A leader with a direct report who is, she says, the most defensive person she’s ever known, devotes an entire coaching session to gathering tools to help her cope. 

All the tools and ideas and scripts in this episode are in an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. 

To work on “deserving” dive into The Four Agreements.

Dig into more tools for managing defensive people in our podcast library in these three categories:

Communication Skills

Management Skills

Relationship Building

Additional episodes you could listen to are:

216 - 7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks

60 - Be Impeccable with Your Word 

35 - Handling Defensive Behaviors

173 - Managing Bad Behavior

138 - Managing Disruptive Executives

198 - Psychological Safety

Additional tools and resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Curious about coaching? Shoot me an email. [email protected].

All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.

Your reviews help the show continue as an ad-free podcast. 

Let us know how we can support you.

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Still traumatized over an angry explosion she’d aimed at an abusive leader years before, a leader asks her coach to help her access healthy assertion to use during moments of conflict.

Where are you on the assertion scale? Our assessments will tell you.

In the episode, ASSERTION got divided into two skills: 

AWARENESS and EXPRESSION.

The four-step script to build healthy ASSERTION is:

• Situation
• Feeling
• Want
• Outcome

Part of assertion is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. 

Our tool defines EQ and gives exercises. Download it here.

“Unlocking Executive Presence Through Emotional Intelligence” Episode 232. The concept explained and tools provided.

Download “The Feeling Word Grid” here.

Ready for an amazing growth experience? Explore Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead course.

Often recommended. Always helpful. Crucial Conversations.

More tools in the ASSERTIVENESS category in the archive.

Episodes with assertiveness tools: 

220 - Holding Boundaries

219 - How to Set Boundaries

210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management

86 - Intimacy in Business: Setting Boundaries

198 - Psychological Safety

Considering coaching? Talk with Tom. Send him an email here.

Additional resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

Thanks! from The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Convinced that participants need to engage in order to learn, a leader is discouraged after the cheerless rollout of her online learning program. She turns to her coach for help facilitating virtual groups.

Tools in this episode:

Tone-setting at the opening:

1. Get people engaged by using the chat to think together;
2. Get people engaged by thinking about how they will show up (ground rules);
3. Ask: “How engaged do you want to be?” Rank 1 – 7 in chat. 

(#3 came from Michael Bungay Stanier who wrote The Coaching Habit and hosts the Change Signal podcast. Much gratitude!)

Three facilitation skills:

1. Use learning questions;
2. Redirect; don’t be the hub;
3. Activate your deadpan.

All our infographics are available for free in our Tools Bin. Help yourself. 

Tom’s most recent conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching for Leaders explored How to Take Initiative. A lively, thought-provoking episode.

Coaches! Join us at ICF Los Angeles’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website, then come join us!

Categories in the archive to explore for more ideas about deepening relationships:

Communication Skills

Leading Teams

Episodes with more tools for engagement:

141 - High-Stakes Meetings

253 - How to Answer Questions Powerfully

213 - How to Re-engage a Team

34 - Keeping Repeated Material Fresh

175 - Leading Offsites

143 - Powerful Tools for Team: Plus / Delta

148 - Taming Meetings

Are you coach curious? Talk with Tom. Send him an email here.

Additional resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

Knowing she’s never been good with people, a leader seeks coaching to her deepen relationships in ways she can tolerate.

Two ways to deepen workplace relationships:

Matching & Curiosity

4 Ways to Match:

• Match Purpose 
• Match Energy 
• Match Conversations 
• Match Vulnerability 

Express Curiosity by Asking Deep Questions

• Make sure your questions are open-ended
• Invite reflection
• Keep the other person talking

Answering questions powerfully is another way to deepen relationships. Check out our recent episode on that topic.

Deepen relationships at work by listening to Dave Stachowiak’s conversation on Coaching For Leaders with Charles Duhigg about his book Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. 

Recently, Tom joined Dave on Coaching for Leaders to explore How to Take Initiative. A lively, thought-provoking episode.

Coaches! Join us at ICF Los Angeles’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website. 

Categories in the archive to explore for more ideas about deepening relationships:

Communication Skills

Building Relationships

Managing Yourself

Five episodes that’ll help you get deeper:

Building Empathy

Building Listening

Building Rapport

Influence

The Conflict Conversation

Are you ready to invest in yourself? We offer listeners world-class coaching at an affordable price. Reach out to Tom here.

Transcripts of every episode, including this one, are available for free here. 

More resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader is losing credibility with her senior leaders. Her boss thinks she can turn it around by learning the sorting tool that transformed him as a communicator, so he brings in the coach who taught him.

Sorting & Labeling! The grandaddy of all communication tools. If you can sort and label you will sound like a leader.

The four steps in Sorting & Labeling:

1. Use a headline
2. Use a number
3. Label each number
4. Transition with clarity

See it all for yourself in our free Sorting & Labeling infographic.

To all women who work in social or environmental change: Women’s Impact Alliance wants to support you. Check out their website to see all they ways they can help you succeed.

Coaches! Come join our Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website. 

Categories of episodes that have more ways to help you talk so people understand you:

Communication Skills

Leading Teams

Presentation Skills

Five episodes that’ll speed you down the path:

106 - Communicating with Clarity

253 - How to Answer Questions Powerfully

65 - Sorting & Labeling

16 - Sounding Well-Spoken

20 - Staying on Track

Curious about coaching for yourself? We offer a special program for listeners. Reach out to Tom here.

