• Video commentary on the “female gooner” trend

Send your question

Email: [email protected]

Site: BetterThanPerfectPod.com

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