This week’s headlines feel like they were written by a very confused comedy writer — so naturally, we’re here to make sense of them.

President Trump is back in the spotlight, threatening to send the National Guard into Chicago while floating a rebrand of the Pentagon as the “Department of War.” Meanwhile, ICE is assuring D.C. families there won’t be raids on the first day of school (what a relief, right?), and economists warn that tariffs could tack $2,400 a year onto the average grocery bill. If democracy doesn’t bankrupt you, Kraft cheese might.

It’s not just politics making things weird — nature is in on the chaos, too. Milwaukee was swamped by a “1,000-year flood,” turning the city into an accidental waterpark, while a flesh-eating parasite resurfaced in Maryland, reminding us that climate change doesn’t just melt glaciers — it melts skin.

On the cultural side, WWE RAW is hyping Clash in Paris, the US Open launched with a record $90M purse, and the ever-expanding Yellowstone universe announced yet another spinoff — while the legendary Barbara Eden showed us that at 94, she’s still magic in her genie pose.

And in the land of the absurd? Buckle up. WNBA games were interrupted by fans throwing green dildos onto the court as part of a crypto stunt (because of course they were). A crypto millionaire was kidnapped for Bitcoin ransom. An Aussie couple hit the lottery and walked away instant millionaires. Comedian Eddie Pepitone is back on tour, raging beautifully about modern life. And yes… adult pacifiers are now trending as a form of stress relief. Grown people, binkies in mouths, on TikTok. Welcome to 2025.

From National Guard deployments to adult-sized pacifiers, from Barbara Eden’s genie magic to dildos in the paint — it’s politics, parasites, and pure comedy fodder all rolled into one.

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Trump federalizes D.C.’s police and rolls out 800 Guard troops while City Hall reaches for the lawyers. We pivot to sports TV’s re-bundling era as ESPN’s standalone and Fox One link up around $40/month, and Paramount stuns Hollywood by locking exclusive UFC rights (farewell, PPV). At the box office, AMC respawns on Minecraft and Lilo & Stitch; in markets, Bitcoin rockets past $120K while gas prices stubbornly refuse to be interesting.

Plus: a mind-bender of a medical win (tooth-in-eye restores sight).

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Missiles flew, uranium vanished, and Trump live-tweeted like a war correspondent with zero chill. Iran launched a “just-for-show” missile strike on a U.S. base in Qatar—after giving everyone a heads-up. Meanwhile, reports suggest they moved their bomb-grade uranium before we even dropped a single bomb. Are we in a war or just a very dramatic tech rehearsal? Plus, AOC calls Trump's strikes an impeachable offense, and Silicon Valley execs are literally putting on boots (sort of) for the Army. The headlines are unhinged—we’ve got jokes, hot takes, and a final zinger for each.

LINKS

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Los Angeles is on fire—literally and politically. After ICE raids turned immigrant neighborhoods into war zones, protests exploded across the city. The 101 is blocked. Waymo cars are toast. And now? The U.S. Marines are patrolling downtown like it’s a scene from Call of Duty: Civil Rights Edition.

Governor Newsom’s suing the White House, Trump’s calling it “insurrection,” and the military is digging in—without even invoking the Insurrection Act… yet. Meanwhile, journalists are dodging rubber bullets, local jails are kicking out ICE, and even Elon Musk and Trump are beefing over immigration in the most billionaire way possible.

Is this a constitutional crisis, a political theater, or just your average Tuesday in dystopian America? Strap in—we’ve got chaos, comedy, and some serious civil liberties on the line.

LINKS

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From a humble parish in Chicago to the throne of St. Peter, the world just met Pope Leo XIV—America’s first pontiff—while stateside we’re stuck watching Puff Daddy defend a rap sheet that makes “Making the Band” look like Sunday school. We’ll also dig into Oregon’s $1.5 trillion “white-gold” lithium rush, Trump’s 747-size Qatari gift-with-golf-course, and a raccoon literally caught smoking meth during a traffic stop (because of course). Plus: FAA radar blackouts, crypto kingpins in orange jumpsuits, and vending-machine for Narcan. Buckle up for pontiffs, puffery, and pure podcast chaos.

LINKS

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This week in America:

• Warped Tour and a full-on Trump military parade are happening at the same time in D.C. Because nothing says freedom like trying to mosh between tanks and fighter jets.
  

• A historian of fascism says Trump’s authoritarian sprint is faster than Putin’s.
  

• France is offering American scientists cash, visas, and croissants to escape U.S. anti-science policies.
  

• And Trump just restarted student loan collections after a five-year break.

LINKS

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In this episode we sprint through a week’s worth of whiplash headlines: a federal judge slams the brakes on the Trump administration’s “spin‑the‑globe” deportations, ruling that shipping migrants to random third countries without notice shreds due‑process rights. From Rome, shock waves follow the sudden death of Pope Francis—beloved reformer and self‑styled “pope of the poor”—setting the stage for a high‑stakes conclave he largely pre‑stacked. Back home, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is busted for treating a Signal family chat like a Situation Room, leaking Yemen strike details to relatives. In New York, Luigi Mangione is federally indicted—and death‑penalty eligible—for the murder of UnitedHealthcare’s CEO, while the FDA freezes a key food‑safety testing program after massive budget cuts, Harvard sues the White House over a $2.2 billion funding squeeze tied to mask and DEI bans, and Parkland activist‑turned‑DNC vice chair David Hogg launches a $20 million crusade to primary complacent Democrats. Buckle up: accountability is in, adults are missing, and the collateral damage spans from airport security lines to the Vatican crypt.

LINKS

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We delve into the escalating tensions between the executive and judicial branches of the U.S. government. Vice President JD Vance's assertion that President Trump can disregard judicial rulings has ignited a heated debate over the balance of power and the sanctity of the rule of law. We explore the potential consequences of such actions, including the erosion of checks and balances, the undermining of judicial authority, and the risks of authoritarianism. The discussion also highlights the implications for conservatives, emphasizing threats to states' rights and the weakening of trust in institutions. We outline necessary actions to uphold constitutional governance, such as enforcing judicial authority, legislative reaffirmation of court rulings, and public vigilance against political lawlessness. The episode underscores the critical importance of maintaining the separation of powers to preserve democracy.

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Our live inauguration night coverage featuring correspondents from The Cool Nerd Weed Show and Mood Killers.

LINKS

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