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In this episode, Nick speaks with Dominic Acello, the owner of a marketing agency in Tampa, Florida, and an audio engineer for some of Tampa’s best in the hip-hop scene. Dom joins us today to get into mindset management throughout the rise and fall moments of life.
About Dominic Acello
As a small business owner & music producer, Dominic Acello has always been a keen advocate of following your own song, heart (or Chest). With what Dominic calls his “Reset” event, he lost everything he’d been working for at age 35 and needed to build his life back from literal scratch.
Since 2018, just 4 years later, Dominic helped build Within Marketing Group Inc, as a digital marketing agency (w/video production) in Tampa, FL. As President of Within Marketing Group, Dominic manages 5 employees and the organization manages over $1MM in annual ad spend.
In an effort to follow his true passion in 2021, Dominic co-founded Heard Records Inc., an Indie Hip-Hop Record Label, complete with a clothing line (OffTheChestology.com), a hybrid analog recording studio (DAPStudios), and in-house marketing & video production.
Dominic says “all of my recent success, I owe to my most epic losses” and works daily to become a better version of himself.
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Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”
00:00:08:12 – 00:00:30:28
Nick McGowan
Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guest and I unpack the stories that shape us and the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. Today on the show, we have Dom Acello. Dom’s, the owner of a marketing agency in Tampa, Florida, and an audio engineer for some of Tampa’s best in the hip hop scene.
00:00:31:11 – 00:00:50:25
Nick McGowan
Dom joins us today to get in the mindset management throughout the rise and fall moments of life. He’s had a wild ride, so let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.
00:00:52:28 – 00:00:56:29
Nick McGowan
Dom Hello, man. Welcome to the show. I’m so glad you’re here. How are you doing?
00:00:57:19 – 00:01:00:15
Dom Acello
I’m doing good, Nick. Thanks for having me on. Looking forward to this.
00:01:00:24 – 00:01:32:23
Nick McGowan
Absolutely, man. We’ve had a lot of conversations. We’ve been friends for, I guess, a little over a year at this point. Both are transplants, I guess, to Florida. Move from other parts of the country, connected through a coach that we’re both working with and enacted over music and men. And we’ve gotten into some really deep conversations. So I wanted to make sure that of all the friends that I have, that you were one of the people that definitely came on the show, because I know there’s a lot underneath that tough exterior that you’ve got.
00:01:33:20 – 00:01:34:28
Dom Acello
Thanks. I appreciate that, man.
00:01:35:18 – 00:01:43:13
Nick McGowan
So let’s kick things off. Dom, tell us what you do for a living and one thing that most people probably don’t know about you.
00:01:44:02 – 00:02:15:02
Dom Acello
All right. Well, so professionally, I’ve been doing marketing, online marketing for a living since 2004. I’ve always been into music. I’ve been a musician since I was four years old. And really, over the last couple of years, I think this happened for a lot of people, too. This COVID event kind of was a wake up call, and I started to realize, along with some other events that happened, which we’ll get into probably here shortly, that I’m getting old quick.
00:02:15:04 – 00:02:33:03
Dom Acello
And if I if I don’t do something, I have a feeling I’m going to, you know, sit down and look back and I’m going to be 60 and be like, what the what the fuck did I do? So I started to pursue music more. I created a label with a really good friend, and he’s my partner in this business called Herd Records.
00:02:33:07 – 00:02:55:02
Dom Acello
And we have a clothing line that’s under that. And we’re we’re going to start creating music that we’re going to be releasing more this year. And it’s it’s been an exciting ride, you know, so I definitely have my hands full right now. But I’m trying to move more into what is I’m passionate about following my heart in a sense, and that’s where it’s bringing me.
00:02:55:02 – 00:03:15:10
Dom Acello
So I’m trying to do this nice, slow transition into that. And I think the marketing company is actually going to play a very big role in assisting how all of the music stuff ends up coming to light. You know, because I have all those resources in-house from video editing to online marketing to, you know, you name it, web development and so forth.
00:03:15:10 – 00:03:35:21
Dom Acello
So it’s been a busy couple of years, but it’s definitely been the best couple of years probably of my life at this point. So I’m I’m feeling good with how things are moving along at this point. What most people don’t know is I had what I call my reset event. So when I had got out of college, I was all about money, money, money, money.
00:03:35:21 – 00:03:55:23
Dom Acello
We got to make money. So I work real hard work in Manhattan. I’m at an agency, start making really good money, got this beautiful apartment and I’m just sitting there and I realize, oh, my God, that’s not it. You know, so like this ten, 12 years, I’m working towards this goal. And I started to get to and I realized it wasn’t it and I didn’t even consider what if that wasn’t it?
00:03:55:24 – 00:04:23:14
Dom Acello
So I felt like, Whoa. So for about two years, probably a good eight years, I kind of struggled. I started to avoid the the despair, feeling and covering it up made a worse and worse decisions. As I got a little older and by like age 35, that kind of reached a head and put me in a position where I lost everything.
00:04:23:23 – 00:04:52:15
Dom Acello
So just four years ago, I literally didn’t even have a pair of pants. I had lost every single thing I could possibly have, didn’t have a bank account, didn’t have money, didn’t have closed nothing. So I had to build that all back up over the last couple of years. And a lot of people don’t realize that for sure because it looks like I’ve been kind of buzzing along for a while now that event and that whole scenario is probably one of the biggest trends that I have today.
00:04:52:15 – 00:05:09:15
Dom Acello
I owe it all to all of my mistakes. I mean, hands down, you know, and it’s I was definitely presented with a scenario where it’s like, I can use this to make myself worse and have a reason for it. Right? I could justify why I’m doing stupid things or I can use that to become an amazing person, you know?
00:05:10:01 – 00:05:34:06
Dom Acello
And I tried to look at it that way. And so far it’s been it’s literally I give that event all of the credit for where I am today. Without question, it gave me a perspective into my own life, what I’m doing, what I value, what’s important that I couldn’t have gotten from anything else. You know, it was like it had to be ripped away to realize that it had no value to start off with all of the materialism stuff.
00:05:34:15 – 00:06:00:00
Dom Acello
And then it’s a little more easier now navigating because I’m not thinking about the stuff, I’m just thinking about what do I want to do and what makes me feel good, you know? So yeah, most people don’t know. I went through that and it’s a little deeper than that. I mean, it was like literally an eight year struggle of, you know, you can probably figure it out by just how I’m explaining it, but, you know, going out too much, not handling my emotions by dealing with them, but covering them up.
00:06:00:01 – 00:06:25:16
Dom Acello
You know, and the other thing that’s really interesting about it, it was also a pattern or behavior that I replicated that another family member also had. So my another close family member had went through a very similar thing at literally the same age and had basically lost everything due to very similar reasons. And then I found myself I literally followed those exact same footsteps.
00:06:25:16 – 00:06:44:01
Dom Acello
And, you know, it is what it is. It’s like I don’t regret it because and I would never take it back because I like where I’m at now and I can’t I couldn’t have been here without that, you know. So it’s you know, it’s one of those really interesting scenarios where it’s not the easiest thing to go talk to everybody about.
00:06:44:01 – 00:07:05:22
Dom Acello
But it it definitely is a story, I think, that is valuable to other people in those scenarios because, you know, daunted with the task of rebuilding your life in your mid-thirties. I just never thought I was going to get it all back together and it happened faster and I got in a better position within a year or two than I had ever up until then, you know?
00:07:05:22 – 00:07:35:01
Dom Acello
So it’s definitely mindset. It’s definitely more your clarity of focus. What are you really trying to do? You know, are you motivated to do good at work because you want a car to show off to somebody, right? Because that’s not really good. I mean, as long as as much as feeling fulfillment, you know. So like I had a struggle through all of that and then losing all of it was really the what I needed to realize that it really didn’t have much value to start off with.
00:07:35:01 – 00:07:35:12
Dom Acello
You know.
00:07:35:21 – 00:07:54:25
Nick McGowan
It sucks to think that sometimes you have to lose everything or sometimes you have to get your ass kicked to be able to realize that something’s happening. I think I’ve said this on a different podcast. It may have just been on a client call or something, but sometimes you’re not aware of the problem until you actually you’re made aware of the fucking problem.
00:07:55:05 – 00:08:27:06
Nick McGowan
Just like when you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re like, Man, I got to go take a piss. It’s dumb. O’clock in the morning, forgot about that fucking chair that’s there. But the little pinky show, didn’t you know? But you’re still made aware of that stuff. So no matter what that reset looks like, if it’s some crazy addiction that drives you to the ground but doesn’t actually kill you or some business failure or marriage or whatever it is, somebody had said it was actually Adrian on a previous episode that his coach has talked about the splat moment, the splat experience.
00:08:27:12 – 00:08:48:22
Nick McGowan
Somebody has to go splat for them to do something. Yeah. So sometimes those are the best experiences we can have. But if you think about it, you being 15, 20 years ago, if you’re like, Hey, here’s the deal, you’re going to do all this wild shit, it’s going to be real and hurt for a little while and then everything’s going to be ripped away.
00:08:49:20 – 00:09:08:23
Nick McGowan
You may have looked at things differently, but then again you may not have. So let’s separate from the being thankful that you went through that and let’s step back into what led to that reset that looking back at now you go, oh man, I should have done these things different. So therefore I do.
00:09:10:12 – 00:09:37:02
Dom Acello
You know, so I’m getting to a point in my life as I’m getting older, I am about I’m 39. I turn 40 next month in April. And I’m starting to realize that in order to have an experience, you have to know both sides of it. Pretty much from my experience, it’s like it has to happen that way. So you can’t know love without knowing, you know, the opposite or the inverse of that.
00:09:37:02 – 00:09:57:15
Dom Acello
You can’t know strength without knowing no strength. So I notice that throughout my life I had bounced on these extremes and I’m finally now coming into the middle and I was reading like a quote from somebody the other day that was saying that, you know, you can’t find balance until you find your extremes because you don’t know where the balance is then.
00:09:57:18 – 00:10:21:01
Dom Acello
So I, I have I’ve always been a very high energy individual. I’ve always, you know, felt I can do anything I put my mind to, you know, my mother is practices meditation and yoga and was living in an ashram before I was even born. So I was brought up with a lot of that mentality. And especially from her, she always let me know that that was the case.
00:10:21:18 – 00:10:38:22
Dom Acello
I was also an only child. So I you know, it was probably you would have talked to me 15 years ago and I would have been someone you would have thought is very full of themselves because I, I had that feeling and that knowing, but it was positioned where it was. I’m better than anything else where it’s not like that.
00:10:38:22 – 00:11:00:09
Dom Acello
It’s, I see it as, it’s like an energy play where we all have the ability to manipulate and work with this creative landscape that we have. And it all comes from what we can see first. So if we don’t have clarity on what we’re moving toward, we can move the physical around and build it up and put a bunch of it in a room and say that Look at all my stuff.
00:11:00:18 – 00:11:23:21
Dom Acello
But you’re not you’re not really like working with it in that aspect, you know, or you are. It’s like you’re only kind of working with part of it or the surface of it. So you know that, that all of these different scenarios that I think anybody goes through, especially for myself, I felt like it was imperative for me to learn and feel those extremes at the time.
00:11:23:21 – 00:11:45:28
Dom Acello
Of course, you can’t make any sense of it, right? Because you only know one perspective. And then as you go through it, your perspective opens up. And, you know, I find that that that’s that’s kind of what I see now is that from I’ve went, I mean, as far as going on extremes okay I’ve been to every extreme you can possibly imagine that was within my what I was trying to do.
00:11:45:28 – 00:12:06:11
Dom Acello
Right. So if I wanted to be the go out guy, I was the guy that just overdid it way over. Did it? Okay. Where? You know, I go out Friday and I come back Sunday. You know, it was it was just always overdoing everything. I worked. I worked, you know, 18 hours a day and in a year and a half, number one sales guy at all, you know, all these things.
00:12:06:11 – 00:12:24:27
Dom Acello
But they weren’t healthy the way I was doing it. It was almost like I was trying desperately to get that feeling. I know that I should feel and I want to feel, but I was completely going at it the wrong way, you know? And when I was younger, I don’t think you, at least for myself, I can’t speak for anybody else, but I couldn’t.
00:12:25:10 – 00:12:44:20
Dom Acello
You can’t see that, you know, you can’t really see that until you kind of start to mature more and start to realize what’s what’s here. Right. And the things that I thought were valuable before I actually brought all the bad people into my life because they were also artificial, you know? And I see how it all played off of each other, you know.
00:12:44:29 – 00:13:06:21
Dom Acello
So it’s you know, it’s been an interesting experience for sure. But, you know, I think that is part of like finding yourself. You have to explore, right? And you have to reach those things in order to find out where your lane is. And I feel like I’m just finally starting to see the lane and I’m still wandering all over it, you know?
00:13:06:21 – 00:13:21:23
Dom Acello
But I’m getting I’m getting it. I’m on it most of the time. But there are certain moments that I fall off. And because I’m cognizant of paying attention to this daily, I notice those. And then, you know, sometimes there are things where I don’t even know how I’m going to figure them out. Like, I’ll give you an example.
00:13:21:23 – 00:13:45:24
Dom Acello
So, you know, I wake up yesterday, I feel great. I feel like I can take over the world. I sit down and I get a email from I think it was Voyage magazine. They want to write an article on both me and Reza that is for Influential People, and it’s an influential series that they’re doing and we were recommended, so I was really excited about that.
00:13:45:24 – 00:14:07:02
Dom Acello
So I’m putting a post up and I spent like 15 minutes writing this. I articulated it the way I wanted to and then I go to Hit Save and it just closes. And I didn’t copy and paste it into a word doc like I normally do, right? Because I do this kind of stuff for a living too. So I know that happens a lot and then because I knew that happened and I messed that up, I just spiraled for like 10 minutes.
