JOY Unfiltered: Choose Joy on Purpose

This episode is brought to you by RK Designs MN.

Episode Summary

Rachel sits down with TJ Baird, a retired U.S. Army Command Sergeant Major with over 32 years of service in intelligence, special operations, and global missions, now a best-selling author, self-described "trophy husband," and founder of Warrior Dad Stories. TJ opens up about the moment his daughter told him he was "too scary" to be around, the turning point that started what he calls his reforging journey, and how writing, story, and vulnerability became the path back to himself. From haikus written on deployment to a children's book called The Adventures of Cool Bear, TJ shares how he turned three decades of service into a "reforged" life built on four simple principles, and why he tells every retiring leader to drop the anchor of their old titles before they can move forward.

In This Episode
TJ's path into the Army at 17, an accidental reroute from Panama to Fort Bragg, and the "failed four-year plan" that turned into a 33-year career
The moment his daughter told him he was "too scary," and how that became the turning point of his reforging journey
Writing haikus and poems for his daughter during deployment, and how that grew into Warrior Dad Stories and the children's book The Adventures of Cool Bear
Ten weeks at a polytrauma center in Tampa, and how writing became part of his recovery from traumatic brain injury
TJ's four life and leadership principles: smile and the world smiles with you, be disciplined in thought/word/deed, be fit in mind/body/spirit, and live life to its fullest
His advice for anyone approaching retirement or a career transition: drop the anchor of your old titles first
What brings TJ joy day to day: his dog, his daughter, and random conversations in the grocery store parking lot
Guest

TJ Baird is a retired U.S. Army Command Sergeant Major with 32 years of service in intelligence, special operations, and global missions, and a recipient of the Defense Superior Service Medal, Legion of Merit, and Bronze Star Medal among other honors. He is the founder of Warrior Dad Stories and author of an illustrated poetry collection written for his daughter. His purpose: to ignite greatness in others and leave a legacy of unstoppable leaders.

Website: warriordadstories.com
Book: Warrior Dad, available on Amazon
Memorable Quote

"I'm sharing my burden with you to make my burden lighter. And I'm now walking my path. And hopefully my experiences will inspire and encourage others to do the same." — TJ Baird

Connect with Rachel

Rachel Bents is the host of Joy Unfiltered and founder of The Joy Collective. Follow the show and share it with someone who could use a little more joy today.

This episode is proudly sponsored by RK Designs MN.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This week's Joy Rewire builds directly on Monday's episode about pleasure vs. joy. Rachel breaks down the neuroscience of negativity bias and teaches a simple, research-backed savoring practice that takes less than thirty seconds and helps your brain actually hold onto the good moments instead of letting them slip past unclaimed.

In this episode:

Why good moments tend to evaporate before your brain registers them
The science of savoring and why 20-30 seconds is the effective dose
A four-step savoring practice you can use today
Today's homework: catch three moments

Sponsor: This episode is brought to you by RK Design - custom, heirloom-quality live edge furniture, handcrafted in Eagan, Minnesota, and shipped nationwide. Learn more at rkdesignmn.com or on Instagram @RKDesignMN.

Also in this episode:

Starting September 22, Rachel is giving away one copy of Be With every day. Follow @rachel_bents on Instagram to be entered - daily live drawing at 7:39pm Central.
Season 2 launches October 2 - Rachel is currently looking for sponsors. Reach out at [email protected].

Connect with Rachel:

Instagram: @rachel_bents
Website: enjoymyeveryday.com

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this deep dive, Rachel unpacks the actual science behind everything Joy Unfiltered is built on. Why pleasure and joy run on completely different chemical systems, why your brain rewards being right more than being happy, why your nervous system has to physically support joy for it to land, and what self-determination theory reveals about sustained wellbeing. This episode bridges directly back to "Joy Is." and sets up everything coming next in the season.

In this episode:

The difference between pleasure (dopamine) and joy (serotonin/oxytocin)
Why your brain is a prediction machine, not a happiness machine
Negativity bias, and why it's architecture, not a personality flaw
Positive prediction errors and how to use them to build new patterns
The nervous system's role: sympathetic vs. parasympathetic states
Oxytocin, connection, and why it's a mechanism, not a nice-to-have
Self-determination theory: autonomy, competence, and relatedness
A personal story tying it all together
This week's reflection practice

Sponsor: This episode is brought to you by RK Design - custom, heirloom-quality live edge furniture, handcrafted in Eagan, Minnesota, and shipped nationwide. Learn more at rkdesignmn.com or on Instagram @RKDesignMN.

Also in this episode:

Starting September 22, Rachel is giving away one copy of Be With every day. Follow @rachel_bents on Instagram to be entered - daily live drawing at 7:39pm Central.

