Kayanna:

Let's talk about it. Let's go Deep. We all have something to share, KnolShare with Dr. Dave.

Dr. Dave Cornelius:

What is the importance of belonging and why do we all need to belong somewhere? It is built into our human nature. Learn how the powerful philosophy of Ubuntu helps to deliver a simple roadmap to building positive teams and relationships, improving engagement and performance. Get your copy of Belonging and Healing, creating awesomeness for yourself and others by Dr. Dave Cornelius on Amazon.com.

Dr. Dave:

So I'm just dying of laughter. So welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. I am Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. We're continuing the series, Resilient You, to discover what makes people resilient, to build resilient organization. My guest today is Tricia Broderick, co-author of Lead Without Blame: Building Resilient Learning Teams. Tricia is also an agile trainer coach and advocate for diversity and inclusion. So welcome Tricia. I'm so glad to be able to talk to you.

Tricia:

I'm so glad I finally found time and we could sync our schedules to make this happen. I'm so excited to be here.

Dr. Dave:

Likewise. So I would love to get an elevator pitch so that people could understand who you are and the superpower that you bring to this space.

Tricia:

Oh, elevator pitch. Well, I'm going to change it up and say something slightly different than the standard, "Oh, I was a computer science major", who cares about any of that? I guess my elevator pitch of who I am is the person who is continuing to learn how to lead, but isn't afraid to share the challenges along the ways to say the things that might be hard to say, to make sure that we're constantly growing and learning to be the best in the space where we can help others thrive.

And so, my superpower is to really be as authentic as I can. My colleague often jokes that you get the same Tricia no matter who's in the room, and that probably is true, but I think the other superpower is just being able to acknowledge that I don't always get it right and that I'm learning still and I'm growing still, and the only way you mess up truly as a leader is you stop trying, and so I think that's my elevator pitch is, I want to see leaders create environments that lift people up, and I realize it's hard work.

Dr. Dave:

Sure is. So, in your journey, as you encounter people and coaching and training, how do you define resilient people?

Tricia:

So I mean, you've got your standard resilient definition, ability to respond. If you're doing a whole podcast, you've probably gone through this in a lot of ways. For me, it's not about just being courageous or brave, it's not just being driven or focused and dedicated. For me it's being able to also be adaptive, to be reflective, to be in a space where you can process and think again and realize that part of resiliency is not being perfect, but growing, and evolving and inspecting as things are needed.

And so for me, resiliency and people isn't perfection, it's being able to respond to the chaos, because if nothing else we should all acknowledge at this point is chaos is the norm, not complexity even, and so how do people respond in that chaos? Are they taking time for self care? Are they taking time to challenge themselves? Are they supporting others? And that's, for me, what makes resiliency? Is it perfection or pure grit? A lot of people say just grit of sticking something, it's like, no, sometimes asking for help and not sticking for a minute is resilience in terms of just moving forward and reacting to that, especially the chaos.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah, definitely. Especially in this time, it's even more chaotic than we have seen it for some time. So as you're in this chaos,

Dr. Dave:

What is the importance of belonging, and why do we all need to belong somewhere? It is built into our human nature. Learn how the powerful philosophy of Ubuntu helps to deliver a simple roadmap to building positive teams and relationships, improving engagement and performance.

Get your copy of Belonging and Healing, Creating Awesomeness for yourself and others, by Dr. Dave Cornelius on Amazon.com.

 

So hello and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. I am Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. As we continue with our Resiliently You Podcast series, my guest today is Brandon and Nicole. I guess, can't wait to hear what they have to say and what they have to share.

So Brandon, Nicole, provide an elevator pitch about your journeys in life, as a coach and as someone who is helping people to be resilient. I mean, would love to hear from you.

Nicole:

Sure. So I'm Nicole Raines. The professional title is licensed and marriage and family therapist. But what that means is that I work with people with mental health, and relationships in all phases and stages, and wellness. I also do some consulting with organizations, including law firms.

I am a former, now non-practicing, attorney. So being able to bring wellbeing and resilience and just being able to cope with life stress to organizational structures as well. And also happen to be a podcaster. So all of those things boiled right on in together.

Dr. Dave:

Wow. That's nice.

Brandon:

Yeah, she does a lot. And good at it too.

So my name's Brandon Raines. I am a coach. I am an organizational and systems coach. I play a lot in the agile space, where I do a lot of agile coaching as well. So I find myself working pretty much in the IT space, because that's where I got my grounding. I'm a software developer, going way back. I'm starting to realize that it is really way back now.

