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Vacation time is a perfect time to deepen your mindfulness practice. When you’re moving at a slower pace and perhaps have a little more time on your hands, you might choose to add a second meditation session, sit a bit longer, or add walking meditation to your regular sitting practice. There are a lot of options. One of my favourites is to go on retreat.

On retreat, you simply let yourself be. You do very little other than meditative practices and, whatever you do, you do it slowly and mindfully. This gives you a chance to relax, live at a leisurely pace, and focus on bringing mindfulness to all of your activities, not just sitting meditation.

You can participate in a directed retreat, that is an event organized by someone else. These are what I’ll talk about today. You can also create your own self-hosted retreat. I’ll talk more about those in a couple of weeks.

It’s possible to go on retreat for long periods of time, months or even years, but we’ll focus on shorter retreats, which can range from a half-day to 10 full days or so. These activities are called meditation retreats, mindfulness retreats, or days of mindfulness. They can be residential (where you eat and sleep on-site) or non-residential (where you go home every evening).

How to find retreats

Retreats hosted by local groups

Depending on where you live, you may be able to find local organizations that host retreats. Conduct a Google search or use www.meetup.com to find local meditation groups and centres in your area and contact them to see what they offer. You may find a wide variety of groups, some of which suit you while others don’t. Take the time read their websites, or give them a call to discuss their practices. You may want to attend a one of their local meditation meetings prior to going on retreat with them.

Some of the groups will be secular, and others are likely to be Buddhist monasteries and practice centers. One of my local Buddhist monasteries, for example, offers a day of mindfulness every month plus a two-day residential retreat once a year.

Buddhist meditation retreats

Let me just take a minute to talk more about Buddhist retreats before I go on. At Mindful15, we focus on secular meditation practices suitable for everyone. So, why would I recommend Buddhist meditation retreats? Because they usually are suitable for everyone. Again, I suggest asking questions before signing up, but my experience with Buddhist groups is that they are welcoming of everyone, regardless of religious beliefs or lack thereof, and their meditation practices are basically the same as what you experience here on Mindful15. The only time you’re likely to directly hear about Buddhist beliefs is during Dharma talks. These are talks about Buddhist philosophy given by monks, nuns, or meditation teachers, often held daily. On retreats that are open to the general public, the talks tend to focus on the kinds of topics we cover in this podcast, and I’ve personally found them to be enjoyable and educational even though I’m not Buddhist. You can, however, skip the Dharma talks, if you’re not interested.

Retreats located far from home

You can also go on retreat far from home. Again, meetup.com is a great resource for finding meditation groups in any location. You can also try a search on www.retreatsonline.com. What you’ll find is a wide variety of retreats, not all of which are focused on meditation.

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Have you ever wondered whether silent meditation is better than guided meditation? This is the first question I’ll address, today, in our new Guided vs Silent Series.

Is it better to meditate silently or is it okay to use guided meditations? There are two answers to this question.

The first answer: The best meditation is the one you actually do. The more regular your meditation, the more beneficial it is. If you find it difficult to sit silently, then you might choose to use guided meditations to make sure you’re sitting regularly.

Silent meditation is often more difficult, because you need to manage it yourself, and because, in the silence distractions like emotions and thoughts arise more often. This leads us to…

The second answer: Silent meditation is better. The very things that make silent meditation more difficult are the things that make it more beneficial. You undertake formal meditation practice to learn how to focus your attention on the present moment without judgement, and to learn how to deal with distractions by coming back to the present moment again and again. If there are fewer opportunities to practice these things, then the learning won’t be as deep.

I encourage all mindfulness practitioners to pursue silent meditation at some point. If you need to rely on guided meditations right now, though, that’s okay. There is still plenty of benefit to be gained from guided meditations. Go ahead and use them if they’re what you need, but at some point, give silent meditation a try.

Next week, I’ll give you some practical strategies for transitioning to silence.

Don’t fall into this trap

There is one caveat to my advice, though. Some guided meditations are highly relaxing, so it’s very easy to use them as a method for zoning out and taking a break. While there’s nothing wrong with doing a relaxation exercise, it’s not the same as meditating. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re meditating when you’re simply sitting blissing out.

If you’re using guided meditations to relax, you don’t necessarily need to stop. Just realize that you are not really meditating, and perhaps add a silent meditation practice that is separate from your guided relaxation practice.

My practice

I enjoy guided meditations, too, but they are not my core practice. I sit in silent meditation for at least 20 minutes per day, and I strive to sit at roughly the same time every day. This helps me maintain my habit. I add guided meditations on top of this routine whenever I want to. And sometimes I do a second silent meditation. I also like to relax with full body scans at least once per week (if you sign up for my newsletter, I’ll send you one of these).

