Miles is mad because his neighbor won’t work for free, while Bob reveals he was a mooch back in the day as well.

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Miles is mad because his neighbor won’t work for free, while Bob reveals he was a mooch back in the day as well.

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——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

I like my blue jeans blue. Thank you. Mmhmm. it puts the lotion in the basket. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. It’s Miles Tittle. Hi, Miles. That’s right. That’s right. How’s Miles Tittle doing tonight yeah all right doing all right yeah yeah Someone mispronounced my name and now Bob thinks it’s funny to make fun of the lady. It’s a nice lady, but yet Bob has made fun of her and her. Mispronunciation. Mispronunciation and some other things he said, which I will not repeat. There’s somebody that’s not me in this conversation who’s like, you’re supposed to put a comma there. You’re supposed to put a thing there. You’re messing up your grammar. I love that voice. It was so disturbing. Don’t you know how to write? Did you go to school? You got a degree, don’t you? Okay, can you say it puts the lotion in the basket with that voice? It puts the ellipses on the line. Thank you.
That’s your Mr. Grammar Police every time I write an email. I’m like quickly going, and you’re like, God, did you know how to write? Jesus Christ, God damn. Well, you just used the wrong form of a word from time to time. You’re not doing third person all the time, for Christ’s sake. You’re wrong. You’re one of those people that doesn’t know the difference between there, there, and there. You know what I’m saying? There, there, there. And I have to correct you. And you’re like, oh, I missed that day in school. You got the idea across. Quit being such a, you know, goddamn stickler. Yeah. But. But. You do know how to, you know, read your last name and say it. Say my name, say my name. Yeah.
at the very very least you know she could have listened just to the show. just Not even very long into the show. She could listen to this the first, like, three seconds of the show. You say your goddamn name no i she didn’t hear the show. I wrote her. I know, but she took a moment. No. Why does she want to take a moment and listen to our shitty show for my God. a million shows out there to avoid. This is one of them. Mr. Miles Tittle wrote me today and he said, are ghosts real? I wrote several questions. Of course they are. What are you asking me for? Because I want to make money off it. So what? How many questions did you send this poor woman? No wonder she’s just
wore down from you sending her questions. I might as well answer this. I’ll get this guy’s name wrong so he’ll never write me again. This is what we do. We pool our money. We buy some old shitty buildings about ready to fall down and we swear that it’s haunted. It is haunted. And then we bring in groups and they’ll immediately fall for it and be like, hey, you’re right. Okay. Where’s the building at? I mean, property’s probably cheaper, like, closer to where you live. Oh, you think? Oh, yeah, you’re in the French Riviera up there, sure. Yes, I’m on Lake Okeechobee, yes. Don’t want to brag. Everything is so high-priced, you can’t even get anything for under five grand. I’m somewhere between Clive and West Des Moines, yes. Oh, yeah. Love you.
This is the most haunted house. This is the most haunted house in Iowa. Can you believe it? God damn. I’m telling you. This is how you get rich. You charge everyone. Ed Gein took a dump here two years ago. I swear to God. Hey, whatever. I’d make up shit. You know what? Everywhere around here is like Al Capone was here. I would immediately throw that in. Al Capone was here. It’s documented. He ejaculated in here somewhere. I swear to God. Found it. Oh, my God. That’s not ectoplasm. There’s a question for you to write that, lady. Do ghosts have orgasms? You know what? I’m not going to write that. I’m not going to write that. You know, this is what got me in trouble with Will Wheaton.
Okay, the actor yes i i try to do, like, this funny bit that you’re doing right now, and it completely imploded. And you never forgave me for it okay well but now you know why. It’s all happening right now. I know. Now it’s going back files well wheaton was flown to the island. Come on. Yeah. When he was a young act when he was a kid actor. And he’s traumatized. And then here you’re like, who’s got the biggest ding dong in the mud pit? It was a legit question. I don’t know what, you know, it triggered him. You triggered. I don’t know. I mean, I would guess river Phoenix, but I don’t know. We’ll know now. Two things that never get old river jokes and river Phoenix, you know, that’s what I say. Oh my goodness. Gracious me. Yeah. I was a little bit of a mood tonight. I’m very tired. I’ve been,
traveling okay grouchy pants tonight. Yeah, a little grouchy really tired man you know i will be traveling forever. So yeah, I’m just a little, I’m a little tired i’ve been oh no i just i was waiting for your story to begin. I was like okay i’m trying to i’m trying to think of what i feel like talking about. That’s the problem. There’s so much so much happening. The tittle thing, everything is going off here. Apparently, the lady set you off. I know. You’re like, who the hell do you think you are? I’m trying to think of what I’m allowed to talk about here. Don’t worry. We’ll cut out this part. Why don’t you go first and let me think a little bit. I’m a little bit pissed off about international events right now.
