In this episode of Two Chunks And A Hunk: we review Jupiter Ascending, we stare in bewildered fury at an inscrutable performance from Eddie Redmayne, we are transfixed by horrible visions of a speed skating space wolf-elf, and mostly we just take pity on all these actors that have to live with the fact that they were in this movie.

This episode contains spoilers for Jupiter Ascending. Obviously.

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