The hamper update to end all hamper updates. We know we've said it before, but this time, we mean it. Yes, the hamper update takes an unexpected turn that was completely expected. By the time it's over, Larry is as close to being the Dad from A Christmas Story as he could possibly be.

Larry saves his wife from a bloodthirsty, gigantic slug. And does soap-bar melding float your boat? Then get ready for the RETURN OF THE FIVEFECTA, or "How Larry Got His Soap Mojo Back."

But wait, there's more! We award honorary doctorates and Colonel ranks to the first 500,000 listeners who download this episode!

Yes, listen to this week's This Week With Larry Miller and you'll be walking in tall cotton. Possibly in a raccoon coat. That's Dr. Colonel Larry Miller to you, sir.

Quote of the week: "Daddy has protected the house once again from all varmints & creatures."