But I'm finding myself, now, working much more with organizations who want to adopt agility, and not just the frameworks but the mindset of it, the idea of being able to work in a way such that things change, and being able to adapt to that change as quickly as possible. And to do it in a conscious way, such that the workforce feels engaged, customers feel great and joy with the products that they're getting. And that it's somewhere to come to work every day, to feel happy.

So that's what gets me up in the every morning, is to work with organizations who have the intent of doing that, and me doing my little part to help.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah, it says: vote yes for better code.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah. That's where I got started as well, is being a software engineer, and then expanding out to coaching and fun stuff that we do.

Man, I love your background. You have VUCA on there, it's a beautiful term that I like to use a lot. So thank you for sharing that with us.

Brandon:

Thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Dave:

Let's talk about resilience. I mean, let's talk about resilience in the context of leading an organization, or even helping individual transformation. How do you guys define that?

Brandon:

It's funny, we were having this conversation leading up to this. And we often find ourselves having these conversations a whole lot. And Nikki, coming from her perspective in the mental health space, and me in the systems and the organizational space, we see this a lot.

What does it mean to be resilient? I know she schooled me a whole lot on this idea of: resilience comes out of adversity. I think she'll definitely talk about her end of it. But, for me, I think I see adversity a lot of time, particularly around change in organizations.

Dr. Dave:

What is the importance of belonging, and why do we all need to belong somewhere? It is built into our human nature. Learn how the powerful philosophy of Ubuntu helps to deliver a simple roadmap to building positive teams and relationships, improving engagement and performance. Get your copy of Belonging and Healing: Creating Awesomeness for Yourself and Others by Dr. Dave Cornelius on Amazon.com.

Hey, welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. I am Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. As we continue with the Resiliently You podcast series, my guest today is Lisa Jones. Lisa is a multi-award winning, science-driven, fact-based therapist, coach, and passionate trainer, who believes that prevention is better than intervention. Lisa works in both the corporate and education sector teaching others the importance of brain health, resilience, stress management, and emotional wellbeing, as well as running a business. Private practice. A busy, I would say, private practice. So, Lisa, welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. So, do us a favor and provide us with an elevator pitch about your journey as a mental health consultant, psychotherapist, coach, and trainer.

Lisa Jones:

Okay. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I'm really, really excited to be here. And I was thinking to try and keep this brief. I'm terrible for going off on tangents. Growing up, I was always interested in people, and I found I was always that person that people came to advice or want them to be the voice for them if they felt they were unable to speak up about things. So I've always had kind of quite a sense of justice, wanting to help people.

Now, my first love was actually performing arts, but unfortunately I became quite unwell in my teens and kind of struggled with various chronic illnesses. So, knowing that I wasn't able to pursue my musical theater dreams, I decided to do my degree in counseling and psychotherapy. So that's kind of where it all started. And over the years I was able to fully recover from my health issues, just before I was 30, so a little while ago. And that kind of happened really after a lot of work, a lot of investing in various therapies really, and really understanding the brain/mind/body connection.

So that was the key moment for me, where I thought, "There's something here and I really want to help other people with this." So kind of got the passion really even more in wanting to help people understand how we can manage stress, how we can build resilience and do all of those things. So, over the years, I trained in various other modalities, including coaching NLP, which is "neuro-linguistic programming" for people who aren't aware, and applied neuroscience.

So my passion is the brain. That's why I talk a lot about brain health. And as time went on, I was working in my private practice and that was getting busier, but I wanted to help more people. So that's why I set up HeadStrong Training as a vehicle to be able to do that. And as you said in the intro, I'm really passionate about teaching prevention over intervention. So, that's my journey really; and now I work with senior leaders in both business and schools and teach those essential life skills, really, so people feel confident to manage those stressors in life.

Dr. Dave:

That's beautiful. And I noticed that in the introduction, we talked about resilience as one of the things that you try to tease out of people or bring out of individuals.

Lisa Jones:

Yes.

Dr. Dave:

So, how would you define resilience?

Lisa Jones:

So, for me... In fact, I've kind of taken this quote, really. There's a lady called Dr. Carol Penton who's done amazing research in resilience,

Kayanna Brow-Hendricksen: Singing

Dr. Dave:

What is the importance of belonging, and why do we all need to belong somewhere? It is built into our human nature. Learn how the powerful philosophy of Ubuntu helps to deliver a simple roadmap to building positive teams and relationships, improving engagement and performance.

