Modern life has made friendship feel more confusing, fragile, and isolating than ever. In this episode, journalist and author Anna Goldfarb joins us to unpack the paradox of modern friendship — why we’re lonelier despite being more connected, and what we can do to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Anna shares her “Triple D” framework (Desire, Diligence, Delight) and breaks down the hidden architecture of great friendships: clear aboutness, healthy compartmentalization, emotional maturity, and the courage to reconnect.

Whether you’re tired of being everyone’s unpaid therapist or simply wondering how to revive a drifting connection, this episode gives you the practical tools and emotional insight to reset your social life — no cringe required.

What to Listen For

[00:00] Why affection alone isn’t enough for deep friendship

[00:01:09] What’s changed about adult friendships — and why we’re feeling more disconnected

[00:04:16] The hidden cost of unlimited choice and hyper-individualism

[00:08:07] Active vs. nostalgic friendships: how to tell the difference

[00:11:19] Every great friendship has an “About” — and here’s how to find yours

[00:14:39] 6 hard truths about friendship (and how to stop blaming yourself)

[00:23:01] Why emotional maturity is the new social skillset

[00:33:56] The Triple D framework for building strong friendships

[00:44:10] How to avoid being an unpaid therapist (and stop pushing people away)

[00:52:34] The Friendship Cleanse: reset your network with clarity and care

Episode Takeaways:

Connection isn’t about quantity — it’s about clear shared meaning. Find your friendship “About.”

It’s okay to compartmentalize your relationships. Not every friend needs to be your everything.

Friendships require maintenance. If it matters, don’t let the silence stretch too long.

Maturity means asking: am I showing up the way I want to be treated?

Most people want to reconnect. They’re just waiting on someone to go first.

Make time for delight. Reignite friendships by creating new shared memories — not just rehashing old ones.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.

Resources from this Episode

Anna Goldfarb on Substack

Anna Goldfarb on Instagram

Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on LinkedIn

Johnny on LinkedIn

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

The Art of Charm on TikTok

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve got names in your phone that make you smile—but when’s the last time you actually reached out? In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak share four simple, science-backed strategies to reconnect with old friends, former mentors, and professional contacts—even if it’s been years.

What to Listen For

Episode Takeaways

Most people love being contacted out of the blue, even if it’s been years

Rebuilding old relationships is often faster and more impactful than making new ones

Use the Expert Tap to ask for advice—it shows respect and reignites connection

Send a Thoughtful Share (article, podcast, project) to rekindle shared interests

Trigger warm emotions through Nostalgia Sparks—photos or throwback memories

Close the Results Loop by showing how someone’s past advice helped you

Reaching out adds real value to others’ lives and strengthens your network long-term

This week: reconnect with one friend, one mentor, and one former coworker

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener and Professor Christian van Nieuwerburgh, authors of Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection. Together, they unpack a new framework for transforming your conversations—not with better scripts, but with sharper intention.

Drawing from psychology, coaching, and decades of research, we explore the six listening motivations, why “active listening” falls short, and how to avoid the silent killers of connection—like half-listening, politeness, and certainty.

Whether you're leading a team, navigating tough conversations, or simply tired of being misunderstood, this episode is a masterclass in making people feel truly seen, heard, and valued.

What to Listen For

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:03:08] What is Radical Listening and how does it go beyond active listening?

[00:06:49] Six listening intentions—and how they change everything

[00:09:55] How to set the stage for hard conversations with appreciation, not authority

[00:17:34] Why quick, genuine care matters more than long, empty check-ins

[00:25:17] The myth of being a “great listener” and what most high performers miss

[00:34:33] Why watching yourself on video can instantly improve your listening

[00:38:12] What does “listening for” versus “listening to” actually mean?

[00:45:33] The real cost of half-listening—and why it breaks trust

[00:51:26] How to interject without interrupting—and why it’s actually radical empathy

Episode Takeaways:

You’re not being ignored because you're unimportant—people are stuck in half-attention. Flip the script by modeling radical listening.

Start with intention. Every conversation is a choice—validate, influence, learn, support. Know what you’re there to do.

