"Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards..." (Songs of Songs 2:15)The Song of Solomon is the greatest love song ever written. In it, romantic love is evidenced from start to finish, from the beginning of life to the very end. The couple begins to love, marries, matures in love, and dies in love. Inspired by the Spirit, the power of married love is evidenced throughout the whole song. It is a great ideal, a wonderful possibility, a straight up life goal for any married couple.Still, in the midst of the love and romance the couple sang about, there were challenges. Some of the obstacles were major, such as massive insecurity. Other problems were perceived, such as fears the relationship was in jeopardy, though it wasn't. However, some challenges were small, minor little hassles that needed handling.They called these little issues the "little foxes that spoil the vineyards." Though small in stature, those little foxes could ruin the vineyard, and those minor issues, if undealt with, could bring great harm to the relationship. So the bride asked her husband, could you deal with those little foxes? Could you tend to our relationship, so these little things don't do big damage?The modern marriage (or engaged couple) must make the same commitment. Let's deal with the little foxes before they become big issues, they ought to say to one another.Don’t Be Oblivious to Problems in the RelationshipIt is crucial for a couple to have a bit of honesty about issues in their relationship. Many seem to want to put a nice Instagram filter on everything, imagining a healthy relationship is one without any conflict whatsoever. But the belief that healthy relationships are void of conflict is a lie. Do not allow yourself to think of problems as evidence your relationship is somehow doomed. If you do, you might intentionally downplay issues you shouldn't, all in an attempt to keep the peace, ignore the obvious, and delay the inevitable.Marriage takes work. God wants to sanctify you, and he will use your marriage as a way to accomplish that work. He wants to shape you, so he put you with someone different from you. Male and female were made in his image (Genesis 1:27). You are not, by yourself, the complete image of God. You need your spouse to balance and mature you. To believe sanctification and shaping and growth can happen without working through some stuff is naive. To think you won't have to work through issues and conflict is an erroneous belief. To me, watching a healthy couple sit down and talk through differing opinions and desires is beautiful and healthy.It Is Better to Deal With Problems When They Are SmallThat said, it is so much better to deal with problems in a relationship when they are in their infancy. As a pastor, I often watch people wait until the molehill becomes a mountain before they confront issues in their marriage. To neglect the little foxes for too long can easily lead to a small problem becoming an all-consuming fire. With Christ, all things are possible, so there is no hurdle that, with and in him, cannot be overcome, but it is so much easier to deal with stuff when it is in the beginning stages. Sin in its infancy is much easier to deal with than when it is full grown (James 1:12-15).Christina and I have had many unpleasant conversations about things which bother us in our relationship. It is never a delight to have to confront an issue or work through a disagreement. But, fortunately, we've had a perspective that we won't allow the smaller things to go untouched. We have taken the "do not let the sun go down on your anger" exhortation literally and seriously (Ephesians 4:26). Therefore, we tend to address stuff as it happens. It is only later that we realize it was a smaller issue than we'd first thought. But we are always happy to have it dealt with quickly.Consider Some Smaller Issues That Can Frustrate a RelationshipCommunication: One of the surest ways to derail a relationship
