I'm obsessed with the mindset of a high-performer. I want to know them better than they know themselves. Within their reality, I am endlessly curious about the way they perceive the world and how they view themselves. What are their frameworks for success? I wonder how it serves them and I wonder how these same frameworks hold them back.

In the last half decade, I've spent countless of hours interviewing, coaching, working side-by-side and facilitating workshops for high-performers. I'd like to take time today sharing a general theme I've discovered. Themes around the context high-performers live in, and the rules they create around outcomes and around time.

CONTEXT: If you are a high-performer, you're likely always putting yourself in some sort of race. Consciously or subconsciously. The race feeds you. Or perhaps the race feeds on you. It’s arguable, but the point is, once a high-performer finishes one race, they are immediately off to the next.

In this race, high-performers will create rules.

Rules around results and outcomes. Quantitative rules such as a monthly revenue goal, the amount of a fund, a percentage of salary increase, weeks of vacation per year, total portfolio amount, number of attendees in a program - the list goes on. Qualitative rules will also be created such as what results should look like, the fidelity of the design/output, what others might think about you because of said outcomes, and how you will finally feel once the outcome is achieved.

Rules will also be created around time. When the outcomes will happen, how long it's supposed to take for the outcome to be here, the weekly goals to get there, the monthly indicators you need to know you're on track, and the yearly expected growth.

And then, stories will be created about the venture if those rules about time and outcomes are not met. These stories have a tone of finality to them - they are conclusions.

They sound like...

"We've made it - we can relax. We're free."

"We didn't hit target, we didn't work hard enough."

“We’re behind, something is wrong.”

I find this wild. Like insanely wild. We create realities based on arbitrary rules we've created around outcomes and time. And then, our feelings are based on when and how and what those external things look like. And when I say wild, I don't mean in a judging condescending way. I mean fascinating. As in, how intriguing that as a human species, we create our own realities within our own minds and project them out into the world.

THE TRAP

I want to submit that this is a trap. It's a trap we unconsciously set for ourselves. It's a trap I've fallen into and still fall into sometimes. Imagine being in the wild and we're creating a complex series of baits that ultimately lead to falling into a contraption. We're hunting for outcomes and results. If the baits work, then outcomes will all fall into this contraption. We'll run to it when we've trapped the outcomes and then when we open it, we'll find love, validation, connection, exoneration, peace, and all the things we've ever longed for.

What actually happens though is that we run to the contraption, so eager on what we're about to find. On the way there, we trip and stumble and fall into the box. The lid shuts on us. We're trapped. We would be okay by this because we believe everything we've ever wanted was in the box, but we discover all the outcomes we're now in this box with are useless. And, oh yeah, we're trapped in a box with the lid shut.

It's time to change the way we create these rules.

Firstly, with the race. Let's change the setting. It's not a race. It's an adventure. It's a sandbox. It's an arena. With multiple possibilities and pivots and secret doors and new discoveries. There's no end. In fact, it’s not about the end. It just keeps going, one adventure to the next.

Secondly, with outcomes. Let's detach from them. Let's get lost in the process and get playful as we strive towards them. Let's not put so much weight whether they happen or not. They are arbitrary after all. Let's connect to our inner child in this realm. I see my son setting outcomes all the time. For example, he loves the outcome of building forts. He decides to build it but he gets lost in the process of building. He plays make believe even before he finishes the fort. Sometimes, once the fort is created, he'll destroy it right away. He forgets about the goal of finally building a fort. He gets lost in play. This is our origin; it’s in all of us.

Thirdly, with time. Let's understand that time is a human construct. The calendar year as we know it is quite young when compared to the age of human history. So if you're saying something must happen in one month or three years or "I should be at this point by this time" - you are literally attaching your own meaning to the story you're creating about your relationship with time.

Set aside meaningful time and consider these questions:

What stories are you creating within the reality you're living in? Is it a race? What would loosen if you changed the context?

What's your relationship with outcomes? What do you make up you'll feel once you achieve outcomes?

What's your relationship with time? Are you a slave to your calendar? And notifications? What would happen if you made it a practice, week by week, to lose track of time?

Fiercely loving you,

Jomar

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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

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