Season 2 launches October 2 - Rachel is currently looking for sponsors. Reach out at [email protected].

Connect with Rachel:

Instagram: @rachel_bents
Website: enjoymyeveryday.com

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Rachel sits down with Jill Cain, founder of Arch Empathy, a strategic consulting practice that helps unconventional businesses, artists, and creative teams build strategy that honors both people and profit. Jill shares how a laundry day and a metal band t-shirt led to the name Arch Empathy, why she finally gave herself permission to leave a stable career for an uncertain one, and how her five core values (delight, self-love, autonomy, embodiment, and creativity) show up in her actual calendar, not just on a sticky note above her monitor.

In This Episode
How Jill's background in social science research and design, plus 20-plus years as a "tour wife" for a touring musician, shaped her approach to business strategy
The story behind the name Arch Empathy (it involves a laundry pile and a metal band t-shirt)
The permission Jill had to give herself to leave a steady paycheck and build something of her own
A walk through Jill's five values: delight, self-love, autonomy, embodiment, and creativity, and what each one actually looks like in daily life
Her practice of keeping a "shitty things I'm grateful for" list as an act of self-love
The exercise Rachel and Jill both use: would someone be able to spot your values just by looking at your calendar or your bank account?
What's bringing Jill joy right now, from family to bouldering to the clients she gets to work with
Details on Jill's in-person Solo Circuit Retreat for solopreneurs, happening Friday, December 11th in the Twin Cities

Jill Cain is the founder of Arch Empathy, a strategic consulting service for unconventional businesses. She works at the intersection of emotion and operations, helping business owners and their teams strategize toward the future they want for both their people and their profit. Jill works with artist management and creative project teams, service, retail, and community spaces, and emerging entrepreneurs. She's based in Minnesota.

Website: archempathy.com
Instagram: @archempathy
LinkedIn: Jill Cain

Memorable Quote

"When you feel joy and delight, don't question it. Just feel it. And no matter how short it is or long, it doesn't matter. You felt it, and that is awesome. Just honor that. Don't judge it. Don't question it. Give yourself permission." — Jill Cain

Connect with Rachel

Rachel Bents is the host of Joy Unfiltered and founder of The Joy Collective. Follow the show and share it with someone who could use a little more joy today.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Joy Rewire: Why Your Brain Rewards Being Right, Not Being Happy

Description: In this week's Joy Rewire, Rachel breaks down a piece of neuroscience that changes how you think about every negative thought loop you've ever had: your brain doesn't reward happiness, it rewards accurate prediction. Rachel walks through why this makes negative thinking so sticky, and teaches a simple, repeatable practice called the prediction interrupt that you can use the same day you hear it.

In this episode:

What the Joy Rewire is and how it's different from Monday's long-form episodes
The neuroscience of dopamine and prediction accuracy
Why negative thought loops are so hard to break, and why that's not a character flaw
The four-step prediction interrupt practice
One small piece of homework to try today

Sponsor: This episode is brought to you by RK Design - custom, heirloom-quality live edge furniture, handcrafted in Eagan, Minnesota, and shipped nationwide. Learn more at rkdesignmn.com or on Instagram @RKDesignMN.

Connect with Rachel:

Instagram: @rachel_bents
Website: enjoymyeveryday.com

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In the first long-form solo episode of the mini-season, Rachel unpacks the foundational idea behind everything on this podcast: joy is not happiness, and it's not something you wait for. It's alignment you build on purpose. Rachel walks through what that means, why the distinction matters especially for high-achieving women who look fine on paper but feel out of sync underneath, and leaves listeners with a reflection exercise to take into their week.

In this episode:

Why joy and happiness are not the same thing
Rachel's definition of joy as alignment between meaning and purpose
Why joy is a practice, not a passive feeling
Personal stories from seasons that looked good but felt misaligned, and seasons that looked small but felt true
A reflection exercise: naming what actually brings you joy right now
A preview of next week's episode on the neuroscience of joy

Sponsor: This episode is brought to you by RK Design — custom, heirloom-quality live edge furniture, handcrafted in Eagan, Minnesota, and shipped nationwide. Learn more at rkdesignmn.com or on Instagram @RKDesignMN.

Links & Resources:

Learn more about Be With: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HHTSY3H1

Connect with Rachel:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachel_bents
Website: enjoymyeveryday.com

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Before Joy Unfiltered relaunches with a full ten-week Season 2 on October 5, Rachel is easing back in with a mini-season - four weeks of solo deep-dives, weekly Joy Rewire practices, and three guest conversations. In this preview episode, Rachel explains why the mini-season exists, previews what's coming in September, and shares a first look at Season 2's "Body & Presence" arc.