00:14:07:02 – 00:14:27:17
Dom Acello
Like literally this feeling comes up over me, my head starts pounding and I’m like, I could jump out of a window, and it feels like that would be a better choice than anything else. Like I go instantly to this really bad place, but I know now if I just. All right, let me get through it, you know, and then it goes away in like ten or 15 minutes, but it’s like extreme.
00:14:28:17 – 00:14:55:25
Dom Acello
And then what I’m starting to see, though, now it’s like, you can’t fix that for me while I’m in that state. It’s all about how am the other times that is allowing that state to kind of express itself? So if I’m all like wound up, it’s easier for it to catch up and just flare up. But if I’m balanced and I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, like meditating and things along those lines, I notice that doesn’t happen.
00:14:55:26 – 00:15:11:06
Dom Acello
Yeah, right. So like, that was like this real subtle ness that I was battling with for the last year or two. And it’s like, Oh, it’s not like something that was killing me on a multiple times a day, but like once or twice a week, I’d, I’d get very worked up and I didn’t like it. I felt very out of control.
00:15:11:06 – 00:15:27:29
Dom Acello
I didn’t like, you know, I just didn’t like how, you know, I’m one to articulate myself well. During those moments, I feel like I don’t even know what I’m doing. They’re short lived, but I didn’t, you know, they would feel so, you know, it’s like it would take over. And I when I’m in that headset, I can’t see out of it.
00:15:27:29 – 00:15:42:26
Dom Acello
So it’s like I have to get out of it and then I have to look at it and go, okay, what’s really making that happen? And I feel like it’s like these emotions I have from when I was younger that tend to and it’s probably because they were on dealt with things because I had some traumatic stuff that happened when I was a kid.
00:15:42:26 – 00:16:02:06
Dom Acello
As far as like family, you know, like I was saying before, there was substance abuse issues and people leaving and me being too young for them to understand what was going on. And I and I never really dealt with those. I kind of blocked it out. Like I really don’t even remember a lot of my childhood. I just don’t remember it.
00:16:02:20 – 00:16:24:09
Dom Acello
I’m sure that it all started coming up at some point now that I’m trying to look at it. But these little expressions still pop up and I can tell they’re from that because it’s like a child. I get childlike and my behavior is like, No, I don’t want to do it, you know? And I feel like it’s rooted in a child perspective, though, you know, it’s like I’m just starting to see this kind of stuff the last couple of weeks.
00:16:25:10 – 00:16:44:18
Dom Acello
And it’s interesting, you know, like, I just never thought I’d be, you know, at this point where I’m like, writing down what I, you know, the little, little nuances of things. I don’t like that I do where if I, you know, if I’m in a certain situation where, you know, I might be, you know, at fault, I get, oh, my God, I’m sorry.
00:16:44:18 – 00:17:04:08
Dom Acello
I get very like and I can tell that to is from that and you know I don’t like that because most of the time I’m not I have nothing to be sorry about at all, right? But I still feel that way. So, like, how do you not feel like that if it feels like, you know, when you touch a hot plate, your finger burns and then you’re telling me to have it not feel like it’s going to burn it?
00:17:04:08 – 00:17:23:02
Dom Acello
Well, it’s it’s just there. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do with it. So, like, I’m starting to see now that it’s not, like completely out of my control, but there are things that lead up to it. And, you know, maybe that’s going to be scarring that I’ll have forever. But by working on myself more, it doesn’t ever have to get in the way, you know?
00:17:23:17 – 00:17:40:17
Dom Acello
Or maybe it completely goes away, who knows? But you know, right now I’m okay if it never does. And if I could just learn how to become better from all of that by, you know, learning my own place of balance or where I really should be, that would be a huge win out of that scenario as it is.
00:17:40:25 – 00:17:58:23
Dom Acello
So yeah, I’m trying, you know, I think like all of us, you know, try to figure out why, why we do the things we do sometimes or why it’s so hard to change or, you know, or set things that you can see other people do. So it’s it’s just all things I’m trying to work on, you know.
00:17:59:17 – 00:18:26:22
Nick McGowan
You know, you say all people are trying to do this. That’s not really the case. Not everybody is not everybody’s that aware of those things. Even some people just get pissed off and they’re like, Ah, this fucking printer and that it ruins their week. Then they’re just like, I forget everything because of the printer. And that that happens, you know, like print your bus, you’re, you didn’t copy and paste it into a word doc or a notepad and shit happens.
00:18:27:00 – 00:18:48:09
Nick McGowan
The fact that you’re aware of it, you go, Oh, I feel this welling up. And then to be able to have that awareness, to step back, not put your fist through a wall or anything crazy like you may have done as a kid, I can relate to that too. You know, where there are certain situations that happen as a child that will flare up almost like a pimple kind of coming out.
00:18:48:09 – 00:19:15:04
Nick McGowan
It just puts exactly in coming out. You nailed it, though. A lot of it has to do with little Dom. A little little kid that is still upset about those things that happened. And you got to be able to go back and sit down and watch the movie with that kid. Let’s look at those situations that happened when we were seven or nine or ten or six or whatever, to be able to go through and figure that stuff out.
00:19:15:04 – 00:19:35:13
Nick McGowan
Because I think that truly is that inner child that comes up in those moments when you start to get really pissed and this stuff that just automatically happens, just like you mentioned, with hitting or touching a hot plate, like, you know, when you touch that, you have that reflex, you pull back because your body’s like, Oh, this hurts, this sucks.
00:19:35:13 – 00:20:03:07
Nick McGowan
Don’t do that. That sort of reflex can come up. If there are things that are inside of you that when a situation happens, it goes raw and just automatically comes up and out pops that eight year old kid that just really fucking upset. So being able to have those conversations with yourself is huge, but honestly, it starts with the awareness to go, Wait a minute, this feels almost like a little kid and being able to actually deal with that stuff.
00:20:03:11 – 00:20:28:20
Nick McGowan
So how do you then go through and manage in those moments? Because I think this is the sort of stuff that’s really, really palpable for the people. Listen to this. It’s the how to’s in those moments because, look, I could probably pick a handful of people that I know that listen to this. And then people that I don’t know that listen to this that had the same shit that happened.
00:20:29:00 – 00:20:49:19
Nick McGowan
Like, Yeah, man, me too. This stuff will happen. It’s just dumb little shit that doesn’t need to make me irate. And the next thing you know, I’m just furious. And sometimes it’s easy. Yeah, and it’s easy to just eat into it. You’re like, Well, I’m fucking mad. Well, while I’m mad, I’m just going to be more mad. It’s like, No, just pull yourself the fuck back and figure that out.
00:20:49:19 – 00:20:53:26
Nick McGowan
So walk us through that. How do you pull yourself back? What’s what’s that look like?
00:20:55:04 – 00:21:15:07
Dom Acello
How do I pull myself back? I got to be honest, at this point, if I’m in that state, I can’t pull myself out of it until it expresses itself. And I might have to go like I get like yell and then literally I feel better. But if I don’t do something like that, like maybe I got to go to the gym or something.
00:21:16:04 – 00:21:36:15
Dom Acello
It’ll stay with me for like an hour or two, and then it’s just one little thing again. Will It’ll flare it up again. But what I’m noticing, like, so these are the questions I asked myself when I started noticing that. But it got in the way, like one, one particular instance where I just would have rather that not happened because like I was late with some project I was working on.
00:21:37:02 – 00:22:02:03
Dom Acello
So when I feel that way now what I have to do and I, I know this for me at this point is I have to separate myself from whatever I’m doing and then just sit down and, and just get back down and don’t try. If I try to feel better, it doesn’t work because then all of a sudden my head picks up again and is like, You’re a piece of shit just digging into me over nothing, right?
00:22:02:03 – 00:22:18:28
Dom Acello
And I could see it rationally. Like, none of that makes sense. And why are you saying that? Why do I actually feel like that? You know, and it’s like it’s all these really defeats in terms of, you know, you can’t do anything. You’re not good enough. Look, you’re tried, but you failed, like and it’s just over and over and over.
00:22:20:00 – 00:22:36:12
Dom Acello
So I got to distance myself. Now, how I realize that I’m able to work through this now is that when I see that I’m anxious and like if I have like three or four phone calls in a row during work and this pile of work’s piling up and it’s almost six and I didn’t even get to started yet.
00:22:37:22 – 00:22:57:07
Dom Acello
That’s when I’m very receptive to that happening again. So when I what I’m starting to do now is when I see that happening, that precursor to it, I it’s much easier when I’m there to calm myself down. Oh, the minute that thing spirals in and pops off, it’s like, I have to just wait it out. It’s like a storm.
00:22:57:17 – 00:23:17:12
Dom Acello
But now I can see the storm coming more clearly, and the more I pay attention to it, I could I could even see it steps in, steps ahead. And and that’s been very good for me. Then the other question that popped up was, if I can allow a bad thought for me to grab it and really like amplify it, like you were just saying, why don’t I do that with good thoughts and what could that do for me?
00:23:18:20 – 00:23:45:18
Dom Acello
And I’ve been trying to play around with that a lot because, you know, I’m a very big advocate. I mean, I personally believe as truth without question that the intention, our consciousness is to plays with this reality in ways that we can’t see. You know, and I’ve been through it enough where I’ve seen just that when I have a a a shift in how I’m feeling and what I’m looking toward, all of a sudden they start appearing right.
00:23:45:18 – 00:24:11:13
Dom Acello
And we see in like quantum physics now that intention literally does change how the, you know, things at the atomic level or at the quantum physics level. It changes how it operates and how it behaves. So I believe that to be absolutely true. So when I don’t feel good or I’m thinking negatively, I’m trying to get out of that as quick as possible because I don’t want it to echo back to me that that negative feeling.
00:24:11:21 – 00:24:39:12
Dom Acello
But I notice also when I feel negative, that that negative feeling is often way more powerful feeling than when I feel good. Do I want my positive feelings to be that loud so I can try to echo more good stuff back? So that’s what I’ve been trying to work on, you know, because I don’t and I really try to keep it down like I’m not in a bad mood for more than an hour, you know, because I’m scared that it’s going to ruin other things I’ve been working on, you know?
00:24:39:20 – 00:25:05:24
Nick McGowan
Sure you don’t want to perpetuate it at that point and then just live into it. I think when you look at the the balance between the really, really heavy negative and the really, really airy and happy positives, you can feel those negatives more because you know what that feels like. And that happens more often, which is almost just easier to go, Hey, you know what this feels like?
00:25:05:24 – 00:25:25:17
Nick McGowan
Come on in. The water is nice and warm. It’s all full of hatred in here. You jump in and then just easier to be in there. So you had mentioned earlier about you have to kind of know those extremes to be able to understand where the middle ground is. You don’t know. Not everybody should get to the point where they’re about to die to understand the extremes.
00:25:25:25 – 00:26:05:04
Nick McGowan
But sometimes you got to really understand what one side looks like as opposed to the other. So you can find that balance when you’re now walking us through is how you get to that point, and you can feel yourself getting to that point. You can see yourself almost getting to that point. And if we break it down to like a nanosecond, a macro level and just take that in slow motion, if you’re able to feel that coming up and go, wait, stop when it’s only about 15% up, instead of it being 95%, we’re about to tear into you and fuck you and everything else around and being able to pull back from that stuff, that’s
00:26:05:04 – 00:26:24:24
Nick McGowan
huge, man. That’s a lot of awareness that some people don’t have. Some people do, and they just don’t know it. And I think sometimes it takes us to actually breaking down what that process looks like, you know? All right. So as I feel like I’m getting frustrated, what do I do in these times? And I think that’s where that little kid really is.
00:26:24:24 – 00:26:42:28
Nick McGowan
Because when you think of the immaturity as a child, you know, you don’t know how to handle stuff. You know how to deal with things. Somebody takes your ball and you start crying. You know, somebody takes your bike and kicks it over and you kick them in the leg because you don’t know what to do as a little kid.
00:26:43:05 – 00:27:07:26
Nick McGowan
That little kid is still in there dealing with those problems underneath. So as you’re fighting with whatever you’re fighting with and as as an adult, your mind looks at it and you’re like, I get it. This isn’t really the end of the world. But that little kid is like the world is about to end. So what are you doing on the daily to be able to manage your mindset and prep for those sort of times so that when you’re in it you go, I can handle this better.
00:27:08:14 – 00:27:40:15
Dom Acello
So, you know, I’ll tell you what I know for me would be the absolute solution is if I can be more diligent toward mindfulness meditation. Right now, I know it so intimately. I’ve been to, you know, Sadhguru weekend courses on inner engineering where we sat in a room for four days and meditated and vegetables and didn’t talk. And I know what that does for me and it’s what I’m looking for, right?
00:27:40:24 – 00:28:07:21
Dom Acello
That’s the clarity I want. But yet it’s so damn hard to get consistent with it for me for some reason because of the external aspects. Right. So I that’s probably one of the harder things that I’ve been having to try to bring in consistently. And it really shouldn’t be right. Like logically, okay, I just need 10 minutes, 15 minutes in the morning and then I need ten or 15 minutes a night.
00:28:07:24 – 00:28:27:17
Dom Acello
Like no big deal. I barely watch TV. I could very easily do that, but I will do it tomorrow, you know, I don’t know why I keep doing that. So what’s interesting, just this show alone adverse not forced me but made me want to do that last night. This morning. So I just make sure I’m calm today. So I’m going to try to ride with that and continue to do that.
00:28:28:07 – 00:28:49:01
Dom Acello
But yeah, that that for me is the hard part is actually bringing that in because my normal state and what makes me at least what I think makes me good at what I do is that I’m I’m quick. I’m, I’m able to think fast. I’m able to respond fast. I’m able to get it all done. And you can’t like that state is very opposite of that.
