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It’s Not “Normal” to Hate Somebody Because They’re Different
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Years ago I took my friend Lars on a tour of Peru. Lars is an American, but he looks about as Norwegian as you can get. He’s 6’3” and his hair is so blonde it’s borderline white. Needless to say, he stands out when you’re walking around in South America.
I’m 5’11” and I was tall enough to draw stares. Lars gathered crowds.
We were walking through the market in Puerto Maldonado and this little girl came up to walk beside Lars. She looked at him like Jack as he tried to decide whether or not to climb the beanstalk. “What are you?” she asked, her voice overflowing with delight.
It was super cute!
It was also noteworthy that there wasn’t a hint of concern or ill will directed at Lars. People just stared at him and smiled and thought, “Wow, he looks different than we do and that’s so amazing!” The difference made them curious rather than hateful. You could see the excitement and interest on their faces.
Too often in the United States, we think it’s a “natural” consequence of human nature to be hesitant or suspicious in the presence of somebody who is different than what we’re used to seeing. In reality, the United States of America is the only country I’ve visited where this is the prevailing attitude.
In the majority of the places you travel, the local people embrace you. They want to know your story. They’re delighted by the ways that you are different. They celebrate those differences. What we have in the United States isn’t “natural human behavior.” The United States is cold and indifferent while the rest of the world is warm and open.
How did we get like this? How can we change it?
Representation
My wife is starting a new job at the local school district. At a recent orientation meeting, she had the opportunity to say a few words. She’s Peruvian, and she appreciates any chance she has to talk about representation.
“I think it’s important that the students can see somebody who looks like them. This makes them believe, ‘If she can do it, so can I.’”
Conservatives often criticize the American public school system as being “too liberal,” but even in public education, there’s not much ethnic diversity in the ranks of teachers. White people dominate the profession. This unfortunate reality only perpetuates the status quo of a population that is unwilling to embrace other ideas and cultures.
In her professional career, my wife has encountered a constant baseline of passive resistance. When she first started working in the United States, she said, “Why do they have to call me a ‘brown’ woman? In Peru, I was just a woman. What changed?”
The American public doesn’t seem to understand that passive suspicion is bad for us. It confuses people. When kids in school don’t have the opportunity to see a diverse population of people in authority, they make the incorrect assumption that white people are the only individuals they have to respect. You could make a strong argument that this is a deliberate objective of our public school system. If it wasn’t, we’d already have representation among educators consistent with the overall population.
My experiences in Peru
I distinctly remember feeling nervous in my first months living in Peru. I knew I stood out because of my height and the color of my skin.
“Will they resent me?”
“Will they attack me?”
“Do they want me to go back to where I came from?”
It didn’t take me too long to realize that all my fears were based on what the United States teaches its population to believe. I was afraid they’d treat me like I knew they would be treated in America.
It took me a lot longer to realize that all these fears began and ended in my own mind. It’s terrifying how much impact the lies you’ve been conditioned to believe have on your ability to assess your own experiences.
Absolutely nobody in Peru treated me like an American would treat an immigrant to the United States. In fact, there was zero hostility. They took me in. They adopted me like a family member. They asked me an endless number of questions. Their eyes always twinkled with delight and curiosity.
There was no hatred over the fact that I was an immigrant. None. It was wrong of me to suspect that they might resent me on the basis of how I looked.
It took me a long time before I completely accepted my new assessment of reality. I had to live within a culture that embraced diversity for years while constantly chipping away at American cancer that threatened to rot my thinking. I had to reassess what I believed about human nature, and I came to understand that it is American ideology that’s suspicious and hostile, not human beings.
American racism poisons us
What the general public doesn’t seem to understand is the assumption, “It’s natural to be suspicious of somebody who doesn’t look like you,” is completely racist.
An embarrassing number of white Americans would defend their impulse to be skeptical of anything that’s unfamiliar to them. “Well, that’s just common sense, you have to protect yourself!”
“Why are you assuming something bad is going to happen? Why don’t you assume the experience will be good?”
“You sound kind of innocent, it’s best to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.”
“But you aren’t ‘hoping for the best,’ you’re leaving that part out. All you’re doing is assuming the worst. That’s all on you.”
The general public in the United States of America can’t seem to comprehend that it’s wrong to walk around believing “Anything different is BAD!” Think of all the potential life experiences Americans miss out on because they’re completely unwilling to even entertain the possibility that something different might be amazing.