In this episode:

Why a mini-season instead of jumping straight into Season 2
What to expect each week: Monday long-form solos, Wednesday Joy Rewires, Friday guest conversations
A preview of September's three guests
A first look at Season 2, launching October 5
An open call for Season 2 sponsors

Sponsor: This episode is brought to you by RK Design - custom, heirloom-quality live edge furniture, handcrafted in Eagan, Minnesota, and shipped nationwide. Learn more at rkdesignmn.com or on Instagram @RKDesignMN.

Links & Resources:

Learn more about Be With: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HHTSY3H1

Interested in sponsoring Season 2? Reach Rachel directly at [email protected]

Connect with Rachel:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachel_bents
Website: enjoymyeveryday.com

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This week Rachel sits down with Joe Wyrwas - leadership coach, tech executive, and licensed skydiver - for a conversation that moves from free-falling at 120 mph to the everyday practices that build trust on a team.

Joe walks us through his path from being terrified of heights to becoming a licensed skydiver with 700 jumps, and what that journey has taught him about leadership. He shares the concept of "guardrails and guidelines" - a framework straight out of his skydiving training - and why naming the guardrails for your team actually builds trust instead of breaking it. He also talks about the harder skill underneath it all: letting go, and trusting your people to fly on their own even when they'd do it differently than you would.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn into data when Joe explains why he tracked every single minute of his life for four years and what finally made him stop. It's not the tracking that changes anything, he says, it's the awareness, and eventually, the willingness to actually act on it. That leads into a discussion of performance versus clarity, and why so many teams right now - especially around AI adoption - are measuring the wrong things entirely.

Rachel and Joe also get into what it looks like to lead without a title, starting with genuine curiosity about what other people care about and why they're in the room. Joe breaks down what "intentional feedback" really means, beyond just being direct with someone, and shares how he and his team at Anthem Engineering cultivate joy and fun at work on purpose - including a personalized gift tradition that shows people they're truly known. The episode closes with Joe's theme for the year, Joe's Joyful Journey, and his reminder that joy tends to show up in the small, ordinary moments rather than the big ones.

Mentioned in this episode: Hobie Youth Leadership, the program Joe has volunteered with for 13 years; Succeed by Heidi Grant Halverson, his book recommendation on goal setting; Greg De Koker and his podcast Joy Squared, the source of the "laughter in the hallway" question; and Living with a SEAL by Jesse Itzler, Rachel's reference on time awareness.

Connect with Joe on LinkedIn, where he posts leadership content several times a week - DM him the word "joy" to let him know you found him through this episode for a special surprise. Learn more about his work at Wiser with Joe.

If this episode gave you a little more joy today, share it with someone who needs it — and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com

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Kurt Bush is a certified Internal Family Systems practitioner, trauma-informed coach, and co-founder of Brimstone Coaching Group. With a background spanning corporate leadership, pastoral ministry, and coaching, Kurt helps leaders break free from self-doubt, embrace authenticity, and lead with confidence. Having overcome his own struggles with imposter syndrome, he's passionate about guiding others through transformational growth into authentic leadership. Through Brimstone's E + R = T approach (Encounter + Reflection = Transformation), Kurt equips individuals and teams to move from exhaustion and frustration to clarity and wholeness. He's also co-host of the Brimstone Coaching Podcast and co-author of Live Fully, Lead Authentically.

In This Episode:

Why imposter syndrome almost always comes down to fear of a threat — one the nervous system still believes is real, even when it isn't

Kurt's own "F-R-A" story: a third-grade spelling bee mishap that quietly wrote a lifelong rule — never look dumb in front of people — and still shows up at the conference table decades later

How our bodies give us physical cues (hot ears, a quivering chin, a knotted stomach) before our minds catch up, and why noticing those cues is the first step to interrupting the pattern

Why real-time noticing is hard at first — and why catching a reaction a day later is still meaningful growth, not failure

The "prayer of examen," an early-church reflection practice Kurt and his partner draw on, adapted into simple, shame-free daily questions

Brimstone's Encounter + Reflection = Transformation framework, and the exact questions to ask after a moment that surprised you: What happened? Who was there? What did I feel? What did I do? What would I do differently next time?

The difference between imposter syndrome and the inner critic — and why the inner critic isn't always the enemy; sometimes it's pointing at a real growth edge

The often-invisible link between performance and self-worth, and how culturally we default to "what do you do?" as a first question

Naming your inner critic (Rachel's is "Gertrude") as a practical, IFS-aligned way to relate to that voice instead of being run by it

Better opening questions than "what do you do?" — including "what do you do for fun?" and simply being present enough to actually listen to the answer

The distinction between curiosity and wonder, and how asking "how" or "what" questions (instead of "why") can unlock more spacious thinking in coaching conversations

Key Quotes:

"Fear based on a threat that's not actually there — often, yes."

