It is normal and ok to grieve as a single parent raising a child/children with special needs. We can be made to feel guilty or even told that we should be glad that our children are alive. It is not that we are not glad or grateful, but we can grieve the lost dreams and milestones that may never be met. It is ok to express how you are feeling, and to even cry during times of meltdowns, setback, denials, and more. I am sending a hug your way.