David Waldman is back for the thirteenth most progressively stupid day this year. Just wait until you see tomorrow!

PERFIIIIIDY!!! Pete Hagueseth is making certain that he checks off every possible war crime in his first year on the job. Disguising war planes as civilian planes is ill-advised unless you want all of your civilian planes treated like war planes. Not feeding his own soldiers at Fort Greely is a nice touch.

The Left was right about Trump. They always were, everyone knew, but it's fun and profitable to pretend otherwise. What are we going to do about it, impeach him again? South Korea has a better idea.

Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, is turning out to be not she-wolf enough for Flatulent Führer Donald K. Trump, although her Civil Rights Division finally get that they aren't really in that business anymore.

Jeanine Pirro doesn't want to be left out of the stupid, so she freelanced the subpoenas and criminal investigation of Jerome Powell. That is, she's "just asking questions", like they always did on Fox.

Ex NYC Mayor Eric Adams introduced a memecoin which some think is a rug pull, which makes sense, because that is why people introduce memecoins.

ICE continues to maraud. Protect yourself. Protect others. Expect lies. Expect it to get worse.

Scott Adams, now certified horse parasite free.

David Waldman cheerfully returns with another KITM, even after Amy Poehler stole his award.

Greg Dworkin reports on some polling that he found on a porn site. That's the good news. The rest of it, and there is a lot of it, is pretty bad. The good news would be if all this bad news will lead to a turning point. We got to bottom out sometime!

ICE'S enough to make anybody cuss, and it is probably time to think of worse curse words to describe what's going on. Everybody is trying to figure how to handle ICE, but their whole point letting everyone know they can't be handled. Might means right is their message, even when they play the victim. That is how they can make this woman into a trained assassin. In fact, that is how they make any woman into both an existential threat and an easy target.

Hey-Oh, we won't be silent while our friends are gunned down.

Gaseous dotard Donald K. Trump somehow rules America with fear and is tearing apart the world. He's an easily duped moron who would be happy to destroy the world tomorrow if he knew humankind's final moments would be spent envying him. Today's target, as suggested by Machiavellian cretin Bill Pulte, is Federal Reserve Chair Jerome H. Powell. Tomorrow's target is the CEO of ExxonMobil. Governor Jared Polis of Colorado is cowed. The Washington National Opera is not. Former Representative Mary Peltola is bringing the good fight to the Alaska Senate race.

RIP Bob Weir, the late great Grateful Dead founding member.

David Waldman added a second stick of butter to his breakfast whiskey sour this morning yet still felt a little under the weather. At least it's Friday!

The shooting spree continues following the Renee Good murder with a husband and wife shot in their car in Portland. The White House has no slurs prepared for them at this time, since everyone is still working on the Good case. Efforts to gaslight have been hampered somewhat by all the witness video, but after Jan 6 they're becoming old hands at this. Donald K. Trump is pretty certain Joe Biden is behind all this, but probably also AI. Kristi Noem doxxed her perp agent, Jonathan Ross. Ross could've been screened for PTSD, anger issues, etc. before being put out on the streets, but if they did that, who would be left on the force? Constitutional sheriffs would be against this if they weren't so for this.

So. WTF is wrong with Trump? Is he ProtoNeoKing? Or does Tiny Hands have a männerbund of Littlefingers pulling his degenerate strings? According to Trump, only his morality keeps him nuking the world… and who would he have to read his posts? Thus, he restrains himself to annexing Greenland and public golf courses.

Tulsi Gabbard was just hired to sit there and look pretty, as was, of course, Lindsey Halligan, Kristi Noem, Pam Bondi, and Pete Hegseth. John A. Sarcone III is no looker but is still worthless.

Various people under the impression that a government still exists voted to extend Obamacare subsidies for 3 years but were unable to override vetoes of 2 bills that had passed unanimously. Some in the Senate fail to understand that this is Trump's neo-monarchy.

David Waldman presents today's KITM, sadly under the cloud of yet another mass shooting as part of the ICE shooting spree across the United States. Five people are dead so far, and the killers are still on the loose. There might not be many suspects however, because there really aren't that many ICE. Nonetheless, good luck catching any as they move from town to town.

One day after the fifth anniversary of Jan 6, MAGA are reminding everyone of their respect for and compliance with law enforcement. With ICE it also helps to avoid frustrating, angering, or interacting with them in any way, and never, ever interfere with their influencing side-hustle.

Minnesota psychosexual racism hustler Nick Shirley is surely saddened that his hustle might come to end because of one little homicide. Help is on the way to Nick in the form of many future homicides in the near future.

