Just Human with Jay Boykin

Why do people judge you before they know you? It takes about half a second, and it is not malice.

Ever walked into a room and realized someone had already decided who you were? It happened to me in a Chicago lobby, in front of the person holding my resume. Then I did the same thing to someone else before the day was over.

The show is now Just Human with Jay Boykin, and this is the relaunch. An HR manager who had spoken with me on the phone, knew my name, and had scheduled the entire trip walked straight past me and greeted another man with "You must be Jay." This episode follows that half second into the machinery behind it: why the brain is a category machine, why the connection it is built for arrives after the label instead of before, why good intentions fail under pressure, and the 99.9% Lens, a decision you make before you walk in. From Chapter 1 of my book, Just Human, out in January.

You will learn:
· Why a label reaches the room before you do, and why that is not malice
· What your brain does with a billion bits of information a second, and how little of it you ever see
· Why connection is slower than judgment, and why that is the good news
· What Nelson Mandela refused to do at a microphone in 1990
· The 99.9% Lens, with its own fine print
· A thirty second practice you can run before your next meeting

Chapters:
0:00 The Chicago lobby
2:02 "You must be Jay"
2:33 The show has a new name
3:31 The part of the story people skip
4:54 Two things that are both true
7:45 The interviews were a dumpster fire
8:34 "What was your GPA?"
11:27 Two rooms, the same machine
12:34 The uncomfortable symmetry: I ran one too
13:28 The category machine, with respect for it
15:05 A billion bits in, about ten out
16:32 Why I dropped the better sounding number
17:43 Automatic social categorization
19:10 Your baseline is connection, not separation
20:50 Interbrain synchrony
22:55 I used to tell this part wrong
23:56 The label is fast. Connection is slower.
26:43 Just Human Philosophy 2.0
27:11 The amygdala hijack, retold
29:22 The 99.9% Lens
29:49 The fine print: 99.9 and 99.6
31:02 Number one, or number two?
31:56 The four tools around the lens
35:10 Mandela: the man who named his jailers
37:00 What he refused to do
39:35 Truth and Reconciliation
43:01 The harm is real, and the person is still human
44:20 Three in ten
45:52 Performed interest has a shelf life
46:38 Try this: thirty seconds before your next meeting
49:07 Next week

Try this: before your next meeting, any meeting, pick one person who will be in the room and call to mind one thing about them that has nothing to do with their title or their function. Do not announce it. Then notice.

Referenced in this episode:
· Caltech researchers, 2024, on sensory input of something on the order of a billion bits per second against about ten handled consciously, estimated from how fast people type, read, play competitive video games and solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded
· Automatic social categorization
· Co-regulation research on heart rhythms, stress hormone cycles and bonding hormones, and hyperscanning research on interbrain synchrony
· Infant face preference by three months
· Daniel Goleman, 1995, for the phrase "amygdala hijack," and Joseph LeDoux, whose work it was built on, on why the metaphor overstates what the amygdala does
· The 99.9% figure counts single letter differences, letter for letter. Counting every kind of variation it lands closer to 99.6
· Nelson Mandela, released February 11, 1990 from Victor Verster Prison, prisoner 466/64 on Robben Island, and the Truth and Reconciliation Commission
· Gallup: roughly three in ten US workers engaged, called a ten year low in 2024, and about one in five who strongly trust their organization’s leadership, 2023. "Performed interest has a shelf life" is my argument, not a finding

Follow the show so next week finds you.

jayboykin.com

Just Human is now Just Human with Jay Boykin. Same show, same feed. Season Two starts Tuesday, October 20.

If the show looks different in your app, nothing has gone wrong. Everything you already follow, you still follow. The only thing that changed is the name on the door.

The quiet had a reason. Jay spent it finishing a book, Just Human, out in January, and Season Two is built around what he learned writing it. New episodes every Tuesday from October 20: some weeks one idea on his own, some weeks a conversation with someone who knows something he doesn't. Two of them, one before the election and one before a holiday, are about the people you love and disagree with. Those are the hard ones. They are also the reason he does this.

New name, same show, and the first one is Tuesday.

 Ever notice how confidence can hold up right until the pressure stacks — and then the cracks show?

The defensiveness. The over-explaining. The silence.

In this episode, Jay sits down with Rachael Edmondson-Clarke — founder of Ellevar and a human performance partner for senior leaders — to unpack a different kind of confidence: the steady kind that can say "that was on me," hold a high standard without a power struggle, and lead calmly when the room is tense. Rachael blends the biology and psychology of leadership, and shares the moment she collapsed on her office floor from pushing through — and what she rebuilt on the other side.

