And

the solution is – Kill loneliness before it kills you. Let me tell you how! 

But

first an alert: This is going to sound a bit preachy.

Please bear with me. I am talking to myself.

First,

when they tell you that age in a number and that it is all in the mind, believe

me, it is true. You are as old as you allow yourself to feel. This is not a pep

talk. This is fact. I am 63 and I know what I am saying. It is your call. Pick

a number.

Remember,

work doesn’t kill you; retirement does. If you love what you do, you never need

to retire. Read on. I am going to tell you what I did. You can do that or pick

your own. So, here is my 9 – point program. 9 things you can do to kill

loneliness.

1.

Accept it: The first thing to do is to

mentally prepare yourself that the day will come, sooner than later when you

are going to be alone. Deaths of loved ones may hasten it but one day it will

be upon us. All you need to do to accomplish it, is to remain alive. So, the

first thing to do is to get used to the idea and accept that one day you will

be alone. It is important to think about this, talk about it and reflect on it,

because it is inevitable. The sooner you start thinking and talking about this,

the easier it will be when it happens. I have seen both, those who do and those

who don’t. The difference is stark and the pain entirely avoidable. But

remember that this is a problem only if you hate solitude. Learn to love

solitude. Seek it actively. Keep a time in your daily life when you are alone

with yourself, thinking, reflecting, meditating, praying, reading, writing,

looking at the world go by, watching birds fly and grass grow, listening to the

wind in the trees, listening to the brook talking to itself as it flows past you,

and lying on your back and looking up at the dark star-filled sky (that

position doesn’t give you a crick in the neck). If you are lucky and have some

energy to go where you need to go to see them, you can also watch flocks of

geese crossing the rising sun, talking to each other. You can watch Baya

Weavers, weaving their complex nests, as they prepare to commit matrimony. You

can…okay, I will leave you to fill in the blanks. In short there is a huge

number of things that you can do for which you don’t need anyone else. Being

alone is not so bad after all. It can be very enjoyable indeed.

2.  Get a hobby:

It can be anything, but it must interest you. The sooner you begin, the better.

Pick one that needs you to do something, some research, some reading. Something

that needs effort. Connect with others who have the same hobby so that you have

companionship and can compare yourself and what you have with others. Not to

create unnecessary stress in meaningless competition but just to initiate new

friendships. It can be great fun and it opens doors to aspects of yourself that

you never imagined.

When

I started to learn Hindustani classical singing, the most amazing discovery I

made was that there is no actual record of what I sang (unless I recorded it).

Unlike writing which by default is a record, a note or a line of song you sing,

is a one-time thing. Whether you did it right or wrong, it remains a memory in

your mind or in the mind of others. But there is no physical record of it. That

was such a liberating feeling that I was doing something which would not return

to haunt me. It opened my eyes (and ears and heart) to a whole new way of

expressing myself. I recall one time, when I was standing in neck deep water of

a river in a forest in Tamilnadu,

They sit there, alone and lonely, knowing that there is nobody to carry the tradition forward to the next generation.

There

was a time when joint families were the norm in India, where the whole family

lived together in one big house. In many or most cases there was only one

kitchen, and everyone ate together. The head of the family was the oldest male.

In matrilineal systems (mostly in Kerala and coastal Karnataka) it was the

oldest woman. He/she controlled all the money, and everyone gave their earnings

to her. She/he ran the house and with great parsimony and responsibility and

ensured that everyone was taken care of. There was no question of one sibling

who earned well, flaunting his or her wealth over the others. Everyone had a

place, and everyone was useful until their dying day. The elders, as they got

older and no longer took an active part in running the household, became highly

respected and valued repositories of customs and traditions, storytellers, the

passers-on of family history and the arbiters in any disputes among the younger

generations. Nobody was useless or irrelevant or put out to grass. Everyone had

a place and an important role and felt wanted and needed.