"My nervous system doesn't know that. It's just trying to keep me safe. It's just doing what it does best."

"Most of us have the agency and the empowerment then to say, I'm gonna take some steps to make that different."

"There's a tendency, especially in the Midwest, to want to be tough and grind through on our own... you're not alone."

Try This: The Encounter + Reflection Practice

Brimstone's simple, shame-free framework for turning a hard moment into growth:

Notice the encounter — any moment where you were shocked, lashed out, or showed up in a way that surprised or didn't align with how you wanted to

Ask what happened — literally, pen and paper: who was there, what did you feel, what did you do (just the facts, no judgment)

Look for threads — do the same people, feelings, or situations keep showing up? That's a clue to something deeper

Decide what's next — ask what you'd do differently when the encounter happens again, because it will

Resources & Links Mentioned:

Book: Live Fully, Lead Authentically by Kurt Bush and Chris (Brimstone Coaching Group)

Website: brimstonecoachinggroup.com (free, no-obligation conversations available)

Podcast: The Brimstone Coaching Podcast Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com

for information about our collection and use of personal data for

advertising.

Andrew Brummer is the COO of Industry Technologies, founder of My Story Told, and co-founder of Veridae. Known by many as "the business polygraph," he has a gift for helping leaders see what's real before small issues become big risks. His work sits at the intersection of leadership, AI, operational discipline, and human truth — using technology to extend disciplined thinking, never to replace it. Andrew is the author of You Decide and Leading Magnanimously, and his career spans technology, finance, manufacturing, education, energy, and global business across Africa, Europe, the UK, and North America. Originally from South Africa, he brings a grounded, deeply human approach to leadership, helping people speak hard truths and build organizations that can grow without losing trust, culture, or soul.

In This Episode:

The guiding phrase behind Andrew's life and work: "Plant seeds that will grow trees you may never sit under"

Why Andrew sees his role as helping people find and water their own "mustard seed" — not handing them someone else's

How a curious, wandering career across banking, contracts, product development, HR, sales, and investing gave Andrew the pattern-recognition to become a trusted advisor

Authentic networking: showing up with no agenda, listening without trying to sell, and why that's what actually grows a network (Andrew grew from 1,200 to 10,000+ LinkedIn connections in two years by living this out)

What You Decide and Leading Magnanimously actually walk readers through — practical, hands-on operator guides rather than theory

The 2024 pivot: how a near-collapse at his company forced Andrew to build a personal brand from scratch at 53, and why patience and self-grace were essential to that journey

The "right foot first" morning ritual — how the first 30–40 seconds out of bed set the tone for the whole day, and why that's a choice separate from yesterday's pain

Andrew's philosophy of small, compounding behavioral change (20 minutes today, 23 tomorrow, 24 the next day) rather than one grand transformation

The heart of My Story Told: using AI — without hallucination or invention — to turn a person's own words, recordings, journals, and content into a real, told story, book, or course before it's lost

Why everyone has "earned the right to tell their story" simply by having lived it, and what that means for legacy, grandchildren, and the stories we lose when someone passes

Key Quotes:

"Plant seeds that will grow trees you will never sit under."

"Where your head is at and where you apply your energy tomorrow morning is completely in your hands."

"It's not because of the scars. It's because of my choice of how I allow those scars and those challenges to influence the next 30 seconds of my morning."

"Anybody who has already lived, they've already earned the right to tell their story."

Try This: The Right-Foot-First Ritual

Andrew's simple daily reset, in his own words:

Choose before you rise — in the first 30–40 seconds after waking, decide what kind of day this will be, before the day decides for you

Separate the story from the scars — acknowledge that yesterday's pain is real without letting it write today's script

Start small — aim for just a few minutes of this mindset tomorrow, then a few more the next day; consistency compounds

Be graceful with yourself — hold yourself accountable, but with the same kindness you'd offer your own kids or parents

Resources & Links Mentioned:

Book: You Decide

Book: Leading Magnanimously

Upcoming book: I Decided (Andrew's forthcoming account of his 2024 pivot)

Website: andrewbrummer.com

Service: My Story Told — mystorytold.ai

Companies: Industry Technologies, Veridae

Mentoring platform mentioned: pushfarnadp/list.org (pro bono global mentoring)

Connect with Andrew:

Website: andrewbrummer.com

My Story Told: mystorytold.ai

LinkedIn: Andrew Brummer Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com

for information about our collection and use of personal data for

advertising.