Kagro in the Morning

David Waldman does it again! We will continue until we address all news stories and read all words. Praise the Lord! Denny Hastert yesterday, Jim Bakker today. Voting/prayer lines are jammed for tomorrow's third pick. Donald K. Trump suggested letting Iran "Take Out" Los Angeles and San Diego, and he did not mean on a date. He called Senate candidate, mother of 3, Annie Andrews, "trannie." Stay on the line to get your vote in for tomorrow! Trump can mess with the midterms in ways that are idiotic, ineffectual and illegal… and therefore irresistible. Ed Martin, Tina Peters, and Cleta Mitchell are only some of the brain trust being called to tackle reality in the remaining days. Could an "AI" Trump replace today's "SI" (stupid ignoramus) Trump? Why not? It already operates his legs. Although voters would probably accept a majority AI SCOTUS first… a predictive Alito model would be a cinch to engineer. Trump is sending checks filled with lies to bribe swing voters. That's all paid by taxpayers, but his pro-Donald ads are now paid with MAGA money. Brazil locked up their Trump clone, Jair Bolsonaro, for 28 years, but now his clone/son Flávio is running for president, supported/rigged with your taxpayer money

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back! Actually, we only turn the microphones on weekdays, they talk continuously. Almost any way you look at it, a blue wave… could… be coming. Trump voters are already beginning to forget that they were Trump voters. Donald K. Trump's popularity is at an historic low, because he is an awful president, and an awful person. You know what's even better than winning polls? Winning elections! And we have some right around the corner. Kansas Gops could lose for the first time in 94 years. You'd hope that Trump Disapprovers wouldn't vote Republican, but really deplorable ones still might. Vivek Ramaswamy fumbled a child at the 10-yard line yet still has a lot of money. Susan Collins has 99 concerns, but money isn't one of hers either. Trump has been honing his rigging skills in Brazil in preparation for this month. New assistant press secretary Beni Rae Harmony has all of the credentials that you would expect to work for Trump and then some. Ken Paxton is even a bad puppet. Dennis Hastert is no longer alive but remains disgraced. Denny spent his entire career disgracing himself. Ken Paxton would have given him 60 days. Country singer Alexis Wilkins loves Kash, but enough to wait for parole? The Baltic States prepare for war as the US retreats from Iran, anywhere Iran might be. Kristi Noem's Homeland Security Department bought five aircraft for the price of a dozen from a donor. Noem believes the New York Times just wants to cause her trouble, as her Ex was the only one who wanted to see her screwed this often.

David Waldman ends the week and kicks off the first weekend of October and its October surprises. Money to go to Europe and Ukraine gets shuffled to Latin America. Money from the Minority Health Office gets shuffled off to RFK Jr. Everyday, Trump's shuffling money to his crew but also starving out anything that angers or bores him through pocket rescissions. Wait, pocket rescissions aren't allowed, right? Well, you thought that, but you were pre-wrong and just didn't know it. The DOJ is coming to the rescue of Richard Nixon, pre-wronging generations of history books. Trump Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle has judged herself to be pre-wrong. The judge on Olympian vs. Reflecting Pool has difficulty finding anyone guilty before any crime was committed. Another judge is keeping Trump from his prewrongative of firing US Attorneys who aren't his shills. Famously bait-able Donald K. Trump laid plenty of groundwork for Jack Smith, and the work they created together should be released to the public. Donald has been rolling up the miles on his Natalie Harp, and is already beginning to look at trade-ins. Eric Schmitt couldn't resist any conspiracy theory that would boost his profile. Amy Klobuchar was aware of that. John Roberts wanted to take his bubble with him on vacation but those aren't allowed at a rage retreat.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin kick off the KITM Octoberfest. "The outlook is good.", say pollsters who rarely, if ever, use a Magic 8 Ball. Republicans now have a 27% chance of holding the Senate. They have a 1 out of 100 chance of winning the House. Don't say they didn't warn you. For instance, the national bellwether race in the state of Virginia has a Democrat on a narrow edge. So does the battleground New York House contest. Texas is still red… but so tantalizingly close… so inviting to drop some cash now for 2028. Bulletin: Most blame Donald K. Trump for higher prices and are unhappy with how he is handling the economy. Trump blames himself for his awful Supreme Court. And for not banning all journalism and just hiring an ad agency. He told you he had a gun! But did you listen? Most likely, we'll have some sort of midterms though, and Republicans are pretty certain to lose, and pretty certain that they will lose. In Texas, many are voting for a change of face, many because they actually like James Talarico as much as they hate Trump. Many are voting against Ken Paxton, although drowning him would be fine. Gina Hinojosa is doing well with those who ran out of excuses for their education system. Bobby Pulido really makes Quinceañeras great again. Susan Collins probably can't sing but can't do commercials well either. Sherrod Brown really can't sing but knows how to do a commercial. Republicans discovered that there are fewer rich voters than poor voters, so how does 38¢ off a gallon of gas sound, hm? Meanwhile, as the administration makes orphanages and asylums great again, Todd Blanche wants to lock Minnesota's federal district judges up, and Kash Patel wants to tie naughty sheep down.

