In today’s episode, we cover peak performance aging with Steven Kotler. Steven is one of the world’s leading experts on human performance, an award-winning journalist, and is a New York Times bestselling author of 11 bestsellers including The Art of Impossible, The Future is Faster Than You Think, Stealing Fire, The Rise of Superman, and Bold and Abundance, and his newest book, Gnar Country: Growing Old, Staying Rad.

Aging gets a bad rep because many people don’t age gracefully, but you don’t have to be one of those many—so what is it about aging that makes us feel old, what is the key to maintaining your youth into old age, and what is the secret to excelling at new skills no matter how old you are?

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3 Key Steps to Unlock Social Flow and Build Deeper Relationships | Steven Kotler

The Art of Charm is where self-motivated people, just like you, come to learn from the company’s coaches about to how to master human dynamics, relationships, and becoming your best self with the help of Johnny and AJ, the company’s founders. Johnny and AJ bring their 11 years of coaching experience from their famous Bootcamps, where they host clients in Los Angeles from all over the world and they share their stories, best practices and themselves on this weekly podcast. Not only does The Art of Charm help everyday people, including active members of the military, learn how to become higher performers, better spouses, partners, and coworkers, they dig deep into human behavior, the science behind it, and demystify what we do and why we do it.

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In today’s episode, we tackle the world of high stakes hostage negotiation in a divided world with Scott Walker. Scott is one of the world’s most experienced kidnapped-for-ransom negotiators. He served 16 years as a Scotland Yard detective specializing in covert policing, then supported organizations, governments, and private individuals in negotiating the release of hostages all over the world, and is the author of his the latest book, Order Out of Chaos: A Kidnap Negotiator's Guide to Influence and Persuasion.

You’re going to learn how to prepare for high stakes situations like a hostage negotiator. We discuss how to quickly build rapport with people that you do not share common interests with, what to listen for in negotiations to create a winning outcome, how to develop your emotional intelligence to be successful under stress, and the secrets hostage negotiators use to bring back hostages safely.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

How frequently do people get kidnapped and held for ransom?

What are the biggest challenges that hostage negotiators face?



The first 30 seconds of a hostage situation are crucial for this reason – 15:53

What secret do hostage negotiators use to rapidly build trust with anyone?

What 30 second practice do hostage negotiators use to prepare themselves for every high stakes situation?



What consequences do kidnappers actually face? – 24:25

How do you cultivate the right mindset to be a master negotiator?

What can you do to predict the biggest hurdles you’ll need to overcome in any negotiation?

What are the 3 elements to every negotiation and how can you use them in your everyday life to build strong relationships?



Most people mistakenly think this is when the negotiation ends – 39:34

How should you think about negotiations on a short- and long-term basis to make sure you don’t hurt your reputation or future potential opportunities?



Hostage negotiators have to care about the kidnappers – 48:36

How do hostage negotiators raise their self awareness before entering high stakes situations?

How do you master your emotions like a hostage negotiator by simply asking yourself specific questions?

What are the biggest takeaways from Order Out of Chaos: A Kidnap Negotiator's Guide to Influence and Persuasion?


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Advanced Negotiation Tactics from a Hostage Negotiator | Scott Walker

In today’s episode, we tackle building relationships in a divided world with Dr. Kurt Gray. Kurt is an award-winning researcher and moral psychologist with deep insights into human behavior and polarization. As a professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, he directs the Deepest Beliefs Lab and the Center for the Science of Moral Understanding. He is also the author of The Mind Club: Who Thinks, What Feels, and Why It Matters, exploring the intricacies of how we perceive and judge others in society. 

Have you ever considered how rising polarization affects our ability to forge strong, meaningful relationships? What if bridging the vast divide between differing viewpoints could be achieved by examining our moral compass and the inherent blind spots it creates? Dive into a compelling discussion with Dr. Kurt Gray, who sheds light on the subtle yet profound ways morality shapes our perceptions of others.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What are Dr. Gray's strategies for strengthening relationships across ideological divides?

How do our default settings of fear and the search for allies affect our political and social views?



This is why most people can’t engage in tough conversations – 14:09

Why is it challenging to discuss politics and morality today? 

What are the key strategies for overcoming polarization and enhancing communication in today's divided world?



The secret to bridging political polarization – 24:38

Why is validating someone's views crucial in conversations, and how can it be done without agreeing?

Why are personal stories more powerful than facts in changing perspectives?



The evolving nature of political identities – 36:17

How have our political identities evolved over time, and what does that mean for our current views?

How significant is the overlap of values shared between different political parties, and why is it often overlooked?

What misconceptions do we hold about political polarization, and how can understanding the past help us better navigate the present?