Oh, what? Iran? No. Oh. Something a little bit more important than Iran. Oh, really? Something more important than that. Okay. Yes. Much more important. You’re so small-minded. Yeah. Okay. That you even say that. What should I be? Like the International Bikini Fest is not going to happen this year or what? This is typically not a political show, but it’s going to become one. Oh, Christ. Maybe we should go back to Tittle. So I’m at work, and I have kind of this cheap security camera set up on my front door. Oh, yeah. Like, it’s not a ring. It’s a knockoff. It’s kind of through my phone carrier. I don’t even know what that means. Anyway. Is that your house, or is it at the office?
No, it’s at my house, but it alerts me on my phone. It’ll either say animal, person, or vehicle. Animal, mineral, or vegetable. Is that your door? We keep getting so many minerals stopping by the house. Ball site or whatever the fuck. I don’t know what minerals are. ball site what i don’t know. Is that some kind of i don’t know. Okay. Maybe Tittle is your last name. Fuck. I don’t know yeah i mean i’ve been to some shit. I don’t know so okay so the the doorbell goes off. So I’m at work and it’s you know buzzing like what the fuck is going on? It says person. I’m like, oh, that’s a lot of beeping for a person. Monkey, monkey. Yeah, I didn’t know what was going on. Like, did Bob come up to my house and he’s trying to break in? I mean, what? Yeah. And I look and it’s my neighbor, Mr. Miyagi. Oh, sweeping the sidewalk. My old tittle is so messy. Well, that’s what I thought. Okay, because I saw him. He’s got a garbage can and a rake. He never picks up his dog shit.
Yeah. Well, he’d need a shovel for that. Yeah. So in the past, this guy, when he was in better health, used to like rake my yard occasionally. Yeah. When he had company coming over, I don’t want to look like I live in the pig sty with my neighbor who never does shit. And he would occasionally shovel out my driveway too for free. So I’m like, Oh, this old geezer, you know, he’s, got with it like man but wait because i don’t like the you know i don’t really rake my yard just wait for like the wind to blow it into other people’s yard yeah yeah i do the same thing, but i live a little further away from people than you do. Yeah, right. Yeah, you’re like in the mix. I’m like on the side of the mix there, so. You’re like the kennedy compound, and i’m more like, uh. Our, uh, Jackie, are we gonna rake the fuck no we’re not gonna rake the leaves we’re gonna wait for the wind to blow.
Yep. yeah So I’m thinking, okay, this old geezer’s finally getting with it to do his job you know i’m like man do the job i’ve assigned him. Yeah. I want him to clean up my yard for free as he used to do. As he used to do. You know, you’re enabling me, Mr. Miyagi, but you need to keep doing it. Yeah. And, uh, well, you know, it’s his choice. I mean, you know, I didn’t tell him to do it, but. So, uh, I go, you know, I’m going to go home for lunch and I’m going to see what a great job he did on my yard. And I’m going to thank him. And I’m going to run into him. I’m going to give him a fiver. If I see him, I’m going to say, Hey man, here’s five bucks for doing it. Thank you. Like, keep it, keep it, you know, cheap ass bastard. So I come home. Oh no. He has not touched my yard at all. Good.
He is cutting over my yard to go to my neighbor on the other side of me to clean his yard. Oh, but he’s cutting right through my yard. My pile of leaves have two piles out there to get to the neighbors. Well, my son had done some raking, but he never actually picked it up anyway. Um, So, yeah, so I’m like the Oregon Trail for this guy, you know, with his, you know, dumpster, you know, on wheels. Yeah, he’s cleaned up. No, he’s cleaned up the neighbor’s yard. Well, that neighbor probably is nice to him and does stuff for him or something. I’m like the balls, the balls on this guy. He doesn’t have to clean up your yard. What way? You’re cutting through my yard, though. You owe me.
Well, can you talk out of the doorbell? You can say, go around the yard, please. You can say it. Please use the street. Well, I shouldn’t say I’ve done it. My wife’s done it. The neighbors were cutting through my yard. My wife’s like, no, no, no. You can’t do that. You go around. Well, your wife’s cut a little bit different than other people. I mean, let’s be honest. Now, the difference was they were driving a golf cart through our yard. Well, you got to say something like, hey, dickheads. Yeah. No, he’s like trapping backs and forth. There’s probably a trail now through my yard. Oh, please. Like some goat path now. Yeah, some kind of goat path. No one could tell that anything happened in your yard. It’s such a disaster area. Well, there are, yes, there are branches down and things. Yeah, it looks like freaking day after tomorrow kind of scenario. Yeah.
