After a leader turns around the performance of one of his direct reports, he and his coach explore how it happened. And how to make it stick.  

Core ideas in the episode:

• Workplaces improve when positive feedback is present
• Our natural human negative bias is a barrier to giving positive feedback.
• Learn to notice when things go well.
• Tell people how they are helping solve the puzzle that is work.
• Research says the most effective feedback ratio is 4-to-1, positive to developmental.

Positive Feedback might sound like this:

1. Recognize what’s going well – and be specific
2. Appreciate how it’s helping solve the puzzle
3. Express your thanks

Developmental Feedback might sound like this:

1. Describe what happened – and be specific
2. Explain how it affects the puzzle solving effort
3. Express your hope for a different outcome

You can Sign-up for more resources and tools in our monthly email. 

If you’re thinking about coaching for yourself, or for someone on your team, let’s talk. [email protected].

This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast library:

Managing Yourself

Perception – How You Perceive Others

Relationship Building

Related episodes to listen to are:

146 - Building Empathy

119 - Creating Devoted Followers

212 - How to Coach Your People

255 - How to Deepen Relationships at Work

260 - How to Guarantee Psychological Safety

Thanks, as always, for your reviews!

Until next time, thanks so much for listening.

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A toxic boss destroys psychological safety on her team. One of her direct reports talks to his coach about how to survive. And how to keep his own team safe. 

Core ideas in the episode:

• Don’t take other people’s bad behavior personally.
• You are not a victim. You have choice.
• Document repeated bad behavior.
• Openly discussing mistakes without blame creates safety on a team.
• As the leader, be willing to admit your own mistakes.
• Ask people: “How do you think that went?” and “What could we do differently?” Then listen without debate or rebuttal.

A free infographic supports this episode. Download it here. 

The episode referred to about creating strong personal relationships is:

#199 Personal Connections.

Sign-up  for monthly resources and tools in our monthly email. 

Curious about coaching for yourself or someone on your team? Let’s talk. [email protected].

COACHES! Want to see this year’s pricing survey results? Pop me an email at: [email protected].

And come join the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check it out here.

Get additional tools for keeping yourself and your team psychologically safe in our podcast library in these three categories:

Assertiveness

Leadership

Managing Yourself

Additional episodes to listen to are:

187 - Agreeable Disagreement

70 - Assertion Versus Aggression

"75 - Don’t Take Anything Personally”

222- The Conflict Conversation

181 - Inviting Dialogue

Your reviews help the show stay ad-free. 

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Concerned his introversion makes him less effective, a corporate vice president asks for coaching – from an extrovert! Together, the coach and client explore ways to assure his introversion is a strength.

Myers Briggs Type Indicator assesses four preferences. One is Introversion and Extroversion. Download a free sample of the profile report here.     

The six tools unpacked in this episode are:

• Manage your energy
• Monitor your self-talk
• Have ideas ready
• Manage your calendar
• Share comfortably about yourself
• Develop both your thoughts and your skills

Listen to Tom’s conversation with Tom & Tom on the Beyond Podcast episode.

Learn “How to Make Small Talk with Executives” on the Coaching for Leaders podcast.

Curious about coaching? Shoot me an email. [email protected].

Visiting the website? Sign-up for tools and resources in our monthly email. 

Help yourself to our free infographics in the Essential Tools bin.

Get more support for supercharging your introversion in our podcast library in these three categories:

• Managing Yourself
• Self-Talk
• Social Skills

Additional episodes you could listen to are:

241 - Conquering People Pleasing

210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management

211 - How to Show Up as More of Yourself

254 - How to Talk so People Understand You

247 - Mastering Anxiety

Your reviews help the show stay ad-free. 

So? Were these tools about introversion helpful? Let me know!

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader with a direct report who is, she says, the most defensive person she’s ever known, devotes an entire coaching session to gathering tools to help her cope. 

All the tools and ideas and scripts in this episode are in an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. 