The predator vs prey narrative in politics – 47:17

How does viewing political opponents as predators or prey affect our ability to engage in meaningful conversations?

What are the 3 steps to connecting with people who you disagree with?


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Networking & Relationships in a Polarized World | Kurt Gray

In today’s episode, we tackle the Ask Approach with Jeff Wetzler. Jeff is a world expert in learning and human potential, has more than 25 years' experience in business and education as a management consultant at the world's top organizations, and is the author of his latest book, Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs In Leadership and Life. 

Have you ever pondered why analytical thinkers often find themselves at a crossroads in communication and networking? What if the key to unlocking exceptional leadership and life-changing relationships lies in the questions we ask? How can shifting our approach from problem-solving to curiosity-driven conversations revolutionize our connections? Dive deep with us as we explore the Ask Approach, a transformative framework designed to bridge the gap between analytical prowess and emotional intelligence.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

Who is Jeff Wetzler, and how can his "Ask Approach" transform your leadership skills and life?

What holds people back from sharing vital information, and how does it affect decision-making?



The secret to strengthening your curiosity muscle – 10:52

Why is curiosity essential for building stronger personal and professional relationships?

How can curiosity unlock problem-solving and collaboration in the workplace?



Make people feel safe enough to tell you anything – 17:41

What can you do if you want to make people feel safe and comfortable telling you information they normally would not?



How to start on the right foot in a new management position – 24:29

What questions can you ask to make sure your team feels safe following your leadership and comfortable enough to help you understand where the weaknesses are in the organization? 



Is it possible to ask too many questions – 34:14

What types of questions foster deeper understanding?

How can you listen more effectively?

How can reflecting and reconnecting based on conversations enhance your communication skills?


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Next Level Listening (The Ask Approach) | Jeff Wetzler

In today’s episode, we tackle attachment with Nicholas Epley. Nick is an expert on human behavior and decision making, a professor of behavioral science and faculty director for decision research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, the author of the highly acclaimed book Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. 

Ever wonder why some people excel in social situations while others struggle? How can understanding the biases that lead us to believe we're effective mind readers of friends and strangers alike transform our interactions? And what simple strategies can we employ to build real connections quickly? Join us as Nick Epley sheds light on these intriguing questions, offering insights from his acclaimed book "Mindwise" and revealing the secret to truly understanding what others think, believe, feel, and want.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What is the biggest problem that stops us from being able to better understand and predict what other people think?

How well do we really know what others think and feel?



Dispelling the biggest myth about our brains – 13:36

Why does the biggest myth about how we use our brains continue to persist and why is it wrong?

How does perspective drastically change one person’s understanding of a situation and what can you do to alleviate the inevitable friction that difference in perspective causes?



The biggest hurdles most people struggle with when reading minds – 18:55

What are the dangers of typing vs. talking in our ability to convey sarcasm and understand each other?

How does our prediction of future behaviors or reactions in extreme situations often mislead us?

When are stereotypes useful and when are they harmful?



Dispelling the biggest myth about political polarization – 35:47

Is the country actually becoming more polarized politically or is something else going on that makes us think we’re becoming more polarized?



The importance of direct communication most people miss – 41:59

What is the best way to make any interaction with a stranger into a positive one that can lead to friendship or romance? 



Most people won’t do this to create deeper relationships in their lives – 58:40

What do most people avoid doing even though it’s the best way to create the deep relationships they want in their lives?


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Mind Reading & Instant Connections | Dr. Nicholas Epley

In today’s episode, we dive deep into rewriting your life story with AJ, Johnny, and Michael Herold. 

How do you rewrite your personal narrative to align with your core values and set meaningful goals for your future? Can understanding and rewriting your story spark real change in your life? This episode of The Art of Charm delves into these critical questions, offering you a unique opportunity to explore the power of storytelling in personal development.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

How do our brains use stories to predict the future, and why is this relevant to you?

How can acknowledging both positive and negative stories shape your future?



The Biggest Myth About Rewriting Your Story – 10:36

Why doesn't changing your past narrative work, and what should you do instead?

Why isn't revising your past the key to a brighter future?



The Most Important Step to Take When Rewriting Your Story – 23:24

Why is your next action step more important than your past narrative?

Values vs. Goals: How do they work together to attract success into your life?



Recognizing and Acting on Choice Points – 31:00

What are action points, and how can they be game-changers in your life?

How to deal with resistance from others as you start to change your narrative?



The Critical Role of Self-Compassion in Rewriting Your Story – 37:25

Why is self-compassion important in rewriting your story, and how can you cultivate an empowering level of self-compassion?

How can embracing your new narrative and taking action today transform your life?


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3 Key Steps to Unlock Social Flow and Build Deeper Relationships | Steven Kotler

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