It Is Complicated

Performance changes your life, it changes how you think about things, it changes how you feel about yourself. 

This is a favourite theory of Dr J’s, and in our case it is true. We met over performance, we found ourselves and identity through performance, and we find ourselves and our experiences reflected in performance. 

We tell the tale of workshopping J’s gender identity, and how that came about. How performance built on ideas and conversations, allowing an identity to form.

We talk about the way characters are built (if we like to perform them) and why we sometimes are a character and sometimes not. 

We discover there are times when a performance reflects back a view of themselves to the audience, and you get this amazing, near spiritual moment of psychosocial experience within the room. 

We also talk about how breathtaking Keanu Reeves is in a particularly dreadful film - River’s Edge - and Content Warning - cover the plot and how that is still sadly reflective of society today.

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 48 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about performance.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week we cover two topics - Working full time and creating a podcast, and the movie Constantine starring Keanu Reeves. 

We have gone from a time when we had less restrictions on our time (lockdown, combined with furlough/unemployment was good for podcasting) and we both now have very full on full time jobs, one of us has a partner, and a child they want to spend time with, the other has houseplants. We both have mental health to take care of (does this year ever give up throwing shite around?), and like to spend some time for ourselves.

We are making a great podcast - we’ve created a brilliant thing here and want to find a sustainable way to keep doing this. We want this podcast to continue to be high quality, in content and in sound quality. 

So we have decided to go for a twice a month podcast release. This we believe is sustainable and gives us time for life and self care and great podcasting. 

We recorded this discussion - so we are reminded when we are at our lowest, that this isn’t personal, it is systemic, our reactions is personal - and this is a good decision for us.

It also means J get’s time to watch movies - and is currently re-watching all of Keanu Reeve’s output. 

They recently saw Constantine - and have some … feelings … about the movie. Just how much? There’s a 15 minute rant about the movie, and this is the abbreviated version. While Keanu is breathtaking there is some … cognitive dissonance… for someone who is a fan of the Jamie Delano Hellblazer stories and what they tell us about Good and Evil and life and politics. This gets a little loud at times.

As always we launch into ideas - the banality of good and evil and the notions of redemption - how we can make a more equal society.

Tldr; Constantine terrible movie, great conversation

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 47 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about scheduling and Constantine the movie

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Based on a listener request for a discussion on working from home in the current culture environment from a perspective that is not a middle class straight white cis man - we touch on the advantages we have as queers that’s made this easier, and what advantages that others within our community might not have. 

We cover the way work has changed, and how output in academia has increased but only by men (are you surprised? We weren’t). Having more than one job is normal for most minority groups, including women. Housework and childcare is work, and who does it makes a difference.

Work is not just the day job, it’s also the side hustle, the fun job, the extra things we do (like podcasts) - and that impacts our space. Does work become a liminal notion mixing public and private spaces?

How much more inclusive have we been able to be? We both have the huge advantage of having work that can be done remotely, and our experience is not universal. Is a commute and an office still desired? Are we building a huge technological divide.

Tackling this through a queer, non-normative, lens shows the advantages and disadvantages that impact us all. There is no “normal” office to return to.

We have a transcript for this episode -IIC Episode 46 Transcript 

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about working from home.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How did covid change how we do this politeness thing? Is there queer etiquette? What happens when we rub against people’s expectations when we state our boundaries?

Is our queer etiquette a reaction to the hypocrisy of the middle-class “polite”? How can we be respectful, equitable, and inclusive? What is the height of “good manners”? Is making people comfortable where we should be aiming? Is respect where this aims for?

We touch on how crossing countries can mean crossing class, and how that can change how we are read, and how we can be masked, and unmasked. Some of it we learn, some of it we gain as an advantage without any effort. 

When we approach this playfully and performatively is this our “sweet spot”? 

It might not actually be that complicated - Be Kind, Be respectful, and use Lovely.

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 45 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about etiquette.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Recorded during Pride Month, when everything has a rainbow slapped on it, what is allyship? When is it performative? What is the context that Allyship can happen within?

When does the allyship have an investment? When is it solidarity? When will people stand between their LGBTQ+ employees and harm?

How can we tell the difference? Is there a macro level and a micro level set of actions? Can we always tell which it is? Seeing our sense of self used as a marketing tool by some can be soul destroying.

It is about having a solidarity mindset, putting the investment in - and we can tell. Have more than Diversity/Equity/Inclusion group make a comment. Queers are for everyday and not just for gay Christmas.

