Unwrap the terrifying truth behind Christmas's creepiest cryptid: Krampus. We'll analyze the biomechanics of child-snatching, debate the evolutionary advantages of a prehensile tongue, and calculate the caloric requirements of running an otherworldly punishment realm. Our team of holiday horrorologists will theorize whether this goat-demon hybrid is the result of Santa's genetic experiments gone wrong, an Alpine adaptation to over-coddled children, or just the fever dream of a schnapps-soaked storyteller. From obscure folklore to pop culture phenomenon, we'll explore why this festive fearmongerer continues to haunt our sugarplum dreams. Remember, in Krampus's world, no one can hear you scream... but they might hear the jingle of chains as you're dragged to the underworld for not eating your vegetables.

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