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Do you ever find yourself trapped inside the “it’s not fair” narrative,” feeling sorry for yourself because life isn’t going your way? It’s funny, weeks ago, I added this topic to my editorial calendar, not knowing that by the time it came up on the schedule, it would be rather appropriate and timely.

For the benefit of those who will listen to this episode many months or years from now, let me tell you what’s happening right now in Canada and the US. We’re about a week and a half into the practice of social distancing for the purpose of limiting the spread of COVID-19. At this point, schools are closed, most public events are canceled, attendance at stores and restaurants is strictly limited in many places, many people are working from home, and others have lost their jobs. Some countries have been in this state for much longer than we have, and others aren’t there yet, but likely will be soon. The good news is China just reported that community transmission has largely ceased there.

Our daily lives look drastically different than they did just a short time ago, and, at least for me, it feels very strange. So many of the activities we take for granted are unavailable to us right now. We can’t take in concerts or go out to party, sporting events have been canceled altogether, weddings, proms, and even funerals are on hold, and vacations have to be canceled. Some people have it worse, still, because they are sick or their loved-ones are sick. And then there are all the people who are still out there working to keep us safe: The health care workers, the government employees, and those who work in retail. I want to take just a moment to thank all of you who, despite dealing with the same feelings of anxiety and uncertainty as the rest of us, are heading out every day to serve us and keep us safe. You are appreciated.

This is a particularly trying time, but any time when we can’t get what we want can lead us to dwell on the unfairness of life. Now, a little bit of feeling sorry for yourself isn’t really a problem. In fact, being mindful of your negative feelings is healthy. Mindfulness, though, isn’t just about noticing how you feel. It is about accepting those feelings and the situation that caused them. It’s about making peace with reality.

If you don’t approach the situation mindfully, you can find yourself caught up in longing, hoping with every fiber of your being that things would be different. This typically comes with endless rumination about how awful life is and it gets you stuck in a cycle of suffering that’s tough to break free of. And, remember what I’ve told you about negative emotions. Left alone, they go away relatively quickly. The only way to feel bad for a long period of time is to dwell on the negative. It’s our thoughts that feed the negative emotions and keep them from dissipating.

So, let me give you some tough love. I’m here to tell you that life’s not fair. It’s not supposed to be fair. You cannot reasonably expect fairness. Life is chaotic and unpredictable, and you can be certain that bad things will sometimes come your way. 

Here’s the good news, though. You can handle it. When bad things pop up for you, there’s a way to suffer less. If you let go of the self-pity and accept the situation, much of the negativity goes away. That’s mindfulness. It takes some time and practice, but anyone can learn how to let go.

Even better, there’s a way to bolster positive emotions so they become more prominent than the negative ones: Gratitude. There are many ways to practice gratitude. One of the most often recommended exercises is to create a gratitude journal. Whether you use paper and pen or some means of digital recording, the practice involves taking time every day to note one or...