However,

as time passed and times changed, so did this structure. Families broke up as

children left the family home, city and country in search of jobs and in

pursuit of their careers. Many migrated to other countries, America being one

of the most preferred destinations. Even those who remained at ‘home’, usually

moved away from the family home, ostensibly to be closer to the workplace or

children’s school but really to get away from the control of elders. Cultural

values changed, tolerance levels changed, selfishness increased, putting self

before others took the place of putting the family ahead of the self. We in

India, tend to blame all this on the influence of the West in our society and

culture, forgetting of course that the West didn’t enforce their influence. We

chose to be influenced. Be that as it may, the fact remains that the first

people to feel this change were the elders. They lost significance. They

suddenly became powerless, almost an unwanted nuisance that others were putting

up with. And then as the younger generations moved away, they were left alone.

What added to this was that many of the younger generation migrated to the West

and their children were born and brought up there, often with little or no

contact with the ‘home country’. ‘Home country’ for them was America or

Australia or Canada; not India, Pakistan, Syria, Nigeria, Egypt or Bangladesh.

Most children didn’t even speak their ‘mother tongue’, since their parents

spoke English even at home and didn’t teach their children the language of

their ‘home country’ and people. Language is the substrate of the culture, so

when the language was lost, so was the culture, manners, poetry, history and

connection with the elders.

The

‘solution’ that many well-meaning children have found is to set their parents

up in their home country/city/town/village, often in the old family home, with

servants and a regular income. There they stay, with their memories, each

corner and wall with a tale to tell but with nobody to listen to those tales.

They are repositories of the history of the family, traditions of the community

and culture, teachers of customs and manners but with nobody to learn from

them. They sit there, alone and lonely, knowing that there is nobody to carry

the tradition forward to the next generation. And what’s more, knowing that the

next generation doesn’t even care about this. They sit there,

If you asked me to tell you in one word; only one

word, the secret of success, I would say, “Differentiate.”

Let me begin with a question; “What do you ask for

when you go to the corner store to buy toothpaste?” Do you say to the attendant,

“Please give me toothpaste?” If you did, what would happen? Maybe you should try

this out the next time you go shopping. What would happen is that the store attendant

would ask you, “Which brand would you like?” You will face the same situation

if you went to buy almost anything in the market, unless it was buying mangoes

from a street vendor. Products are known, recognized and bought by their brand.

I teach career management in global corporations

and have been doing that since 1994. You can see my presentation on career

management on my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/YawarBaigAssociates

. The link to the presentation is Careers in Global Corporations http://bit.ly/2ZY3KW5 . I’ve taught this

course in GE, Motorola, IBM, Microsoft, National Semiconductor and many other corporations

in America, India and elsewhere. But more importantly this is what I practice

myself, in my lifelong effort to add value to others and thereby to myself. That

is how I define my career. That is my differentiation. Adding value to others.

What is differentiation?

Differentiation is to stand out. Not blend in.

Incidentally that is also how I define leadership. Let me give you another example;

how do you introduce yourself? More than likely you say, “I am an IT

professional or engineer, doctor, teacher, whatnot.” Well, so are a million other

people in the world. You are one in a million in the wrong sense. You need to become

one in a million in the sense of that proverb. That is differentiation.

Why Differentiate?

Because Differentiation creates Brand

Brand inspires Loyalty

Loyalty enables Influence

Without differentiating you are one grain of rice in a sack. You are still rice, but one grain in a sack. Nobody knows you exist. Nobody cares. Nobody understands this better than Apple. Or Coke for that matter. And that is why these brands inspire loyalty that seems extreme and even absurd to others. But it is neither. It translates into a totally loyal customer base which is money in the bank and make Apple and Coke the most valuable brands in the world.

In the podcast that goes with this article, I will

tell you a story about brand that happened with me in 1996 and has stayed with

me all these years and is one of the most powerful illustrations of the power

of brand. Don’t miss that podcast. Please subscribe to our channel and you will

be alerted every week with a new episode.

