It’s a vagina, not a birth defect - Lynn

Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage.  Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect. Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average." How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.   Bookmark moments: 4:25 - Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions. 11:11 - She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed. 17:56 - As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men. 24:14 - She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent. 34:48 - Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works. 38:41 - The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond. 41:49 - Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first. 45:42 - After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker. 53:30 - Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken. 54:00 - They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker. 1:03:30 - Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.   The Patreon extras for this episode are: Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy?  Is it possible that it could be some combination of both?  Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause. The extended Lowdown Q&A; ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.    PJ PARTIES!! Information and registration at www.leahcarey.com/PJparty  FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music – Nazar Rybak