At least David Waldman can prove where he was this morning. Eric Schmidt was hoist with his own Jack Smith petard the moment that we all discovered, in real time, his very own conspiracy theory was 100% Schmidt. And to think Eric was so close to the big time too! Greg Dworkin hauls in a huge Raft O' Stories™, chock full o' X crap™. Elon has had a tough time recently and we all need to pull together to help. Blue wave, maybe! Only one sure way to know, and it's not polls. Polling and results could end up in a similar place this time, though, mostly because Donald K. Trump sucks so much. Just ask Ken Paxton! Just ask Marjorie Taylor Greene! Just ask AI! ...right before it slits your throat. Of course, "AI" is no match for "SI", or the "Stupid Idiot" who spelled United States wrong in an executive order. Venezuela has spent a decade trying to please Trump and look at what it got them. A federal judge last week ordered the Trump administration to "immediately" notify her if it plans to release federal voter eligibility lists, and now they have to plan something worse. Pete Hegseth will keep firing generals until the armed forces looks completely fabulous. If you are into cuckolds, cosplay, and cages, this is your lucky day!

David Waldman weaves a fine tapestry of stupid news for us today. Donald K. Trump wants more money, more bribes, more gold. "To the victor go the spoils" is the key message of the Constitution, and the Bible, as far as he's concerned. Trump had a pile of Venezuelan gold at his feet before the bodies were cold. Amazingly, few refiners are interested in Blood Gold, even though that's been the Venezuelan currency with the US for the last decade. Six or more prosecutors have quit the Trump Grand Conspiracy case being run by Aileen Cannon. A prosecutor also quit on an investigation into former C.I.A. director John O. Brennan. There are still plenty attempting to weaponize government, however. Cassidy Hutchinson feels the intimidation. A group called ShinyHunters hacked into the FBI, gaining personal info on tens of thousands of employees. The FBI hasn't caught any of them, because they aren't that good. Why worry? Not all of them could be into bestiality… Why would Artificial Intelligence… excuse me, Super Intelligence, even bother with instantly killing us all when it's so fun to just troll everyone?

On today's KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days until the midterm elections and determine that there are altogether too many of them. Are Democrats going to win the midterms? Who knows! If you were to poll polls, they would tell you that they like "Democrats", and that they really do not like "Republicans". That, and several bucks, will buy you a cup of coffee. We do seem to have a blue wave and a red undertow in those polls. The primaries portend well. Early voting is happening a lot. All that probably means many things, much of which will become clearer in retrospect. In New Jersey's 7th congressional district, home of Kean University and future former home of Tim Kean, Kean's incumbency and red district don't look like they'll save him. Maine voters might end up term limiting Susan Collins to five terms. In Texas, John Cornyn isn't going to even bother with Ken Paxton. Ohio has been falling into a red sinkhole for decades, but the data centers issue might actually lift it out. Even lifelong Republican John Fetterman says it's entirely possible that Democrats take back the Senate. As usual, most of the credit has got to go to Donald K. Trump, the least wily of all super-geniuses in world history. Victory in Venezuela, and that dotard still can't keep from spoiling all of his spoils. AI might not be as smart as Trump, but it can FUBAR a million times faster. Meanwhile, Stephen Miller is living the life he deserves, hiding in fear. Miller might not be in danger every moment of every day, but as long as he feels that way, it's okay.