To work on “deserving” dive into The Four Agreements.

Dig into more tools for managing defensive people in our podcast library in these three categories:

Communication Skills

Management Skills

Relationship Building

Additional episodes you could listen to are:

216 - 7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks

60 - Be Impeccable with Your Word 

35 - Handling Defensive Behaviors

173 - Managing Bad Behavior

138 - Managing Disruptive Executives

198 - Psychological Safety

Additional tools and resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Curious about coaching? Shoot me an email. [email protected].

All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.

Your reviews help the show continue as an ad-free podcast. 

Let us know how we can support you.

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Still traumatized over an angry explosion she’d aimed at an abusive leader years before, a leader asks her coach to help her access healthy assertion to use during moments of conflict.

Where are you on the assertion scale? Our assessments will tell you.

In the episode, ASSERTION got divided into two skills: 

AWARENESS and EXPRESSION.

The four-step script to build healthy ASSERTION is:

• Situation
• Feeling
• Want
• Outcome

Part of assertion is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. 

Our tool defines EQ and gives exercises. Download it here.

“Unlocking Executive Presence Through Emotional Intelligence” Episode 232. The concept explained and tools provided.

Download “The Feeling Word Grid” here.

Ready for an amazing growth experience? Explore Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead course.

Often recommended. Always helpful. Crucial Conversations.

More tools in the ASSERTIVENESS category in the archive.

Episodes with assertiveness tools: 

220 - Holding Boundaries

219 - How to Set Boundaries

210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management

86 - Intimacy in Business: Setting Boundaries

198 - Psychological Safety

Considering coaching? Talk with Tom. Send him an email here.

Additional resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

Thanks! from The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Convinced that participants need to engage in order to learn, a leader is discouraged after the cheerless rollout of her online learning program. She turns to her coach for help facilitating virtual groups.

Tools in this episode:

Tone-setting at the opening:

1. Get people engaged by using the chat to think together;
2. Get people engaged by thinking about how they will show up (ground rules);
3. Ask: “How engaged do you want to be?” Rank 1 – 7 in chat. 

(#3 came from Michael Bungay Stanier who wrote The Coaching Habit and hosts the Change Signal podcast. Much gratitude!)

Three facilitation skills:

1. Use learning questions;
2. Redirect; don’t be the hub;
3. Activate your deadpan.

All our infographics are available for free in our Tools Bin. Help yourself. 

Tom’s most recent conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching for Leaders explored How to Take Initiative. A lively, thought-provoking episode.

Coaches! Join us at ICF Los Angeles’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website, then come join us!

Categories in the archive to explore for more ideas about deepening relationships:

Communication Skills

Leading Teams

Episodes with more tools for engagement:

141 - High-Stakes Meetings

253 - How to Answer Questions Powerfully

213 - How to Re-engage a Team

34 - Keeping Repeated Material Fresh

175 - Leading Offsites

143 - Powerful Tools for Team: Plus / Delta

148 - Taming Meetings

Are you coach curious? Talk with Tom. Send him an email here.

Additional resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Knowing she’s never been good with people, a leader seeks coaching to her deepen relationships in ways she can tolerate.

Two ways to deepen workplace relationships:

Matching & Curiosity

4 Ways to Match:

• Match Purpose 
• Match Energy 
• Match Conversations 
• Match Vulnerability 

Express Curiosity by Asking Deep Questions

• Make sure your questions are open-ended
• Invite reflection
• Keep the other person talking

Answering questions powerfully is another way to deepen relationships. Check out our recent episode on that topic.

Deepen relationships at work by listening to Dave Stachowiak’s conversation on Coaching For Leaders with Charles Duhigg about his book Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. 

Recently, Tom joined Dave on Coaching for Leaders to explore How to Take Initiative. A lively, thought-provoking episode.

Coaches! Join us at ICF Los Angeles’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website. 