The Trump administration are never the ones to let facts get in the way of a good time. Renee Nicole Good might have been a widow returning from dropping her child off at daycare, but we are now reminded that she was no angel. Kristi Noem says Renee was a trained assassin. Donald K. Trump can't believe that his ICE agent escaped her with his life seeing how profusely he was bleeding from his ear and all…

The FBI is blocking Minnesota investigators from the case. Schools close across Minneapolis... Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oh, you know what else David talked about today? Our arbitrary and capricious president might be an unreasoning dotard, but others might be playing 4D chess with Donald, not as a pawn, but as a proto-neo-king. With clankers doing all our thinking soon, it won't be what you know but what neo-royalty you have become aligned with. Goodbye international law and cooperation, welcome back trillionaire God-kings.

David Waldman has two hours to tackle the previous 24 hours of news. Can he do it?

Greg Dworkin reports that the administration's mask is slipping, amidst things that are going sideways. Reality remains far from a bipartisan concern, in fact it is officially rejected for Jan 6. CBS devoted an entire segment to Marco Rubio.

To say that Donald K. Trump's attack on Venezuela is illegal and unwise would be an understatement considering that the administration's defense has been a series of manly grunts. This is yet insufficient to impress the Manosphere. Only a third support the US attacks, when back in the day people used to get behind that stuff. Polymarket isn't honoring bets on the carnage, so where's the fun in that? Democrats aren't supporting it, and Chuck Schumer is becoming harshly critical. Oil executives… Oil executives! ...might not be enthusiastic. The only ones that seem excited about this are Venezuela's resident thugs now free of Maduro's previous despotic restraint. Putin was probably happy, as this is all a part of the plan, although that plan might have included allowing his tankers to slip through the "blockade" there. Vlad might be getting tired of having his tankers impeded, though.

Republicans are beginning to bow out of manifesting Trump's destiny in Greenland.

RFK Jr. is overhauling the US childhood vaccine schedule to resemble Denmark's, but not its healthcare, of course. Those in line for meningococcal meningitis should have their wait times cut significantly.

In political news, Kansas will skip redrawing its congressional map, for now. Indiana congressman Jim Baird and his wife were hospitalized after a car crash, while California Gop. Doug LaMalfa remains dead, meaning that the vote is up for grabs. No worries about Dems suddenly leading us into a glorious technocracy though. In our clanker future it won't be what you know, but only who you know, or are related to, that will keep you out of serfdom.

David Waldman delivers another dispatch from and for the reality-based community. 2026 and still no video on this cast, because we know what you would do with it.

Speaking of reality-based, we are back around to another anniversary of January 6. Keep it in mind, tightly, because they will always try to take that memory away.

It was only a matter of time before Stephen Miller expanded his master race weltanschauung to other countries. The US may take whatever it wants because it can take whatever it wants, and no country can stop us! Not historically a well-received move, but it might work for us!

The "Donald K. Trump coup d'état-of-the-week plan" isn't exactly "regime change". The intent isn't to create puppet governments, but zombie governments that can be pointed in the right direction with a torch every once in a while. Trump is doing this for two reasons. One, because he can. Two, because you can't stop him. Illegality is the point for Trump and MAGA. Megyn Kelly used to be all for that sort of thing, but now she has 16- and 14-year-old boys… well, you know the story.

And then there is money. A zombie state would be great to experiment on, implant an economy, see how it goes. Betting markets can wager on how long it will survive. If the zombie survives, you have a slave, if not, you feed it to the other zombies.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin don't need a hastily prepared PVC pipe and black draped tent to deliver the action KITM listeners crave.

Today's apocalyptic earth-shattering black-swan event is the abduction of the President of Venezuela, Nicolás Maduro. Nobody is really certain why we did it. Maybe Maduro is involved with Jeffrey Epstein, or the Nobel Prize committee? Maybe he just wanted to piss off Marjorie Taylor Green one last time? Maybe war with Venezuela was a campaign promise? Did a tariff payment check bounce? You know, Maduro was asking for it… a lot of people are asking for it...

One thing is certain. It sure is fun to watch stuff blow up. Trump wanted Zero Dark Thirty and Delta Force delivered. Delivered clicks, that is, and what's more important than that? Everybody's wondering, "Where does this franchise go from here?" The possibilities are endless, but time is of the essence, as cheap overseas knockoffs are already in the works.

Now, you are probably asking yourself, "Hey, remember Venezuela? What's happening with those guys?" Well, that's yesterday's news. Somebody down there surely has a handle on it. Marco or Stephen will check in later this week to look in on them or something. Right now, it's doing everything Trump needs it to. If not, someone should expect to see a nasty email or drone arrive soon with their name on it. Of course, all of this is perfectly legal. In fact, it is illegal to say that it is illegal, that's how legal it is.

Meanwhile, let's pretend that we still have a democracy. Tim Walz is taking time off from being an assassination target to spend more time with his family, opening the door for Amy Klobuchar to run for Governor. Amy has been preparing for this moment. California also still exists, and Matt Ortega is running for election to the U.S. House to represent California's 14th Congressional District.

