Justice-Centered Parenting

I'm back for part 3 with DEI consultant Steve Disselhorst. As a gay man who always dreamed of becoming a dad, Steve had the opportunity to redefine fatherhood and masculinity beyond hetero-normative scripts.

In this episode, Steve and I discuss:

• why co-liberation (h/t Tawana Petty) from patriarchy helps men, too
• the high costs patriarchy extracts from men
• why queer folks can experience freedom or heightened gender expectations
• what Steve has gained by not following the heterosexual script for fatherhood 
• Steve's experience of nearly losing his child
• Steve's path to becoming a man and parent who bucks the social script for men and emotions
• how making peace with his non-dominant identity as a gay man allowed Steve to pursue co-liberation in his dominant identities

Listen in and join the conversation.

I'm back for part 2 with DEI consultant Steve Disselhorst. As a gay man who always dreamed of becoming a dad, Steve had the opportunity, along with his husband, to re-imagine how their parenting partnership could look.

In this short episode, I ask Steve:

• What do you think of as your most important roles in your kids' lives right now? 
• Would your partner have the same or a different answer? 
• Does it make sense for parents in partnerships to specialize? Or should they generally see themselves as having the same role?

Listen in and join the conversation.

We want to build families where every individual can flourish. But despite our best intentions, it's challenging to share the domestic load equitably within our parenting partnerships. Patriarchal, hetero-normative gender roles can deeply impact our lives without our consent.

As a gay man who always dreamed of becoming a dad, Steve Disselhorst had the opportunity, along with his husband, to re-imagine how a family structure could look. In this 3-part series, I ask Steve to share some of his experiences and perspectives. In this episode, Steve and I discuss:

• how Steve and his husband have approached the intense domestic workload that comes with raising kids
• how hetero-normative work cultures push families into traditional gender roles 
• how the caregiver penalty at work hurts dads
• what to do when the primary caretaker knows things that other parent doesn't 
• how our upbringings shape the roles we take in our parenting partnerships 
• how to make invisible labor visible 
• what to do when one partner has more domestic skills, but you want to share the load 

Co-liberation is exactly what it sounds like:

A co-liberatory lens (h/t Tawana Petty) invites us to recognize how we are all harmed by the policies and cultural patterns that target people in marginalized bodies, so we can fight like hell to all get free.

The concept of co-liberation has powerful implications for all aspects of our lives, but nowhere is it more relevant than in the intensive work of raising kids. We want our kids' experiences to be humane, and we want our family lives to be humane and joyful for us, too.

In this foundational episode, I talk about:

• how and why every single oppressive system that is intended to elevate certain bodies over others also harms the intended beneficiaries
• how to interrupt hierarchies of human dignity
• where to uncover solutions that are humane for everyone in situations where resources (including rest!) are scarce
• what to do when scarcity is internalized
• what we can do when scarcity is actively reinforced by outside forces

Visit the shownotes to find Tawana Petty's original graphic, other helpful visuals, and a blog post version of these ideas.

Insights? Questions? Email me at [email protected]

How does your commitment to justice inform how you raise your kids? This was the question I asked DEI coach & consultant Erica Courdae this week. We also talked about:

• Erica's experience of being a Black parent and DEI consultant in 2020
• Why it's so critical to prioritize your own humanity over productivity
• Avoiding burnout in justice and care work
• The conversations Erica WISHES we were having more

Find out more about Erica and her work here or at the shownotes page for this episode.

We want our kids to honor their own and others' boundaries, but our culture doesn't exactly model this skill.

This week, I am joined by DEI coach & consultant and mother Erica Courdae to talk about what it means to "take up space"—at home and in the world in a way that also respects others' space.

We also discuss:

• How to avoid defaulting to harmful hierarchies
• The helpful kinds of hierarchies within families
• Navigating personal autonomy + the collective good
• How to use "the 5 whys" to make better decisions

Find out more about Erica and her work here or at the shownotes page for this episode.

Learn the three keys to cracking the code on kids' uncooperative or resistant behaviors— without having to rely on coercion or burning yourself out. Get more details or sign up for Autonomous Kids, Peaceful Families at justicecentered.com

Justice-centered parenting practices are humane for both adults AND kids. One-liners are an easy-to-remember statement we can use to respond to and redirect kids on a regular basis. The reduce decision fatigue for adults and create predictability for kids that helps them make cognitive connections. One-liners can become an inner voice that helps kids learn to problem-solve on their own.

I'm going to share some examples of one-liners that I find to be useful and respectful, and I'm going to talk some of the pitfalls: why they don't always work as hoped and how we can troubleshoot when they don't.

For shownotes, visit https://justicecentered.com/resources/one-liners

Sign up for my FREE WORKSHOP: Autonomous Kids, Peaceful Families

How can we help our kids develop peaceful relationships with their bodies and appearances in a hostile culture that overemphasizes conformity? How can we join in our children's joyful self-expression without perpetuating problematic beauty norms?

In this episode, Angela and I share some strategies for validating the feelings children bring to their self-expression. We also talk about what it means to DO beauty  vs. BE beautiful, and why the distinction matters for identity development. You'll leave with some scripts and considerations that will help you respond to your child next time they ask, "Am I beautiful?"

We want an equitable future where everyone can flourish. Beauty standards, though, have been used as a weapon against women, especially women with non-dominant identities.

In this episode, Angela shares more about the modern history of beauty standards in the US so we can resist the problematic ways they continue to impact in our lives and culture.