Laa Hotspot's podcast

Comedian Kendall Ferguson stops by to talk about sex and relationships

Comedian Kendall Ferguson stops by to talk about sex and relationships

Comedian Kendall Ferguson stops by to talk about sex and relationships

Comedian Kendall Ferguson stops by to talk about sex and relationships

A few of my friends are having some relationship issues. Without going into details, the one thing that they all have in common is that they feel like they are missing some crucial elements in the relationship. For the most part, they were at one point happy with the relationship and their partner in general. But over time, they realized that something that they felt they needed was missing. Suddenly, that need became so great that they were willing to sacrifice what they had to seek out what they didn't have.

I had always thought that this behavior was more common in men than women. However, according to my recent experience, it has become apparent that women have these feelings too. I thought that most women just kinda settled into their relationships, and lived them out until something devastating happened to make them want to leave. So, either the majority of my friends are not the average woman, or there are more women out there that are refusing to settle. I'm betting on the latter. This excites me. Well, kinda. I say that because I am happy that women are standing up for what they want and expressing their desires within their relationship (or are they, really?). but it saddens me that the partner that is looked at as the backbone of the relationship is willing to give up so easily.

Are women really expressing what they want from their partners? Or are they expecting them to be mind readers and guess what's making their partner so miserable all of a sudden? I think that communication is the foundation of any great relationship. And as long as you can communicate, ANYTHING can be worked out if it's addressed early enough.

That being said, I know we've all heard of the 80/20 rule. If you haven't, I'll give u the short version. NOBODY'S PERFECT. But if you have 80 of the 100% of what you want, it's likely that if you seek out that missing 20% in another partner, you won't have the 80% that you started with. I REALLY believe that if you have 80%, you should either find a way to gain the other 20% in your current partner, or learn to live without that other 20%. I always say that the grass always looks greener when you're seeing somebody else water it. But what happens when YOU'RE the one who has to water it? Is it still greener when somebody else is watering the lawn that used to be yours?

I know that some people will say that if that 20% is something like respect or sex, that it's worth considering leaving. I say that it is difficult to disrespect someone who respects themselves, and people only do to you what you allow them to do. How can you say that you have 80%, if there is no respect? I can't see how the other 80% could be there if there is no respect, unless your 80% is sex and everything else falls into that 20%. That would be another blog altogether.

On the other hand, the key to great sex lies in communication. If you can communicate your likes and dislikes to your partner and your partner is truly willing to please you, you can overcome your sexual issues. If you are a woman who has an issue with the size of your man's penis, let me just say that ALL men are built with the equipment to please ANY woman. I know that I am touching on a sensitive topic. I've been here before. Here's the thing….The G-Spot is only about 2 inches inside the vagina. If you ever meet a man with less than 2 inches of dick, tell him to call me, cuz I need to see that for myself. I think the smallest penis I've ever even heard about was 4 inches….that is….on a grown ass man… 4 inches can do a lot of damage….lol….trust me I know. And before yall get to judging me, NO, I am not unusually shallow, and I do have at least one kid, delivered vaginally….lol. For a man who is "short" in that respect, he needs to know what he's doing. If he doesn't, he needs to be taught. Either way, THERE IS A WAY!!!! If the problem is girth (width), then, my sister, the problem is with you. I know this also from experience….Fukkin wit these mandingos out here can fukk u up!!!!! Especially if that's what you're used to. But listen up, the vagina is a wondrous creation….lol…It can shrink and expand and it can even do some tricks. If you don't know any, hit me up, I'll hook u up….lol The best thing I can tell u if you meet your prince charming and he has a pencil dick, is to take a break from sex altogether (no dildos or any penetration whatsoever) for about 3 months….it's not that long….you can use a bullet or something for clitoral stimulation so u can get off during this very SHORT period of time. During this 3 months, do TONS of kegels…I mean TONS (it won't really take that many, but do TONS anyway). Everytime u think about it, squeeze those muscles. Get you some ben-wa balls or some other type of "sexercize" equipment, and work the hell out of those muscles. You'll be back to virgin tightness after 3 months guaranteed. Only guaranteed if there's no penetration, but even if there is a little, you'll be tight enough to cradle the smallest penis. Once you rectify that situation, from there, it's all about communication.

If the problem is that the guy is not happy with the sex, then there's definitely a problem with communication. I say this because women generally perform INSIDE the bedroom based on how they are being treated OUTSIDE the bedroom. If she's not performing well, she may be struggling with other areas of the relationship. Talk to her and find out what the problem is. See if you can relieve some stress that may be coming from somewhere else and affecting her ability to focus on you. If the problem is that her twat feels like a black hole, then refer her to the previous paragraph….lol

I know this is a long one, yall. But yall know I'm passionate about saving GOOD relationships. I hate to see people move on from one relationship and get into another, only to wish they had what they left in the last relationship. It's really sad….and I like to stay in my happy place….lol

I know some of yall gonna say I'm full of shit, so bring it on…..lmao

Cee and Mimi are back to discuss whether a relationship can work if a woman is more successful. Also Reader comments....

Does income determine the value of a man? Will a relationship work if the woman is more successful? Cee and Mimi stop by to discuss...

Paul Branton is back and still talking shit!!