Join me now for a meditation

For a 10-minute guided meditation including 2 minutes of silent meditation, forward the podcast or the video above to 3:00. Next week, I’ll provide meditations with longer silent periods to help you transition to silence.

Next week:

Next week, in Part 2 of the Guided vs Silent Series, I’ll give you some strategies for undertaking silent meditation. The lesson will include a collection of guided meditations to help you transition. If you’d like to be notified when the lesson goes online, subscribe to our newsletter. As a thank you, I’ll send you a free deep relaxation.

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It’s time for part three in the toolkit series. In previous episodes, we explored the value of diligence and patience as meditation tools. Today, we’ll look at how kindness facilitates your practice. I’m talking primarily about practicing kindness toward yourself, but kindness toward others comes into play here, too.

To begin with, let’s note that practicing meditation is being kind to yourself. Sitting regularly teaches you to focus on the present moment and to transform your habitual reactions. The practice brings you a wealth of cognitive, physical health, and emotional health benefits.

But your meditation practice also benefits others. For those who worry that taking time out to meditate is selfish, it’s important to be aware of the ways your mindfulness benefits those around you.

Mindfulness teaches you to be more present for others, so you listen more deeply to them, understand them better, and demonstrate more compassion for them. You become calmer and are, therefore, better able to negotiate conflict and help others. You may even be better at avoiding conflict to begin with, because you’ll be able to gain a broader perspective on the actions of others. This small sample of benefits demonstrates that your mindfulness practice is not selfish at all.

Kindness is also valuable because it is a partner to patience when you come up against obstacles or distractions in meditation. I use the term obstacles a lot in my blogs, but the things that seem to get in your way when you meditate are only obstacles because you react to them as if they are obstacles. 

Thoughts, for example, cause a lot of concern for some meditators, especially beginners. You might worry that having a thought is problematic, because it takes your attention away from the breath where you think it is supposed to be.

But, a thought is just a thought. It isn’t a problem or an obstacle. It is simply something to notice and then let go of so you can get back to focusing on the breath. But if you react toward that thought with frustration, impatience, concern, etc. or, if you start thinking of yourself as a poor meditator because you had a thought, you create a problem that wasn’t there to begin with.

Learning to sit with thoughts typically happens in stages. The first stage is to notice your thoughts - because prior to learning to mediate, many of us don’t even realize how active our mind is. We don’t notice that our thoughts are separate from us and that we can observe ourselves having thoughts.

Stage two involves noticing how you react to your thoughts. Most people start off having negative reactions to their thoughts, because they judge thoughts to be obstacles to their meditation.

The third stage is accepting then letting go of both the thoughts and your reactions to them. To get to this phase, you need kindness. You need to realize that it was your reactions to the thoughts that created the distraction, not the thoughts themselves.

And you need to be kind to yourself when you make this discovery. Realize that being upset or judgemental was your way of trying to get the meditation right. You were reacting in the best way you knew how, but now you’ve discovered a better way, to avoid reacting automatically as if thoughts were problems.

Kindness allows you to forgive yourself for making mistakes during the learning process. And you certainly should be kind about this. Any good teacher will tell you that making mistakes is an essential and integra...

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Recently, one of my meditation students asked me how to take her practice to the next level. She said she was bored with meditation and wanted to know how to get more out of the practice. Have you ever felt bored during meditation? Let me tell you what to do about boredom.

My student found meditation to be interesting and challenging in the beginning, but after several months, it became dull. She was no longer achieving the same relaxation or sense of joy she’d first experienced. Focusing on the breath felt routine and boring. She expected meditation to be more interesting, even more exciting.

And that is the crux of the problem. She expected something.

Boredom is not a problem. It’s just an emotion that can come up. The problem is the disappointment and frustration that can arise when the expectation of a non-boring meditation isn’t met.

Expectations lead to judgements and disappointments. They can even lead us to quit a practice that is healthy and helpful.

Meditation isn’t supposed to be anything. On any given day, it might be

interesting,

or uplifting,

or relaxing,

or challenging,

or difficult,

or easy,

or pleasant,

or unpleasant

but it’s not supposed to be any of those things, or anything at all, actually.

Meditation is about sitting in awareness of whatever is happening in the present moment, without judging it. You simply allow whatever is happening to happen. Allow whatever comes up to come up. You notice it and you notice your own reactions to it.

If you expect a specific result, you’re setting yourself up to judge the outcome against the result you expected.

But, what if you do find yourself caught in judgements about the meditation? What if you just cannot shake the feeling of boredom? The answer is to turn towards the boredom. Get curious about it and thoroughly explore it.

Start by noticing how your body experiences the feeling of boredom. Scan the body and notice what’s there. Do you notice tension, discomfort, restlessness, sleepiness, listlessness, relaxation? There’s no need to analyze the feelings. Just notice how boredom feels.