Jason Robards is walking around. I don’t know what happened. What are we going to do? Everything is irradiated. Oh, my God. For Christ’s sakes. So, yeah, I’m like, what the hell? This is going to be a whole international incident right here. There’s going to be. Okay. There’ll be a day of reckoning. There’s going to be a day of reckoning. Yeah. Where is all the free labor? I want my yard picked up tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. On your way through, pick up those goddamn sticks. He’s lucky I don’t let my dogs crap in the front yard, man. I’m telling you. He’s lucky. He’s lucky. He’s going through my yard. Okay. If your dog crapped in your front yard, it would entail you having to do something. Yes. Because you have a fence around your backyard, so you just open a door. Yes. And the dog runs out there, takes a big crap, and then you leave it.
Yeah, I never pick it up. Yeah, if you had to go in the front yard, you either have to put up a fence or get a leash or let the dog run off. I’m thinking about putting up a fence at this point. Oh, please. Yeah. A fence in your front yard? If this is going to continue, if my yard is not going to get raked for free. He’s an old man. Just let him do what he wants. No, but he’s not that old that he couldn’t do mine first. This guy… My yard is a lot smaller than the neighbors, okay? Cheap bastard. I’m just saying he kind of owes me. They got a double lot. They got a double lot over there. He owes me, I figure. You know, why doesn’t he do my yard? How in the world does he owe you? Because I’m the world’s coolest neighbor. Okay. I’m the coolest neighbor you ever want to meet. You know that. No, that’s not true. I don’t cause any problems. I let, you know, live and let live. No. You know, whatever.
And, you know, whatever. You don’t cut through my yard to be a good guy with the other guy, you know? No, yeah. So I want my yard raked tomorrow. Yeah, I don’t think so. Tomorrow. Or I’m going to put up booby traps and stuff for this guy. Oh, the bamboo. It’s going right through my foot. I’m going to go whole Rambo on this guy. I’m just going to have all that Rambo shit going on. I don’t know. Yeah, I think you’re stepping over the line here. So what? The guy wants to help your neighbor. You should be glad. Yeah, but do mine. Do mine first. So he could probably go over and do the neighbor’s in like five minutes, and then yours would be like a whole, you know, they had to bring in the crane and all kinds of stuff. Mine would be like the warm-up, you know, like, okay. If he took about 30 minutes out of his day, he could do it.
But no. Why don’t you do it? You got 30 minutes. Listen, when a neighbor previously has done free work for you and you hope that he’ll do it again at some point, you don’t do it yourself. We’ve established a condition here where I’m expecting this free labor, sir. No, but really, man, can you imagine like this? If he’d only done it once, I could see where there’d be no confusion, but this happened again and again, and now it has stopped. And I precedent has been set and now he’s like totally like backing out of it. Yeah. In the courtroom with Matlock over there, we had a deal. Okay. The deal was he did the lawn for nothing and I just existed. Yeah. Yeah, now he got the gold mine and I got the shaft. Yeah, well, I don’t know about that. I don’t know how him working for you is a gold mine for him. I don’t know. I don’t know. You really got a warped sense of things, I think. I just ought to put up some wire and trip him or something at this point, because, man, I’m like, gosh, it’s just like a trip. I’m going to put a couple of snares. Yeah, a snare on there. It’s going to get in the…
He’s going to come into the yard and I’m going to snag him and whatever tree branch hasn’t broken off yet, it’ll fling him up in the air. Pick up those branches on your way up. Clean out my garage while you’re at it. Oh, I would love that if he would. Oh, by the way, actually, are you done with your story? I’m done. I blew my wad. I’m done with it. Okay. Well, I think that you’re way off. But actually, your ears had to be burning about a week or so ago. Yeah. Because I was talking about you and your shitty garage you never parked in. Yeah. I was over at my friend’s house helping him work on a project. And I was there. I had the story about this, about all the people dying. So I was there.