00:28:49:01 – 00:29:07:27
Dom Acello
By the end of the day, you know, like you can I can do that mindful for a little while. But sometimes when it’s like messages, beeps, there’s somebody knocking at the door. I got an employee sitting behind me waiting to get off the phone so he knows what to do. I’m just running, you know? And then that’s when it usually spirals out by the end of the night, because I’m just wrapped up in my head.
00:29:08:01 – 00:29:28:16
Dom Acello
That’s really the main thing. And I know if I can get myself more outside and in a more balanced state like it from a mental perspective where I’m not just crunching in my head all day, that doesn’t happen. So so to me, the main solution and what I’m working now more diligently with is to bring those things in.
00:29:28:24 – 00:29:42:10
Dom Acello
You know, so whether it’s meditation, I want to start doing yoga a couple of days a week because, you know, I’m getting old. I sit in a chair all day, I go to the gym six days a week. I’m in good shape, you know, when you look at me. But I can I can’t touch my two hands by.
00:29:42:10 – 00:30:04:13
Dom Acello
I can barely touch my feet like I’m not you know, I’m not flexible. And I know that when things break, you know, and I remember hearing it might have been Sadhguru who was saying this, but, you know, like a flexible tree, you know, that’s very flexible. Doesn’t break in the storm. You know what I mean? Where one that’s all dried out and not flexible is easy to break, you know, under pressure.
00:30:04:17 – 00:30:28:15
Dom Acello
So, you know, those aspects which again, when I was younger, none of that. I didn’t care about any of that at all. And now it’s that that’s like the mastery part. I want to have full not control of because I don’t like that word, but I want to be able to not be limited by things that I have control over, to not be limited by, you know.
00:30:28:23 – 00:30:54:15
Dom Acello
And I see those things now pop up more and more and you know, I’m working on addressing those, you know, so that’s the hardest part for me. But the mindfulness aspect is definitely what I found to be. Without question. The answer, you know, is everything that’s when I don’t feel good. It’s because it’s simply I’m comparing something to something else and it’s not maybe what I want.
00:30:54:15 – 00:31:16:06
Dom Acello
And but if I look at what’s around me, it’s the same shit that was around me yesterday. Nothing’s changed. Nobody took something away that I made me feel like it’s the same stuff. So why do I not feel good now? It’s just my perspective on the scenario, which is again, me wrapped up in my head, right? Because I’m thinking about it, but I’m just being and like looking around, there’s really no problems.
00:31:16:06 – 00:31:52:12
Dom Acello
If anything, there’s like you can’t even find a problem. You know, there’s not even a not even a pretend problem around. So, you know, that tends to be what I’m starting to realize. You know, sometimes it’s harder than others. Like when I’m busy and I have all this stuff stacked up on me, it’s very hard for me to like, get a response out that sometimes isn’t automatic, you know, because I’m very used to I mean, you probably know, being on sales calls a lot, you know, you get these automatic responses where you really don’t even, you know, what you’re saying, but you’re not really you’re not really there.
00:31:52:12 – 00:32:18:05
Dom Acello
Right? It’s like, bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah. And then I bring that into other things in my life, you know, where I’m like, if I’m at the gym and I’m in that headset, all of a sudden I realize I pulled a muscle because I wasn’t paying attention. I was thinking about this phone call while I was doing shrugs or something and it like it’s just being wrapped up in my head is usually what leads to all of the things I don’t like that happened in my circumstances, which should be something I can control or manage better.
00:32:18:18 – 00:32:34:01
Dom Acello
So that that’s where I’m my main focus is nowadays. It’s not about I still try to get a lot done, but it’s not like I don’t think getting more done is necessarily going to really do anything other than if I’m enjoying what I’m doing. I want to do that. I’m having fun.
00:32:34:01 – 00:32:34:09
Nick McGowan
Too.
00:32:34:17 – 00:32:58:19
Dom Acello
But I even think doing less but being in a better headset will actually yield better scenarios for anybody because I think there’s so much on that aspect. The intention, how you’re feeling, what you’re projecting out into the world, where if you’re not paying attention to that and nothing’s changed in the last six years and you’re going in a circle, you know why?
00:32:58:19 – 00:33:19:08
Dom Acello
Because nothing is changing. You didn’t set any goals. You’re. What do you want to do with your life? I don’t know. Well, that’s what life’s giving you back is a bunch of, like, static or, you know, same thing over and over again. So that’s another thing. I used to also see where my headset is. If I haven’t had any things that I felt very excited about that are either coming up or things I just did or or whatever.
00:33:19:08 – 00:33:37:17
Dom Acello
And like it feels like I’m doing the same thing over and over again for a couple of months. I got to stop and go, okay, what am I doing wrong here? You know what I mean? Because I feel like I, I as we all should be. Like the universe, in a sense, is always expanding. So when all of a sudden that expanding stops, like, all right, what did I what happened?
00:33:37:21 – 00:34:02:22
Dom Acello
Right. I look around because when I first had started out of that situation where I was starting from scratch, it was just and it kept happening and it was like and then it would get scary, like, oh, this can’t go on forever. And sure enough, it doesn’t, right? So like the minute I get aware of it and I realized it’s like, you know, it’s a play on so many things and you know, you can’t really put your finger on any of it because it’s not anything you can put your finger on.
00:34:04:03 – 00:34:10:15
Dom Acello
But I do see that in my own life enough that that I know that to be true for me. You know.
00:34:11:12 – 00:34:39:09
Nick McGowan
If that’s why it all boils down to the mindset, I think if your intention and your mindset is in a positive direction as opposed to a negative direction, just thinking black and white with things like what are the building blocks, then at least you can start to head in that direction and other opportunities will come to you without getting into the complete depths of all of this and the metaphysical and quantum realms and all of that.
00:34:39:22 – 00:35:11:03
Nick McGowan
I think just by putting out that positivity, one automatically shuts down the negativity because you can’t actually deal with both at the same time. You can’t be extremely happy and extremely upset. Yes. Unless there’s bipolar or something like that. But that’s not a simple thing that’s happening. It’s not something that just happens right at the same time. So even if you focus on that stuff and you kind of work through like, what else is happening, what’s positive about this?
00:35:11:03 – 00:35:30:16
Nick McGowan
That’s why I suggest to people journaling, simple journaling. You don’t have to write a friggin thesis or anything, just put a couple of things out. What are some of the things you’re grateful for? What are some of the things that were wins that you had, even if it was stupid little things and are certain times where I’d do it, where some of the some days I’m like, I don’t think there was really many wins.
00:35:30:16 – 00:35:47:24
Nick McGowan
Start writing them out of my book. This is when when I said I did this. Oh my God, it was a lot better than what I thought it was. Then your head’s in a better spot, you know what I mean? Yeah. There are certain times where I think we do need to be in those seasons where the season of Just Head Down, you’re working through stuff, you’re building things.
00:35:48:01 – 00:36:21:00
Nick McGowan
But you also touched on being able to be balanced within seven some time for yourself. You know, I’m I’m anti the whole hustle culture probably because I lived for quite some time where that’s all I did and it just drove me fucking crazy. And it’s not about hustling, it’s not even about result, it’s about the process and doing things daily that actually will consistently deliver opportunities that will give you greater results.
00:36:21:00 – 00:36:45:00
Nick McGowan
Where some people don’t think about the ten, 15 minutes in the morning, in the evening like you do. So even kind of spending some time the time that you do spend, it’s better than nothing, you know? So it sounded like you were kind of beating yourself up a little bit about the ten or 15 minutes. But man, honestly, I think most people are in that spot where even if they sit down, they’re like, I’m going to meditate for 15 minutes.
00:36:45:21 – 00:37:04:14
Nick McGowan
It might get 2 minutes in. And they’ve already had 400 different. Like the stuff will just roll through their head, but it’s like it’s like going to the gym. You’ve got to stretch that muscle, you got to keep it going. And if you miss a day, all right, go back to the next day. Started over again the next day.
00:37:04:29 – 00:37:15:17
Nick McGowan
So for people that are kind of going through that now and fighting through that, how would you suggest that they they manage their mindset through those tough times? And what sort of tips would you give them?
00:37:16:21 – 00:37:35:04
Dom Acello
So with the meditation aspect, so the part that’s been hard is literally sitting down to do it. Like I don’t even I do that once or twice a week when I want to do it six days a week. So I’m trying to be a little bit more diligent with myself and I know I don’t know why I’m having a block toward it for some reason.
00:37:36:07 – 00:37:44:29
Dom Acello
And for me it’s also connected to family stuff because my mother was always meditating. So like, there’s this little kid in me that’s not I want to meditate because.
00:37:44:29 – 00:37:46:23
Nick McGowan
That’s probably where that attack is.
00:37:47:02 – 00:38:04:22
Dom Acello
Yeah. And it’s weird because I can see those things, you know, and then I’ll even notice that I react differently to situations if my girlfriend is home or if she’s not. And I go, Wow, that’s interesting. Why am I acting like a baby when she’s home and when I’m not here? I just get it done and I’m like, Wow, that’s really interesting.
00:38:04:22 – 00:38:25:08
Dom Acello
Just like, I’m not getting anything out of it, you know what I mean? I’m not doing like she’s not changing her behavior because of that. But I notice that that happens. So like, that’s another weird scenario. But with the meditation, like if I sit down for 10 minutes to meditate, I’ll hear, I mean, obviously your head still going.
00:38:25:08 – 00:38:49:18
Dom Acello
Like you’re in a state where if you haven’t been doing it and now you’re just introducing it, you’ve got to stop that momentum. Right. And the momentum is I can compare it to like a train. It’s not easy to just stop. It doesn’t just stop and you have to be gentle with it. So what I’ve seen work well and through other practices is to try to pay attention to breathing, okay?
00:38:49:29 – 00:39:10:06
Dom Acello
Because the breathing kind of brings you into the body. And then the minute that or even feel your toes with your eyes closed and then work up to your legs work. I’ve realized that you can feel your legs. Oh, wow. I can feel that. What do I you know, and then you kind of get into that. You’re just feeling your existence and then you can work through different parts of your body.
00:39:10:06 – 00:39:35:22
Dom Acello
And that usually helps me a lot to start to slow down because, you know, thoughts will pop up and then you just want to try to recognize that and then just go, okay, back to the breathing and you’ll probably be doing that all the time. Like even when I was meditating really heavy for a couple of months, within ten or 15 minutes, I definitely didn’t just sit there for ten or 15 minutes with no thoughts in my head.
00:39:35:23 – 00:40:03:01
Dom Acello
I was identifying when that popped up again and then gently going back, you know, but that space that you that you work on over and over again where your head is now being used more like a tool. So like I’ve even heard there is some old ancient societies that would consider that we had six senses with thought being one of them, that it should be used as a tool.
00:40:03:01 – 00:40:29:21
Dom Acello
And as we walk through this, this world, that our our main state is to be aware and just be right. It’s even in our name, human beings, right? Like that’s something we’re supposed to remember that most people it’s very difficult to, especially in this society. But the more I do that, if I just do that 10 minutes in the morning and at night, I notice that that how my head operates, it brings it with it throughout the day.
00:40:29:21 – 00:40:50:14
Dom Acello
And that’s the benefit because I’ll, you know, I get really analytical with things, right? So like when I’m when I’m working on something and I know it should take me an hour, but it didn’t. And then I go look and I. Okay, what did I just do for the last hour for 20 minutes, I was off on a tangent and I didn’t realize it until the 20 minutes happened and I pulled myself back in.
00:40:50:23 – 00:41:08:12
Dom Acello
But for 20 minutes I didn’t realize what I was doing like that. That’s insanity to me. But that happens with everybody, I’m pretty sure. So like when I see those moments, that meditation is what helps that not to happen because you’re more aware of what’s going on in your mind because you were trying to pay attention to it when you’re meditating.
00:41:08:28 – 00:41:28:18
Dom Acello
So even if you’re not successful with keeping your head quiet the whole time, I’ve never been able to do it for a full 10 minutes. But just the awareness of it now brings that whole new perspective into your daily life, where you’re just paying attention more of what you’re thinking and I think that’s the benefit there, you know, and it’s everything stems off of that.
00:41:29:06 – 00:41:47:11
Dom Acello
My happiness. You don’t feel suffering because sufferings of mind state right. I mean, obviously pain and stuff like that. You can start to you know, you can say that’s tough. But as far as like suffering because you, you know, this guy has more than me. I don’t have this everything, you know, like that’s all just wrapped up in that.
00:41:47:11 – 00:42:11:02
Dom Acello
So I find the more I do that, the less that happens. But it’s like with anything like the gym practice, you know, for sure, you know, and it’s probably similar to it’s like once you do it for a month and you’re getting into the gym, that’s about how long it takes to get that into a habit. But I still struggle with it today, you know, but I say it and I talk about it because I also don’t want to be someone that just talks about things and never does them.
00:42:11:02 – 00:42:28:10
Dom Acello
So like by me putting it out there, I now I’m on the hook to to match that, you know. So I like doing those types of things too, where I’m very vocal about how I’m feeling and what I’m trying to do. So with my own standards, I know I like to be a man of my word. So if I said it now, I have to do it.
00:42:28:10 – 00:42:29:21
Dom Acello
All right, let’s do it. You know.
00:42:31:06 – 00:42:54:03
Nick McGowan
I think there’s there’s something to be said about when you shift from what you want to do when you’re like, I’m going to meditate because I know it’s healthy for me to do, but then next thing you know, you’re doing something else. Like there’s a reason why you did that, you know, and you’d kind of touched on some of it, like maybe it was your mom or there was something that’s still there, that kind of direct you to something else.
00:42:54:03 – 00:43:10:22
Nick McGowan
I find the same thing where I sit on the back porch like, All right, cool, I’m going to do a meditation. I’m going to do a guided meditation so that I can stick to this and just make sure I get through the 15, 20 minutes. The next thing you know, I’m looking at some app on my phone and I’m like, I haven’t looked at this thing in like a year.