See if you can notice yourself making judgements about the way the body feels or about the boredom your mind is experiencing. Watch the judgements come up and then just sit with them. There’s no need to try to change them, but you might notice them changing or even disappearing all on their own. Just be patient and observe.

What you’re doing is learning about your mind’s habitual, conditioned reactions to boredom. Bring curiosity to your observations. Imagine you’re a scientist sitting back to observe the mind of a study participant. You don’t want to change what the participant is thinking or feeling. You just want to observe it.

This practice can be applied to any type of expectation. If you expected your meditation to be relaxing and it is not, tune in to the feelings of tension and frustration. Explore your expectations fully to learn more about them.

This lesson translates to daily life, too. When you expect your day to go a certain way and it doesn’t, you might feel disappointment, dissatisfaction, frustration, or anger. If you can approach your day without expectations, you can take each moment as it comes. Instead of focusing on what may or may not happen, you can engage fully in what’s actually happening. Living in the moment like this tends to make life feel more satisfying.

To be clear,

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When you’re feeling stressed, or when you just need a break, it’s nice to have a safe place to which you can retreat. Let me show you how to create a secure, comfortable space you can access anywhere, anytime.  

Has anyone ever told you to “just go to your happy place?” The phrase is often used tongue-in-cheek, but the truth is, you can use imagery to create a safe haven to visit that serves you anytime you need it.

The technique is simple. Find relatively quiet place. Sit or lie down in a comfortable, supported position, and imagine a place in which you feel safe and comfortable. It can be a real place or an imaginary place, indoors or outdoors. You can create a new place every time you do this meditation, but it can also be helpful to go back to the same place over and over again. Each time you retreat to the same place, you enrich the imagery and make it more relaxing, soothing, and secure. The more often you go back to this place, the faster you’ll be able to conjure up the image.

The key to this technique is to engage all your senses. Start by imagining how your space looks.  Notice colours, textures, and movement. Then notice the ambient smells and sounds. Imagine reaching out to touch objects in your space. Notice the weather, the temperature, and the lighting. And, don’t forget to notice whether there are people or animals in your space.

Whatever you imagine, be sure that it makes you feel safe and secure. You are in full control of this space. Edit your space to remove things that make you feel unsafe and add things that make you feel secure. You can, for example, add comfortable furniture, a warm blanket, a locked door, or long expanse of ocean separating you from things that don’t belong in a comfortable space. You can add people or animals to keep you company, or you can remove people or objects that you don’t want to spend time with. This is your space and it can be whatever you want and need it to be.

Now, let me guide you to your safe place

For a 12-minute guided imagery meditation, forward the podcast or the video above to 2:30

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We typically act in accordance with our beliefs. If, for example, you believe you’re fit, you’re likely to eat well and exercise regularly. In other words, when you think of yourself as a fit person, it is easier to create the habits of eating well and exercising. This gem of insight into human behaviour can help you build or strengthen your mindfulness habit, too.

If you want to build a new habit, try changing your beliefs about yourself, first. Habits built this way are called identity-based habits. For a more scientific explanation of why identity-based habits work, check out this article by Adam Wik. 

Here are two easy strategies you can use to alter your identity:

* Play make-believe, just like you did when you were a child. Pretend that you are a “meditator” or a “mindful person”. As you play make-believe, engage in the behaviours your pretend character would engage in. Adam Wik says, “An identity based habit is formed by acting like the person you want to be until you actually become them.”

* Prove to yourself that you are “a person who meditates.” How? By engaging in activities that prove it. You can start with just one activity, but the key is to make it so easy that you can’t fail. My suggestion: Take three mindful breaths every morning immediately after you get out of bed. Here’s how to make it happen:

Put a reminder note someplace where you’ll see it as soon as you get out of bed, perhaps on a night stand, the wall across from your bed, or the bathroom mirror.

Every morning, when you wake up and see the note, stop and take three mindful breaths. What’s a mindful breath? It’s a breath you pay full attention to, like a mini meditation. It doesn’t matter how your breathe. Deep, shallow, fast, slow, whatever. Just put your full attention on the three breaths.

Immediately after the breaths, tell yourself, “Yes, I’m a meditator,” or, “Very good. I’m a mindful person.” Don’t skip this last step. It’s a little reward for engaging in the mindful behaviour and it’s an essential part of habit building.

Put these two strategies into action today and soon you’ll come to think of yourself as a mindful person. At that point, it will be much easier to ramp up your practice, meditating regularly and conducting daily activities mindfully.

Let’s behave like meditators right now.

