History was made this weekend, and David Waldman WAS THERE! He might have also been at the third No Kings protest... hard to tell as there were a lot of people at them.

Greg Dworkin monitored those, and many other situations over the weekend. Trump's Iran War is going well, for the doomsday bunker industry, missile R&D facilities, military aircraft body shops, and boot manufacturers. Most everyone else, however, not so much. Donald K. Trump promises to strongly win the war again and change the regimes several more times until Iran finally agrees to lose the war.

Iran is set to release more reality TV episodes of its popular Kash Patel Show.

Vlad Putin doesn't mind Trump in Iran but had Donald step aside in Cuba. Eh, Trump didn't really mean all that Cuba regime change nonsense anyhow. He'd rather negotiate Sharpie prices to $5 with big strong men with tears in their eyes. Those pens will come in handy when the new dollar bills come out.

Sure, the White House Ballroom is an ill thought out, poorly designed disaster, Trump is in charge of it. The important part is the super-secret facility beneath the $400 million facade of a ballroom.

How predictive are special elections? What if we take into consideration Democrats' generic ballot underperformance, and the GOP's midterm convention? What if we take into consideration this reality?

The Russian accused of being the mastermind behind the Magnitsky Case (a mind-bogging, multi-million-dollar tax-and-fraud case that led to the death of Sergei Magnitsky in a Moscow prison, and a sweeping US sanction law) will be on trial in Paris this week (in absentia).

The DHS shutdown has been a month and a half, so now Trump has decided that it's an emergency and will pay TSA workers. That, like absolutely everything Trump does, is illegal only if anyone cares to make it so. How many ICE detainees died recently? I don't know, I don't follow sports.

David Waldman drops us into the Weekend Chaos Chute™ before heading out and burning his socks, or whatever he plans to do.

Donald K. Trump finally got around to paying TSA agents, around the same time the Senate agreed to fund TSA and most of DHS, but not ICE, and to blow town for Easter. The Freedom Caucus wants privatization and de-unionization more than Peeps and will cling to their shutdown. None of this will slow the ICE fraud juggernaut.

Trump's Iran heist is not going as well. The US ROI has been lower than expected, with investment costs being subsidized by outside sources.

Trump is introducing Trump Bucks, which will be worth two for every 2027-dollar people will trade to get them out of their wallets.

Pete Hicseth personally removed two black and two female officers from being promoted to generals. This reduces the chance that Trump will have to stand next to one.

Greg Bovino won't end up kicking back in that private office he hoped for.

In Wisconsin, a guy proves that voter fraud is easy, and that going to jail for it is even easier. If Colorado governor Jared Polis caves and releases Tina Peters, his own party will probably impeach him.

Bill Pulte tries again to have Letitia James arrested for something. Elon Musk's lawsuit against advertisers who refuse to advertise with him has been dismissed... Let that sink in!

Meanwhile, Trump and the DOJ feed $1.2 million back into the corruption cycle, specifically to Michael (a spy) Flynn

Get out to the No Kings protests this weekend! There's one near you! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You will make new friends! You will go home singing the tunes!

Feeling Thor today? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin apply the balm of their KITM wit and wisdom.

Every morning, Donald K. Trump is shown a two-minute video of Iranian things blowing up, which could explain why Trump believes that the US has totally won, or that Iran is totally obliterated each day… or he could just be pulling it out his ass. Is Trump an idiot? Crazy? Full of crap? Gops sane-wash Trump by saying whatever Trump says is true because he says it. Dems insane-wash Trump by feeling there must be some kernel of truth buried in all that gibberish. Why can't we just place Trump on a curve with "deranged" on one end and "lying" on the other and simply skip the third axis? Have you ever heard the story of the paper clip? Well, actually, the paper clip was invented 134 years ago, not 182 as Trump… Now I'm doing it! To be on the safe side, Mike Johnson arranged for Trump to be given periodic trophies.

Pete Hicseth is a true believer, unfortunately for him, his boss never was.

It looks like DC will need to Uber their Easter Bunny in this year as the Department of Homeland Security shutdown talks go nowhere. Sending ICE to airports isn't working for anything other than to provide their mugshots for databases, too bad the 82nd Airborne is busy.

The Republican collapse has begun — and Trump is leading it. Trump's disapproval numbers are high, like no one has seen before. His approval numbers on the other hand are dying, like a dog. Among white non-college men, Trump is not so high value anymore. Here comes another election, in Maine, and it's looking good for the oyster farmer.

Republicans take Democrats violating ethic rules almost as bad as Democrats do. Republicans hate Democratic gerrymandering as almost as much as they hate their own… nah, they don't mind theirs at all.

David Waldman holds it all together all by himself today. Greg Dworkin remains on assignment interviewing at local Kharg area diners but he's due to come back tomorrow!

