Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today! That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's Groundhog's Day! And the big question on David Waldman and Greg Dworkin's lips... on their chapped lips, is…

About half of the Epstein files have been released, and wow they are gross. Now half of them are gone because they weren't quite redacted yet. Epstein Island, or thereabouts, was the place for the elite to meet, from Elon Musk down to... Igor… who could be this Igor or that Igor but was most likely one of this guy's Igors.

Will there be a Blue Wave? There is definitely a blue swing, and one giant blue swing in Texas. Taylor Rehmet flipped a state Senate seat by 17 points, a 32 point swing, a BFD big enough to push her well-funded opponent, Leigh Wambsganns, right out of Trump's mind. Gops turned out for the election, they just turned out to not like Trump anymore. Donald K. Trump hasn't a chance of getting these voters back, but that doesn't matter if there is no voting.

Minneapolis is being pushed out of the news, but ICE hasn't been pushed out, and its economic embargo is destroying the lives of all the residents. Two Latino gang members shot a white man down on the street recently, but lately the gang has moved to indiscriminate use of chemical agents in the towns that they menace. What kind of chemicals? They don't know and they don't care. If anyone complains, there's always biowarfare.

Trump might not be the biggest crook in the world, but he's the biggest in a democracy, at least in what's left of one. Nancy Mace is giving him a run on who's the craziest.

David Waldman's weekend assignment for KITM listeners is to review the newly released Trump-Epstein files and copy him with notable highlights before Monday's show. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Lovable rogue Donald K. Trump is suing himself for 10 billion dollars, but don't expect that to teach him a lesson, he'll always be a kind of demented jerk, too.

Meghan McCain wants attention… and needs attention also.

Trump tacoed on his own taco, backing out of pulling back in Minnesota, now that there are two instances of Alex Petti not pulling a gun on ICE officers, and AI has been effective at making anti-ICE bad guys seem maybe as bad as his bad guys. Meanwhile ICE still gallop through town like drunken rustlers in a western.

Someone somewhere for some reason decided to arrest Don Lemon. Pam Bondi took credit for taking out not one but two especially uppity journalists.

Judge Patrick J. Schiltz says ICE has violated nearly 100 court orders but cancels the contempt hearing requiring the ICE director's appearance.

We know who raided the Fulton County Board of Elections building, who wanted it done, and why… but what about the paperwork? No, it was not Thomas Albus, the German Muppet dubber, but a guy who might be his son, Thomas Albus, the United States Attorney for the eastern District of Missouri, and the official elections persecutor/prosecutor heading into the midterm elections.

With only hours to spare, Chuck Schumer resolved the Federal shutdown. Ok, that might be a bit oversimplified. There will be a shut down, but Chuck did good.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin call the KITM Club together for our Thursday meeting.

Donald K. Trump went full dotard this morning to demand Barack Hussein Obama's arrest… for you know... "treason". Barack, in conjunction with Iran, Italy, Merrill Lynch, the CIA, China, and the Deep State, met in Georgia in 2020 for a big heist of 11,780 votes, but the Feds finally caught up with them this morning. This was no puny Mar-a-Lago raid. All the big guns were there… actual big guns… and Tulsi Gabbard, who needed to spend a little alone time with the evidence.

There. Did you forget about Epstein and those Minneapolis murders, etc.? No? That's weird, people at Gop townhalls haven't forgotten either. Minnesota proved MAGA wrong, but when has being proven wrong ever mattered to them? Especially when it gets in the way of them doing stuff.

It hasn't changed in Minneapolis, either. Tom "Thumbface" Homan pointed out that Bovino and Noem were indeed total morons, but that doesn't mean he will alter their abuse and terror being afflicted upon the city. Stormtroopers will use sonic cannons to silence voices if their bullets are frowned upon.

Americans are sounding all the alarms. Is Washington listening? Voters want the economy fixed. They don't want ICE, or the DHS, or Kristi Noem. Latinos don't even know what they were thinking in 2024. Believe it or not, Canadians don't even like Trump.