Transcripts of this and every episode are available for free here. 

More resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here!

Until next time!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader was given one goal for his coaching: improve how he answered questions. Knowing he struggled with this not only at work, but at home, he asked his coach for tools. 

Our free PDF shows the two scripts: one for closed-ended questions, one for open-ended. Download it here.

Don’t assume you know why people ask what they ask. You don’t. Ever.

The closed-ended script:

• Answer what’s asked
• Match Length
• Check for understanding
• Then add your details

No mattress stuffing!

It’s a customer service exchange.

The open-ended script:

• Start with a number 
• Label the first item
• Explain in brief

Make the leap. Start with a number. It’ll be okay.

When you know things, use this script. You will sound expert.

The open-ended script is a variation of the Sorting & Labeling tool. Download the PDF and listen to the episode.

CALLING ALL COACHES!

Come join ICF-LA’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We’d love to see you. Check us out here.

Related categories in the library:

Communication Skills

Leadership

Perception – How Others Perceive You

Five related episodes:

215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire

249 - How to Tackle Overtalking

159 - Short Sounds Confident

185 - The Talky Executive

151 - Under Executive Questioning

Have ideas about how “The Look & Sound of Leadership” might grow and evolve? Share your ideas with Tom here.

Transcripts of this and every episode are available for free here. 

Our monthly email, with resources you don’t hear about on the show. Subscribe here!

Wishing you spring freshness, 

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem.     

The three self-esteem practices are:

• Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourself
• Self-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy”
• Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not.

Download our free Feeling Words Grid.

The Tools bin with other free resources is here.

Four ways to help you live in reality:

• Respect facts
• Respect facts about yourself
• Interpretations are not facts
• Feelings are not facts

Nathaniel Branden’s “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” is still a definitive work. Check out the 31-week sentence completion exercise in the back.

Related categories in the library:

Managing Yourself  

Perception – How You Perceive Yourself

Self-Talk

Five related episodes:

241 - Conquering People Pleasing

209 - How to Build Self-Awareness

224 - How to Disarm a Trigger

242 - Mastering Nerves

231 - Staying Afloat in a Shitstorm

Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.

Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. 

Our monthly email – finally easy to subscribe to! Click here!

CALLING ALL COACHES!

Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We meet six times a year. Our first meeting in 2025 is Friday, February 14th, 9:00 am Pacific.

2025 Meeting Dates

February 14

April 11

June 13

August 8

September 12 

November 14

Fridays, 9:00 – 10:30am Pacific

Sponsored by ICF-LA

Stay safe, everyone.

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A coaching client wonders what elements need to be present for someone to appear ‘executive.’ Two executive coaches ponder this question and come up with five elements they deem essential.

Categories in the archive to explore:

Developing New Behaviors

Executive Presence

Perception – How You’re Perceived

Six episodes to dive into:

189 - Don’t Take Anything Personally

178 - Executive Presence – Three Pillars

168 - Influence

108 - Shouldering the Burden of Leadership

23 - Speed of Thought

Download the Six Books for Growth here.

Listen to “The Show Must Go On” episode, about a real-life on-stage catastrophe.

Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.

Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. 

More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.

FOR COACHES:

Michael Lewis’s podcast, “Against the Rules,” devotes its second season (2020) to all different types of coaching. 

Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We meet six times a year. Our first meeting in 2025 is Friday, February 14th, 9:00 am Pacific.

2025 Meeting Dates

Fridays, 9:00 – 10:30am Pacific

February 14

April 11

June 13

August 8

September 12 

November 14

Sponsored by ICF-LA

Wishing us all compassion and grace in 2025.

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question. 

Categories in the archive to explore:

Communication Skills

Executive Presence

Presentation Skills

Six episodes to dive into:

34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh

77 - The Power of Rehearsal

65 - Sorting & Labeling

180 - Becoming Expert

114 - Gravitas

124 - Personal Branding

For help Sorting & Labeling, download the PDF.

For help finding your three words, use our Needs & Values assessment.

For a new way of thinking about interviewing: Interviewology, The New Science of Interviewing.”

For career guidance, Michele Calderigi, head of Next Career, is a seasoned counselor.

Lois Frankel’s Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office remains a favorite among senior women in the workplace.

Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.

Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. 

More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.

Safe and sane holidays, everyone!

from The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. 

Two mindsets from this episode:

1. When you speak, have a destination in mind. 

Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?”

1. Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.

Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” If not, skip it.

It doesn’t matter why you overtalk. Overtalking is limiting. Build your awareness of when you do it.

Learn to ‘hear’ the communications you have.

Who talked how long? 

What were the smaller conversations within the larger communication?

More tools to build your self-awareness and communication skills can be found in the Essential Communications bin and in the archive of all 16 years of the show.

Build awareness browsing these categories:

Self-Management

Perception – How You Perceive Yourself

Develop your communication skills in this category:

Communication Skills

Five Episodes to help your skills are:

53 - Answer What’s Asked

65 - Sorting & Labeling

20 - Staying on Track

11 - Sounding Executive

16 - Sounding Well-Spoken

“Think Fast Talk Smart” podcast with Matt Abrahams. Great tools to help you be a better communicator.

Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.

Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. 

More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.

Coaches!

Download the results of ICF-LA’s pricing survey here.

Be safe, everyone! 

The Look & Sound of Leadership team