00:43:10:29 – 00:43:28:24
Nick McGowan
Why? Why are you up where right now? Go back to meditation and then I’m on my iPad. I’m like, The fuck did I get here? That stuff will just happen. But I think we have to kind of figure out like, why? Why am I doing that? And I’ve had similar situations happen before where I’m like, What is it?
00:43:28:26 – 00:44:03:10
Nick McGowan
Why am I trying to find other things? And I think once we start asking the questions, I mean you can even see back here QB. Q The book question behind the question, it’s all about getting deeper and deeper and going well. Why? Well, why, well why? Well why? So those things that you’re fighting with right now, subconsciously even fighting with sit down with them, go through them, figure that out, because it might be something that you go, Oh, man, I’m hesitant to do that because I’m afraid of this thing, or I’m hesitant to do it because, you know, pick anything else.
00:44:03:21 – 00:44:25:14
Nick McGowan
But I think once you actually sit down and explore through it, you’re on the right path of looking through and saying, all right, well, is it something from my past? Is it something from when I was a child and sitting down and going through that and actually separating those from what you’re doing now and where you are at and who you are now is different than you were.
00:44:25:14 – 00:44:49:09
Nick McGowan
Is that little kid that’s still so past and present. So the more that you can be present, that’s ultimately what meditations about. Like, I talk about meditation and journaling and all that sort of stuff on this podcast, and I, I don’t want somebody to come up to me at some point be like, Oh my God, you must meditate for like hours and hours and hours, because that is not the case.
00:44:49:17 – 00:45:14:02
Nick McGowan
Maybe at some point it will be, but that’s not real right now. I just do what I can during those times, but I think it takes us also be in accountable. So there’s stuff like with your girlfriend being home, you might be a little different. I’m sure there’s positive and negative sides of that. Like there may be times where you almost look at her like a mom where you’re like, I don’t want to upset her because I don’t want to upset Mom.
00:45:14:12 – 00:45:32:01
Nick McGowan
There are other times you step up and you’re like, I’m man of the house. I’m going to take care of this thing for us. And we’re totally good. That’s a whole different even bodily posture at that point. So being aware is the biggest thing of all of this meditation. Whatever it is that we do, we’ve got to be aware of this stuff.
00:45:32:15 – 00:45:48:06
Nick McGowan
So on the topic of awareness, let’s actually jump into a couple of the key moments in life. Are there any major episodes or things that happen over the course of time that you can look back at and go? And right now, I’m aware that that was a moment that changed me.
00:45:49:01 – 00:46:08:24
Dom Acello
So I mentioned a couple of these already. I’m one of those moments I remember I’ll be get a little more into detail on it where I just I was in long Island City. I grew up in New York. Right. So I’m working in Manhattan. And I who knows, I probably had a hard day at work. It was night.
00:46:08:24 – 00:46:29:26
Dom Acello
I had a roommate that I needed to put together in order to get this specific apartment that was like on the 27th floor with floor to ceiling windows overlooking Manhattan right on the on the East River. And I really had to, like, fit the pieces together to make it all work. And then two months in, he ends up breaking his lease because he couldn’t.
00:46:29:26 – 00:46:48:09
Dom Acello
And then because I was trying to get this apartment so bad, I did the whole credit check on my income. So it was able to work that way. And then I got stuck with the apartment and it was like $4,000 a month. So like whatever, I could handle it. So, but a couple of days later I come home and I just come to this empty apartment with this beautiful view.
00:46:48:09 – 00:47:05:21
Dom Acello
It’s like I’m on top of the world, but I felt horrible. It was empty as it was saying that. And then like, then what’s it? And I just got really, you know, and I just started kind of like the worst desperation you can feel when you realize, like, you were on a five mile journey and you were going the wrong direction the whole time.
00:47:06:00 – 00:47:35:25
Dom Acello
You know, it’s like, you know, and it took me eight years to get around that. But that moment, I mean, I remember what it even looked like. I remember walking into the apartment. It was dark and the city looked beautiful. And I was just sad, you know, really sad. And that that then I kind of just I use that to be a real asshole for a while too, because I thought I was, you know, at that point of my time, I it was a very different mentality than I have today.
00:47:36:06 – 00:48:02:18
Dom Acello
You know, I today I believe everything that we see is also part of us in some way. And if we, like, hurt somebody or don’t, if you even move through the world unconsciously, somehow that comes back to you, you know? And it’s all very much in our control when most of our life we’ve been told that, you know, things happen to you, they don’t happen through you.
00:48:04:00 – 00:48:24:25
Dom Acello
So that that moment was definitely a turning point. You know, it was like an early midlife crisis because it definitely beat me up until it took me out. And then the other thing is that it really I was be I was at a point where I should have already had this like rock bottom for a while, but I was able to mask it and hide it so well for so many years.
00:48:24:25 – 00:48:51:23
Dom Acello
Nobody realized what I was doing. So it took a lot for for it to hit rock bottom. And when it hit, it was like, you know, fireworks, 4th of July type of thing. It was epic. And I ruined a lot of things. But that moment, too, I remember very specifically because I, you know, six, seven years later, sitting there in this facility and I didn’t have anything.
00:48:51:23 – 00:49:07:06
Dom Acello
I was in the middle of the winter. I’ve shorts on socks and Timberland boots because like I was running to the store to get food and I was the last thing I was wearing. And I was around a bunch of people that I didn’t think was anything like me. And I was like, What the hell am I doing?
00:49:08:12 – 00:49:27:18
Dom Acello
So that was another very big aha moment. And I was forced to sit with that for quite a long time, like literally long time. And I had to come to terms with it. You know, normally I used to be a person that would have a very hard time sitting in a room by myself. It was like uncomfortable. Like, you know, there’s me though.
00:49:27:18 – 00:49:49:17
Dom Acello
I get I need distraction. And then when I was kind of forced to do that for a little while, that was a very difficult time that I remember. But then I also remember once I just let it go and that’s when everything got better. But from that point forward, as it was just like, and I can’t hold on to this anymore, it’s like there’s, it’s me holding on to it, you know?
00:49:49:17 – 00:50:12:03
Dom Acello
And then I, it was so hard to continue holding it for so long that I remember I just like, gave up. And it wasn’t like a giving up. It was like a surrendering. And I remember it very well. And like that, I was literally the happiest I’ve probably ever been when I should have been the least happy. And I’ll still even look at moments, those types of moments, because I had nothing.
00:50:12:03 – 00:50:34:18
Dom Acello
I had nothing. I didn’t have a phone, nobody could call me. And all of a sudden there was a big freedom in that too, where it was like, Oh my God, I could just really be here because there’s zero distractions. I can’t even make one. And I use that moment a lot. I reflect on it because I want to feel that happy all the time and I have glimpses it every pretty frequently.
00:50:34:18 – 00:50:58:11
Dom Acello
But I, I didn’t. I didn’t like it, embrace it or live it like I was able to. Then, without the distractions. You know, that tells me a couple of things, right? That, you know, at some point I need to also dial things down a little. Like I’m transitioning what I’m doing for a living. I’m trying to do trying to change industries, move more into music and production.
00:50:58:11 – 00:51:13:06
Dom Acello
And I know that’s going to be a little bit of a lot of work to transition that. And I’m okay, I want to do that, but I want to make sure that once that happens, that’s not the pace I keep, you know, sort of being very, very specific to start already, you know, try to fix some of that now.
00:51:13:15 – 00:51:29:24
Dom Acello
But there are some days that because I have the obligations during the day and the only other free time that I have is at night, I got I got to put it in, you know, but I enjoy it. I love it. So I, I also pay attention to when it starts to feel like it’s me pushing a boulder across the street.
00:51:30:00 – 00:51:53:10
Dom Acello
That’s when I got to stop and retool. And sometimes I just might need a night off. And then I feel great the next day again. But I try to pay attention to those aspects a lot because again, that’s all that mindfulness, you know. So like when you start trying to bring yourself back to paying attention to what’s going on in your head, you start to see all these other things, you know, and then by seeing them, that’s when you can change them, you know?
00:51:53:10 – 00:52:10:23
Dom Acello
But if you can’t see them, you can’t you don’t know they exist. And if I didn’t slow down to do those things, I literally wouldn’t realize they were. I mean, it took me 30 something years to even realize that was there to start off with. You know, it’s like it was obvious maybe to other people. But I was looking right through it, you know, I wasn’t seeing it.
00:52:11:01 – 00:52:27:18
Dom Acello
And you need distance, you know, like if you’re looking at something like this, you can’t see it at once. You get distance from it. Oh, okay. Now I have perspective and you can see it. Oh, it’s not as scary as I thought. You know, you need to get yourself separated from things and that that that’s, you know, to keep it simple too.
00:52:27:18 – 00:52:42:01
Dom Acello
I know it’s all based off of that. So then like my, my focus is also singular as far as how do I get more joy into my life. I just need more of that. I need more space, I need more balance. And I know that that will bring the rest. You know.
00:52:43:00 – 00:52:57:09
Nick McGowan
This good stuff, man, all our time is almost up and I want to be mindful of our time. I appreciate you being on. Is there anything else you want to add that you’d want to share to anybody that’s listening that’s on their path towards self-mastery?
00:52:57:29 – 00:53:19:21
Dom Acello
Yeah, you know, I mean, I’ve seen a lot of different a lot of different types of people throughout my life. As far as like on different ends of the spectrum, I’ve had friends that were multi, multi multimillionaires with multiple houses all over the world and collectible cars in their office like ridiculous stuff. And then I’ve had friends where they’re they’re they’re 20 something years old.
00:53:19:21 – 00:53:48:03
Dom Acello
The mother and them both live in somebody’s house on the couch and are doing sexual stuff to to keep that location secure. And I’ve seen what that world looks like. And it’s like there’s some people out there where they’re their what they have to do to overcome to get to that next level might be very hard to see from those perspectives, you know, and I feel so bad because they’re all we’re all the same people.
00:53:48:03 – 00:54:09:14
Dom Acello
Like they’re all little stockbrokers doing that. Like, I could see that these were the same personalities that were in both spots, but the perspective was keeping them there. And it’s like in order to get past that, it’s for what I always, always hoping that I can help people like that with was that just to try to show them that there’s a way that you can do it.
00:54:09:14 – 00:54:29:17
Dom Acello
Like I’ve been in that scenario where I’ve had nothing, all the odds were stacked against me and I just continued moving in that direction. And if you continue to moving in a direction where you have a very clear focus, things will come together. There’s it’s not it’s only one foot, one step in front of the other to make a journey, right?
00:54:29:17 – 00:54:46:06
Dom Acello
Like when you’re going to, you know, from point A to point B, let’s say it’s New York to California and it’s at night. Right. All you can see in front of you is as far as your headlights show, but you can make it all the way across the country with just that little bit of just knowing what the next step is.
00:54:46:19 – 00:55:04:03
Dom Acello
And I’ve heard that analogy from an author called Abraham Hicks or Esther Hicks. She wrote The Law of Attraction back in like the seventies, I think, or eighties. And that always stuck with me because like I know what the next step is like. If I want to start a company and I don’t know anything about it. I have no financial barrier.
00:55:04:03 – 00:55:27:29
Dom Acello
I didn’t finish high school. Let’s say that could sound daunting, but the next step is, well, how do I how do I create the company? Let me look that up. And then once you get there, the next step will appear and you just keep following that. And next thing you know, you’re building something great. So, you know, out of out of everything I’ve seen, it’s like if you break it down to that simplistic aspect of one foot in front of the other, you can you can move mountains, you know.
00:55:28:25 – 00:55:31:05
Dom Acello
So that would be my one little tidbit for the world.
00:55:32:03 – 00:55:37:11
Nick McGowan
It’s great stuff, man. Well, I appreciate that tidbit. Where can where can people find you?
00:55:38:09 – 00:56:05:14
Dom Acello
All right. Well, so there’s a couple of different aspects to what I do over here from the business side with marketing is within marketing, within marketing, e-comm, and with the music side of things. I go on to the artist named Dom and Sello, which is a play off of my first and last name and then Herd Records. You can go to her records dot com and check out what we’re doing with the music label.
00:56:05:14 – 00:56:12:29
Dom Acello
It’s still being built out, but there’s some good content on there. And yeah, and I’m sure you’ll provide the rest of the links below. Right.
00:56:13:15 – 00:56:20:19
Nick McGowan
It’ll all be in the info. So again, Dom, I appreciate you being on the show, being open with us and Rahman, really appreciate it. Thank you.
00:56:21:07 – 00:56:31:21
Dom Acello
Yes, thanks for having me. Appreciate it, man.
00:56:31:21 – 00:56:57:15
Nick McGowan
Another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. Sometimes we follow in the footsteps of our family members, and we really don’t even know it until after it happens. And to realize that you need help and sometimes be enough. But then again, sometimes the universe just kind of conspires to let you know, Hey, we’re going to make sure you get help and assist you with moving along and getting that help.
00:56:57:28 – 00:57:20:02
Nick McGowan
MAN Dom’s got one of those rise and fall type lives. And what a visual of standing in a beautiful apartment overlooking New York City and just feeling empty. Do you have a moment like that? So what did you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the conversation today. And if you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe right and leave a five star review.
00:57:20:10 – 00:57:40:27
Nick McGowan
And if you really enjoyed the show, please go ahead and share it with your friends and family and really anybody else you want. Can check out the show notes for more info and contact info freedom and check out other episodes on the Mindset and Self-mastery Show account as well as our YouTube channel. Just search the mindset and self-mastery show heck.
00:57:40:29 – 00:58:02:07
Nick McGowan
Even just go to Google and search that you’ll find us. Thank you again, Dom, for being on the show and for being honest, raw and real with us. And thank you to you for joining us today. And remember, your mindset matters and so do you.