Interruptions aren’t rude if they’re respectful. Interject to amplify, not hijack.

In your leadership, it's not what you say—it’s how you show you care. A 60-second check-in can change someone’s entire day.

Half-listening is worse than not listening at all. Either be fully present—or ask to talk later.The best listeners aren’t born—they’re trained. Develop your awareness like a skill, not a trait.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.

Resources from this Episode

Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection

CoachOnAMotorcycle.com (Christian’s site)

IntentionalHappiness.com (Robert’s site)

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on LinkedIn

Johnny on LinkedIn

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

The Art of Charm on TikTok

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Moving to a new city can feel like starting over—but it doesn’t have to. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down a science-backed three-step strategy to plug into a brand-new social circle in weeks, not months.

What to Listen For

Episode Takeaways

Within the first 90 days of moving, forming one close tie can increase happiness by over 50%

Avoid "bubble living" by identifying a third place outside work and home

Repeated presence at third places creates propinquity—we like who we see often

Use “because disclosures” to spark trust and show vulnerability instantly

Even trivial reasons build connection, thanks to Ellen Langer’s Xerox study

Join group physical activities (run clubs, fitness classes, rec sports) for biochemical bonding

Use the Triple Stack: Pick a third place, open with a disclosure, invite to an activity

Prep matters—script disclosures, treat social outings like meetings, and take brief notes after interactions to increase recall and follow-up success

A Word From Our Sponsors

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠.

⁠DCM Insights⁠

⁠The Activator Advantage: What Today's Rainmakers Do Differently⁠

⁠The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation⁠

⁠HBR: What Today’s Rainmakers Do Differently⁠

⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠

⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠

⁠AJ on Instagram⁠

⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Matt Dixon, co-author of The Challenger Sale and The Activator Advantage. In today’s conversation, Matt Dixon reveals why the professionals dominating in today’s market aren’t necessarily the most credentialed, but the most proactive. We explore Matt’s research across 3,000 professionals and break down the five business development personas, highlighting the unique traits and habits that make the “Activator” profile the highest performer of them all.

Whether you're in sales, consulting, law, or simply trying to future-proof your career, adopting the activator mindset can radically shift how you're perceived and what doors open next. This episode will show you how to stop waiting for opportunity—and start creating it.

What to Listen For

[00:00:00] Why clients forget about you—and how activators stay top of mind

[00:01:14] The 5 business development personas and why activators win

[00:09:56] Data shows activators are the top performers—and least likely to fail

[00:17:52] How activators manage their network like a pipeline—not a popularity contest

[00:24:13] The myth of being annoying: why clients want more outreach, not less

[00:33:08] “No” isn’t the end: how activators turn rejection into opportunity

[00:39:24] The 4-part insight framework for opening doors with ideas

[00:45:57] Why you must prune stale relationships to stay high-impact

[00:54:49] The activator approach to events: plan, target, and follow through

[01:01:53] Don’t just post on LinkedIn—why DMs and engagement matter more

Episode Takeaways:

Activators don't rely on being top of mind—they engineer it by adding value consistently.

Smart professionals build leverage by helping others long before there's anything to gain.

Great client relationships aren’t the result of great work—they're often the cause of it. Build trust early, not just after the sale.

No doesn’t mean never. Activators stay present, learn why they lost, and often get the callback when things go sideways.

Learn to prune. Keep your “inner circle” warm. Everyone else? Let them go.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.

DCM Insights

The Activator Advantage: What Today's Rainmakers Do Differently

The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation

HBR: What Today’s Rainmakers Do Differently

AJ on LinkedIn

Johnny on LinkedIn

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

The Art of Charm on TikTok

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most networking advice feels awkward, outdated, or downright useless—until now. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak hand you three conversation frameworks that eliminate the stress of small talk and turn fleeting chats into lasting relationships.