Get your copy of Belonging and Healing, creating awesomeness for yourself and others, by Dr. Dave Cornelius on Amazon.com.

Hello, and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave Podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. We're launching the KnolShare with Dr. Dave Podcast. I would like to take a minute to introduce myself. I am a business executive, organizational and agile couch and trainer partnering with leaders and teams and for-profit startup, nonprofit organizations to deliver a level of awesomeness that meets their needs.

My journey includes working with Fortune 50 to Fortune 500 companies at times and startups. I've helped some of those teams and organizations to deliver more than $1 billion in customer value. As a business organization and agile team coach, I partner with sometimes startups companies to facilitate the commercialization of their ideas and help them bring those things to market.

My work with clients includes delivering in-person and virtual immersive learning experience using Scrum and Kanban and SAFe frameworks, design thinking, lean startup, though do help people with professional speaking, and just professional coaching, publish a doctoral manuscript focused on the value of scrum to organization in support of management and organizational leadership. I'm also done computer science and have an MBA.

One of the key things that I really do a lot of is really contribute to underestimated communities is one of my key passion. I'm a founder for this conference and meetup call Agile for Humanity. We try to support the BIPOC community, creating a voice in product development and the technology field that normally isn't in there.

I've also started the 5 Saturdays, and that's the number 5 Saturdays program. It's a STEAM program that empowers underestimated high school students to pursue additional knowledge and careers in the STEM field. It's always fun working with 13 to 19 year old teaching them about technology and STEM and entrepreneurship, and some of those really core skills that we're going to need in the future of work.

I'm also the author of five books. These include Transforming your Leadership Character, The Lean Thinking & Agility Way, Elastic Minds: What are you Thinking?, Prayers to My Abba Father God, a spiritual book. Also, I just wrapped up Belonging and Healing: Creating Awesomeness for Yourself and Others. And just released Deliver Value: Happy Contributing People, Satisfied Customers & Thriving Business.

In my spare time, I do a monthly podcast and blog. It's called KnolShare with Dr. Dave, and you could find those in some of your popular streaming services, that include Spotify, Audible, Apple Podcast, Google, and many others. I'm a husband, dad, and grandfather.

In this relaunch, we will begin with the Resiliently You Podcast Series, and the Resiliently You Podcast Series will cover several topics, that may include belonging and healing, deliver value, prayers and meditation, generative leadership, and innovation.

COVID 19 has really pressed a stop button on most of our world activities that made us pause for a moment to take notice, sometimes of the harm done to each living being on this planet. If there was a time for us to reimagine who we are and how we can make things better, this is the time. This is the time to do so. If you're feeling shaken by the pandemic experience,

This podcast is with my sister Dr. Lateefah Collingwood.  We grew up together on the island of St. Croix in the USVI and I wanted to share our sense of belonging as family.

Dr. Dave:

What is the importance of belonging and why do we all need to belong somewhere? It is built into our human nature. Learn how the powerful philosophy of Ubuntu helps to deliver a simple roadmap to building positive teams and relationships, improving engagement and performance.

Get your copy of Belonging and Healing, creating awesomeness for yourself and others by Dr. Dave Cornelius on amazon.com.

Dr. Dave:

Well, hello and welcome to the Knolshare with Dr. Dave podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host.

You know what? My guest today is my sister, Dr. Lateefah Collingwood. Look, this is a historic moment because this is the first time ever, first time, that I'm officially interviewing my sister on the Knolshare with Dr. Dave podcast.

 

Hello, Sister. How are you?

Dr. Collingwood:

Hello, brother. I am well.

Dr. Dave:

So good to have you here. Hey, why don't you just-

Dr. Collingwood:

Thank you for having me.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah. Why don't you just give our audience a simple elevator pitch about who you are? You could go up to a minute, you could go longer, but nice and sweet so everyone could know who Dr. Lateefah Collingwood really is.

Dr. Collingwood:

Nice and short and sweet.

Dr. Dave:

Something like that.

Dr. Collingwood:

Well, hello, Knolshare audience. I am Dr. Lateefah Collingwood and I am currently an assistant clinical professor at a university of nursing. I'm also a neonatal nurse practitioner maintaining my hands-on practice.

I'm here to just have this conversation with my big brother, Dave, about belonging and so I'm really excited to be here with you guys and we're just going to have some fun today.

 

Dr. Dave:

Yes, we are. Yes, we are. So tell me, why is it important to feel like you belong somewhere? What's up with that? Why do we always have that desire?