You'll learn:
● Why confidence comes from competence and courage — and where ego actually sneaks in
● The difference between reframing stress and truly restoring (sleep, daylight, nature, movement, connection)
● The five social needs every team has — and how meeting them builds real psychological safety
● How to hold a high standard without breaking the relationship (the trust triangle)
● Why "capacity to lead" matters more than "capability" — and how to build it
● How to train the 10–15 second pause that turns a reaction into a response

Chapters / timestamps:
00:00 The Shift in Leadership Dynamics
02:36 Understanding High Performance and Personal Well-being
11:24 Toxic Leadership vs. Responsible Leadership
15:13 Confidence Without Ego
22:04 The Evolution of Executive Presence
30:31 Psychological Safety in Leadership
30:59 The Importance of Psychological Safety in the Workplace
34:45 Balancing Accountability and Relationships in Leadership
36:36 The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
40:17 Developing Leadership Skills Over Time
42:41 Recognizing Warning Signs of Burnout
45:31 Practices for Rest and Recreation
47:41 Micro Practices for Self-Awareness
55:40 The Power of Self-Talk and Language

Try this this week: When something feels off, ask one question before you react — "Where is this signal coming from?" Am I under-restored (sleep, food, movement, connection), or did something trigger me? Name it before you respond.

Connect with Rachael
● Website: https://www.ellevar.co.uk/
● LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachaeledmondsonclarke/
● Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachaeledmondsonclarke/
● Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rachael.edmondson.clarke
● TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rachael_edmondson_clarke?_r=1&_t=ZN-916I7oVes8U

Connect with Jay + subscribe
● Website: https://www.jayboykin.com
● YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jayboykinofficial
● LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayboykin/
● Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayboykinofficial/
● Podcast (Apple): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/just-human/id1773095157
● Podcast (Spotify): https://open.spotify.com/show/2zWqEiYcawOXnhC1tTtaW4
● Newsletter (Book of Jay): https://www.jayboykin.com/newsletters/just-human-book-of-jay
If this one hits home, subscribe and share it with a leader who needs it. Be kind to yourself. 

 If leadership has felt heavier than it should, you're not alone. Most leaders don't get stuck because they lack talent. They get stuck because they're carrying the whole operation on their own shoulders — and they've quietly become the bottleneck.

In Episode 30, Jay sits down with Renee Hastings, President and CEO of Executive Help Now, to unpack the difference between tactical and strategic leadership: why it's so easy to get trapped in the weeds, what's really keeping you there, and how to free up the brain space to finally lead. Renee shares her story — from a farm in an Amish community to becoming a teen mom at 16 to building a fractional back-office company that serves leaders across the country — and the exact mindset shift that lets you hand work off without it falling apart.

**You'll learn:**
- The first signs you're stuck in tactical mode (hint: decision fatigue and being the approver of everything)
- The $10 Canva test: why your time math is costing you more than you think
- What's really underneath the inability to let go — fear, ego, perfectionism, and trust
- The difference between delegating a task and delegating an outcome
- Why "I tried delegating and it didn't work" almost always traces back to training, not the person
- One thing you can do this week to start digging out

**Chapters:**
00:00 Leadership shouldn't feel this heavy
02:10 Meet Renee Hastings
02:35 From an Amish-community farm to a love of organizing
07:41 Teen mom at 16 — and a mother who said "keep going"
09:59 The friend who reminded her she was built for this
15:02 The first signs a leader is stuck in tactical mode
18:10 The $10 Canva decision (and the cost of your time)
20:50 What's really keeping leaders stuck: fear and ego
23:48 Strategic vs. tactical: freeing up space to cast vision
25:51 Why "delegation didn't work"
28:29 Delegating a task vs. delegating an outcome
33:33 Why this isn't just for big companies (the fractional model)
36:28 The mindset shift: letting yourself be served
40:27 Realistic expectations and the learning curve
44:53 The one thing she swore she'd never give up — her calendar
51:51 More than a doer: thought partners on your team
56:20 One or two steps for the overwhelmed leader this week

**Try this this week:** Set a 15-minute timer and write down everything that's overwhelming you. Then circle what could go to someone else, and cross off what doesn't need doing at all. That single list is the start of getting your time back.

