JAV'S THOUGHTS

My lover died

I remember that day

The dew fell off on the green grass

The chirping of sparrows echoed in the evening sky

All I heard was silence

Just silence...

Puffs of burning smoke billowed in the skyless air

His body's ashes were stored well in an urn buried in the earth

The only things left were the pieces of his hair and a photo of him

Only the clothes still had traces of his scent

His scent lingers and I hope it never faded

My tears spilled all night, all day, all year

I was overwhelmed in grief.

It was a bright day

But my heart was very dark, as dark as the night sky

My clothes were neat, with a white veil covering every strand of my hair

That morning the sun was not yet high

But my heart was pounding with alarm

That day was supposed to be a day of new beginnings for me

It's not the breaking point I felt like I just wanted to die...

Because that day was my birthday

There should be a story of my new life journey

With a string of prayers that I said when blowing out the candles for the man who would later become my life partner

I closed my eyes, prayed, and opened my eyes again

There's no one...

Familiar faces took turns expressing their condolences

They prayed for my dream to come true

But now I don't know what should I expect?

To whom?

I didn't even know myself

All those hopes and prayers had just vanished from within me before I could say "amen" for it

That day was a big day

I was worried

Very anxious

Because even on the best day,

I can grieve

Too deep of grief

Where I will never know when I will be able to rise again from this vortex of destruction

I will never know.