Dr. Collingwood:

I believe that we are created to be a part of something. We are all born into families. We're all born into people groups and so, by nature, we are created to be a part of something. So we, as people, or as living beings born into groups have this longing and this desire to really be a part of, to really feel like we belong somewhere, or to someone, or to something.

So I think it's important because of that innate mechanism that we have inside, that thing that drives us to want to be a part of, to want to be accepted, to want to feel like we are a part of something. So the importance comes from the internal drive, in my opinion.

Dr. Dave:

Well, it's a wonderful opinion and a wonderful perspective.

I know you've played sports and what was that like to belong as an individual, or part of a sports team?

Dr. Collingwood:

I see a sports team as I see any other team. It's a group of people coming together to pursue a common goal. In teams it's to win the game, to strategize, to practice and so I think it's just really important. Just being a part of a team helps with a lot of things. It helps with a lot of development. It helps us to learn to collaborate with people so it helps us to learn to deal with different personalities. Because whenever you have a group of people, we come from different backgrounds, different likes, different dislike and so it just prepares us to work together with different people. It challenges us as well to learn to overcome some potential personality obstacles that may present challenges for us as we try to achieve our goal.

But being a part of a sports team,

E94: Belonging and Healing [Part 5] – Ubuntu

Dr. Dave:

Hello, and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. And my conversation today is with Nobantu Mpotulo from Ubuntu Coaching. And our conversation will cover the practice of ubuntu and see how that could play a really important role in belonging and healing in organizations and community. So Nobantu, why don't you share a little bit about who you are with our audience? And hopefully I'm saying your name correctly.

Nobantu:

Nobantu, yes.

Dr. Dave:

Nobantu, yes.

Nobantu:

Thank you very much. Yes. A very important name for me indeed. And Bantu in my language, which is Xhosa, means people. So Nobantu means mother of the people. And I find that in our culture we name our children with the hope that the name would be fulfilled. And I found that I followed the helping professions, starting off as a psychologist, and I worked at institutions of higher learning as a student counselor and also counseling staff. And from there, I branched into coaching executives in organizations, and also, I'm a facilitator of peace circles, and ubuntu plays a very critical role and central role in my work.

Dr. Dave:

That's so great. So you are an accredited master certified coach at MCC from the International Coaching Federation. So how do you define ubuntu?

Nobantu:

Ubuntu is the way of being, way of life that takes into cognizance the importance of interconnection, the importance of working with others, the importance of seeing the good in others. So if we define ubuntu in my language, it is [foreign language 00:02:57] I am because we are. I cannot be fully myself if you are not fully who you are destined to be. So in essence, what this is saying is that whatever I do I can be more with others involved. And we have a proverb in Africa that says if you want to work fast, go together. Go alone, sorry. If you want to go far, go together. Let me say that again. If you want to go far, go together. If you want to go fast, go alone. So the spirit of ubuntu is a spirit of moving from I-centrism to we-centrism.

Dr. Dave:

So if ubuntu is the spirit of being focused on we, what are the benefits to a person, to an organization if they practice ubuntu?

Nobantu:

If, for instance, we take diversity, inclusion, and belonging, we cannot be an organization that is successful or that is able to get far if, for instance, we focus on the competencies, on the strengths, on the resources of individuals. But if we take all of those collectively and looking at our bigger goal, looking at our global goal objective that we want to reach, then with all those different competencies, different ways of how people are, we able to enrich this objective we want to achieve. And as I'm saying that, I'm thinking of Maya Angelou's saying where she said that if you look at a tapestry on the wall, it's not the individual colors, the individual shapes of that tapestry that make it to be beautiful, but it's all of those combined together. And if you take one of those, then that tapestry becomes something else. So in diversity, in interconnectedness, in inter-beingness, there is more value, there is more beauty, there is more sustainability in what we want to achieve.

Dr. Dave:

So if we are working in a disconnected organization, how would ubuntu help people build bridges?

Nobantu:

I want to answer this with a story because we're storytellers in Africa. There's a tribe in Zambia is the Bemba tribe. And what this tribe does, for instance, if someone is, I would say, menace in the society, they are a troublemaker, instead of casting that person out, what this tribe in the spirit of ubuntu does,

E93: Belonging and Healing [Part 4]: The Root Before the Fruit

Kayanna: (singing).

Dr. Dave:

So hello and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave Podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. We're continuing the conversation of belonging and healing, with my guest, Tracy Treacy from D & S Healing Center. Hey Tracy Treacy, how have you been?

