BALTIMORE, MD—According to sources, local man Paul Larkin has lost the ability to differentiate between milk and not milk.

“I’m pretty sure I poured milk into this glass, but now it looks like water,” said Larkin of the beverage he was holding, which he had apparently mistaken for a glass of water at some point after pouring it.

“Wait, no, I definitely put milk in this. I can taste it. Oh, wait, maybe that’s just my imagination.”

At press time, Larkin was reportedly relieved to have discovered that the glass contained milk after he accidentally knocked it over and saw that the liquid had spilled all over his shirt.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/21/ive-lost-the-ability-to-differentiate-between-milk-and-not-milk/