The remnants of American crimes
The crimes of America’s past continue to wield a terrible influence on modern society. Racism is so fundamental to the fabric of American ideology that most Americans assume racism is simply “normal” human behavior.
It’s not. It’s artificial. It’s a toxic hatred that’s passed down both deliberately and passively, and it’s destroying our ability to live healthy, happy lives.
It’s scary how racism can manifest to corrupt your very perception of reality
. Your life isn’t yours! You’re allowing evil people from the past to force you to see the world from their vile perspective. You need to rip the racist filters off your perception and take ownership of your thoughts!
Free yourself of unconscious bias
You might not consider yourself racist, but if you flinch away from anything that you don’t recognize, your unconscious bias is in control. It’s wrong to settle on a negative assumption without evidence. Go abroad and live with a family from another country for a year and see how they treat you. If the idea of doing so leaves you possessed with terror, you should take that as an indication that you have some things to work on.
The idea of going to live with people who look different from you who act different from you and who believe different things than you should fill you with delight! Curiosity about the lives of other human beings is totally natural!
This is how we fall in love: “I need to be in the presence of that person! How is it that they can perceive such magic in everyday things?”
This is how we succumb to hate: “I don’t trust that person, that person sees the world differently than I do.”
You should condition yourself to look upon anything “different” with awe and wonder, not suspicion. When we train ourselves to embrace that approach as a culture, many of our problems will melt away. Parents will insist that their children be taught by a diverse staff at school, not grumble whenever they have to go to a conference with anyone who might look different than they do.
Most Americans are absolutely paralyzed by fear. It’s such a simple and profound thing to try and see the good in people. Your perception defines your reality. If you put aside your fear of the unknown, it might surprise you to discover that the world is actually a pretty wonderful place.
You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! I have payment tiers starting at as little as twenty dollars a year.
Upgrade at 30% off
Upgrade at 40% off
Upgrade at 50% off
Upgrade at 60% off
I’m so happy you’re here, and I’m looking forward to sharing more thoughts with you tomorrow.
My CoSchedule referral link
Here’s my referral link to my preferred headline analyzer tool. If you sign up through this, it’s another way to support this newsletter (thank you).
I'd Rather Be Writing is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Get full access to I'd Rather Be Writing at walterrhein.substack.com/subscribe
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By Walter Rhein
5
22 ratings
Your support makes this newsletter possible!
Years ago I took my friend Lars on a tour of Peru. Lars is an American, but he looks about as Norwegian as you can get. He’s 6’3” and his hair is so blonde it’s borderline white. Needless to say, he stands out when you’re walking around in South America.
I’m 5’11” and I was tall enough to draw stares. Lars gathered crowds.
We were walking through the market in Puerto Maldonado and this little girl came up to walk beside Lars. She looked at him like Jack as he tried to decide whether or not to climb the beanstalk. “What are you?” she asked, her voice overflowing with delight.
It was super cute!
It was also noteworthy that there wasn’t a hint of concern or ill will directed at Lars. People just stared at him and smiled and thought, “Wow, he looks different than we do and that’s so amazing!” The difference made them curious rather than hateful. You could see the excitement and interest on their faces.
Too often in the United States, we think it’s a “natural” consequence of human nature to be hesitant or suspicious in the presence of somebody who is different than what we’re used to seeing. In reality, the United States of America is the only country I’ve visited where this is the prevailing attitude.
In the majority of the places you travel, the local people embrace you. They want to know your story. They’re delighted by the ways that you are different. They celebrate those differences. What we have in the United States isn’t “natural human behavior.” The United States is cold and indifferent while the rest of the world is warm and open.
How did we get like this? How can we change it?
Representation
My wife is starting a new job at the local school district. At a recent orientation meeting, she had the opportunity to say a few words. She’s Peruvian, and she appreciates any chance she has to talk about representation.
“I think it’s important that the students can see somebody who looks like them. This makes them believe, ‘If she can do it, so can I.’”
Conservatives often criticize the American public school system as being “too liberal,” but even in public education, there’s not much ethnic diversity in the ranks of teachers. White people dominate the profession. This unfortunate reality only perpetuates the status quo of a population that is unwilling to embrace other ideas and cultures.
In her professional career, my wife has encountered a constant baseline of passive resistance. When she first started working in the United States, she said, “Why do they have to call me a ‘brown’ woman? In Peru, I was just a woman. What changed?”