Chuck Schumer isn't feckless, he's full of feck! He might not vote for Trump's DHS budget, even. Discharge petitions are the new fun solution.

Marco Rubio and Qatar have decided that Venezuela is big enough now to get an allowance.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin sift through the latest fallout.

Is today the day Donald K. Trump became president? Nope. That pivot you are seeing is a tailspin. A death spiral that Trump can't insult, distract, nor kill himself out of.

Killing people isn't good politics, because murder wakes up the vast sleepy middle. Trump's immigration approval drops to record low… wow, ya think? Trump tires of alienating the off-white and moves on to gun nuts. All the cool kids want to abolish ICE now.

Being on the right side of history is good politics, eventually. Two special Minnesota House races were won by Democratic contenders, in a big way... hallelujah! Virginia Governor Abigail Spanberger runs out of bubblegum on Day One.

Back over on the wrong side of history, Kristi Noem was just following orders… Stephen Miller's orders. Stephen vows to not go to the gallows alone.

Meanwhile, ICE uses long-range sonic weapons, point blank, at protesters. ICE'S striving to be international pains in asses. Chained PAX are not safe 02/EVAC.

Ilhan Omar was attacked by a far-right extremist "piece of sh*t" racist… no, not Trump, but definitely a kindred spirit. Days earlier, Representative Maxwell Frost was physically assaulted by a bigoted lunatic, again not Trump, although Trump's voice does speak in a lot of crazy heads.

The Pentagon is temporarily removing the bomb vending machine from their food court.

Usha Vance has been successfully impregnated, purportedly by blasphemous idolator JD Vance.

Avid moviegoers are rushing to avoid the smash non-hit Melania, the must-miss movie of the season!

A monstrous Leviathan the size of a common Leviathan lies off the coast of KITM World Headquarters, yet David Waldman is focused on only one thing: letting you know what the A-holes are up to today.

Buh-KAK! Greg "Banty" Bovino has been tacoed out of Minneapolis. Kristi Noem has been secreted to an undisclosed bunker to determine how to cosplay a civilian. Meanwhile, ICE is still there, here, and everywhere they aren't needed. There is no evidence that ICE will become less stormtrooperesque, in fact they will probably become even more so under Tom "Thumb-face" Holman's command.

Marimar Martinez took 5 bullets from an agent and wants her case made public. Minnesota Chief Judge Patrick J. Schiltz has ordered the head of ICE, Todd Lyons to his court where patience is at an end.

Democrats really, really plan to do something about all of this. They had better.

Why wouldn't you believe what Super President tells you? There's nothing about Golden Dome that a few trillion couldn't fix, or a discombobulator ray couldn't break.

There's a Lootbox with rare Pokémon cards sitting in the Pentagon food court. Other surprises too! You never know what you might find.

Let's gather around and warm ourselves on the glow of David Waldman and Greg Dworkin's wit and punditry.

We remain under the cloud of a continuing mass shooting, or perhaps the unofficial public execution of dissidents to the Trump regime. Tomato, tomahto. The official line was much less accurate to that but always has the benefit of coming out first and loudest.

"The good guy had a gun, so he was asking for it." argument is wearing thin, as typical person-on-the-street Marjorie Taylor Greene can attest. Gops understand the huge difference between now and Jan 6, and that's in the deadliness of the polling. In this case, they are calling for an investigation and might not even destroy any evidence.

What can be done to stop this? Thoughts and prayers can get you arrested, but interrupting thoughts and prayers might not get you indicted. Only the National Guard have enough firepower to show empathy. Democrats strongly call to restrain, reform, restrict and continue to apply alliteration until Republicans submit. They might pull some purse strings also, which might be of some help if those strings reached to Qatar.

James Comer throws Trump a TACO lifeline. But Donald is already way ahead of him, throwing Kristi Noem under the bus, installing her un-botoxed twin Tom Holman, Zohran Mamdaning Tim Walz, and declaring victory/retreat. Meanwhile, Minnesota Governor contender Chris Madel throws some smoke bombs of his own and disappears.