For a 12-minute sitting meditation, forward the podcast or the video above to 2:48

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A few months ago, I got some very bad news. It shocked me and made me scared and angry. I was so emotional I couldn’t eat, and no matter how many blankets I used, I couldn’t get warm. I had no one close by to talk, but it almost didn’t matter, because the news so embarrassed me I didn’t want to share. Then I remembered a meditation practice I’d learned...

I decided I had to do something to help myself, so I used a practice I learned from one of my teachers, Thich Nhat Hanh. To be honest, I had to talk myself into doing it, because I felt so bad I didn’t think anything would help.

But it did help. It didn’t solve my problem or make my bad feelings magically disappear. But it helped calm those feelings and it gave me a more realistic perspective on the problem so I could get past the emotional state and begin working on a solution. I’m incredibly grateful for having learned this practice and I want to share it with you.

This is the practice of sitting with strong emotions:

When a strong emotion threatens to overwhelm you, sit with it. Meditate on the emotion and take care of yourself.

Meditating on the emotion doesn’t mean thinking about the emotion or trying to make it go away. It means allowing the emotion to be there and noticing how it feels and how it affects you.

Sit as you normally would for meditation. Maybe start with a few deeper breaths.

Then, begin to notice your emotional state. Are you angry, or sad, or scared, or some combination of things? Let yourself feel the emotion. Don’t try to change it. Just give it some respect by allowing it to be there.

Remind yourself that you’re allowed to have strong emotions. Sometimes, you just feel bad, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling bad sometimes is a part of life. Let yourself feel bad.

When we fight against our emotions, when we try to make them go away, or when we deny them, they resist us and become stronger. When we accept them and allow them to be, they begin to recede.

Next, bring your attention to your body. Notice how the emotion makes your body feel. Slowly explore the whole body and just notice how it is affected. Again, don’t try to change anything. Don’t try to make the sensations go away. Just let them be. Allow them to be there.

Finally, give yourself some sympathy. Take your emotion in your arms as if it were a precious child. Allow yourself to feel sorry for the emotion and for yourself. You can even say comforting words to yourself, “There, there, it’s okay. I see how bad you feel. I’ll take care of you.” Because, by sitting like this, you are taking care of yourself.

Maybe talking to yourself this way will feel a little silly, but we all want a little comfort, a little babying sometimes. You can give yourself that comfort anytime you need it. And no one else needs to know how you’re talking to yourself.

I’m not suggesting that you wallow in self-pity instead of solving your problems. But, in the moments when your emotions are strongest, you may not be a good problem-solver. You may first need to sit for awhile and feel sorry for yourself, and support yourself. Then, when the emotion has subsided a bit, you can move on to taking positive action.

Some people I’ve shared this with say they feel like this practice is too self-indulgent. They feel like they don’t deserve to have someone take care of their bad feelings. They don’t deserve comfort.

But you deserve this as much as anyone else does, as much as any small, vulnerable child does. If a small child were afraid, you wouldn’t tell her to suck it up and deal with it. You’d comfort her and hold her until her emotions ...

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Researchers have demonstrated that time really does seem to pass more quickly as we age. Have you experienced this phenomenon? Let me show you how to change your perception of the passage of time.

Of course, time doesn’t actually move faster as we age, but many of us perceive that it does and this perception can be a little distressing. If you’ve experienced this phenomenon, you’re not alone. Researchers Marc Whittmann and Sandra Lehnhoff surveyed 499 participants, ranging in age from 14 to 94, about the pace at which they felt time was moving (1). Participants over the age of 40 perceived that time passed relatively slowly in their childhood and accelerated as the grew older.

Why does this happen? We judge the passage of time by gauging the number of new memories formed during the time period. When the events we experience are novel, we encode more new memories than we do for routine events. Therefore, when we look back at periods where novel events occured, we perceive that time passed more slowly. In our younger years, we tend to experience a lot of novel events, a lot of firsts. As we age, our lives tend to become more routine, thus fewer new memories are formed, and time seems to pass more quickly (2).

So, if you want to slow down time, you can:

Strive to continually learn new things

Engage in more novel experiences

Practice mindfulness

Obviously, engaging in learning and novel experiences will cause you to form more memories, thus slowing down your perception of time. But, how does mindfulness practice slow time perception?

In much the same way that novelty causes more memories to be encoded, meditation involves improved attention, and this enhances memory formation (3, 4). Meditators also perceive a slowing of time in the present moment, because they focus on sensory experiences in the body (3).

So, there you have it, meditation not only helps you slow down and more fully experience life events in the present moment, it also helps reduce that feeling that life is rushing by too fast. Just one more thing in a long list of benefits.

Why don’t you join me now to practice slowing down

For a 12-minute guided meditation on the present moment, forward the podcast or the video above to 2:20

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