In this fourth episode, Amy sits down with Caleb — a counsellor in private practice in New Zealand — for a conversation about meaning, mental health, and what it can look like to live well without forcing certainty or perfection.
Caleb discusses his view on success not as constant achievement or as “happiness”, but as longevity, presence, and the capacity to keep showing up — both for his clients and for his family.
He speaks about burnout in his profession, the importance of boundaries, and why learning not to carry “what isn’t yours” is an act of care, not detachment.
Throughout the episode, Amy and Caleb explore the tension between pushing forward and slowing down. They discuss discipline versus self-compassion, resilience versus self-neglect, and why many people oscillate between doing “everything right” and feeling completely empty.
Tools like routines, cold exposure, meditation, and self-improvement are unpacked — not as fixes, but as practices that only work when grounded in a healthy relationship with yourself.
A central theme of the conversation is self-relationship — the often-missed middle ground between self-criticism and self-indulgence. Caleb explains why treating yourself like a project to be optimised can lead to burnout, why achievement alone does not guarantee fulfilment, and how learning to see yourself as a person rather than a problem to be fixed can change how you move through the world.
The episode also moves outward into culture and identity. Caleb and Amy explore tall poppy syndrome in New Zealand, self-deprecation in the UK, and the discomfort many people feel around celebrating success. They examine the space between confidence and arrogance, humility and invisibility — and why sharing wins can be connective rather than performative.
From there, the conversation deepens into the nervous system, trauma, and modern life. Caleb offers clear, compassionate insight into how early experiences shape our subconscious responses, why teenagers struggle with emotional regulation, and how constant stimulation, dopamine overload, and digital noise pull us away from presence. Panic attacks, anxiety, and emotional reactivity are reframed not as personal failures, but as survival responses that deserve understanding rather than suppression.
In the final section, Caleb speaks directly to men navigating loneliness, disconnection, and a quiet sense of not being enough. His message sits squarely in the Između space: don’t force answers, but don’t stop looking. Ask for help. Try again. Stay curious about your patterns. Allow discomfort without letting it define you.
The episode closes with a reminder that meaning can be found not in constant happiness, nor in relentless striving — but in learning to live honestly in the in-between: between fear and courage, rest and effort, who you’ve been and who you’re becoming.
(00:00) Success beyond extremes: presence and longevity
(06:30) Burnout, boundaries, and emotional responsibility
(15:30) Discipline vs self-compassion
(24:00) Tools, routines, and self-improvement as avoidance
(33:30) Self-relationship and internal safety
(43:00) Tall poppy syndrome in New Zealand and celebrating success
(55:00) Confidence, humility, and sharing wins
(1:05:30) Trauma, the nervous system, and anxiety
(1:20:00) Dopamine, distraction, and modern life
(1:38:30) Loneliness, masculinity, and asking for help
(2:07:00) Meaning over happiness
" The only guarantee that you won't find [answers] is if you don't look" - Caleb Johnston
Caleb — counsellor in private practice, working with adults, young people, and families in New Zealand
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This episode is intended for general informational and reflective purposes only. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapeutic, counselling, or client–practitioner relationship between Caleb and the listener. The content shared is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are experiencing distress or require support, please seek help from a qualified mental health professional in your local area.
This podcast is a personal, non-monetised project created during the hosts’ travels in New Zealand. It is not connected to any paid work or business activity, and no income is earned from its production.