By Nick McGowanIn this episode, Nick speaks with Dominic Acello, the owner of a marketing agency in Tampa, Florida, and an audio engineer for some of Tampa’s best in the hip-hop scene. Dom joins us today to get into mindset management throughout the rise and fall moments of life.
About Dominic Acello
As a small business owner & music producer, Dominic Acello has always been a keen advocate of following your own song, heart (or Chest). With what Dominic calls his “Reset” event, he lost everything he’d been working for at age 35 and needed to build his life back from literal scratch.
Since 2018, just 4 years later, Dominic helped build Within Marketing Group Inc, as a digital marketing agency (w/video production) in Tampa, FL. As President of Within Marketing Group, Dominic manages 5 employees and the organization manages over $1MM in annual ad spend.
In an effort to follow his true passion in 2021, Dominic co-founded Heard Records Inc., an Indie Hip-Hop Record Label, complete with a clothing line (OffTheChestology.com), a hybrid analog recording studio (DAPStudios), and in-house marketing & video production.
Dominic says “all of my recent success, I owe to my most epic losses” and works daily to become a better version of himself.
Resources:
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Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”
00:00:08:12 – 00:00:30:28
Nick McGowan
Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guest and I unpack the stories that shape us and the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. Today on the show, we have Dom Acello. Dom’s, the owner of a marketing agency in Tampa, Florida, and an audio engineer for some of Tampa’s best in the hip hop scene.
00:00:31:11 – 00:00:50:25
Nick McGowan
Dom joins us today to get in the mindset management throughout the rise and fall moments of life. He’s had a wild ride, so let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.
00:00:52:28 – 00:00:56:29
Nick McGowan
Dom Hello, man. Welcome to the show. I’m so glad you’re here. How are you doing?
00:00:57:19 – 00:01:00:15
Dom Acello
I’m doing good, Nick. Thanks for having me on. Looking forward to this.
00:01:00:24 – 00:01:32:23
Nick McGowan
Absolutely, man. We’ve had a lot of conversations. We’ve been friends for, I guess, a little over a year at this point. Both are transplants, I guess, to Florida. Move from other parts of the country, connected through a coach that we’re both working with and enacted over music and men. And we’ve gotten into some really deep conversations. So I wanted to make sure that of all the friends that I have, that you were one of the people that definitely came on the show, because I know there’s a lot underneath that tough exterior that you’ve got.
00:01:33:20 – 00:01:34:28
Dom Acello
Thanks. I appreciate that, man.
00:01:35:18 – 00:01:43:13
Nick McGowan
So let’s kick things off. Dom, tell us what you do for a living and one thing that most people probably don’t know about you.
00:01:44:02 – 00:02:15:02
Dom Acello
All right. Well, so professionally, I’ve been doing marketing, online marketing for a living since 2004. I’ve always been into music. I’ve been a musician since I was four years old. And really, over the last couple of years, I think this happened for a lot of people, too. This COVID event kind of was a wake up call, and I started to realize, along with some other events that happened, which we’ll get into probably here shortly, that I’m getting old quick.
00:02:15:04 – 00:02:33:03
Dom Acello
And if I if I don’t do something, I have a feeling I’m going to, you know, sit down and look back and I’m going to be 60 and be like, what the what the fuck did I do? So I started to pursue music more. I created a label with a really good friend, and he’s my partner in this business called Herd Records.
00:02:33:07 – 00:02:55:02
Dom Acello
And we have a clothing line that’s under that. And we’re we’re going to start creating music that we’re going to be releasing more this year. And it’s it’s been an exciting ride, you know, so I definitely have my hands full right now. But I’m trying to move more into what is I’m passionate about following my heart in a sense, and that’s where it’s bringing me.
00:02:55:02 – 00:03:15:10
Dom Acello
So I’m trying to do this nice, slow transition into that. And I think the marketing company is actually going to play a very big role in assisting how all of the music stuff ends up coming to light. You know, because I have all those resources in-house from video editing to online marketing to, you know, you name it, web development and so forth.
00:03:15:10 – 00:03:35:21
Dom Acello
So it’s been a busy couple of years, but it’s definitely been the best couple of years probably of my life at this point. So I’m I’m feeling good with how things are moving along at this point. What most people don’t know is I had what I call my reset event. So when I had got out of college, I was all about money, money, money, money.
00:03:35:21 – 00:03:55:23
Dom Acello
We got to make money. So I work real hard work in Manhattan. I’m at an agency, start making really good money, got this beautiful apartment and I’m just sitting there and I realize, oh, my God, that’s not it. You know, so like this ten, 12 years, I’m working towards this goal. And I started to get to and I realized it wasn’t it and I didn’t even consider what if that wasn’t it?
00:03:55:24 – 00:04:23:14
Dom Acello
So I felt like, Whoa. So for about two years, probably a good eight years, I kind of struggled. I started to avoid the the despair, feeling and covering it up made a worse and worse decisions. As I got a little older and by like age 35, that kind of reached a head and put me in a position where I lost everything.
00:04:23:23 – 00:04:52:15
Dom Acello
So just four years ago, I literally didn’t even have a pair of pants. I had lost every single thing I could possibly have, didn’t have a bank account, didn’t have money, didn’t have closed nothing. So I had to build that all back up over the last couple of years. And a lot of people don’t realize that for sure because it looks like I’ve been kind of buzzing along for a while now that event and that whole scenario is probably one of the biggest trends that I have today.
00:04:52:15 – 00:05:09:15
Dom Acello
I owe it all to all of my mistakes. I mean, hands down, you know, and it’s I was definitely presented with a scenario where it’s like, I can use this to make myself worse and have a reason for it. Right? I could justify why I’m doing stupid things or I can use that to become an amazing person, you know?
00:05:10:01 – 00:05:34:06
Dom Acello
And I tried to look at it that way. And so far it’s been it’s literally I give that event all of the credit for where I am today. Without question, it gave me a perspective into my own life, what I’m doing, what I value, what’s important that I couldn’t have gotten from anything else. You know, it was like it had to be ripped away to realize that it had no value to start off with all of the materialism stuff.
00:05:34:15 – 00:06:00:00
Dom Acello
And then it’s a little more easier now navigating because I’m not thinking about the stuff, I’m just thinking about what do I want to do and what makes me feel good, you know? So yeah, most people don’t know. I went through that and it’s a little deeper than that. I mean, it was like literally an eight year struggle of, you know, you can probably figure it out by just how I’m explaining it, but, you know, going out too much, not handling my emotions by dealing with them, but covering them up.
00:06:00:01 – 00:06:25:16
Dom Acello
You know, and the other thing that’s really interesting about it, it was also a pattern or behavior that I replicated that another family member also had. So my another close family member had went through a very similar thing at literally the same age and had basically lost everything due to very similar reasons. And then I found myself I literally followed those exact same footsteps.
00:06:25:16 – 00:06:44:01
Dom Acello
And, you know, it is what it is. It’s like I don’t regret it because and I would never take it back because I like where I’m at now and I can’t I couldn’t have been here without that, you know. So it’s you know, it’s one of those really interesting scenarios where it’s not the easiest thing to go talk to everybody about.
00:06:44:01 – 00:07:05:22
Dom Acello
But it it definitely is a story, I think, that is valuable to other people in those scenarios because, you know, daunted with the task of rebuilding your life in your mid-thirties. I just never thought I was going to get it all back together and it happened faster and I got in a better position within a year or two than I had ever up until then, you know?
00:07:05:22 – 00:07:35:01
Dom Acello
So it’s definitely mindset. It’s definitely more your clarity of focus. What are you really trying to do? You know, are you motivated to do good at work because you want a car to show off to somebody, right? Because that’s not really good. I mean, as long as as much as feeling fulfillment, you know. So like I had a struggle through all of that and then losing all of it was really the what I needed to realize that it really didn’t have much value to start off with.
00:07:35:01 – 00:07:35:12
Dom Acello
You know.
00:07:35:21 – 00:07:54:25
Nick McGowan
It sucks to think that sometimes you have to lose everything or sometimes you have to get your ass kicked to be able to realize that something’s happening. I think I’ve said this on a different podcast. It may have just been on a client call or something, but sometimes you’re not aware of the problem until you actually you’re made aware of the fucking problem.
00:07:55:05 – 00:08:27:06
Nick McGowan
Just like when you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re like, Man, I got to go take a piss. It’s dumb. O’clock in the morning, forgot about that fucking chair that’s there. But the little pinky show, didn’t you know? But you’re still made aware of that stuff. So no matter what that reset looks like, if it’s some crazy addiction that drives you to the ground but doesn’t actually kill you or some business failure or marriage or whatever it is, somebody had said it was actually Adrian on a previous episode that his coach has talked about the splat moment, the splat experience.
00:08:27:12 – 00:08:48:22
Nick McGowan
Somebody has to go splat for them to do something. Yeah. So sometimes those are the best experiences we can have. But if you think about it, you being 15, 20 years ago, if you’re like, Hey, here’s the deal, you’re going to do all this wild shit, it’s going to be real and hurt for a little while and then everything’s going to be ripped away.
00:08:49:20 – 00:09:08:23
Nick McGowan
You may have looked at things differently, but then again you may not have. So let’s separate from the being thankful that you went through that and let’s step back into what led to that reset that looking back at now you go, oh man, I should have done these things different. So therefore I do.
00:09:10:12 – 00:09:37:02
Dom Acello
You know, so I’m getting to a point in my life as I’m getting older, I am about I’m 39. I turn 40 next month in April. And I’m starting to realize that in order to have an experience, you have to know both sides of it. Pretty much from my experience, it’s like it has to happen that way. So you can’t know love without knowing, you know, the opposite or the inverse of that.
00:09:37:02 – 00:09:57:15
Dom Acello
You can’t know strength without knowing no strength. So I notice that throughout my life I had bounced on these extremes and I’m finally now coming into the middle and I was reading like a quote from somebody the other day that was saying that, you know, you can’t find balance until you find your extremes because you don’t know where the balance is then.
00:09:57:18 – 00:10:21:01
Dom Acello
So I, I have I’ve always been a very high energy individual. I’ve always, you know, felt I can do anything I put my mind to, you know, my mother is practices meditation and yoga and was living in an ashram before I was even born. So I was brought up with a lot of that mentality. And especially from her, she always let me know that that was the case.
00:10:21:18 – 00:10:38:22
Dom Acello
I was also an only child. So I you know, it was probably you would have talked to me 15 years ago and I would have been someone you would have thought is very full of themselves because I, I had that feeling and that knowing, but it was positioned where it was. I’m better than anything else where it’s not like that.
00:10:38:22 – 00:11:00:09
Dom Acello
It’s, I see it as, it’s like an energy play where we all have the ability to manipulate and work with this creative landscape that we have. And it all comes from what we can see first. So if we don’t have clarity on what we’re moving toward, we can move the physical around and build it up and put a bunch of it in a room and say that Look at all my stuff.
00:11:00:18 – 00:11:23:21
Dom Acello
But you’re not you’re not really like working with it in that aspect, you know, or you are. It’s like you’re only kind of working with part of it or the surface of it. So you know that, that all of these different scenarios that I think anybody goes through, especially for myself, I felt like it was imperative for me to learn and feel those extremes at the time.
00:11:23:21 – 00:11:45:28
Dom Acello
Of course, you can’t make any sense of it, right? Because you only know one perspective. And then as you go through it, your perspective opens up. And, you know, I find that that that’s that’s kind of what I see now is that from I’ve went, I mean, as far as going on extremes okay I’ve been to every extreme you can possibly imagine that was within my what I was trying to do.
00:11:45:28 – 00:12:06:11
Dom Acello
Right. So if I wanted to be the go out guy, I was the guy that just overdid it way over. Did it? Okay. Where? You know, I go out Friday and I come back Sunday. You know, it was it was just always overdoing everything. I worked. I worked, you know, 18 hours a day and in a year and a half, number one sales guy at all, you know, all these things.
00:12:06:11 – 00:12:24:27
Dom Acello
But they weren’t healthy the way I was doing it. It was almost like I was trying desperately to get that feeling. I know that I should feel and I want to feel, but I was completely going at it the wrong way, you know? And when I was younger, I don’t think you, at least for myself, I can’t speak for anybody else, but I couldn’t.
00:12:25:10 – 00:12:44:20
Dom Acello
You can’t see that, you know, you can’t really see that until you kind of start to mature more and start to realize what’s what’s here. Right. And the things that I thought were valuable before I actually brought all the bad people into my life because they were also artificial, you know? And I see how it all played off of each other, you know.
00:12:44:29 – 00:13:06:21
Dom Acello
So it’s you know, it’s been an interesting experience for sure. But, you know, I think that is part of like finding yourself. You have to explore, right? And you have to reach those things in order to find out where your lane is. And I feel like I’m just finally starting to see the lane and I’m still wandering all over it, you know?
00:13:06:21 – 00:13:21:23
Dom Acello
But I’m getting I’m getting it. I’m on it most of the time. But there are certain moments that I fall off. And because I’m cognizant of paying attention to this daily, I notice those. And then, you know, sometimes there are things where I don’t even know how I’m going to figure them out. Like, I’ll give you an example.
00:13:21:23 – 00:13:45:24
Dom Acello
So, you know, I wake up yesterday, I feel great. I feel like I can take over the world. I sit down and I get a email from I think it was Voyage magazine. They want to write an article on both me and Reza that is for Influential People, and it’s an influential series that they’re doing and we were recommended, so I was really excited about that.
00:13:45:24 – 00:14:07:02
Dom Acello
So I’m putting a post up and I spent like 15 minutes writing this. I articulated it the way I wanted to and then I go to Hit Save and it just closes. And I didn’t copy and paste it into a word doc like I normally do, right? Because I do this kind of stuff for a living too. So I know that happens a lot and then because I knew that happened and I messed that up, I just spiraled for like 10 minutes.