Uh, you know, we kind of had the garage he we moved the car out of the cars out of the garage and we were using the whole garage to put some stuff together. And I’m like, can you believe it? Some people have a garage that they never, ever park in. because it’s so full of shit. Yeah. And I go, my friend miles has got a garage. I don’t think he’s ever parked in it because it’s so full of shit. Once or twice I was allowed to. And you got full of shit? Yeah, it’s just so full of shit right now. Yeah. I couldn’t believe it. You pay all this money for a garage and you don’t even use it for a car. Yeah. We had a whole conversation about weirdos who
What kind of weirdo you’re like, you’re like, hold my beer. I’m going to bring up a picture right now and show you. So I was just, uh, we had this whole, uh, back and forth about people who, you know, pay for a garage, but just use it to store a bunch of useless shit that they never want. When I lived by Chicago, this is one of the points that my neighbor wanted to sue me about, that I was not using my garage. I can see, and this is the person you wish cancer upon. Well, yeah, I did, but that’s a different story. That’s a story for another day. No, I lived in a detached condominium, and this lady had about two dozen things she didn’t like about us, and one of them was you are not parking in your assigned garage. You have your car sits out at night, and we cannot have that. Okay. Yeah, I can understand her anger.
And not because that garage was also piled with shit as well. I could figure that. Yes. I should find that piece of paper that lists all this shit just as a laugh, just to take pictures so people can see what I was threatened with a lawsuit. Yeah. For not being able to park in your garage, your condo garage. And so I moved and I said, Jesus Christ, my personal savior. If I can grant one prayer, kill this old witch. Yeah. Strike her down. Every day I prayed for it. And guess what happened? What happened? Dead. Dead. That’s a little tough there, man. That’s a little tough. No, it is not. I asked a spiritual man. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen to Mr. Miyagi now. No, no, no. I wouldn’t do that. But no, I’m just saying I asked a spiritual man about it that I used to know. And he goes, you know what, Miles? You put that in God’s hands. It’s not in your hands anymore. So you are absolved from that. Took it away.
You are not guilty of wishing death. So why don’t you clean the garage out? I don’t know. I’m not sure why. I mean, do you use anything? Is it like a workshop? Are you making things? No. Is it just housing crap that you don’t even need? It has furniture, an exercise bike, two regular bikes, various tool cabinets, Halloween decorations, and Christmas decorations. I’m drooling about it. Yeah. And some garage sale stuff that didn’t sell. I think you just get rid of it and park in it. Uh, what do you got against that? What is the problem? Talk about it right now. I will answer this later. Yes. Oh, okay. Yes. Well, anyway, your name came up and I was talking about that and we were, we were commiserating on people who cannot utilize their garages.
I will take a picture tomorrow morning before I go to work. I will open up the garage and you can see what a filthy mess it is. You can send it to your one friend. I don’t know if I can tell the difference between your filthy garage or you dropping your pants and bending over and taking a picture. I’ll take a picture of the leaves in my yard that are being ignored by my neighbor. Oh my And if I feel like it, I’ll also find where my neighbor tried to sue me. Because I know I kept that paperwork. I’m sure you did. Because you hold a grudge. You are a grudge holder. Has your neighbor ever tried to sue you? Not my neighbor tried to burn down my house. Well, that was different. That’s different. I don’t know how different that could be. Imagine being served papers twice. Yeah. Twice. Twice.
I think that’s par for the course for you. Twice, yeah. I think that’s, you know, you’re asking for it. You’re up there and you’re, you know, in your thong. My cabarici. Sunning yourself out in the driveway with this dirty, dingy garage door open with all that shit piled up there. Now I’m going to have to hire some kid for like 10 bucks to do it or something. Yeah. Damn it. But I was like, wow, you know. I said, you know who’s got a filthy, terrible garage? My friend Miles. What kind of guy would step in dog shit and then leave his shoes outside? You’re like, oh, hold on. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah, I know that guy, too. It’s the same guy. Oh, my God. Now, you have to understand, my friend Jeff, who I was working with,
We were actually roommates for a while. And he’s been a good friend for a long, long time. But he’s very meticulous. And so his garage has storage on the ceiling, you know, like those bins that slide in. And he’s got like shelving everywhere, you know, arranged to put things. And he’s got a whole, you know, a lot of things, you know, buttons rigged up for his garage door by his door and by the garage door. And he’s a very, very meticulous guy. And so I was helping him, you know, he’s very meticulous doing that too. That’s what took so long a little bit, but yeah. And so, yeah, I can imagine if he saw your garage, he would totally like be wigging out.
It looks like the ballroom from the Poseidon Adventure. It’s all fucked up. There’s shit where it shouldn’t be. This looks like a goddamn candy box that’s been sitting in the sun and shaking up. He couldn’t believe that. Who does that? He probably thought you were lying. Like, come on, there’s no guy, no man that would do that. There is. exactly yeah yeah you’re lying did he really believe it? Like, wow, who is this guy yeah yeah well he knew somebody else too so yeah you know, but, uh, we were chatting and he said I was an okay roommate. And I said, I think you’re wrong. I was a better lover than roommates. I was a horrible roommate. it was a horrible Yeah, with you eating with your bath towel and watching TV. Well, we worked opposite times, so we really didn’t see each other very much. I worked at night, and he worked during the day. Yeah. Yeah. We didn’t see each other except on the weekends, and then we’d go out and do stuff. Let them have their man-on-man action. Yeah.