What to Listen For

Episode Takeaways

People consistently underestimate how much others like them—this is called the liking gap

Use context-rich openers that are novel and observational to stand out in any crowd

Instead of pitching, build bridges with value recognition and small favors

A clear, appreciative exit is often the most memorable part of the interaction

The Peak-End Rule means people judge conversations by the emotional high point and ending

Write down just two lines after a conversation to increase your recall and follow-up success

Preparing just three lines before a mixer can turn dread into confidence

Great networking isn't about working the room—it's about running the loop with intent

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

A Word From Our Sponsors

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠.

⁠Negotiations Collective website⁠

⁠Scott Tillema’s website⁠

⁠Scott Tillema on LinkedIn⁠

⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠

⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠

⁠AJ on Instagram⁠

⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, retired SWAT hostage negotiator Scott Tillema shares his battle-tested four-part framework for leading difficult conversations, defusing high-stakes conflicts, and influencing others with clarity and confidence.

Trained by the FBI and Harvard, Scott now brings these skills to the boardroom, equipping leaders with the same life-saving tools he once used in crisis negotiations. Whether you're navigating a tense meeting, resolving conflict on your team, or having a hard conversation at home, this episode will show you how to lead with calm authority.

Scott reveals why tactical empathy is more powerful than persuasion, how to control your emotional state when the pressure’s on, and what most people get wrong about timing, tone, and respect.

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:02:47] Why your negotiation partner is not your opponent — and how that shift changes everything

[00:10:50] The biggest mistake leaders make when trying to influence others

[00:16:02] How to mentally prepare for high-pressure conversations using tactical breathing

[00:22:34] The transformation that happens when you stop learning and start embodying

[00:27:15] How to know when it’s the right time to speak — and when it’s too soon

[00:30:46] Delivery over content: Why how you say it matters more than what you say

[00:34:19] The four pillars of respect that drive every meaningful negotiation

[00:38:40] How autonomy — even in small doses — creates buy-in and trust

[00:43:22] A high-stakes negotiation that failed — and what Scott learned from it

[00:49:04] Why you should never tell someone you’re reading their body language

You’re negotiating all the time — with your boss, your spouse, your coworkers. If you want influence, connection comes first.

The best negotiators aren't master persuaders. They're master listeners.

Tactical empathy isn’t manipulation. It’s leadership.

People don’t respond to logic — they respond to tone, timing, and emotional safety.

Respect isn’t about politeness — it’s about fairness, autonomy, recognition, and empathy.

Conflict isn’t a threat. It's an opportunity to lead with poise and purpose.

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.

Negotiations Collective website

Scott Tillema’s website

Scott Tillema on LinkedIn

AJ on LinkedIn

Johnny on LinkedIn

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

The Art of Charm on TikTok

What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our Sponsors
Resources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it actually mean to be "high value" at a networking event—and how can you radiate it without saying a word? In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down how calm, cooperative, and confident behavior—not bravado—builds real influence.

What to Listen For

Episode Takeaways

First impressions are made in seven seconds—calm energy signals confidence

Prestige-based status builds longer, deeper influence than dominance

People feel your value before they assess your skills, thanks to mirror neurons

The AAA Formula—Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation—creates magnetic presence

Exposure therapy helps reduce anxiety and build real confidence under pressure

Elevating others (deep compliments, appreciation) increases your own value

Body language speaks first—prepare before you even enter the room

Being high value isn’t about being loud; it’s about being felt and remembered

The Art of Charm Social Intelligence ProgramLooking to quickly improve your social intelligence with support from AJ, Johnny, and their team? Check out the Art of Charm Social Intelligence Program at⁠ intel.theartofcharm.com⁠. A quick application gets you on board.

In your next conversation, start by sharing a small vulnerability or flaw

When they respond, label the emotion you hear in their story

Before leaving, ask for advice (not feedback or validation)

Try all three in one conversation and report back what changed, who opened up, and what surprised you.⁠Email AJ⁠ your results

⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠

⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠

⁠AJ on Instagram⁠

⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠

⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠

What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our SponsorsThis Week's ChallengeCheck in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this eye-opening conversation, we sit down with Simone Stolzoff, author of The Good Enough Job, to explore why modern work culture traps so many of us in cycles of burnout, identity crises, and unrealistic ambition. Drawing on research and personal experience, Simone challenges the “dream job” myth and offers a liberating framework: redefine success on your terms.