Tracy:

Woo-hoo. Awesome. I've been doing well. How about you, sir?

Dr. Dave:

You know, same here, same here. Just one day at a time. We use the metaphor, an island of one, one, one, one. It's like walking, so one, one.

Tracy:

Okay.

Dr. Dave:

Okay. Yeah. Hey, we're getting into the conversation around healing. So one, one. One foot in front of the other, because sometimes that's what it takes, right?

Tracy:

Yeah. I mean you don't want to go backwards, though sometimes you do, but the idea is to... one foot in front of the other to keep it moving. Yeah.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah. You got to keep it moving.

Tracy:

I guess I didn't get the island reference with that and-

Dr. Dave:

Yeah.

Tracy:

... but you islanders got your way of doing things.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah. Well, that's what I learned. It's a thing.

Tracy:

It's a thing. One, one, here we go.

Dr. Dave:

One one. So here's a quote, a couple quotes that I grabbed from Vienna Pharaon. "Healing happens when you move through the pains, the patterns, and stories, and walk your way into a healthy ending." And that's one quote, and then, Maya Angelou of course, she says, "Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it." So our conversation today is, the root before the fruit. So the root before the fruit concept describes the need for solid root to support a sustainable opportunity to bare fruit in our healing space. Right? And so we're going to... I'm using I, I'm using the metaphor of sower, who own good soil to plant seeds. And good soil is rich with nutrients, which created space for plants and to have an abundant food supply to support healthy development. And I'm just using us, our bodies, our minds, our spirit, as that soil. And the work that we go through... the healing aspect is the seed. So good seeds are also essential for the process of growing healthy fruits. So you are a sower aren't you?

Tracy:

I would say yes. I have not heard that term, but I'm going to say yes.

Dr. Dave:

So tell me, let's talk about you as a sower.

Tracy:

You know-

Dr. Dave:

I know you're doing some good stuff.

Tracy:

Well, I mean, I do call myself a healer. Right?

Dr. Dave:

Okay. There you go.

Tracy:

And my healing can only happen when I'm, co-creating that space for a person... I'm creating a space for a person to help them heal, which is the co-creation. Right? That's with us working together and me supporting that work. And there are many different ways to do the work. I find the richest way to do the work is through the body. Right? And then that combines... the body, I don't think of separate as the mind. I think of that altogether. There's this one theory... oh my gosh, Dave, I can't remember who said it. I want to say it goes back to Freud, of how the neck is the separator. No, it goes back to Jung, not Freud. How the neck is a separator from the mind and the body. And that what we do is we cut off. We, we become very heady.

We become a world, a society, a community that really values the intellect. And then what the body holds, is the feelings. And it holds the experiences. And we don't want that to interfere with how things are processed up here, but there's no way we can't have that thing work.

kayanna:

(singing)

Dr. Dave:

Hello, and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave Podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. We are continuing our great conversation of belonging and healing with my guest Tracy Treacy from DNS Healing Center.

Tracy:

Yay!

Dr. Dave:

Our topic today is healing, the antidote to trauma. Trauma is a source of pain that can be described and we can give it the name. So our conversation is going to really dig into forgiveness, somatic healing, psychotherapy, professional coaching, and spiritual healing. So Tray, Tray, Tray, how are you, man? What's going on?

Tracy:

You know, life is good.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah.

Tracy:

... good friend. Of course, it is. How are you doing?

Dr. Dave:

I'm amazing. I'm amazing and I'm jealous because I'm thinking about you hanging out at Coachella which is a fun place to be.

Tracy:

Really. That's what we're doing?

Dr. Dave:

Well, that's not what we're doing, but I'm just telling your business so we can talk about it.

Tracy:

Exactly. That's wrong

Dr. Dave:

Belonging and healing.

Tracy:

Yes. Coachella was a good time.

Dr. Dave:

Awesome.

Tracy:

I mean, I would actually go back.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah, yeah.

Tracy:

Yeah.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah.

Tracy:

Yeah. It was a lot of people though, man, and it [crosstalk 00:01:42]

Dr. Dave:

Yes, it is.

Tracy:

... COVID. It was a lot of people.

Dr. Dave:

But you were more glamping than anything else, right?

Tracy:

How do you... What? No. I was not glamping.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah, you were. I didn't see you. You weren't sleeping in the tent or in your car.

Tracy:

No, no. That's more than glamping. I mean, they have Yurts. Yurts. What are those things called? Yurts?