Distinguished Ian Reifowitz, Professor of History and accomplished author, takes an hour off from touring on behalf of his latest tome, "Riling Up the Base: Examining Trump's Use of Stereotypes through an Interdisciplinary Lens" (available at the finest bookshops and atheneums) to talk with David Waldman about George Washington, the Electoral College, Somali slurs, royal decrees by idiot kings, and of course, Trump's use of stereotypes to rile up his base so that he will be envied by all on earth.

Lead by diminutive warlord Greg "Banty" Bovino, thousands of Somali militia… no, sorry, thousands of Anti-Somali militia roam the streets in search of new victims. To meet quota, ICE must commit a number of atrocities each day. This is made difficult by people with morals and empathy, but also when people refuse to play with them.

Don Lemon so far has not been arrested for reporting the news as it happens.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin give us a thing or two to consider.

Babbling dotard Donald K. Trump triumphantly returns to the US following his conquest of Iceland and bestowing upon us an eternal reign of peace.

Voters don't like Trump. Voters really don't like Trump. Trump dngaf. Trump has one set of voters that he cares about, and he takes care of them. The rest can go to Hell, and rest assured, Donald has plans underway to bring Hell to the US. ICE aren't peace officers. ICE aren't police officers. ICE is not an immigration enforcement agency. ICE is an organized crime syndicate. ICE is a roving street gang with millions in public relations, and government protection.

Matt Gaetz is allowed to do what he wants as long as he doesn't rape kids in court.

A New York judge ruled a Gop district there is unconstitutional, but Gop Dan Goldman is screwed either way.

RIP Abby.

David Waldman wishes a merry and fulfilling Squirrel Appreciation Day, to those who observe.

Greg Dworkin reaches into the anus of the universe and squeezes out more polling to share. There's always room for improvement when it comes to how to respond to madness.

Trump ducked another bullet to arrive in Davos last night. Stupid demented degenerate megalomaniac Donald K. Trump vowed that there is no need for him to kill again, as long as everyone complies… except for Greenland, or maybe Iceland… and France… and Svalbard. They had better watch their backs.

ICE are not rogue cops. They are good soldiers, just not your army. Demoralization and attrition aren't accidental; they are the objective. Resistance is not enough.

Hate has an ever-broadening appeal.

Her Excellency, Abigail Spanberger issued an executive order un-deputizing Virginia state police from being ICE lackeys. Dem Garrett McGuire has been specially elected to replace Mark Sickles who is now the new secretary of finance.

How did Lindsey Halligan not do it? Federal judges count the ways. Halligan remains wrong till the bitter end.

David Waldman counts the years of this administration and… wait for it… we are beginning... year… Two!

Donald K. Trump is a sick puppy. Barack Obama's Nobel prize wouldn't cure him. Obama's inauguration cake couldn't cure him. Nothing that Barack has would make Trump better, really.

Every single person everywhere knows exactly what Jonathan Ross did to Renee Good, and why. So, of course, top dollar is being spent to alter those memories. Mom-and-son grifters Nick and Brooke Shirley have surely hit the bigtime. Meanwhile, it's been a bear market for truth, with another wave of resignations from the US Attorney's Office in Minnesota expected. Trump's "roving patrols" are closing in on Americans.

Then there's Europe's Minnesota, Greenland. Minnesota and Greenland are exactly the same thing to Donald K. Trump and Vladimir Putin, who are exactly the same thing. Republicans are equally liable to oppose either. Vlad's got an invite to the new Diet United Nations, the BOP, along with anyone else with a GDP in their wallet. President Emmanuel Macron learned never to text capricious tween Trump, who put Macron's text on blast to all the cool kids, and put a 200% tariff on his wines and champagnes… are snails and frog legs next?

Back in DC, Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer utmost priority remains to advance President Trump's agenda by belittling and bullying staffers, funding extramarital affairs, committing fraud where possible and dropping her crew off at Mar-a-Lago West, aka Angels PDX.