Paul Branton stops by to talk dirty !!!!!

I got this letter from a myspace friend about a friend of hers:

Her husband had got deployed for 4 months. Well before he left to go to Iraq, they were already talking about getting a divorce. Well while he was away, she started seeing another guy. I told her she wasn't being smart with the affair, she was out in the open with it. Now where she lives...it is nothing but military families. All of them are friends! They watched her for 3 months, parade her new man around. She even had the man in the house with the children. Well, she has three kids, but the oldest one is not his. So when her husband calls one day, the oldest son tell him that mommy was having another man in the house. Well to make a long story short, he and she had an argument about it and he threatened to kick her ass out his house when he got back home. Well, he came home Oct. 1, and it has been hell every since. He has followed her to stores, and other places. Just to make sure she isn't having any type of contact with the other man. He has even left the children in the house sleep, so he can go out and catch her with the other man. Well she hasn't been having sex with him, she told him she doesn't feel it anymore, and she thinks it won't be a good idea with them getting a divorce. Well of course this man has some built up pressure, and he had been trying her. Well they had been sleeping in separate rooms. She and the baby would sleep in the master bedroom, and he would be in the guest. Well...She usually leaves her bathroom light on for the baby, so when he wakes up he can see her and not start crying. Well when she went to bed the light was on. She said she was sleeping well, and she said something awaked her. When she rose up in the bed the light was off, and he jumped on top of her. Now her husband is large with muscles and military training. My girl is a size 2, and tall (she is a model.) Anyway, he pinned her down and raped her for an hour. When he was finished, he got off her, went in the bathroom got a towel, threw it on her, and then told her "I see you did have a little more left for me". Girl when she told me this I cried for her, and with her. I didn't really give her any serious advice just yet, but I did tell her to get herself together and go get her children. She left the house and went across the street to stay with a neighbor. I suppose to call her back, and I want to make sure that what I tell her is right. She has showered and gotten rid of the evidence, so now she has nothing. I think she should just get the hell out before he hurt her...like kill her.

Um….wow? Ok, first she needs to get all her shit and get out the house for real, not across the street. Rape is an act of violence, it is also often committed by people who feel out of control. Let me just say first that soldiers take a while to get back to normal after they come back from fighting a war. I think that she handled the situation ALL WRONG!!! But rape is never the fault of the victim, no matter what! There is obviously some psychological issues with her husband that need to be dealt with. However, if she plans to leave him anyway, I don't really feel like those are her concerns at this point. She needs to get out! Now!! I say this because a man who is fresh home from Iraq and rapes his wife, is probably still transitioning from being in a situation where violence is accepted and a place and time where it is not. I kinda like to put myself into the shoes of both parties when dealing with any situation before giving advice. And although I can see both sides, I think the most important thing I can say here, is GET OUT!!!! This man has some violence issues that he needs to deal with and the violence may become even worse. Because he is military trained, I don't think that she should take the chance of being there when he snaps again. It's unfortunate, I know that, but very necessary. She may want to seek counseling and in fact, I urge her to do just that… If she wants to reconcile after he sees someone for his problem, then fine…but for right now, she needs to leave and he needs to not know where she is. From there, she needs to listen to the advice of the counselors and she needs to file a police report. It doesn't matter that she has no dna evidence, because he is her husband. It would be difficult to use dna evidence against a spouse in the case of rape anyway, because she could have just said that he raped her after she had consentual sex with her husband. So, that doesn't matter right now. She needs to get an order of protection, because she doesn't know what he's capable of at this point. She needs everything to be documented. And I think that may be the best advice I can give on the subject. I cannot stress COUNSELING enough!!!!! She needs to talk to somebody (a professional)!!!!!! With that said….

I know that we want to paint a picture of this man as a monster, but I just cant do that. Don't start writing me hate mail. I empathize with all victims of rape. I happen to be a rape survivor myself, so I know how it feels to be violated. And I know it'll be a long road ahead of her to get past this, but she will with proper counseling, or alternatively a really long time and a lot of prayer…:-) Even though I am empathetic with the victim, I am also sympathetic to the rapist in this case. I can not imagine what his mentality must be like right now. I know that military training and worse, real-life combat, changes a man. I also know that without the proper support when they come home, that it takes longer to "get back to normal". I've seen it with my own friends and family members. I got my own issues with this war (don't get me started), but this is one of the reasons, that I don't feel like we should be sending people over there for unjustifiable reasons. This pisses me off, but I won't even go into it, cuz I could write about that for days…if I were talking, somebody might shove a sock in my mouth, so imam leave it here for now. But I think that we should be more careful how we treat our sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, and whoever while they are fighting and support them when they get home. I don't support this war, but I do support our troops. As a matter of fact, I'm sending a care package (masturbatory sleeves and lube) to a unit in Afghanistan this week….:-0 Don't hate. But seriously yall, this was really hard for me to answer, cuz my mind was all over the place trying to examine the situation from both sides. And I will agree with my naysayers that I wouldn't have been even a little bit concerned with where he was coming from had she not led with "he got deployed". So, Imma just say I hear yall already with your "shame on u laa" and "I can't believe u even thinking bout that nigga" and "fukk him, he's a violent asshole that needs his ass whooped". I thought that too at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt almost as bad for him as I did for her