Well, I was a terrible roommate because I kept drinking all of his Coca-Cola. He would go buy a 12-pack of Coke. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Okay, yeah. Okay. He’d go buy a 12-pack of Coke and stick it in the fridge. I’d come home and I’m like, God, I’m thirsty. And I’d be like, oh, this is nice, cold, ice-cold Coca-Cola. cannot afford a Coca-Cola working where I work. I can’t even help myself, and I would take them. I am on the livestock stunt line, and I don’t make that much money, so I need to sell some of your Coca-Cola, Jeff. Right. And so then I would be, well, no, I had money, but I would be like, I’d be like, well, I’ll get it, I’ll replace it later. And then, of course, I never did. Yeah. And then he would come home, and he’d be like, that motherfucker drank my Coca-Cola. Yeah.
that Coca-Cola is making me thirsty. And then whenever we would be home on the weekend, he’d be like, what the fuck are you doing? I’m like, Oh yeah, I meant to replace that. Oh, wait a minute. I got to find my met form and I’ve been drinking all your Coca-Cola. Yeah. Now he didn’t mind. Cause at the time I was working at a video store a long time ago. Yeah. I would give them free rentals all the time of any variety. Let me see. You drank $50 with a Coke, and you’re going to let me rent this thing for two bucks. Yeah. No, nothing. Free. It’s from the adult section, Jeff. Just hold on. Those are more expensive, my friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, it was. We had the days of adult section. And so, yeah, any video he wanted, I would give it, rent it to him for free. Yeah. He took full advantage of that. Well, especially whenever I was gone.
So there you go. Unbelievable. Yeah. To be honest with you, the Coke was probably more valuable. Plus, you know, coming from a guy, nothing, you know, he paid something. I paid nothing. Tell me from a guy who always accused me of a mooch my whole life. And now I hear this story and I’m like, I grew out of it. I’m not a mooch anymore. I was back then. I learned my lesson. You were a mooch, man. You probably smoking all that guy’s weed and, Well, right. Banging his girlfriend and all that. No, no, no, none of that. None of that. No, but he did give me, uh, uh, his camel cash. Cause he was a smoker. I wasn’t. And so I got free t-shirts and stuff. Did you get like the red and white jacket? I don’t know. He had, I don’t know if he got that or no, it was at Marlboro. That was Marlboro. Yeah. No, he, if you’re, this is, people don’t really, there was a,
Joe Camel was like a cartoon character like me. Right. But it was for cigarettes. And it was really popular back in the late 80s. You could get camel cash and then turn it in for like stuff like T-shirts and, you know, jackets and bags and everything. And so he smoked all the time. And so I would he’d give me stuff from the camel cash every once in a while. He’d be like, you want a T-shirt? Oh, yeah, sure. With Joe Camel on it, you know, of course. Would you wear it, knot it up a little bit around the apartment for me? I guess. At that time, I probably could get away with it, but no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that would work out. My Britney Spears look. Oops. I did it. I’ve got you some short shorts, too, Bob. I hope you like those. We play mud volleyball together, he and I.
Oh, here we go. I’ve told you my volleyball story yes you yes you bragged about being your sport of choice was blood volleyball. Yeah, we played a couple of years. You were the tri-county champion or some try wizard tournament, we won. Yeah, I bet. But I did apologize to him while talking about your shitty garage and said i was a terrible root I’m sorry that I drank all your Coca-Cola. Jeff, it could have been a lot worse. Let me tell you. Let me take about half an hour. I’ll tell you every rotten thing this guy’s done that I know. He did have the bigger room. Oh, there you go. Yeah. And he used to sit around eating cereal in his underwear all the time. That was another thing. Hey, you like Froot Loops? Yeah. No, thank you.
I wake up on the weekend. I come walking out into the living room, and there he is in his underwear eating cereal. Hey, Bob, you want to come to the honeycomb hideout with me? Yeah, watching, you know, who knows why you rented. Hey, I thought you were sleeping. You like Smurfs, Bob? I’m just watching some Smurfs. Come on, man. Come on. I got honey nut Cheerios, Bob. Sit right here, buddy. Come on. Exactly. Oh, can I have some Coke? Yeah, come on, man. Come on, sit right by your big friend Jeff. Come here, man. Come on. Come on, honey. You sit right here now. Come on. Oh, my goodness. Okay. I shouldn’t even talk about all this. You shouldn’t. Thank you.