Dr J’s writing about their experience with Thoughtworks - “I am here” is one of the most profound statements that can be made around Pride

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 44 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about what upbeat can feel like.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Being upbeat is complicated - when is the smiling face a mask?

In the face of a continuing pandemic and life doing it’s worst, we discuss being upbeat, having humour about the situation. How do we engage in a non-cynical way when we have this rolling anger underneath it all?

Is our humour and positivity good for us, and for those around us? Should we let our anger show more clearly? We are angry and positive at the same time. Is our optimism in spite of it all a sign of us being non-normative?

It is OK to be positive. It is OK not to be OK. It is OK to be angry. It is OK to imagine a world where we queers are winning as the glittery cockroaches we are! It is OK to have all of these at the same time!

Anger can be ridiculous. How can we use kindness and positivity when we react against the anger and frustration, and look at how we can change the world for the better?

Being queer can be detrimental to your well being and there are some days “when you just can’t”. There should be no pressure to be happy or positive. 

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 43 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about what being upbeat can feel like.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lockdown easing is complicated - what is this normal we will return to?

One of us has had a second vaccine and can stop shielding - and now we can think about what this means for us and how this is impacting on our mental health. 

It is more complicated than you’d first think - when we talk about “returning to normal” what does that mean when “normal” wasn’t a good place for us? What social inequalities are highlighted in this conversation - who are we ignoring in our “return to normal” conversation? 

How can we tackle the capitalist hegemony? What superpowers do we have as queers that make us special, that make us able to see the world differently and able to challenge the “normal”. 

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 42 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about what lockdown easing means for you.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Imposter Syndrome is complicated - if I had cis white straight man confidence I would..

We talk about the impact of imposter syndrome on queers. The extra layers that we deal with at times - when you’ve been told by a culture that you’re not good enough, that you’re somewhat suspect - how do we start to enter more normative spaces?

We give examples of how we overcome this when we face it - and how we fail to overcome it on our own - how we can get ourselves into establishment spaces. We talk about how it is something that we can bring Allies/Accomplices along to help us with.

Even when we are the experts in the room, we fear so much being seen as arrogant when we are assertive, when we state our reality, when we challenge the status quo, that we doubt if we should be there. That self doubt means we reduce ourselves, we apologise, and mask our efforts. 

You can listen to Josephine try and get Dr J to have confidence in real time, and reflect how messed up the world is that we struggle to have confidence.  How can we develop that “This is me, and that’s OK” confidence?

For the record:

Josephine Baird is a PhD applicant, and a lecturer in Game Design at the University of Uppsala - and is an expert on Trans representation and story telling in games. 

Dr J has a PhD in Immunology, works as a Service Designer/Business Analyst at ThoughtWorks, is a TEDx speaker, and is an expert on building inclusive teams that deliver.

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 41 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about what you would do if you had cis white straight man confidence.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Being visible is complicated - Positive visibility matters.

For Trans Day of Visibility we decided to do an episode on why we are visible. Dr J celebrates a ten year anniversary of being out publicly as non-binary in their workspaces. What it means to be visible in spaces where we are celebrated and how that impacts on us, and people who see us. What it feels like to have your face plastered all over the Stockholm Subway, and what’s changed in the past ten years.

We celebrate having Social Media timelines full of smiling visible Trans and Non-Binary people on TDOV and how that feels to see the breadth of our experience represented. 

What it means in workspaces to feel that inclusivity - where you’re made to feel comfortable - when you don’t have to worry about bringing all of yourself to work.

Positive visibility matters, to those who are out, and to those who are yet to make that leap. It is a privilege to be visible

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 40 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about the positive impacts on visibility.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why we need Queer Spaces - Special Episode for the Queer House Party Radio Show. You can see it here:  https://foundation.fm/show/the-friday-takeover

Talking about how we met and how queer spaces were involved in that - why queer spaces are needed and what they provide to queers that other spaces don’t - tldr; it’s being in a space where we are not in a minority- finding people like ourselves there, and seeing our experiences reflected from the stage.

Why the smoking areas in queer spaces are the community spaces we all need! The oral histories that are made in spaces like this - the celebrations, the care, and the mourning that can happen.

We also talk about the queer mindset that makes Queer House Party work so well - and why we pour ourselves into it. How making people feel “seen” makes our hearts sing!

Queer House Party - the iconic queer online party

Dr J’s TEDx talk - https://youtu.be/K1ZJJInlNxE?t=4791 (raw streamed version with no captioning - the proper one will be up soon)

We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 39 Transcript

Our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicated

Give us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about the need for Queer spaces in real life and online.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.