My mind was rarin' to go again today, but the rest of me wasn't having it. The smart thing to do was to use the Black Hole Week down time to answer a question the last couple of re-runs might have put you in mind of: What the hell did KITM sound like on January 7, 2026?

Well, now you'll know! And if you'd like a preview, here's Scott Anderson's summary of that fateful day… after the actual fateful day.

David Waldman, broadcasting from the center of our vast KITM World Headquarters, phones Greg Dworkin down in the laundry room, to discuss all that happened yesterday:

Did you read my summary yesterday? No? Well, I don't blame you. Yesterday was pretty crazy. Yesterday, I was certain Trumpers would be no challenge to Capitol police. The day before, I thought even the idea of an assault on the House chamber to be an outlandish joke. Imagine my surprise to find attitudes change so quickly.

Otherwise, it wasn't much of a surprise. The forces of white entitlement, white supremacy and white lunacy amassed in DC, and statehouses across the country. Some of the assembled mob believed they were literally going to war. A few of them might have been surprised on all what that entails, but plenty sure as hell knew what they were doing. The rioters might have looked like jokes but they weren't joking, and everyone knew it. Rudy Giuliani tried to subvert the will of the people, but called the wrong Senator.

Violent insurrection is what Donald Trump wanted. He already goaded a mob to seize the capitol in Lansing, Michigan, and he used social media to attempt a coup. He and the gang are being deplatformed 5 years too late, and it's not nearly enough anymore. William Barr, Mick Mulvaney, along with several others of the Trump administration, many Republicans, and all the other presidents can tell you it is not enough anymore. Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee have called on Mike Pence to invoke the 25th Amendment. Of course, it was only yesterday that Mike got his big boy pants pulled up, so that might be a big ask.

Speaking of Mike, Politico's "Congress Reporter", Kyle Cheney misspoke about a discovery that he misconstrued as Pence manipulation of the electoral count, when in fact it is a parliamentarian hero story.

Time to give the voice a rest, using the convenient excuse of the holiday!

That's right! It's Arbitrary Metric Day, the annual festival celebrated by making dad jokes about writing the wrong dates on things called "checks," whatever they might be.

To mark the occasion and keep some number of you company today, we continue on our Christmas re-run timeline, presenting our January 1, 2021 episode.

Back then, it was a brand-new, pre-recorded show, for a brand new year! Scott Anderson had the day off, so it fell to me to summarize the day's show. And boy, did I ever not want to do that!

The only logical thing to do was to half-ass it, and I am nothing if not logical.

The Senate advanced their work in overriding the NDAA veto yesterday, and everyone's a little bit puzzled as to how it's going down, and what it means for the prospect (if there ever was any) for $2,000 relief checks before this Congress dissolves. In the meantime, maybe just ask Moscow Mitch directly.

In coronavirus news, a nurse who got his first dose of vaccine has caught the 'rona in-between jabs. But don't worry! That actually doesn't mean much. Masking appears to have helped India tamp down on the virus' spread, though there's some debate over how widespread the practice really is. Meanwhile, Russia appears to be 'fessing-up to its real losses. Here in the US, we may not be systematically underreporting losses, but we're not covering them as aggressively as we could be. More dopey Republicans have walked straight into the COVID buzzsaw.

Good news! Trump is finally taking "action" about those bounties on our troops! The bad news is, he's only targeting China for it.

Republican nutcases are still plotting to put on a futile display of upending our democracy. But some of the key Republican players on Jan. 6 probably aren't on board. Arizona's own Republican nutcases might have really stepped in it.

As a parting New Year's present, here's a plausible theory for invalidating some of Trump's impeachment-connected pardons.

David Waldman wrings out the old year with Greg Dworkin on today's KITM.

Chuck Schumer will be delivering the most harshly worded letter to 2025 today but vows to take the fight to 2026 and to persevere to the very moment that he doesn't.

Donald K. Trump, who lost his right hand in a botched gender-affirming surgery late in 2024, might have to disclose this and other medical and psychological records in future lawsuits.

It is said that the worst Cabinet Secretary is the one that kills the most civilians. This is a heavily competitive category, but under that criterion, RFK Jr. takes the lead and looks to hold that lead for the rest of our much-shortened lives. Trump environmental policies will make certain that any survivors, world-wide, will spend their short lives in increasing misery.

Can you imagine the reputational and financial damage an artist could incur by performing at a Trump-branded venue? At least the Kennedy Center changed its board rules to save some members the permanent humiliation of being associated with the name change. Hours after the death of JFK's granddaughter Tatiana Schlossberg, Trump insulted the Kennedy family for not actually owning the building with their name on it.

Sans serif type can help millions of people with poor vision and disabilities. Trump and Rubio say 𝐅 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬. Trump also says drop dead to Colorado communities in search of clean water. This inspired Lauren Bobert to go MTG on him. In other retribution, Trump froze all childcare funding for Minnesota to foment gutter racism, but Minnesotan gutter racists were way ahead of him.