Ta-ta-ta-da! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin serve up a tasty KITM that you'll prefer to the high-price spread!

People are still talking about Trump's boring lying in the SOTU. The bits tying the lies together got some attention, but they weren't the point and weren't why anyone was tuning in or tuning out. Trump voters are so embarrassed, that they are pretending not to be Trump voters. Many are getting sick of pretending that they are winning. Many importers are tired of pretending tariffs worked. At least Mike Johnson only needs to pretend for a few more months.

Hey, Cubans are now killing Caribbean boaters! Is that even legal?

Whoa! Gops don't know what's going on in Texas, neither do Dems. When in doubt, throw money at it. Things are much more clear in the New York Governor race, and out in Pennsylvania.

ICE remain the manifestation of MAGA weenie ethos.

The SAVE act is dying, and the talking filibuster won't save it.

Howard Lutnick is Trump's favorite dealmaker, so it probably doesn't matter if he can make deals.

Jeffrey Epstein remains a concern as more villains are exposed, and more villains try not to be exposed. MAGA are reaching down and finding cognitive dissonance they didn't know they had.

Kansas demands that trans residents behave how they want them to, until they do, then they'll demand that they act a different way.

The FBI raided Los Angeles Unified School District Supt. Alberto Carvalho's home and office in relation to an AI chatbot company, which is the new hot place to do felony scams.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin brave frigid temperatures with a combination of comfy slippers and raw determination to bring us this latest special KITM:

About the only thing worse than a Trump State of the Union speech is having to take it seriously the next day. Stupid, boring, lying Donald K. Trump said stupid, boring, lies for a couple of hours. Today, Dems have to pretend that there is something interesting about that. There wasn't anything to interest voters. There wasn't much to interest Republicans, as even racism and fearmongering can only go so far. There is a reason why Trump rallies empty out after a half hour, but most needlessly felt some obligation to stick around, if they couldn't manage to earn an ejection.

Another reason Trump's State of the Union sucked is because Trump's state of the union sucks. This might matter to midterm voters, one would hope. Special elections sure portend well.

The DOJ tried to take Trump out of the Trump-Epstein files and of course managed to get even more attention. Contempt sanctions go against the DOJ today for moving a man out of Minnesota against an order, not releasing him under the timeline ordered, and not returning him to Minnesota.

Beta Pete Hegseth wants to be humiliated by alpha Mark Kelly again. Does Pete even lift, bro? Beta Kash Patel finally got to discover what testosterone looks like in the Olympic locker room. Trump was allowed to sniff their medal too. Allowing Kash, Donald, and Pete's fantasies to play out is the highest priority use of military equipment at the moment.

Attorney General Brian Schwalb said that Congress didn't actually repeal the D.C. tax bill. Congress and paperwork, man!

David Waldman will continue his boycott of State of the Union speeches and snow until Greg Dworkin is returned to us safely.

There will be a SOTU tonight, maybe. No one will be watching, so it's hard to be certain. Abigail Spanberger says she is, but who could blame her if she zoned out for most of it. More people than ever don't want to hear what Donald K. Trump has to say. Even Trump's imaginary supporters are fading away. Proud racists are getting more difficult to find.

The US Men's Hockey Team will be there, but that's because they are being made to. The Women's Team was let off the hook. The men will be honored with Trump AI highlight clips and individual SOTU lap dances from Kash Patel.

Trump has a few hours to fill, so tariffs might come up, all of it unpleasant, and absolutely nothing about anyone getting a refund. What else is he going to talk about? Greenland? Cannibals? He could declare a war or two. Maybe a pardon or two.

Trump probably won't talk much about Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell and art school girls, DOJ and FBI coverups, but correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has a lot to report!

Jared's dad, Charles Kushner, is ignoring French summons and would like to stay on the down-low, so expect Trump to flub that.

David Waldman goes it alone as Nor'easter bomb cycloned Greg Dworkin is up to his Connecticut mukluks in a local weather situation.

