If you're mentoring someone, the most important thing you can learn to do is recognize the season they’re in. Just like we don’t expect fruit from a seed that hasn’t even sprouted yet, we shouldn’t expect full maturity from someone who’s barely had their spiritual eyes opened. This isn’t just about stages of knowledge or age; it’s about understanding where someone truly is in their process of transformation. When we know where someone is, we can walk with them in a way that doesn’t confuse them, overwhelm them, or shame them. We can talk to them in the language of their current season, not in the language of where we wish they were. This is the art of mentoring from a healed place; we lead with grace, not pressure.

Let’s start here: some people are in the rough and wild stage. They're in what we might call the cowboy phase. They're trying everything, going hard after new experiences, hungry to figure life out, but still pretty raw and unrefined. You don’t talk to a cowboy the same way you’d talk to a sage or a king. If you do, you’re not mentoring; you’re misfiring. You’re talking over their head or pushing them into shame. The cowboy needs you to help them navigate danger without crushing their fire. They’re not looking for control; they’re looking for direction. They need someone to help them harness their energy and point it toward purpose.

Then there are those in the warrior phase. These folks have stepped out of wild adventure and are starting to build something real. They’ve chosen a path; maybe it’s a career, a cause, a calling; and they’re fighting to carve out a life that matters. They’re not just living for themselves anymore. They’re carrying weight. They’re learning discipline. They’re stepping up. A warrior doesn’t need you to tell them to calm down; they need to know how to carry the sword without losing their soul. They need wisdom for the battles ahead. They need someone who sees the strain in their eyes and says, “You don’t have to fight alone.”

Then you’ve got the lover phase. This is when someone begins to value deep connection. Maybe they’ve gotten married, or become a parent. Maybe they’ve learned the hard way that success without love is empty. Lovers are learning how to give of themselves. They’re forming a new identity, one that includes others. When mentoring someone here, you’ve got to speak to their capacity to nurture, to protect, to build legacy. They’re starting to think in terms of “we” instead of “me.” They’re no longer just fighting battles; they’re trying to build a home. That requires patience, wisdom, and emotional courage.

So let me ask you: Where is your mentee? Do they know where they’re at? Do you know where they’re at? That’s the first question of mentorship. You don’t begin by pushing content. You begin by identifying location. Location tells you how to speak, how to lead, and how to walk with someone. Mentorship without discernment becomes manipulation; because you end up trying to force someone into a version of growth that they’re not ready for.

God is always speaking to us about process and progression. That’s why I love using the metaphor of the butterfly. The Bible actually points us to the word “metamorphosis,” which is the very word used in Romans 12:2 when it talks about being “transformed by the renewing of the mind.” The butterfly is not just a nice illustration; it’s a spiritual roadmap. So let’s walk through it stage by stage and talk about how we mentor someone inside of each one.