00:14:07:02 – 00:14:27:17
Dom Acello
Like literally this feeling comes up over me, my head starts pounding and I’m like, I could jump out of a window, and it feels like that would be a better choice than anything else. Like I go instantly to this really bad place, but I know now if I just. All right, let me get through it, you know, and then it goes away in like ten or 15 minutes, but it’s like extreme.
00:14:28:17 – 00:14:55:25
Dom Acello
And then what I’m starting to see, though, now it’s like, you can’t fix that for me while I’m in that state. It’s all about how am the other times that is allowing that state to kind of express itself? So if I’m all like wound up, it’s easier for it to catch up and just flare up. But if I’m balanced and I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, like meditating and things along those lines, I notice that doesn’t happen.
00:14:55:26 – 00:15:11:06
Dom Acello
Yeah, right. So like, that was like this real subtle ness that I was battling with for the last year or two. And it’s like, Oh, it’s not like something that was killing me on a multiple times a day, but like once or twice a week, I’d, I’d get very worked up and I didn’t like it. I felt very out of control.
00:15:11:06 – 00:15:27:29
Dom Acello
I didn’t like, you know, I just didn’t like how, you know, I’m one to articulate myself well. During those moments, I feel like I don’t even know what I’m doing. They’re short lived, but I didn’t, you know, they would feel so, you know, it’s like it would take over. And I when I’m in that headset, I can’t see out of it.
00:15:27:29 – 00:15:42:26
Dom Acello
So it’s like I have to get out of it and then I have to look at it and go, okay, what’s really making that happen? And I feel like it’s like these emotions I have from when I was younger that tend to and it’s probably because they were on dealt with things because I had some traumatic stuff that happened when I was a kid.
00:15:42:26 – 00:16:02:06
Dom Acello
As far as like family, you know, like I was saying before, there was substance abuse issues and people leaving and me being too young for them to understand what was going on. And I and I never really dealt with those. I kind of blocked it out. Like I really don’t even remember a lot of my childhood. I just don’t remember it.
00:16:02:20 – 00:16:24:09
Dom Acello
I’m sure that it all started coming up at some point now that I’m trying to look at it. But these little expressions still pop up and I can tell they’re from that because it’s like a child. I get childlike and my behavior is like, No, I don’t want to do it, you know? And I feel like it’s rooted in a child perspective, though, you know, it’s like I’m just starting to see this kind of stuff the last couple of weeks.
00:16:25:10 – 00:16:44:18
Dom Acello
And it’s interesting, you know, like, I just never thought I’d be, you know, at this point where I’m like, writing down what I, you know, the little, little nuances of things. I don’t like that I do where if I, you know, if I’m in a certain situation where, you know, I might be, you know, at fault, I get, oh, my God, I’m sorry.
00:16:44:18 – 00:17:04:08
Dom Acello
I get very like and I can tell that to is from that and you know I don’t like that because most of the time I’m not I have nothing to be sorry about at all, right? But I still feel that way. So, like, how do you not feel like that if it feels like, you know, when you touch a hot plate, your finger burns and then you’re telling me to have it not feel like it’s going to burn it?
00:17:04:08 – 00:17:23:02
Dom Acello
Well, it’s it’s just there. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do with it. So, like, I’m starting to see now that it’s not, like completely out of my control, but there are things that lead up to it. And, you know, maybe that’s going to be scarring that I’ll have forever. But by working on myself more, it doesn’t ever have to get in the way, you know?
00:17:23:17 – 00:17:40:17
Dom Acello
Or maybe it completely goes away, who knows? But you know, right now I’m okay if it never does. And if I could just learn how to become better from all of that by, you know, learning my own place of balance or where I really should be, that would be a huge win out of that scenario as it is.
00:17:40:25 – 00:17:58:23
Dom Acello
So yeah, I’m trying, you know, I think like all of us, you know, try to figure out why, why we do the things we do sometimes or why it’s so hard to change or, you know, or set things that you can see other people do. So it’s it’s just all things I’m trying to work on, you know.
00:17:59:17 – 00:18:26:22
Nick McGowan
You know, you say all people are trying to do this. That’s not really the case. Not everybody is not everybody’s that aware of those things. Even some people just get pissed off and they’re like, Ah, this fucking printer and that it ruins their week. Then they’re just like, I forget everything because of the printer. And that that happens, you know, like print your bus, you’re, you didn’t copy and paste it into a word doc or a notepad and shit happens.
00:18:27:00 – 00:18:48:09
Nick McGowan
The fact that you’re aware of it, you go, Oh, I feel this welling up. And then to be able to have that awareness, to step back, not put your fist through a wall or anything crazy like you may have done as a kid, I can relate to that too. You know, where there are certain situations that happen as a child that will flare up almost like a pimple kind of coming out.
00:18:48:09 – 00:19:15:04
Nick McGowan
It just puts exactly in coming out. You nailed it, though. A lot of it has to do with little Dom. A little little kid that is still upset about those things that happened. And you got to be able to go back and sit down and watch the movie with that kid. Let’s look at those situations that happened when we were seven or nine or ten or six or whatever, to be able to go through and figure that stuff out.
00:19:15:04 – 00:19:35:13
Nick McGowan
Because I think that truly is that inner child that comes up in those moments when you start to get really pissed and this stuff that just automatically happens, just like you mentioned, with hitting or touching a hot plate, like, you know, when you touch that, you have that reflex, you pull back because your body’s like, Oh, this hurts, this sucks.
00:19:35:13 – 00:20:03:07
Nick McGowan
Don’t do that. That sort of reflex can come up. If there are things that are inside of you that when a situation happens, it goes raw and just automatically comes up and out pops that eight year old kid that just really fucking upset. So being able to have those conversations with yourself is huge, but honestly, it starts with the awareness to go, Wait a minute, this feels almost like a little kid and being able to actually deal with that stuff.
00:20:03:11 – 00:20:28:20
Nick McGowan
So how do you then go through and manage in those moments? Because I think this is the sort of stuff that’s really, really palpable for the people. Listen to this. It’s the how to’s in those moments because, look, I could probably pick a handful of people that I know that listen to this. And then people that I don’t know that listen to this that had the same shit that happened.
00:20:29:00 – 00:20:49:19
Nick McGowan
Like, Yeah, man, me too. This stuff will happen. It’s just dumb little shit that doesn’t need to make me irate. And the next thing you know, I’m just furious. And sometimes it’s easy. Yeah, and it’s easy to just eat into it. You’re like, Well, I’m fucking mad. Well, while I’m mad, I’m just going to be more mad. It’s like, No, just pull yourself the fuck back and figure that out.
00:20:49:19 – 00:20:53:26
Nick McGowan
So walk us through that. How do you pull yourself back? What’s what’s that look like?
00:20:55:04 – 00:21:15:07
Dom Acello
How do I pull myself back? I got to be honest, at this point, if I’m in that state, I can’t pull myself out of it until it expresses itself. And I might have to go like I get like yell and then literally I feel better. But if I don’t do something like that, like maybe I got to go to the gym or something.
00:21:16:04 – 00:21:36:15
Dom Acello
It’ll stay with me for like an hour or two, and then it’s just one little thing again. Will It’ll flare it up again. But what I’m noticing, like, so these are the questions I asked myself when I started noticing that. But it got in the way, like one, one particular instance where I just would have rather that not happened because like I was late with some project I was working on.
00:21:37:02 – 00:22:02:03
Dom Acello
So when I feel that way now what I have to do and I, I know this for me at this point is I have to separate myself from whatever I’m doing and then just sit down and, and just get back down and don’t try. If I try to feel better, it doesn’t work because then all of a sudden my head picks up again and is like, You’re a piece of shit just digging into me over nothing, right?
00:22:02:03 – 00:22:18:28
Dom Acello
And I could see it rationally. Like, none of that makes sense. And why are you saying that? Why do I actually feel like that? You know, and it’s like it’s all these really defeats in terms of, you know, you can’t do anything. You’re not good enough. Look, you’re tried, but you failed, like and it’s just over and over and over.
00:22:20:00 – 00:22:36:12
Dom Acello
So I got to distance myself. Now, how I realize that I’m able to work through this now is that when I see that I’m anxious and like if I have like three or four phone calls in a row during work and this pile of work’s piling up and it’s almost six and I didn’t even get to started yet.
00:22:37:22 – 00:22:57:07
Dom Acello
That’s when I’m very receptive to that happening again. So when I what I’m starting to do now is when I see that happening, that precursor to it, I it’s much easier when I’m there to calm myself down. Oh, the minute that thing spirals in and pops off, it’s like, I have to just wait it out. It’s like a storm.
00:22:57:17 – 00:23:17:12
Dom Acello
But now I can see the storm coming more clearly, and the more I pay attention to it, I could I could even see it steps in, steps ahead. And and that’s been very good for me. Then the other question that popped up was, if I can allow a bad thought for me to grab it and really like amplify it, like you were just saying, why don’t I do that with good thoughts and what could that do for me?
00:23:18:20 – 00:23:45:18
Dom Acello
And I’ve been trying to play around with that a lot because, you know, I’m a very big advocate. I mean, I personally believe as truth without question that the intention, our consciousness is to plays with this reality in ways that we can’t see. You know, and I’ve been through it enough where I’ve seen just that when I have a a a shift in how I’m feeling and what I’m looking toward, all of a sudden they start appearing right.
00:23:45:18 – 00:24:11:13
Dom Acello
And we see in like quantum physics now that intention literally does change how the, you know, things at the atomic level or at the quantum physics level. It changes how it operates and how it behaves. So I believe that to be absolutely true. So when I don’t feel good or I’m thinking negatively, I’m trying to get out of that as quick as possible because I don’t want it to echo back to me that that negative feeling.
00:24:11:21 – 00:24:39:12
Dom Acello
But I notice also when I feel negative, that that negative feeling is often way more powerful feeling than when I feel good. Do I want my positive feelings to be that loud so I can try to echo more good stuff back? So that’s what I’ve been trying to work on, you know, because I don’t and I really try to keep it down like I’m not in a bad mood for more than an hour, you know, because I’m scared that it’s going to ruin other things I’ve been working on, you know?
00:24:39:20 – 00:25:05:24
Nick McGowan
Sure you don’t want to perpetuate it at that point and then just live into it. I think when you look at the the balance between the really, really heavy negative and the really, really airy and happy positives, you can feel those negatives more because you know what that feels like. And that happens more often, which is almost just easier to go, Hey, you know what this feels like?
00:25:05:24 – 00:25:25:17
Nick McGowan
Come on in. The water is nice and warm. It’s all full of hatred in here. You jump in and then just easier to be in there. So you had mentioned earlier about you have to kind of know those extremes to be able to understand where the middle ground is. You don’t know. Not everybody should get to the point where they’re about to die to understand the extremes.
00:25:25:25 – 00:26:05:04
Nick McGowan
But sometimes you got to really understand what one side looks like as opposed to the other. So you can find that balance when you’re now walking us through is how you get to that point, and you can feel yourself getting to that point. You can see yourself almost getting to that point. And if we break it down to like a nanosecond, a macro level and just take that in slow motion, if you’re able to feel that coming up and go, wait, stop when it’s only about 15% up, instead of it being 95%, we’re about to tear into you and fuck you and everything else around and being able to pull back from that stuff, that’s
00:26:05:04 – 00:26:24:24
Nick McGowan
huge, man. That’s a lot of awareness that some people don’t have. Some people do, and they just don’t know it. And I think sometimes it takes us to actually breaking down what that process looks like, you know? All right. So as I feel like I’m getting frustrated, what do I do in these times? And I think that’s where that little kid really is.
00:26:24:24 – 00:26:42:28
Nick McGowan
Because when you think of the immaturity as a child, you know, you don’t know how to handle stuff. You know how to deal with things. Somebody takes your ball and you start crying. You know, somebody takes your bike and kicks it over and you kick them in the leg because you don’t know what to do as a little kid.
00:26:43:05 – 00:27:07:26
Nick McGowan
That little kid is still in there dealing with those problems underneath. So as you’re fighting with whatever you’re fighting with and as as an adult, your mind looks at it and you’re like, I get it. This isn’t really the end of the world. But that little kid is like the world is about to end. So what are you doing on the daily to be able to manage your mindset and prep for those sort of times so that when you’re in it you go, I can handle this better.
00:27:08:14 – 00:27:40:15
Dom Acello
So, you know, I’ll tell you what I know for me would be the absolute solution is if I can be more diligent toward mindfulness meditation. Right now, I know it so intimately. I’ve been to, you know, Sadhguru weekend courses on inner engineering where we sat in a room for four days and meditated and vegetables and didn’t talk. And I know what that does for me and it’s what I’m looking for, right?
00:27:40:24 – 00:28:07:21
Dom Acello
That’s the clarity I want. But yet it’s so damn hard to get consistent with it for me for some reason because of the external aspects. Right. So I that’s probably one of the harder things that I’ve been having to try to bring in consistently. And it really shouldn’t be right. Like logically, okay, I just need 10 minutes, 15 minutes in the morning and then I need ten or 15 minutes a night.
00:28:07:24 – 00:28:27:17
Dom Acello
Like no big deal. I barely watch TV. I could very easily do that, but I will do it tomorrow, you know, I don’t know why I keep doing that. So what’s interesting, just this show alone adverse not forced me but made me want to do that last night. This morning. So I just make sure I’m calm today. So I’m going to try to ride with that and continue to do that.
00:28:28:07 – 00:28:49:01
Dom Acello
But yeah, that that for me is the hard part is actually bringing that in because my normal state and what makes me at least what I think makes me good at what I do is that I’m I’m quick. I’m, I’m able to think fast. I’m able to respond fast. I’m able to get it all done. And you can’t like that state is very opposite of that.