Following Friday's Supreme Court tariffs decision, Donald K. Trump tariffed everyone 10% for laughing at him, then raised it to 15% to prove he's serious. He'll keep doing it too, until everyone understands who's in charge and quits plotting against him… It's those people who "support him" who are really out to get him… do they think he's a fool? Punish those who made deals, reward those he punished! Call him insane, will they? Send a hospital ship to Greenland!

Trump imposters fail to keep up with Trump's rapidly deteriorating diction and syntax. Chuck Schumer pretends to grill burgers MAHA-style.

Another disillusioned MAGA bites the dust.

Just The News isn't just the news, and even Trump knows it.

How does Lindsey Halligan not do it? No one will ever replace her.

Instead of raising bail, the rich raise pardon money.

Kash Patel trashed his reputation and that of the FBI because he is as big a fan of Olympic hockey as he is his girlfriend's singing career.

Friday is always a great opportunity to uncover the sordid details of stories dumb enough to be the Crime of the Century, but just end up buried under the pile of Crimes of the Millennium.

Today starts with a perfect and crystalline example of Trump's criminal genius, a way to monetize vanity itself!

So it turns out that DOGE was every bit as dumb as we thought it was. It's all here, but it comes down to this: they asked ChatGPT to make a list of "woke DNI" stuff they could eliminate, and then they just did it. Apparently forging the signatures they needed along the way. (Again!)

So, yes, that British fellow, Andrew, was in fact arrested for some crime that was not specifically related to his being a giant pervert. But in the Al Capone tradition: 1) that may be ok, at least for now, and; 2) it's really all the same crime, anyway.

This just in: SCOTUS rules against Trump in a case he intends to ignore or otherwise work around! This time, it's the tariffs, at long last! Can we depend on them to rule against him on Virginia's redistricting? Because we may have to!

Here's a scary thought to carry into your weekend: 96% of the world's nuclear weapons are now in the hands of authoritarian rulers! Among the world's nuclear powers, only Britain and France remain genuinely liberal democracies.

Will you be able to read about that on the Internet? That's less likely now than ever. (At least during the time in which there's been an Internet.)

David Waldman counts down to the weekend, when we can all kick back, relax, and be incinerated in man-made hellfire…. but don't forget Friday's show!

The law must take its course, as even His Majesty the King will tell you, no one is above the law, not even his very own brother, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. If only we had the moral rectitude of our forbearers, yet we invent new unaccountable elites every day. Still, around the world executives resign from companies as if they were ungrateful that Jeff made them who they are today.

We could've handled it like Great Briton. We could've handled it like South Korea. We could've handled it like Brazil.

Greg Dworkin culls the shiniest kernels out of his Ex-Twitter turd to share today. Democrats are job creators. House members get out while the getting's good. James Talarico is hot, hot, hot! Gop Texans self-immolate.

Kristi Noem diverted a Coast Guard aircraft from an active search and rescue mission in order to transport detained migrants rather than share her double bidet. Stephen Miller, however, shows no inclination in retiring to spend more time in Hell. A Federal judge has finally found a DOJ lawyer in contempt. Judges have rebuked Trump's mass detention of immigrants thousands of times, encouraging him to do worse, faster.

Keep alert to any stormtrooper activity at all times. Donald K. Trump sure can destroy a lot of real lives with powers that are mostly in your imagination.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin cut through the confusion and clamp down on the chaos for a tidbit of today.

Hey, do you know who the guest was on The Late Show with Steven Colbert? Sure, you do, yet you can't say that very often, can you? That's because that guest, James Talarico, Democratic candidate for Senate, was given a huge promotional lift by Brendan Carr, Donald K. Trump, and a panicked herd of frightened lawyers, who say that they didn't want to make Jasmine Crockett mad. Jasmine Crockett isn't mad. This Blue Wave is raising all Dem boats.

Just talk about the SAVE act is encouraging voter suppression, and spurring plans for new voter suppression. Don't let it get to you but do pay attention. Our generics beat their generics. Zohran Mamdani is the most popular Democrat.