Donald K. Trump learned some great news on his war with Iran: they have a present for him! Donald hasn't got around to unwrapping it yet, but it could be the greatest gift of all: They've agreed to take JD Vance. The only thing that Iran won't be giving us is anything we are demanding. Thus, the Bibi-MBS Iran World War rages on. It can't be "boots on the ground" if they're the 82nd Airborne, can it? Alan Dershowitz wishes it was Hitler over there.

Emily Gregory won a special state House election in Mar-a-Lago's backyard against the guy who had Trump's complete and total endorsement. So, Trump will blame mail-in voting.

RFK Jr. snipped off the penis of a road-killed raccoon as everyone knows that's the prime cut.

Where's ICE today? Oh yeah, wandering around airports prepping for boxcar loading duties. No more freebies at Delta for Congress until they get this straightened out. Trump tells blue states to go f*ck themselves after natural disasters, three times over.

The New York Times is legally filing against Pete Hegseth's unconstitutional trolling of them.

Meta violated children's safety thousands of times. Musk defrauded who knows how many out of billions of dollars.

Pete Hicseth blew up hundreds of fishermen. Now he's taking out dairy farmers.

Nick Adams will save the US tourist industry with a Hooters at every national park

Jamie Raskin believes Trump is a treasonous idiot and has proof.

David Waldman goes wild (at David Waldman levels) on today's Spring Break KITM!

The Trump-Iran war continues. We are losing, but so is everyone else, which has always been Donald K. Trump's idea of "winning". Thousands have died. Millions might die. That's just the Art of the Deal. Donald will soon be sick of winning and will move on, once he squeezes what he can out of this.

As always, every TACO feels so much better than the victories. Oil dropped 8% on Trump's recent retreat. In fact, stocks and oil futures shot up… about 15 minutes before his announcement... Hey, wait a minute! You don't suppose… that maybe… someone… Yep, they probably did.

Payola is a steal these days as souls sell at bargain basement prices after Trump gluts the market.

There's no mattress buying after President's Day, so why should there be voting outside of Voting Day? I mean, Sam Alito needs to worry about his fan base, you know. Trump will continue to use mail-in cheating, because it is impossible for a president to cheat, as Donald has mentioned repeatedly to all three of his wives. And, like his wives, if Trump were ever to change his mind, he can always go back and correct it.

How does Alina Habba not do it? Previously irreplaceable Habba has been replaced.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin share their latest Raft O' Stories in a valiant effort to calm us TF down.

World War Trump rages on… and TACOs… and rages and TACOs… You can pretty much set your watch by it. Donald K. Trump steadfastly maintains his principle of "What's in it for Trump?" but has yet to realize that retreat is his only path forward. Gerald R Ford heads for the exit.

Japan pulls up to the toll gate and is waved through.

Trump loses Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes support and with him possibly the entire eyepatched villain voting bloc.

Speaking of retreat, Dems have Gops on their heels with DHS funding. Reconciliation worked for Republicans that time, so can't it work every time?

The Senate will be voting on cloture on a motion to suspend rule XXV to make in order a motion to refer the House message on the legislative vehicle for the SAVE America Act to the Rules and Administration Committee with instructions to consider legislation funding TSA, and if you think that's tough for you to understand, imagine how tough it is for Senator John Kennedy, who has enough to worry about with those commies at the Blooski.

It usually takes a while and a couple of deaths to get Trump's attention, and unfortunately that's what happened with the DHS and the TSA. Just as Elon Musk was about to pretend to go for his wallet, here comes ICE to the rescue!

Donald and Melania pal Paolo Zampolli wanted his and Jeffrey's ex, Amanda Ungaro deported, allegedly.

Trump breaking the economy and blowing billions on a war does not feel like a well thought out strategy heading into the midterms, but at least MAGA still loves him. That might not seem like enough to win an election, but who was talking about "win"?

Joe Kent quit because he'd rather crusade against Jews. Trump doesn't see much wrong with that but is offended that Kent has remarried. Other top-of-the-line professionals surrounding Trump include Richard Grenell, who had no arts administration experience prior to his Kennedy Center appointment and somehow now has even less. Dick should contact Gregg Phillips, head of FEMA's Office of Response and Recovery and teleport far away.

David Waldman wishes us all all of the happy things today. Let's hope that the next Persian year turns out better. What do you bet that it isn't?

Chuck Norris is dead. Tough news for Pete Hegseth, who will retire his "Chuck Norris"-labeled bottle of hand lotion today.

Donald K. Trump denies that he's sending troops to Iran. Trump is sending troops to Iran. What Bibi wants, Bibi gets. The Kushner Iran war already costs more than Halliburton Iraq opening, but Donald hopes to make that up in ticket sales.

At 96, civil rights leader Dolores Huerta divulged that Cesar Chavez raped her. Democrats self-flagellate. Republicans flagellate.