We explore the dangers of workism, the importance of building an identity outside of your career, and the power of setting clear boundaries. For high-achievers who feel stuck on the hedonic treadmill, this episode offers a roadmap to a more balanced, meaningful life — without abandoning your ambition.

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:02:26] The real meaning of a “good enough job” — and why it’s not about slacking off

[00:08:16] The rise of workism: why your job became your identity

[00:13:33] The difference between boundaries and guardrails — and why we need both

[00:21:14] The myth of the dream job (and why passion usually follows skill, not the other way around)

[00:27:41] How to rebuild an identity outside of work and escape workaholism

[00:39:28] The surprising reason people at both ends of the ambition spectrum struggle

[00:50:00] Why defining your “enough” number is the antidote to endless striving

[00:56:08] Simone’s personal lesson: why time autonomy is his ultimate luxury

Episode Takeaways:

Your job should support your life, not become your life.

Stop chasing perfection — a “good enough” job can free you to thrive in other areas that matter.

Identity is like an investment portfolio: diversify it beyond just work.

Intrinsic motivation (mastery, purpose, autonomy) beats external markers of success.

Define your personal “enough” — financially, emotionally, and professionally — or risk falling into the endless “more” trap.

Play, beginner’s mindset, and non-work communities are secret weapons for resilience.

Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!

Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy!

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.

Curious about your influence level? 

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.

Simone Stolzoff’s website

The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work

AJ on LinkedIn

Johnny on LinkedIn

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

The Art of Charm on TikTok

What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our Sponsors
Resources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Charisma isn't just for extroverts or performers—it's a scientific advantage that determines how often you're invited, trusted, and remembered. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak reveal why people decide how they feel about you before they evaluate your skills, and how this hidden force might be keeping you from the promotions and relationships you deserve.

Through the story of their client Brett—a high-performer who was passed over for promotion despite working harder than everyone else—AJ and Johnny break down why being skilled isn't enough when you're perceived as "cold and unapproachable." They share three counterintuitive, science-backed techniques that transformed Brett from invisible to magnetic in both his professional and social circles.

If you've ever wondered why colleagues with average skills get all the credit, or why you keep hearing you're "great at what you do" but still feel invisible, this episode reveals the subtle signals of warmth and connection you might be missing.

[00:00:00] Opening introduction to the hidden force of charisma [00:02:54] How charisma opens doors and makes everything easier [00:05:36] Why warmth is judged before competence (Princeton research) [00:07:37] The "processing face" problem that makes you seem unapproachable [00:08:31] How avoiding side conversations kills career opportunities [00:10:53] The Pratfall Effect: How small mistakes make you more likable [00:11:55] The Reflective Label Technique: Mirroring emotions to build connection [00:13:30] The Benjamin Franklin Effect: Why asking for help raises your status[00:16:41] Three-step challenge to boost your charisma this week

People judge your warmth before they judge your skills—without warmth, your competence won't matter

Mirror neurons fire when we converse, creating shared emotional states that build connection

The "processing face" problem: When you're thinking deeply, your expressionless face makes others uncomfortable

The Pratfall Effect: Competent people become more likable when they reveal a small flaw or vulnerability

Reflective labeling shows emotional fluency and makes people feel deeply understood

The Benjamin Franklin Effect: Asking for advice activates others' investment in you and raises your status

Small acts of vulnerability build more authentic connections than maintaining a "mask of competence"

The Art of Charm Social Intelligence ProgramLooking to quickly improve your social intelligence with support from AJ, Johnny, and their team? Check out the Art of Charm Social Intelligence Program at intel.theartofcharm.com. A quick application gets you on board.

In your next conversation, start by sharing a small vulnerability or flaw

When they respond, label the emotion you hear in their story

Before leaving, ask for advice (not feedback or validation)

Try all three in one conversation and report back what changed, who opened up, and what surprised you.Email AJ your results

AJ on LinkedIn

Johnny on LinkedIn

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

The Art of Charm on TikTok

What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our SponsorsThis Week's ChallengeCheck in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices