Today David Waldman serves up your KITM Friday Special, fresh out of our news fryolator.  Mike Johnson might not be the “unity candidate” most would have come up with, but considering his dogmatism, election denialism, misogynism, authoritarianism, provincialism, fanaticism and mass shooter boosterism, Mike maintains a comprehensive appreciation of Republicanism. Some of Mike’s best friends might not be Black, but his son, who was born less than 10 years after his wife, is.  Mike sends his hopes and prayers in the general direction of the well-regulated militia still at large somewhere in Maine. Washington DC vagrant George Santos might have somehow found the line he would have to cross to embarrass the Gop, but probably not. Marjorie Traitor Greene forced a vote on a measure censuring Rashida Tlaib but didn’t have to force Democrat Becca Balint to motion for her censure. Mo Brooks begged like a dog with tears in his eyes for a pardon for his insurrection. KITM Senior Haitian Correspondent, and President Emeritus of the KITM Fugees Fan Club, Darwin Darko can now be found on Blue Sky, and on today’s show reacting to the incredible trouble Pras Michel has found himself in, and the incredibly stupid way his previous lawyers attempted to get him out of trouble. Meanwhile, Democrats once again turn to Savior of the Senate Kyrsten Sinema in their battle to defeat Tommy Tuberville.

Kagro in the Morning - October 27, 2023

News, politics and commentary from Daily Kos Contributing Editor David Waldman

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On today’s KITM, David Waldman celebrates making it to the weekend on his last fraying vocal cord, while I celebrate publishing over 2,000 entries obviously not written by AI since 2015. It’s unanimous. The Supreme Court ruled on FDA v. Alliance For Hippocratic Medicine. 9-0 because it lacked standing, 3-6 that the lawsuit was absurd, dangerous, and should not have made it to SCOTUS level, and 6-3 looking forward to passing it next year. Oops! Clarence Thomas forgot to mention a few more private jet trips his old billionaire buddy Harlan Crow gave him. Don’t worry, Clarence will never reinburse, recuse, or regret anything. The House Gop had its “Take Your Poopy Bawling Baby To Work Day” yesterday, which many in the media call the most pleasant day in DC since early 2021. Some people just hold their petulant ugly brats to a different standard, I guess. And yet, maybe not every Republican is proud of their little felon. Felon Donald Trump shouldn't be allowed to hold a liquor license, but Donald explains that he only owns the various LLCs who own the company who owns the license… Donald Trump has now illegally owned a firearm for about a week longer than Hunter Biden did. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that eight congressional candidates were attempting to get on the Michigan primary ballot using fake signatures. KITM Senior Sports Correspondent Darwin Darko reports that male sports analysts somehow know less about women’s sports than they know about men’s. Meanwhile, the MLB, sponsored by online sports betting at stadiums and all media, will suspend players for a 20 buck bet, but finds the need to supply bodyguards to protect players from irate gamblers.

Kagro in the Morning - June 14, 2024

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin hauled in another Raft o’ Stories™ for us, but the big news surfaced while we were on the air. FDA v. Hippocratic Alliance was decided by SCOTUS to lack standing. It was mostly wingnut target practice, so expect more potshots later. Southern Baptists voted to oppose in vitro fertilization, but rejected a tighter ban on women pastors. They better pick up the pace on their traditional fertilizing, if they don’t want to go out like the Shakers. For now, they butter the Gop’s bread, so Republicans will say or do anything to oppose Democratic IVF protections. In their spare time, while not smoking vapes and Dems on the baseball field, Republicans got their lulz in by holding Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt. Dave Joyce was the only Gop not laughing. God is on Israel’s side, and also on the Gazans’, which is the reason that their war shall go on for all eternity. The only path to peace is to give God a little time off the field. In France, President Emmanuel Macron wants to give citizens one more chance to fix things. Rugged individualist Clarence Thomas’ “son” grew up to be as ruggedly individualistic as the old man, it’s just that he didn’t choose billionaires for his circle of friends. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor returns with the news that Michigan state House Speaker Lee Chatfield and his wife finally ran out of expense accounts and charity funds to drain, and are soon to have their room and board supplied to them by the state.