The American public doesn’t seem to understand that passive suspicion is bad for us. It confuses people. When kids in school don’t have the opportunity to see a diverse population of people in authority, they make the incorrect assumption that white people are the only individuals they have to respect. You could make a strong argument that this is a deliberate objective of our public school system. If it wasn’t, we’d already have representation among educators consistent with the overall population.
My experiences in Peru
I distinctly remember feeling nervous in my first months living in Peru. I knew I stood out because of my height and the color of my skin.
“Will they resent me?”
“Will they attack me?”
“Do they want me to go back to where I came from?”
It didn’t take me too long to realize that all my fears were based on what the United States teaches its population to believe. I was afraid they’d treat me like I knew they would be treated in America.
It took me a lot longer to realize that all these fears began and ended in my own mind. It’s terrifying how much impact the lies you’ve been conditioned to believe have on your ability to assess your own experiences.
Absolutely nobody in Peru treated me like an American would treat an immigrant to the United States. In fact, there was zero hostility. They took me in. They adopted me like a family member. They asked me an endless number of questions. Their eyes always twinkled with delight and curiosity.
There was no hatred over the fact that I was an immigrant. None. It was wrong of me to suspect that they might resent me on the basis of how I looked.
It took me a long time before I completely accepted my new assessment of reality. I had to live within a culture that embraced diversity for years while constantly chipping away at American cancer that threatened to rot my thinking. I had to reassess what I believed about human nature, and I came to understand that it is American ideology that’s suspicious and hostile, not human beings.
American racism poisons us
What the general public doesn’t seem to understand is the assumption, “It’s natural to be suspicious of somebody who doesn’t look like you,” is completely racist.
An embarrassing number of white Americans would defend their impulse to be skeptical of anything that’s unfamiliar to them. “Well, that’s just common sense, you have to protect yourself!”
“Why are you assuming something bad is going to happen? Why don’t you assume the experience will be good?”
“You sound kind of innocent, it’s best to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.”
“But you aren’t ‘hoping for the best,’ you’re leaving that part out. All you’re doing is assuming the worst. That’s all on you.”
The general public in the United States of America can’t seem to comprehend that it’s wrong to walk around believing “Anything different is BAD!” Think of all the potential life experiences Americans miss out on because they’re completely unwilling to even entertain the possibility that something different might be amazing.
The remnants of American crimes
The crimes of America’s past continue to wield a terrible influence on modern society. Racism is so fundamental to the fabric of American ideology that most Americans assume racism is simply “normal” human behavior.
It’s not. It’s artificial. It’s a toxic hatred that’s passed down both deliberately and passively, and it’s destroying our ability to live healthy, happy lives.
It’s scary how racism can manifest to corrupt your very perception of reality
. Your life isn’t yours! You’re allowing evil people from the past to force you to see the world from their vile perspective. You need to rip the racist filters off your perception and take ownership of your thoughts!
Free yourself of unconscious bias
You might not consider yourself racist, but if you flinch away from anything that you don’t recognize, your unconscious bias is in control. It’s wrong to settle on a negative assumption without evidence. Go abroad and live with a family from another country for a year and see how they treat you. If the idea of doing so leaves you possessed with terror, you should take that as an indication that you have some things to work on.
The idea of going to live with people who look different from you who act different from you and who believe different things than you should fill you with delight! Curiosity about the lives of other human beings is totally natural!
This is how we fall in love: “I need to be in the presence of that person! How is it that they can perceive such magic in everyday things?”
This is how we succumb to hate: “I don’t trust that person, that person sees the world differently than I do.”
You should condition yourself to look upon anything “different” with awe and wonder, not suspicion. When we train ourselves to embrace that approach as a culture, many of our problems will melt away. Parents will insist that their children be taught by a diverse staff at school, not grumble whenever they have to go to a conference with anyone who might look different than they do.
Most Americans are absolutely paralyzed by fear. It’s such a simple and profound thing to try and see the good in people. Your perception defines your reality. If you put aside your fear of the unknown, it might surprise you to discover that the world is actually a pretty wonderful place.
You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! I have payment tiers starting at as little as twenty dollars a year.
Upgrade at 30% off
Upgrade at 40% off
Upgrade at 50% off
Upgrade at 60% off
I’m so happy you’re here, and I’m looking forward to sharing more thoughts with you tomorrow.
My CoSchedule referral link
Here’s my referral link to my preferred headline analyzer tool. If you sign up through this, it’s another way to support this newsletter (thank you).
I'd Rather Be Writing is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Get full access to I'd Rather Be Writing at walterrhein.substack.com/subscribe