BGI

TAPPED

Sometimes, I write in Lin cadences

Sometimes I pass time with Jim Fallon,

I write behind closed eyes and white bars,

Pigeons and white doves,

While I get made fun of

I tried to just let bygones by bygones

But I can't cause I miss my son

And there's no love in the bottom of class wars

And harsh poverty;

there's no brotherly love

And New York just don't want me here

Is this your card?!

No motherfucker!

Oh.

Goddamn.

You are bad at this.

I thought I was! I told you I was.

You are! Now, scram.

What color is your magnitude?

You failed!

I told you I don't know my own songs form Adam!

That wasn't me?

No?

Crap. It's jammed.

Well, throw a rock at him!

THE SNIPERS throw a rock at DIPLO; unassumingly and (sort of) by complete coincidence, this rock just happens to be the CAPSULOUS ILLUMINATUS—

(And he is mad.)

Huh.

Ohh. Shitballs.

(Very mad.)

Not only is he mad— which is hilarious— but as he becomes enraged, beginning to hulk out of his “zen zone”

Isn't it obvious?

Zen zone?

What a complete douchebag.

I'm so serious.

V.O

Tales of a superstar DJ

Alice In Wonderland was in my dream last night,

But she had big blonde bushy Slavic eyebrows and I just… somehow.. didn't know what to make of that.

I HAVE A TALE!

No, you don't actually.

Sit down and shut the fuck up!

BAMPHERAMPH CAMP is going splendid.

*complete decapitation*

—gorgeous.

Meanwhile.

As it turns out…

I have something to tell you.

PLAY COMPLICATIONS ONE MORE TIME. I FUCKING DARE YOU.

DEADMAU5 has created quite possibly the very first sonic time bomb—

FIRST EVER?

I TOLD YOU GET OUT OF HERE.

YES FIRST EVER.

BEFORE:

Sniffs…

Pauses

*Tiny Sips*

*sniffs again*

*squinting, dissatisfied*

…I sense Deadmau5 in this Skrillex.

BUTLER

You would be correct.

{ENTER THE MULTIVERSE}

Wait. Who the fuck is Steve Duda?

Bro, I told you my name was Steve!

OH!

Tales of a Superstar DJ

I thought you were joking.

I'm not joking. Where's the pancakes?!

I'm out!

Why is this place so clean?! Ugh!

You haven't been around— or— like—

Nonsense.

Hey wait— last time you were imaginary.

Uh, no, I wasn't.

Yes, you were literally just—

“In your head”

Yeah!

That's not a thing.

What.

Get over that.

What.

Everything is real, everything is extreme…

Are you also out of OATMEAL?

Almost, obviously!

—ly real! Ugh! And cream of wheat?

I've been— I was getting fat.

THATS HOW GOOD MUSIC IS MADE. IN STORED ENERGY.

I have—

*bacterially is critically low*

*lights flickering*

*sirens wailing*

*time crumbling*

*phone dies*

Ugh.

Look. Uh—

STEVE.

Uh…let's just say Larry—

My name is STEVE! I told you that!

I imagined you differently, okay, and I thought ‘Steve' was just deadmau5 being pranky.

It is!

What?

It's a thing! Look it up.

Oh shit. The Ace.

I told you that dude was sketchy!

Wait, which Ace.

Of Spades.

Ah shit.

Is this your—

No!

Ah?

Well, wait…

Wait what?

Wait. A second.

Wait what?

…this…that is my card.

Is it?

Yes…

*vanishes*

WHAT THE—

L E G E N D S

Our Next Segment is called

“Who wrote that joke?”

So I'm wondering about—

That Hindu joke in season 5 of 30 Rock

“Oh my God.”

“Which one? “

“I'm going to make you regret your own birth“

“Which one?”

COPYRIGHT THE FESTiVAL PROJECT, INC. ™ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[The Festival Project ™]

The Complex Collective ©

-Ū.