**Connect with Renee Hastings:**
- Website: executivehelpnow.org
- LinkedIn (company): https://www.linkedin.com/company/executive-help-now/
- LinkedIn (personal): https://www.linkedin.com/in/reneehastings17/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/executivehelpnow/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ExecutiveHelpNow
- Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@reneehastings

**Connect with Jay Boykin:**
- Website: https://www.jayboykin.com
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jayboykinofficial
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayboykin/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayboykinofficial/
- Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/just-human/id1773095157
- Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2zWqEiYcawOXnhC1tTtaW4
- Newsletter (Book of Jay): https://jayboykin.com/book-of-jay

If this one hit home, hit subscribe, leave a comment, and share it with a leader who needs to hear it. It helps more than you know.

#JustHuman #JayBoykin #Leadership #StrategicLeadership #Delegation #AuthenticLeadership #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #Entrepreneurship #ReneeHastings #ExecutiveHelpNow #Burnout #TimeManagement 

Ever look at your life and think, “Everything is working… but I don’t feel good”?
That’s not failure — it’s misalignment. Let’s fix it fast.

In this episode of Just Human, Jay Boykin talks with Nell Derick Debevoise Dewey (Nell3D), author of Going First, about how high performers can feel empty even with the title, money, and momentum. Nell shares her powerful story (including a wake-up-call car crash) and introduces a simple framework to diagnose what’s off — without blowing up your whole life.

You’ll learn Nell’s Lead in 3D model (ME / WE / WORLD) and how it connects to purpose, wellbeing, relationships, and integrity. Then she breaks down her systematic subtraction approach: Stop, Drop, Roll — a practical way to create capacity, reclaim autonomy, and rebuild energy in a nonstop world.

If this helped you, like, subscribe, and comment: Which dimension is lowest for you — ME, WE, or WORLD?


CONNECT WITH NELL 3D
SUBSTACK: https://nell3d.substack.com/guestpass
LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nell3d/
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/nelldd/

#leadership #purpose #burnout #alignment #personalgrowth #intrinsicmotivation #autonomy #mindset #productivity #meaning #values #highperformance #justhuman #nell3d #stopdroproll

What do you do with an idea when you don’t feel ready?
What do you do when the only honest words are: “I’m trying”?

In this episode of Just Human, Jay Boykin sits down with #1 New York Times bestselling author Kobi Yamada (President & CEO of Compendium Inc.) to talk about why his books look like children’s books… but land in a much deeper place for adults. If you’re building a business, leading a team, or wrestling with self-doubt, this conversation will hit you right in the chest—in the best way.

Kobi shares how picture books can speak to both kids and adults, why our inner critic makes problems feel like identity threats, and how fear quietly blocks creativity, chances, and momentum. He also breaks down the role of mentorship, the power of leaving “space” for the reader, and why creativity is birthed in boredom—something modern scrolling is stealing from us.

👍 If this helped you, like, subscribe, and comment: Idea / Problem / Chance / Trying — which one are you living right now?

Connect with Kobi Yamada

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stories/livethegoodstuff/

Shop: https://live-inspired.com/

Kobi Yamada | Penguin Random House
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2338428/kobi-yamada/


#KobiYamada #JustHuman #PersonalGrowth #Leadership #Entrepreneurship #ImposterSyndrome #Creativity #Mindset #Mentorship #Compendium #WhatDoYouDoWithAnIdea #WhatDoYouDoWithAProblem #WhatDoYouDoWithAChance #PictureBooks #SelfDoubt

Most leaders think leadership means being first: first to speak, first to decide, first to act.
But what if the move that changes your culture isn’t being louder… it’s being later?

In this episode of Just Human, Jay Boykin sits down with U.S. Marine Corps Major Olaolu Ogunyemi, author of Lead Last, to unpack a leadership philosophy that flips the script: “He who leads last leads best.”

You’ll hear how Olaolu learned leadership through real-world responsibility—walking into his first role in charge of 80 Marines—and why humility is often the missing ingredient in high-performing teams. We dive into why self-awareness for leaders is the starting point, how to build trust like an emotional bank account, and the most common “withdrawals” leaders make without realizing it—like not listening.

We also explore the difference between a well-intended open door policy and why it can fail in practice, plus what it really takes to mentor emerging leaders, prepare the next generation, and leave a legacy that’s bigger than a title.

If you lead people (or want to), this conversation will challenge you—in the best way.