00:28:49:01 – 00:29:07:27
Dom Acello
By the end of the day, you know, like you can I can do that mindful for a little while. But sometimes when it’s like messages, beeps, there’s somebody knocking at the door. I got an employee sitting behind me waiting to get off the phone so he knows what to do. I’m just running, you know? And then that’s when it usually spirals out by the end of the night, because I’m just wrapped up in my head.
00:29:08:01 – 00:29:28:16
Dom Acello
That’s really the main thing. And I know if I can get myself more outside and in a more balanced state like it from a mental perspective where I’m not just crunching in my head all day, that doesn’t happen. So so to me, the main solution and what I’m working now more diligently with is to bring those things in.
00:29:28:24 – 00:29:42:10
Dom Acello
You know, so whether it’s meditation, I want to start doing yoga a couple of days a week because, you know, I’m getting old. I sit in a chair all day, I go to the gym six days a week. I’m in good shape, you know, when you look at me. But I can I can’t touch my two hands by.
00:29:42:10 – 00:30:04:13
Dom Acello
I can barely touch my feet like I’m not you know, I’m not flexible. And I know that when things break, you know, and I remember hearing it might have been Sadhguru who was saying this, but, you know, like a flexible tree, you know, that’s very flexible. Doesn’t break in the storm. You know what I mean? Where one that’s all dried out and not flexible is easy to break, you know, under pressure.
00:30:04:17 – 00:30:28:15
Dom Acello
So, you know, those aspects which again, when I was younger, none of that. I didn’t care about any of that at all. And now it’s that that’s like the mastery part. I want to have full not control of because I don’t like that word, but I want to be able to not be limited by things that I have control over, to not be limited by, you know.
00:30:28:23 – 00:30:54:15
Dom Acello
And I see those things now pop up more and more and you know, I’m working on addressing those, you know, so that’s the hardest part for me. But the mindfulness aspect is definitely what I found to be. Without question. The answer, you know, is everything that’s when I don’t feel good. It’s because it’s simply I’m comparing something to something else and it’s not maybe what I want.
00:30:54:15 – 00:31:16:06
Dom Acello
And but if I look at what’s around me, it’s the same shit that was around me yesterday. Nothing’s changed. Nobody took something away that I made me feel like it’s the same stuff. So why do I not feel good now? It’s just my perspective on the scenario, which is again, me wrapped up in my head, right? Because I’m thinking about it, but I’m just being and like looking around, there’s really no problems.
00:31:16:06 – 00:31:52:12
Dom Acello
If anything, there’s like you can’t even find a problem. You know, there’s not even a not even a pretend problem around. So, you know, that tends to be what I’m starting to realize. You know, sometimes it’s harder than others. Like when I’m busy and I have all this stuff stacked up on me, it’s very hard for me to like, get a response out that sometimes isn’t automatic, you know, because I’m very used to I mean, you probably know, being on sales calls a lot, you know, you get these automatic responses where you really don’t even, you know, what you’re saying, but you’re not really you’re not really there.
00:31:52:12 – 00:32:18:05
Dom Acello
Right? It’s like, bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah. And then I bring that into other things in my life, you know, where I’m like, if I’m at the gym and I’m in that headset, all of a sudden I realize I pulled a muscle because I wasn’t paying attention. I was thinking about this phone call while I was doing shrugs or something and it like it’s just being wrapped up in my head is usually what leads to all of the things I don’t like that happened in my circumstances, which should be something I can control or manage better.
00:32:18:18 – 00:32:34:01
Dom Acello
So that that’s where I’m my main focus is nowadays. It’s not about I still try to get a lot done, but it’s not like I don’t think getting more done is necessarily going to really do anything other than if I’m enjoying what I’m doing. I want to do that. I’m having fun.
00:32:34:01 – 00:32:34:09
Nick McGowan
Too.
00:32:34:17 – 00:32:58:19
Dom Acello
But I even think doing less but being in a better headset will actually yield better scenarios for anybody because I think there’s so much on that aspect. The intention, how you’re feeling, what you’re projecting out into the world, where if you’re not paying attention to that and nothing’s changed in the last six years and you’re going in a circle, you know why?
00:32:58:19 – 00:33:19:08
Dom Acello
Because nothing is changing. You didn’t set any goals. You’re. What do you want to do with your life? I don’t know. Well, that’s what life’s giving you back is a bunch of, like, static or, you know, same thing over and over again. So that’s another thing. I used to also see where my headset is. If I haven’t had any things that I felt very excited about that are either coming up or things I just did or or whatever.
00:33:19:08 – 00:33:37:17
Dom Acello
And like it feels like I’m doing the same thing over and over again for a couple of months. I got to stop and go, okay, what am I doing wrong here? You know what I mean? Because I feel like I, I as we all should be. Like the universe, in a sense, is always expanding. So when all of a sudden that expanding stops, like, all right, what did I what happened?
00:33:37:21 – 00:34:02:22
Dom Acello
Right. I look around because when I first had started out of that situation where I was starting from scratch, it was just and it kept happening and it was like and then it would get scary, like, oh, this can’t go on forever. And sure enough, it doesn’t, right? So like the minute I get aware of it and I realized it’s like, you know, it’s a play on so many things and you know, you can’t really put your finger on any of it because it’s not anything you can put your finger on.
00:34:04:03 – 00:34:10:15
Dom Acello
But I do see that in my own life enough that that I know that to be true for me. You know.
00:34:11:12 – 00:34:39:09
Nick McGowan
If that’s why it all boils down to the mindset, I think if your intention and your mindset is in a positive direction as opposed to a negative direction, just thinking black and white with things like what are the building blocks, then at least you can start to head in that direction and other opportunities will come to you without getting into the complete depths of all of this and the metaphysical and quantum realms and all of that.
00:34:39:22 – 00:35:11:03
Nick McGowan
I think just by putting out that positivity, one automatically shuts down the negativity because you can’t actually deal with both at the same time. You can’t be extremely happy and extremely upset. Yes. Unless there’s bipolar or something like that. But that’s not a simple thing that’s happening. It’s not something that just happens right at the same time. So even if you focus on that stuff and you kind of work through like, what else is happening, what’s positive about this?
00:35:11:03 – 00:35:30:16
Nick McGowan
That’s why I suggest to people journaling, simple journaling. You don’t have to write a friggin thesis or anything, just put a couple of things out. What are some of the things you’re grateful for? What are some of the things that were wins that you had, even if it was stupid little things and are certain times where I’d do it, where some of the some days I’m like, I don’t think there was really many wins.
00:35:30:16 – 00:35:47:24
Nick McGowan
Start writing them out of my book. This is when when I said I did this. Oh my God, it was a lot better than what I thought it was. Then your head’s in a better spot, you know what I mean? Yeah. There are certain times where I think we do need to be in those seasons where the season of Just Head Down, you’re working through stuff, you’re building things.
00:35:48:01 – 00:36:21:00
Nick McGowan
But you also touched on being able to be balanced within seven some time for yourself. You know, I’m I’m anti the whole hustle culture probably because I lived for quite some time where that’s all I did and it just drove me fucking crazy. And it’s not about hustling, it’s not even about result, it’s about the process and doing things daily that actually will consistently deliver opportunities that will give you greater results.
00:36:21:00 – 00:36:45:00
Nick McGowan
Where some people don’t think about the ten, 15 minutes in the morning, in the evening like you do. So even kind of spending some time the time that you do spend, it’s better than nothing, you know? So it sounded like you were kind of beating yourself up a little bit about the ten or 15 minutes. But man, honestly, I think most people are in that spot where even if they sit down, they’re like, I’m going to meditate for 15 minutes.
00:36:45:21 – 00:37:04:14
Nick McGowan
It might get 2 minutes in. And they’ve already had 400 different. Like the stuff will just roll through their head, but it’s like it’s like going to the gym. You’ve got to stretch that muscle, you got to keep it going. And if you miss a day, all right, go back to the next day. Started over again the next day.
00:37:04:29 – 00:37:15:17
Nick McGowan
So for people that are kind of going through that now and fighting through that, how would you suggest that they they manage their mindset through those tough times? And what sort of tips would you give them?
00:37:16:21 – 00:37:35:04
Dom Acello
So with the meditation aspect, so the part that’s been hard is literally sitting down to do it. Like I don’t even I do that once or twice a week when I want to do it six days a week. So I’m trying to be a little bit more diligent with myself and I know I don’t know why I’m having a block toward it for some reason.
00:37:36:07 – 00:37:44:29
Dom Acello
And for me it’s also connected to family stuff because my mother was always meditating. So like, there’s this little kid in me that’s not I want to meditate because.
00:37:44:29 – 00:37:46:23
Nick McGowan
That’s probably where that attack is.
00:37:47:02 – 00:38:04:22
Dom Acello
Yeah. And it’s weird because I can see those things, you know, and then I’ll even notice that I react differently to situations if my girlfriend is home or if she’s not. And I go, Wow, that’s interesting. Why am I acting like a baby when she’s home and when I’m not here? I just get it done and I’m like, Wow, that’s really interesting.
00:38:04:22 – 00:38:25:08
Dom Acello
Just like, I’m not getting anything out of it, you know what I mean? I’m not doing like she’s not changing her behavior because of that. But I notice that that happens. So like, that’s another weird scenario. But with the meditation, like if I sit down for 10 minutes to meditate, I’ll hear, I mean, obviously your head still going.
00:38:25:08 – 00:38:49:18
Dom Acello
Like you’re in a state where if you haven’t been doing it and now you’re just introducing it, you’ve got to stop that momentum. Right. And the momentum is I can compare it to like a train. It’s not easy to just stop. It doesn’t just stop and you have to be gentle with it. So what I’ve seen work well and through other practices is to try to pay attention to breathing, okay?
00:38:49:29 – 00:39:10:06
Dom Acello
Because the breathing kind of brings you into the body. And then the minute that or even feel your toes with your eyes closed and then work up to your legs work. I’ve realized that you can feel your legs. Oh, wow. I can feel that. What do I you know, and then you kind of get into that. You’re just feeling your existence and then you can work through different parts of your body.
00:39:10:06 – 00:39:35:22
Dom Acello
And that usually helps me a lot to start to slow down because, you know, thoughts will pop up and then you just want to try to recognize that and then just go, okay, back to the breathing and you’ll probably be doing that all the time. Like even when I was meditating really heavy for a couple of months, within ten or 15 minutes, I definitely didn’t just sit there for ten or 15 minutes with no thoughts in my head.
00:39:35:23 – 00:40:03:01
Dom Acello
I was identifying when that popped up again and then gently going back, you know, but that space that you that you work on over and over again where your head is now being used more like a tool. So like I’ve even heard there is some old ancient societies that would consider that we had six senses with thought being one of them, that it should be used as a tool.
00:40:03:01 – 00:40:29:21
Dom Acello
And as we walk through this, this world, that our our main state is to be aware and just be right. It’s even in our name, human beings, right? Like that’s something we’re supposed to remember that most people it’s very difficult to, especially in this society. But the more I do that, if I just do that 10 minutes in the morning and at night, I notice that that how my head operates, it brings it with it throughout the day.
00:40:29:21 – 00:40:50:14
Dom Acello
And that’s the benefit because I’ll, you know, I get really analytical with things, right? So like when I’m when I’m working on something and I know it should take me an hour, but it didn’t. And then I go look and I. Okay, what did I just do for the last hour for 20 minutes, I was off on a tangent and I didn’t realize it until the 20 minutes happened and I pulled myself back in.
00:40:50:23 – 00:41:08:12
Dom Acello
But for 20 minutes I didn’t realize what I was doing like that. That’s insanity to me. But that happens with everybody, I’m pretty sure. So like when I see those moments, that meditation is what helps that not to happen because you’re more aware of what’s going on in your mind because you were trying to pay attention to it when you’re meditating.
00:41:08:28 – 00:41:28:18
Dom Acello
So even if you’re not successful with keeping your head quiet the whole time, I’ve never been able to do it for a full 10 minutes. But just the awareness of it now brings that whole new perspective into your daily life, where you’re just paying attention more of what you’re thinking and I think that’s the benefit there, you know, and it’s everything stems off of that.
00:41:29:06 – 00:41:47:11
Dom Acello
My happiness. You don’t feel suffering because sufferings of mind state right. I mean, obviously pain and stuff like that. You can start to you know, you can say that’s tough. But as far as like suffering because you, you know, this guy has more than me. I don’t have this everything, you know, like that’s all just wrapped up in that.
00:41:47:11 – 00:42:11:02
Dom Acello
So I find the more I do that, the less that happens. But it’s like with anything like the gym practice, you know, for sure, you know, and it’s probably similar to it’s like once you do it for a month and you’re getting into the gym, that’s about how long it takes to get that into a habit. But I still struggle with it today, you know, but I say it and I talk about it because I also don’t want to be someone that just talks about things and never does them.
00:42:11:02 – 00:42:28:10
Dom Acello
So like by me putting it out there, I now I’m on the hook to to match that, you know. So I like doing those types of things too, where I’m very vocal about how I’m feeling and what I’m trying to do. So with my own standards, I know I like to be a man of my word. So if I said it now, I have to do it.
00:42:28:10 – 00:42:29:21
Dom Acello
All right, let’s do it. You know.
00:42:31:06 – 00:42:54:03
Nick McGowan
I think there’s there’s something to be said about when you shift from what you want to do when you’re like, I’m going to meditate because I know it’s healthy for me to do, but then next thing you know, you’re doing something else. Like there’s a reason why you did that, you know, and you’d kind of touched on some of it, like maybe it was your mom or there was something that’s still there, that kind of direct you to something else.
00:42:54:03 – 00:43:10:22
Nick McGowan
I find the same thing where I sit on the back porch like, All right, cool, I’m going to do a meditation. I’m going to do a guided meditation so that I can stick to this and just make sure I get through the 15, 20 minutes. The next thing you know, I’m looking at some app on my phone and I’m like, I haven’t looked at this thing in like a year.