How can I differentiate, you ask? Let me tell you

a story from my life. But first, the principle; you differentiate by doing what

the rest of the world is not doing and doing it in a way that is graceful, dignified

and beneficial to all concerned. Differentiation is not about being freaky. It

is about standing out in a way that inspires respect and the desire to emulate in

those who see you.

It was 1989 and I was a Manager in the tea

plantation industry in South India. I had been in the industry since 1983 and

had developed a reputation for high productivity and excellent labor relations.

A very big advantage in a highly labor-intensive industry with a militant

My name is Yawar Baig. Mirza Yawar Baig.

My motto is, “I will not allow what is not in my control to prevent me from doing what is, in my control.’

My mission is, “Opening the world, one mind at a time.”

Welcome to our channel, “Leadership is a Personal Choice.” Because it is.

I speak to audiences around the world and I can tell you that if I asked anyone from any country, of any race or religion, at any economic and educational level to tell me in one word, the biggest problem we face, they will say, “Leadership.”

So, what is the solution?

It is to understand and accept that “Leadership is a Personal Choice.”

Leadership is not about status, designation, salary, perquisites, rank or power. It is about accepting responsibility for action. It is about saying to yourself, “This is my job and I am going to do it.” And then to find ways to create impact, no matter how small or limited it may seem. It is really as simple as that.

It is my hope that over the coming weeks, months and years, as you listen to these podcasts and watch the videos, you will stop and ask yourself only one question and that is; “How can I make a difference?” And then that you will do what you can do, where you live, in your circle of influence, using your resources, to make a positive difference in your world.

Please note, I am not talking about you telling others what to do. I am talking about you doing what you can do.

I am doing what I can. I am inviting you to do what you can. And if you need my help, you only need to ask.

The thought that drives me is: If not now, then when? If not me, then who?

Contrary to ignorantly romantic notions, fasting in Ramadan is not prescribed to teach the wealthy what it means to be poor. Poverty is about insecurity, lack of choice, lack of dignity, compulsion, fear and despair. Poverty is about living on the edge without any safety net. It is not about present hardship but of looking ahead at a life of unending and ever increasing deprivation. Anyone who thinks that he can know what poverty is by merely bringing breakfast forward and postponing lunch with a fridge full of goodies and special foods to break your fast with, is delusional. You will never know what it is to be poor until you are poor yourself. Ramadan is a month which Allahﷻ sends as a boot camp to reset our lifestyles to a way that leads to success in this world and the next. This is the beauty of Islam. Islam doesn’t demand renunciation of this life in order to attain success in the Hereafter. Islam shows us a way of life that guarantees us popularity, influence, love, harmony, peace and prosperity in this life and Jannah (Heaven) in the Aakhira (Hereafter). The key to that is the concept of Taqwa.

Having finished our tea and loaded our camera equipment and ourselves into the Mahindra Bolero ‘Jeep’, we set off for our morning ‘safari’. Sri Lankan national parks use several different ‘safari’ vehicles. Toyota Hilux, Toyota Land Cruiser, Land Rover and Mahindra Bolero. Of these the Mahindra Bolero ‘Jeep’ is the most uncomfortable and potentially unsafe. To put it mildly, given the combination of the absolutely atrocious roads which have craters instead of potholes and the Mahindra Bolero’s short wheelbase and high cabin bed, you get to experience the term which used to be on all medicine bottles in the old days, ‘Shake well before use’. I know that there are six basic directions; forward, backward, right to left, left to right, upwards and since there is gravity, downwards. But I never knew that it was possible to experience all of them simultaneously until I rode in a Mahindra Bolero ‘Jeep’. What this obviously does to your spine and all your internal organs I can well imagine. It is a measure of my love for the wild and for Sri Lanka’s fabulous parks that I go there again and again and take painkillers to see me through the day. But a word of advice, if you are ever in a Sri Lankan national park, avoid the Mahindra Bolero ‘Jeep’ like the plague.