Connect with Olaolu Ogunyemi
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/olaolu.ogunyemi/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olaolu-ogunyemi-465ba453/
Website: https://parent-child-connect.com/

In this episode of Just Human, Jay Boykin sits down with Dr. Robin Buckley (author of Marriage, Inc.) to break down a powerful truth: planning doesn’t kill spontaneity — it protects it. When couples stop running on autopilot, they stop having the same fight every month and start building real connection again.

You’ll learn practical relationship tools busy couples can use immediately, including:

- The daily check-in that deepens connection in 5–10 minutes
- Why “they should just know” is a romantic myth that destroys communication
- How to use a safe word + a simple SOP to stop conflict spirals
- What amygdala hijack looks like—and how to get back to calm, logical thinking
- Why couples become “roommates” (and how to reverse it)
- The 5 types of intimacy and how to build a “menu” of connection
- How to use active listening so people feel heard (not argued with)

If you want your relationship to feel less reactive and more intentional, start with ONE thing: try the daily check-in this week and notice what shifts.

🔔 Subscribe for more conversations on leadership, personal growth, and the practical human stuff that makes life work.

CONNECT with Dr. Robin Buckley
INSTAGRAM @drrobinbuckley
LINKEDIN @dr-robin-buckley
YOUTUBE  @DrRobinBuckley  
TIKTOK @drrobinbuckley
WEBSITE https://drrobinbuckley.com/

#RelationshipAdvice #Marriage #CommunicationSkills #Couples #MarriageInc #DrRobinBuckley #JustHumanPodcast #ConflictResolution #ActiveListening #EmotionalIntelligence #RelationshipGoals #Intimacy #HealthyRelationships #PersonalGrowth #Mindset

Have you ever worked for someone who knew your numbers… but didn’t know you?

They knew your deadlines, KPIs, and calendar — but not what it cost you to keep producing. And at some point, you stop feeling supported and start feeling watched.

In this episode of Just Human, Jay Boykin sits down with John R. Miles (author of Passion Struck) to unpack the difference between being managed and being seen accurately — and why “mattering” is the foundation of performance, loyalty, and psychological safety at work.

You’ll learn:

• Why micromanagement vs leadership feels so different in the body
• How performance culture quietly erodes self-worth and work performance
• What it means to build “self-mattering” before you can feel seen by others
• Why frontline managers are the hidden engine of engagement (or disengagement)
• A practical leadership shift: “eyes on, hands off” + commander’s intent
• How great workplaces connect roles to mission so people feel valued — not measured

If you’re a leader, founder, or manager who wants high performance without grinding people down — this conversation will change how you run 1:1s, how you give feedback, and how you build culture people don’t want to leave.

💡 One takeaway to try this week: start noticing the “yellow doors” — the small moments where a micro-choice can increase trust, connection, and energy on your team.

👉 Learn more about Jay’s work: www.jayboykin.com
📘 Learn more about John: John R. Miles | Official Website of the Award-Winning Author

#leadership #micromanagement #employeeengagement #workplaceculture #psychologicalsafety #leadershipdevelopment #highperformers #burnout #trust #purpose #management #communication #justhuman #passionstruck

Ever “listened” so well you deserved a trophy… and still got in trouble?
Let’s fix that with 6 simple listening practices that work at home and at work.

Most of us confuse hearing with listening. Hearing is audio. Listening is connection. And when listening breaks down, relationships get tense, distance grows, and at work you get the same messy conversations on repeat—plus rework, resentment, and escalation.

In this episode of Just Human, Jay Boykin shares practical, repeatable listening skills you can use immediately—no therapy speak, no fluff. You’ll learn how to make people feel accurately understood, reduce conflict, and create clarity that actually moves things forward.

Timestamps / Key Takeaways

• 0:01 Why “hearing” isn’t listening
• 7:20 The office bridge: how bad listening creates rework
• 9:05 #1 Comfort vs solutions (what do they need?)
• 12:12 #2 Mirror the last 3–5 words
• 15:50 #3 Name the emotion (validation ≠ agreement)
• 17:31 #4 “What did I miss?” summary
• 19:44 #5 Ask one deepening question
• 21:02 #6 Close the loop with action
• 26:09 Bonus: the phone-down pro tip

If this helped, subscribe, hit like, and comment: Which one practice are you running for 7 days?

#listening #activelistening #communicationskills #relationships #marriageadvice #conflictresolution #leadership #workplacecommunication #emotionalintelligence #personalgrowth #psychologicalsafety #productivity #betterrelationships #selfimprovement #justhuman