Dr. Dave:

Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, like...

Tracy:

Yeah. The thing, that tent, the-

Dr. Dave:

The teepee thing?

Tracy:

The teepee tent, or the tent with the big opening at the top is... I'm not going to call it a teepee. But it is a tent with a hard side. You know?

Dr. Dave:

Yeah.

Tracy:

And you could get one for the whole weekend. There's levels and it started at about $4,500 and it went up to $7,500.

Dr. Dave:

Yep.

Tracy:

Wow. This is a real thing.

Dr. Dave:

Well, yes, it is a real thing. So did you have a sense of belonging as you were there?

Tracy:

I actually, yeah, because you feel even in that big crowd of people, you're all there for the same thing. So you belong to the place where people go to appreciate music. You go to really enjoy artists, to do their thing. You see the performers in their, all their glory, like this is what I was born to do. So you feel like you belong to this exclusive little club of over a 100,000 people and you have access to. Everybody's so very nice to each other. Because we, being a little bit older, there were some of us, but there's a VIP section and then there's a general. So we were VIP and the general population folks, we were amongst them.

Dr. Dave:

Nice.

Tracy:

So it was really, yeah, it was just kind of cool. All the young folks acknowledging us, being like, "Look at you. You dope. You here! Yay!" So it definitely felt like I belonged.

Dr. Dave:

Okay. Well, that's what I wanted to just check in on. I just wanted to check in on that.

Dr. Dave:

So we want to jump into the very first part of our conversation, the healing power of forgiveness. So I think of forgiveness as a powerful state of spiritual, mental, physical presence that allows every person to move beyond the tra...

E92: Belonging and Healing Part 3 - Language of Belonging

Dr. Dave:

All right. Hello and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave Podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. We're continuing a conversation of belonging and healing with my guest, Tracy Treacy from D & S Healing Center.

Tracy:

Woo.

Dr. Dave:

Yay, the thing is when we talk about sticks and stones can break my bones, but words could never harm me, to me that's just partially true because words matter. I think words can be harmful, especially for people in need of belonging, and even if they don't have a need for belonging, I think words can be harmful. And so for me, the word that always shows up is the N-word, which I think is a harmful word, and I said, no matter if it ends with A, personally, I don't want to continue to prolong long the use of a word that has been used to dehumanize my family and community, and other people may have a different opinion, but that's where I stand and I'm sticking to it. What about you, Tracy? What word rubs you the wrong way?

Tracy:

That's what you feel and you're sticking with it.

Dr. Dave:

That's right, it's all about that.

Tracy:

I don't know if a word rubs me the wrong way. I think it's the intention behind the word that gets me, or who it's coming from because if somebody off the street calls me something or says something to me that I'm like, "You know what, maybe they're having a bad day." I got a little bit more empathy and compassion for them, but if somebody who loves me and is part of my space where I feel like I belong, and they say something, that probably hits deeper than any... The N-word... I don't know, maybe I'm just numb to it. I've heard it so many times, it's like what the F ever.

Dr. Dave:

Right.

Tracy:

That's not my issue that you're calling me that, or that you think that, that's your issue, but when someone says, or has some meaning beside something that loves me or that say they love me, then that hurts, that affects me.

Dr. Dave:

I could totally relate to that. So, I was reading something from MIT recently and a study that they did, they were talking about we crave relationships in the same region of the brain that we crave food, that's belonging, and we experience social exclusion in the same brain area that we experience physical pain. So, what I'm thinking about is language is very powerful and we could use it to divide us, unite us and sharing the same language build camaraderie between individuals and it helps us support the shared knowledge base and words used. So, what language can be used to encourage more belonging in your opinion?

Tracy:

That's a lot.

Dr. Dave:

I know it is.

Tracy:

What came to my brain immediately is the language of love, and I guess what I mean by that is when you... And, we don't always do this because we're not always in a place to be conscious or mindful enough to do it, but speaking from the heart, as opposed to waiting to hear what someone's saying, being present, all of those things that we talk about in mindfulness, being present in the moment, taking a breath before you respond and then respond from a place of love, that's what came to mind for me, to me it's that simple. And in order to respond from a place of love, we may have to feel that we've been loved and we are loved, so that we can give and receive it, and I guess that goes back to that belonging.

Dr. Dave:

Love is one of my favorite words because my translation of it is very biblical in the sense that I'm talking about being patient and kind, and if I could bring those two aspects of my hu...