Well, David Waldman tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the studio/kitchen, poured himself a cup of ambition, yawned and stretched and tried to come to life… results might have been mixed, but KITM only goes 9 to 11, then there's the weekend! Markwayne Mullin, unmarried, has had a long-term live-in relationship with Missouri Gop Jason Smith. One thing is certain. Markwayne Mullin is a moron. White House press pool members have regained access… no they haven't… maybe they have… bet they sure feel owned by now! Private security guards will be watching Postal Police officers watching Postal Union members whose jobs are being replaced by AI. Trump hasn't yet replaced all voters with AI, so he plans to send a couple thousand federal agents to breathe on any human voters who might want to vote wrong. Trump goons aren't just watching you, as snitching on each other pays off even more. Don't worry, Donald K. Trump Jr. will pay back Umar Kremlev somehow. Russians do accept all forms of payment. Maintenance projects have been put off around the country and rerouted to more important Trump things. There will always be money to pay for upkeep later, and even more if he never pays.

David Waldman is here to distract us from the distractions with some important stuff. Greg Dworkin has all the latest pole news and as you'd expect Donald K. Trump is coming up way short, but today we're talking microscopic. Trump is dragging the party so low that even Susan Collins is in concerning territory. Even Graham Platner is looking pretty Teflon. Gops might be idiots, but they aren't stupid, as they panic about importing beef and exporting diesel. Any Gop in a +15 district is treading water. Trump is W, but less affably asinine. Democrats are playing this like it's 2006. Democrats just can't wait to make it happen either. Republicans are not as enthusiastic. Trump made the US government into his PAC. MAGA podcasters just don't recall this "Trump" fellow… they pose for pictures with a lot of people, you know. Pollsters are usually wrong, but even Trump can't sue them. Donald hoped to have a few press heads on pikes to show off to Xi but he apparently appointed a TDS woke judge who told him he couldn't do that yet. That judge can't make him obey, though, or maybe he can… Anyhow it's another Trump PR victory, and if it isn't, it's JD's fault. "Why do ICE forget to wear or turn on their bodycams?", should be asked by a judge… especially Judge Brett Kavanaugh. A Massachusetts Lesbian bar almost lifted its KN-95 requirement, but patrons really wanted to keep them on. UPS dropped some F-35 stealth fighter parts off at the wrong doorstep in China.

Greg Dworkin is back, and so is the Abbreviated Pundit Roundup! We tried to abbreviate it even more today, but only partially succeeded. How bad are things getting out there for Republicans? Bad enough that Karl Rove gives me a run for my money with his own Dotard J. Trump impression. Seriously, though. How bad are things getting? Pretty bad! Trump is at another new approve/disapprove low. Not even their usual last minute TV blitz strategy is expected to save them now. Not with early voters. Not in Michigan. Not in Iowa. Not in (certain parts of) Texas. And not in the northern border states, either. And individual candidates are having to find ways to distance themselves from Trump's cratering. Some perhaps more subtle than others. (But that could change!) Oh, and while we're in Maine (because the last sentence was about Maine), have you heard about the Susan Collins corruption scandal? You have, but there's no reason we can't mention it again. Trump's construction and cultural appropriation spree in Washington continues, now expanding to [checks notes...] Ford's Theater. Unsurprisingly, it does so in defiance of local and national building and safety codes, because "I am the code." Hey, you know who else had an "architecture" fetish? We love a good hidden logistics story on this show. And Trump's latest press ban has developed into one! All in all, it was another humdinger of a day for rounding up lunacy and embarrassments. Hell, we didn't even get to Trump's crazy ass speech to the UN!