Categories in the archive to explore for more ideas about deepening relationships:

Communication Skills

Building Relationships

Managing Yourself

Five episodes that’ll help you get deeper:

Building Empathy

Building Listening

Building Rapport

Influence

The Conflict Conversation

Are you ready to invest in yourself? We offer listeners world-class coaching at an affordable price. Reach out to Tom here.

Transcripts of every episode, including this one, are available for free here. 

More resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader is losing credibility with her senior leaders. Her boss thinks she can turn it around by learning the sorting tool that transformed him as a communicator, so he brings in the coach who taught him.

Sorting & Labeling! The grandaddy of all communication tools. If you can sort and label you will sound like a leader.

The four steps in Sorting & Labeling:

1. Use a headline
2. Use a number
3. Label each number
4. Transition with clarity

See it all for yourself in our free Sorting & Labeling infographic.

To all women who work in social or environmental change: Women’s Impact Alliance wants to support you. Check out their website to see all they ways they can help you succeed.

Coaches! Come join our Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website. 

Categories of episodes that have more ways to help you talk so people understand you:

Communication Skills

Leading Teams

Presentation Skills

Five episodes that’ll speed you down the path:

106 - Communicating with Clarity

253 - How to Answer Questions Powerfully

65 - Sorting & Labeling

16 - Sounding Well-Spoken

20 - Staying on Track

Curious about coaching for yourself? We offer a special program for listeners. Reach out to Tom here.

Transcripts of this and every episode are available for free here. 

More resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here!

Until next time!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader was given one goal for his coaching: improve how he answered questions. Knowing he struggled with this not only at work, but at home, he asked his coach for tools. 

Our free PDF shows the two scripts: one for closed-ended questions, one for open-ended. Download it here.

Don’t assume you know why people ask what they ask. You don’t. Ever.

The closed-ended script:

• Answer what’s asked
• Match Length
• Check for understanding
• Then add your details

No mattress stuffing!

It’s a customer service exchange.

The open-ended script:

• Start with a number 
• Label the first item
• Explain in brief

Make the leap. Start with a number. It’ll be okay.

When you know things, use this script. You will sound expert.

The open-ended script is a variation of the Sorting & Labeling tool. Download the PDF and listen to the episode.

CALLING ALL COACHES!

Come join ICF-LA’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We’d love to see you. Check us out here.

Related categories in the library:

Communication Skills

Leadership

Perception – How Others Perceive You

Five related episodes:

215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire

249 - How to Tackle Overtalking

159 - Short Sounds Confident

185 - The Talky Executive

151 - Under Executive Questioning

Have ideas about how “The Look & Sound of Leadership” might grow and evolve? Share your ideas with Tom here.

Transcripts of this and every episode are available for free here. 

Our monthly email, with resources you don’t hear about on the show. Subscribe here!

Wishing you spring freshness, 

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem.     

The three self-esteem practices are:

• Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourself
• Self-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy”
• Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not.

Download our free Feeling Words Grid.

The Tools bin with other free resources is here.

Four ways to help you live in reality:

• Respect facts
• Respect facts about yourself
• Interpretations are not facts
• Feelings are not facts

Nathaniel Branden’s “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” is still a definitive work. Check out the 31-week sentence completion exercise in the back.

Related categories in the library:

Managing Yourself  

Perception – How You Perceive Yourself

Self-Talk

Five related episodes:

241 - Conquering People Pleasing

209 - How to Build Self-Awareness

224 - How to Disarm a Trigger

242 - Mastering Nerves

231 - Staying Afloat in a Shitstorm

Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.

Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. 

Our monthly email – finally easy to subscribe to! Click here!

CALLING ALL COACHES!

Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We meet six times a year. Our first meeting in 2025 is Friday, February 14th, 9:00 am Pacific.

2025 Meeting Dates

February 14

April 11

June 13

August 8

September 12 

November 14

Fridays, 9:00 – 10:30am Pacific

Sponsored by ICF-LA

Stay safe, everyone.

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team