Captain America #434 (1994)

Jack Flag’s parents were strong-armed out of their home by the Serpent Society who’ve decided the smart criminal money is in Arizona real estate scams. So, Jack dyes his hair like a rocket pop, rigs up a JVC boombox to shoot lasers and offers up his non-snake related persona to the Serpent Society like some completely obvious Trojan horse. Snakes are dumb though so they let him in.

Meanwhile, Cap fights a fit gal wearing a patriotic one-strapper for, no lie, SEVEN HOURS. Also, Captain America is dying. He got the results of the test back. He definitely has breast cancer.

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