Donald's pal Jeffrey Epstein led a global criminal enterprise, creating crimes against humanity. Kristi Noem scuttles the Coast Guard. We kill boaters while cocaine booms, while the guy responsible for shipping 400 tons to the US gets all expenses paid vacation to the Waldorf Astoria. Federal Judges can hardly believe the administration's lawlessness, as they have ruled over 4400 times that ICE detentions were illegal. Trump is getting sick of all of the winning… must be why he hasn't been golfing lately. Hope nothing's wrong with the old boy.

David Waldman is back! And, it's Tuesday!

RIP Jesse Jackson. RIP Robert Duvall!

CBS let Steven Colbert interview James Talarico, they just don't don't want you to see the interview ​​.

ICE is big business. The Feds paid $128.5 million for new ICE facility to pack in 10,000 detainees, that only 2 years ago sold for $90 million less. Then there's the Noem-Lewandowski Flying Love Palace with his and her's bidets and a wet bar, which could transport deportees in a pinch, honest! Yes, it is a new golden age for ICE, with the exception of the detainees and the employees.

Epstein connections are about as horrible as Trump connections. At least in terms of losing your job in Europe.

Here in the Good Ol' US of A, being a Trump-connected crackpot means you're currently having the time of your life proclaiming America a communist hellhole.

Greg Dworkin delivers today's Weekend Chaos Roundup.™ Now with 50% more Jeffrey Epstein! Although both Pam Bondi and Peter Navarro insisted $50,000 worth of DJIA was the bigger story. Oh, by the way, why fifty-thousand dollars?

Trump spent the weekend decomposing, inexplicably playing the slug to Liz Truss' lettuce. Here in America, it was just a big weekend for slugs of all kinds.

As always, it's time to check in with the pollsters and pundits, through the eyes of an academic, just to see how each of them are getting it wrong. But while we're on the subject, we might as well note that America's notorious White People are starting to get things right.

Jim Acosta is back, and he's noticed that voters are pissed off (possibly about paywalls), and he thinks it's their year. So much so, that it might not be just politicians paying the price. Voters may have their eye on exacting a pound or two of flesh from Corporate America, too (as Josh Marshall suggests they really must). But first, they'll either have to prod the Senate to reject, or find some other way around the latest Gop scheme for rigging who can vote, if not the vote itself.

A new contender for Craziest F-ing Thing Ever has emerged: Trump is pretty sure that the My Pillow Guy has found the Indiana Jones/Benjamin Franklin Gates of the U.S. Constimatooshin. He's a retired hotel manager from Hallendale Beach, who spent six whole days in the Fort Lauderdale library, uncovering the secret, invisible message left for him by The Framers in a microfilm copy of our founding document. And unbelievably, it says Your Favorite President can do whatever he wants!

David Waldman delivers a lovely Friday the 13th KITM Valentine. May everyone you know receive exactly what they deserve.

Speaking of romance, Kristi Noem fired a Coast Guard pilot for coming between her (and probably Corey Lewandowski's) favorite blanket. Corey's security blanket would be a badge and a gun, if he had them. The heated rivalry between Kristi and her non-botoxed twin, Tom Homan continues to rage behind the scenes.

Who would think that Jared Kushner would be implicated in a national security scandal with Tulsi Gabbard and foreign nationals? Yeah, well, everybody.

When John A. Sarcone III was caught unlawfully impersonating a US Attorney, the Northern District of New York appointed the most qualified attorney for the position, Donald Kinsella. That is just about the opposite of what the Trump administration wanted, and they fired Kinsella in under 4 hours, preferring to have no one at any wheel.

ICE says that they are leaving Minneapolis, to places where they are wanted, who will soon learn to not want them. Meanwhile, most U.S. Attorneys and their staffs are bugging out of Minnesota, shutting down the vindictive prosecutions on their way out. The healing will take years, however, as the sickness continues to spread.

The SAVE tool creates confusion and chaos, as it was designed.

Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, will soon present Donald K. Trump with 10 billion dollars, but for now spends her time freeing accused drug dealers.

Budget director Russell Vought found some money nobody needed anymore and put it into an entourage. Jeanine Pirro will be suing someone for $250,000 after a large wooden block leapt into the path of her staggering.