Kagro in the Morning - June 13, 2024

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin haul in the humongous hump day Raft O’ Stories™. Today is the second Wednesday that Donald Trump has been a convicted felon. It’s the first Wednesday for Hunter Biden, which is all exactly how Hunter and Joe rigged it, probably in league somehow with Steven KG Bannon. Another Wednesday means more primary news! Thirstiest member of Congress, Nancy Mace lives to be thirsty again. Sherrod Brown holds the blue in reddening Ohio, where Democrats still lose, but they lose well. Ohio, not taking any chances, purged 150 thousand voters. Overall, President Joe Biden leads in the fundamentals, which is almost as good as leading in the polls. Most Americans won’t vote for anyone who supports banning abortion, IVF, or contraception, unless they are lied to, or lie to themselves prior to voting. Let’s hope that double haters don’t hate both sides equally. If only Joe can communicate the reality of the economy to people not that into reality. Perhaps a draft will snap those voters out of their slumber. Has Sam Alito told you today that you can kiss his ass? Or does Martha-Ann need to embroider that on a flag for you?

Kagro in the Morning - June 12, 2024

Some unexpected international headline news today: Dr. Saulos Chilima, the Vice President of Malawi died in a plane crash. Closer to home, Congress was returning for another routine work week… if you can call the WIPPES Act mere routine! But I’ll tell you what is becoming routine. And that’s Nancy Mace becoming an unmanageable boor. Donald Trump, of course, is already an unmanageable boor, and a bore. So he decided to liven things up with a truly moronic diatribe about… electric boats, maybe? And sharks. And how you would definitely die in an electric boat, because science tells you that boats will sink if you put heavy things on them, like batteries. Speaking of Trump, Merrick Garland has had enough of the nonsense about the Department of Justice, and so he has written down that it should stop. Thank you. As we all know, conservatives have been going hog wild with their judge shopping. Of course, that option is (sort of) available to more liberal legal activists, too. That is, unless conservatives don’t want it to be. Lordy, there are Alito tapes. Both Alitos. These f-in’ guys! Joan McCarter remains on point: someone oughta do something about this! And they might, if they weren’t so busy with the WIPPES Act. But that something would probably be the fruitless pursuit of… the guy who just wrote that Republicans should cut ths $#*t.

Kagro in the Morning - June 11, 2024

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin had little to no health concerns today, and not many pressing commitments at this time, so they decided to throw us a pleasant little KITM: TFFG is forever a convicted felon, yet not quite sentenced. Today’s perfect meeting with a probation officer will help to determine that sentence. So far Donald has art of the dealt himself out of a urine test. Oh the wonders they’ll find in Steven KG Bannon’s cup. It’s the 80th anniversary of D-Day and we are still waging war against Nazis worldwide. Marine Le Pen surprised Emmanuel Macron, so he surprised France by calling for parliamentary elections, which might not be that big of a surprise. In Israel, Benny Gantz resigns, so Bibi Netanyahu only has his right wingnuts left to save him. On the other hand, in Hungary, Viktor Orbán is in retreat, and actual bombs have been proven effective in holding off the Russians in Kharkiv. In the US, our fascists hate hearing President Joe Biden dissing overseas fascism. Trump voters love what Biden has done, if they can say Trump did it, and hate what Trump did, if they can say Biden did it. Donald is just punk that way… Also like Jesus… Jesus Punk Superstar seems to be speaking in tongues more often on his sermons at various mounts.  Samuel Alito is aghast at those who doubt his morality, when it is he alone who has morals. Sure, Clarence Thomas took a few or several million dollars... but it was only because he needed those millions of dollars… but now that you caught him, he will return he will tell you when he takes the next millions of dollars. Happy now? You aren’t? Well then, take it up with the boss, John Roberts. His door is always open. In polling news, at least 50% of Nates are complete morons. Outside of Nate-morons, Joe Biden is looking kind of good in the polls. Latino voters will vote third party, once they find a third party candidate who encapsulates their viewpoint and has the personality that they are looking for. In South Carolina, a January 6 insurrectionist regrets all that and is running for office. In Georgia, a January 6 insurrectionist regrets running for office and is running for his truck.

Kagro in the Morning - October 27, 2023

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