In a Transylvanian twist, the Trump Organization is eyeing property in Romania. This includes Trump's signature luxury apartments built over a dump. A Trump tower is already on the drawing board.

Kristi Noem gave $140 million to the guy who bankrupted his previous airline. Really though, the goal was never to "not" bankrupt future projects, it was to sugar up her Travel Blanky, Corey Lewandowski.

Trump continues to shrink in all ways imaginable, hitting Japan's Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi with Pearl Harbor jokes.

James Comey picked up another subpoena to wallpaper his bathroom. Jeanine Zero Pirro wants her Jerome Powell subpoenas unblocked so that she can keep her losing streak without any asterisks.

My neck of the woods has had 40-degree temperature swings, tornadoes, meteors and bigfeet infestations lately, and now this guy.

Once again, David Waldman attempts to cram it all into two hours, and mostly succeeds.

Greg Dworkin knows a worse place than the Persian Gulf, and he keeps going there for links.

Out in the Gulf, the Kushner Wars rage on. Israel hit the South Pars gas field, Iran aimed at the Saudi port of Yanbu, and Donald K. Trump will blow them all up if they don't learn to play together. You know that Trump approved of Israel's attack, and so does Dan Shapiro, who frankly knows more than you and me. The Middle East heads into an all-out energy war, while the US FAFOs that fighting cheap drones can get pretty expensive.

Denmark breathes a sigh of relief as their decapitation strike is postponed by several months.

Oil goes way up. Gasoline goes way up. Health care, education, etc. goes way up. The national debt goes way up. Job creation is zero. All of this could motivate voters in the midterms. Dems could fix things, if Trump lets them, and MAGA lets Trump, and November is just so far away.

Markwayne Gacy Mullin is a clown. Mullin has pretended to be more things than Kristi Noem. Never has war smelled so fishy than when Markwayne recollects it. Markwayne is also a very angry clown. Unfortunately, every Congress has that one Democrat, and this one gets John Fetterman.

Oh no! Say it isn't so! Cesar Chavez has been alleged to be a sex abuser and rapist as well as a civil rights icon. Panicky Dems across the nation embrace this new panic, while MAGA wonders if maybe they should install a statue to him now.

Who says government moves slow? Joe Kent receives an FBI investigation within a business week from resignation.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have been monitoring the various situations as always, and are ready to report, as always.

Yesterday in elections was another good one for Dems, not so much for AI and Crypto bros. The Illinois Democratic Senate primary saw record turnout and JB Pritzker saw results, with Lt. Gov. Juliana Stratton's U.S. Senate primary win. Donald K. Trump loves catfights and gets one in Texas, with John Cornyn and Ken Paxton fighting for God's endorsement.

Don't expect God's blessing for the Trump-Israeli Iran war. The countries under Trump's tariffs, i.e. the world, should not be expected to be supportive, as Trump's trading of about a century of soft power hegemony for a future of perpetual intimidation now seems ill-considered. Iran controls the Strait of Hormuz which is pretty good for a country that lost the war a week ago… Thanks Trump!

Don't worry, the war will only hurt "the consumers" in the US, and who is that? If consumers get a chance to vote in the midterms, things could change.

Kristi Noem's proposed replacement Markwayne Mullin is just as dumb, just the faker, and almost as hated, right out of the gate.

The United States lost to Venezuela, in baseball, and were such sore silver medal winners that they would rather cosplay as hockey players than gracefully accept second place.

We had Friday the 13th, Pi Day, the Ides of March, and hardly a day has passed, and there's yet another holiday!

David Waldman observes most holidays, and is generally an observant guy, which is why he is a good fit for this show.

There aren't many valid reasons to ask Donald K. Trump about anything. He doesn't know the answer. His answer won't make sense. His answer won't be the same the next time he's asked. Any correlation between his answer and reality will always be coincidental. And paying the slightest attention to him only encourages him, so why bother? Because, a lot of invalid journalists would lose their jobs, that's why.

Laying mines in the Strait of Hormuz would be militarily advantageous for Iran, so that is what they are doing. The US strategy, therefore, was to reposition their minesweepers from the Middle East over to Malaysia. An untimely move perhaps, but nothing that can't be fixed with untested technology and a lot of money.

The head of the U.S. National Counterterrorism Center resigned because he couldn't support the war in Iran… if only he shut up there. Donald is no longer his pal.

It is no fun for MAGA to come up with pedophile conspiracies now that they're hitting a little too close to home, so how about the theory that the Trump Butler assassination attempt was faked? Big (and funny) if true! Today's sociopaths won't admit the error of their ways until the liberation tanks roll into their neighborhood.

Senior KITM Military Correspondent Darwin Darko returns! The Department of Whatever accuses Stars and Stripes of wokeness, such as publishing basketball scores, comic strips, or the news.