00:43:10:29 – 00:43:28:24
Nick McGowan
Why? Why are you up where right now? Go back to meditation and then I’m on my iPad. I’m like, The fuck did I get here? That stuff will just happen. But I think we have to kind of figure out like, why? Why am I doing that? And I’ve had similar situations happen before where I’m like, What is it?
00:43:28:26 – 00:44:03:10
Nick McGowan
Why am I trying to find other things? And I think once we start asking the questions, I mean you can even see back here QB. Q The book question behind the question, it’s all about getting deeper and deeper and going well. Why? Well, why, well why? Well why? So those things that you’re fighting with right now, subconsciously even fighting with sit down with them, go through them, figure that out, because it might be something that you go, Oh, man, I’m hesitant to do that because I’m afraid of this thing, or I’m hesitant to do it because, you know, pick anything else.
00:44:03:21 – 00:44:25:14
Nick McGowan
But I think once you actually sit down and explore through it, you’re on the right path of looking through and saying, all right, well, is it something from my past? Is it something from when I was a child and sitting down and going through that and actually separating those from what you’re doing now and where you are at and who you are now is different than you were.
00:44:25:14 – 00:44:49:09
Nick McGowan
Is that little kid that’s still so past and present. So the more that you can be present, that’s ultimately what meditations about. Like, I talk about meditation and journaling and all that sort of stuff on this podcast, and I, I don’t want somebody to come up to me at some point be like, Oh my God, you must meditate for like hours and hours and hours, because that is not the case.
00:44:49:17 – 00:45:14:02
Nick McGowan
Maybe at some point it will be, but that’s not real right now. I just do what I can during those times, but I think it takes us also be in accountable. So there’s stuff like with your girlfriend being home, you might be a little different. I’m sure there’s positive and negative sides of that. Like there may be times where you almost look at her like a mom where you’re like, I don’t want to upset her because I don’t want to upset Mom.
00:45:14:12 – 00:45:32:01
Nick McGowan
There are other times you step up and you’re like, I’m man of the house. I’m going to take care of this thing for us. And we’re totally good. That’s a whole different even bodily posture at that point. So being aware is the biggest thing of all of this meditation. Whatever it is that we do, we’ve got to be aware of this stuff.
00:45:32:15 – 00:45:48:06
Nick McGowan
So on the topic of awareness, let’s actually jump into a couple of the key moments in life. Are there any major episodes or things that happen over the course of time that you can look back at and go? And right now, I’m aware that that was a moment that changed me.
00:45:49:01 – 00:46:08:24
Dom Acello
So I mentioned a couple of these already. I’m one of those moments I remember I’ll be get a little more into detail on it where I just I was in long Island City. I grew up in New York. Right. So I’m working in Manhattan. And I who knows, I probably had a hard day at work. It was night.
00:46:08:24 – 00:46:29:26
Dom Acello
I had a roommate that I needed to put together in order to get this specific apartment that was like on the 27th floor with floor to ceiling windows overlooking Manhattan right on the on the East River. And I really had to, like, fit the pieces together to make it all work. And then two months in, he ends up breaking his lease because he couldn’t.
00:46:29:26 – 00:46:48:09
Dom Acello
And then because I was trying to get this apartment so bad, I did the whole credit check on my income. So it was able to work that way. And then I got stuck with the apartment and it was like $4,000 a month. So like whatever, I could handle it. So, but a couple of days later I come home and I just come to this empty apartment with this beautiful view.
00:46:48:09 – 00:47:05:21
Dom Acello
It’s like I’m on top of the world, but I felt horrible. It was empty as it was saying that. And then like, then what’s it? And I just got really, you know, and I just started kind of like the worst desperation you can feel when you realize, like, you were on a five mile journey and you were going the wrong direction the whole time.
00:47:06:00 – 00:47:35:25
Dom Acello
You know, it’s like, you know, and it took me eight years to get around that. But that moment, I mean, I remember what it even looked like. I remember walking into the apartment. It was dark and the city looked beautiful. And I was just sad, you know, really sad. And that that then I kind of just I use that to be a real asshole for a while too, because I thought I was, you know, at that point of my time, I it was a very different mentality than I have today.
00:47:36:06 – 00:48:02:18
Dom Acello
You know, I today I believe everything that we see is also part of us in some way. And if we, like, hurt somebody or don’t, if you even move through the world unconsciously, somehow that comes back to you, you know? And it’s all very much in our control when most of our life we’ve been told that, you know, things happen to you, they don’t happen through you.
00:48:04:00 – 00:48:24:25
Dom Acello
So that that moment was definitely a turning point. You know, it was like an early midlife crisis because it definitely beat me up until it took me out. And then the other thing is that it really I was be I was at a point where I should have already had this like rock bottom for a while, but I was able to mask it and hide it so well for so many years.
00:48:24:25 – 00:48:51:23
Dom Acello
Nobody realized what I was doing. So it took a lot for for it to hit rock bottom. And when it hit, it was like, you know, fireworks, 4th of July type of thing. It was epic. And I ruined a lot of things. But that moment, too, I remember very specifically because I, you know, six, seven years later, sitting there in this facility and I didn’t have anything.
00:48:51:23 – 00:49:07:06
Dom Acello
I was in the middle of the winter. I’ve shorts on socks and Timberland boots because like I was running to the store to get food and I was the last thing I was wearing. And I was around a bunch of people that I didn’t think was anything like me. And I was like, What the hell am I doing?
00:49:08:12 – 00:49:27:18
Dom Acello
So that was another very big aha moment. And I was forced to sit with that for quite a long time, like literally long time. And I had to come to terms with it. You know, normally I used to be a person that would have a very hard time sitting in a room by myself. It was like uncomfortable. Like, you know, there’s me though.
00:49:27:18 – 00:49:49:17
Dom Acello
I get I need distraction. And then when I was kind of forced to do that for a little while, that was a very difficult time that I remember. But then I also remember once I just let it go and that’s when everything got better. But from that point forward, as it was just like, and I can’t hold on to this anymore, it’s like there’s, it’s me holding on to it, you know?
00:49:49:17 – 00:50:12:03
Dom Acello
And then I, it was so hard to continue holding it for so long that I remember I just like, gave up. And it wasn’t like a giving up. It was like a surrendering. And I remember it very well. And like that, I was literally the happiest I’ve probably ever been when I should have been the least happy. And I’ll still even look at moments, those types of moments, because I had nothing.
00:50:12:03 – 00:50:34:18
Dom Acello
I had nothing. I didn’t have a phone, nobody could call me. And all of a sudden there was a big freedom in that too, where it was like, Oh my God, I could just really be here because there’s zero distractions. I can’t even make one. And I use that moment a lot. I reflect on it because I want to feel that happy all the time and I have glimpses it every pretty frequently.
00:50:34:18 – 00:50:58:11
Dom Acello
But I, I didn’t. I didn’t like it, embrace it or live it like I was able to. Then, without the distractions. You know, that tells me a couple of things, right? That, you know, at some point I need to also dial things down a little. Like I’m transitioning what I’m doing for a living. I’m trying to do trying to change industries, move more into music and production.
00:50:58:11 – 00:51:13:06
Dom Acello
And I know that’s going to be a little bit of a lot of work to transition that. And I’m okay, I want to do that, but I want to make sure that once that happens, that’s not the pace I keep, you know, sort of being very, very specific to start already, you know, try to fix some of that now.
00:51:13:15 – 00:51:29:24
Dom Acello
But there are some days that because I have the obligations during the day and the only other free time that I have is at night, I got I got to put it in, you know, but I enjoy it. I love it. So I, I also pay attention to when it starts to feel like it’s me pushing a boulder across the street.
00:51:30:00 – 00:51:53:10
Dom Acello
That’s when I got to stop and retool. And sometimes I just might need a night off. And then I feel great the next day again. But I try to pay attention to those aspects a lot because again, that’s all that mindfulness, you know. So like when you start trying to bring yourself back to paying attention to what’s going on in your head, you start to see all these other things, you know, and then by seeing them, that’s when you can change them, you know?
00:51:53:10 – 00:52:10:23
Dom Acello
But if you can’t see them, you can’t you don’t know they exist. And if I didn’t slow down to do those things, I literally wouldn’t realize they were. I mean, it took me 30 something years to even realize that was there to start off with. You know, it’s like it was obvious maybe to other people. But I was looking right through it, you know, I wasn’t seeing it.
00:52:11:01 – 00:52:27:18
Dom Acello
And you need distance, you know, like if you’re looking at something like this, you can’t see it at once. You get distance from it. Oh, okay. Now I have perspective and you can see it. Oh, it’s not as scary as I thought. You know, you need to get yourself separated from things and that that that’s, you know, to keep it simple too.
00:52:27:18 – 00:52:42:01
Dom Acello
I know it’s all based off of that. So then like my, my focus is also singular as far as how do I get more joy into my life. I just need more of that. I need more space, I need more balance. And I know that that will bring the rest. You know.
00:52:43:00 – 00:52:57:09
Nick McGowan
This good stuff, man, all our time is almost up and I want to be mindful of our time. I appreciate you being on. Is there anything else you want to add that you’d want to share to anybody that’s listening that’s on their path towards self-mastery?
00:52:57:29 – 00:53:19:21
Dom Acello
Yeah, you know, I mean, I’ve seen a lot of different a lot of different types of people throughout my life. As far as like on different ends of the spectrum, I’ve had friends that were multi, multi multimillionaires with multiple houses all over the world and collectible cars in their office like ridiculous stuff. And then I’ve had friends where they’re they’re they’re 20 something years old.
00:53:19:21 – 00:53:48:03
Dom Acello
The mother and them both live in somebody’s house on the couch and are doing sexual stuff to to keep that location secure. And I’ve seen what that world looks like. And it’s like there’s some people out there where they’re their what they have to do to overcome to get to that next level might be very hard to see from those perspectives, you know, and I feel so bad because they’re all we’re all the same people.
00:53:48:03 – 00:54:09:14
Dom Acello
Like they’re all little stockbrokers doing that. Like, I could see that these were the same personalities that were in both spots, but the perspective was keeping them there. And it’s like in order to get past that, it’s for what I always, always hoping that I can help people like that with was that just to try to show them that there’s a way that you can do it.
00:54:09:14 – 00:54:29:17
Dom Acello
Like I’ve been in that scenario where I’ve had nothing, all the odds were stacked against me and I just continued moving in that direction. And if you continue to moving in a direction where you have a very clear focus, things will come together. There’s it’s not it’s only one foot, one step in front of the other to make a journey, right?
00:54:29:17 – 00:54:46:06
Dom Acello
Like when you’re going to, you know, from point A to point B, let’s say it’s New York to California and it’s at night. Right. All you can see in front of you is as far as your headlights show, but you can make it all the way across the country with just that little bit of just knowing what the next step is.
00:54:46:19 – 00:55:04:03
Dom Acello
And I’ve heard that analogy from an author called Abraham Hicks or Esther Hicks. She wrote The Law of Attraction back in like the seventies, I think, or eighties. And that always stuck with me because like I know what the next step is like. If I want to start a company and I don’t know anything about it. I have no financial barrier.
00:55:04:03 – 00:55:27:29
Dom Acello
I didn’t finish high school. Let’s say that could sound daunting, but the next step is, well, how do I how do I create the company? Let me look that up. And then once you get there, the next step will appear and you just keep following that. And next thing you know, you’re building something great. So, you know, out of out of everything I’ve seen, it’s like if you break it down to that simplistic aspect of one foot in front of the other, you can you can move mountains, you know.
00:55:28:25 – 00:55:31:05
Dom Acello
So that would be my one little tidbit for the world.
00:55:32:03 – 00:55:37:11
Nick McGowan
It’s great stuff, man. Well, I appreciate that tidbit. Where can where can people find you?
00:55:38:09 – 00:56:05:14
Dom Acello
All right. Well, so there’s a couple of different aspects to what I do over here from the business side with marketing is within marketing, within marketing, e-comm, and with the music side of things. I go on to the artist named Dom and Sello, which is a play off of my first and last name and then Herd Records. You can go to her records dot com and check out what we’re doing with the music label.
00:56:05:14 – 00:56:12:29
Dom Acello
It’s still being built out, but there’s some good content on there. And yeah, and I’m sure you’ll provide the rest of the links below. Right.
00:56:13:15 – 00:56:20:19
Nick McGowan
It’ll all be in the info. So again, Dom, I appreciate you being on the show, being open with us and Rahman, really appreciate it. Thank you.
00:56:21:07 – 00:56:31:21
Dom Acello
Yes, thanks for having me. Appreciate it, man.
00:56:31:21 – 00:56:57:15
Nick McGowan
Another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. Sometimes we follow in the footsteps of our family members, and we really don’t even know it until after it happens. And to realize that you need help and sometimes be enough. But then again, sometimes the universe just kind of conspires to let you know, Hey, we’re going to make sure you get help and assist you with moving along and getting that help.
00:56:57:28 – 00:57:20:02
Nick McGowan
MAN Dom’s got one of those rise and fall type lives. And what a visual of standing in a beautiful apartment overlooking New York City and just feeling empty. Do you have a moment like that? So what did you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the conversation today. And if you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe right and leave a five star review.
00:57:20:10 – 00:57:40:27
Nick McGowan
And if you really enjoyed the show, please go ahead and share it with your friends and family and really anybody else you want. Can check out the show notes for more info and contact info freedom and check out other episodes on the Mindset and Self-mastery Show account as well as our YouTube channel. Just search the mindset and self-mastery show heck.
00:57:40:29 – 00:58:02:07
Nick McGowan
Even just go to Google and search that you’ll find us. Thank you again, Dom, for being on the show and for being honest, raw and real with us. And thank you to you for joining us today. And remember, your mindset matters and so do you.