Leading From The Edge Podcast

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | Exceptional Leadership

Reading time, 4 minutes

I used to dream about work every night, and the strange part is I thought I was doing a great job. My team was happy, and I was the one in the background running on empty. In this episode I share my own story of carrying everyone as a new leader, what it cost me at home, and the shift that let me hand it back so my team could grow.

And if you're heading into the end of the year feeling a bit stretched, join me live on Thursday 19 November.

Key takeaways: A happy team can hide a leader who's running on empty. From the outside, it looked like it was working. Caring leaders often step in and take the pressure off everyone else, then do their own work late at night. The cost showed up at home first. I was there for my toddler and my partner, but my head was somewhere else. My job was to share the vision, show people broadly how things could be done, let them find their own way and champion them while they did it. When I stepped back, the team got more excited, started challenging themselves and solved problems on their own. I started time blocking and the night work stopped. Try this: next time someone brings you a problem, pause and ask, "What do you think we should do?" Then let them have a go.

Watch the video

Listen to the episode

Read the blog

Timestamps:

0:00 – Dreaming about work every night

0:46 – A new role and a brand new team

1:31 – What carrying everyone cost me at home

2:19 – My job was not to carry everyone else 2:49 – Stepping back and what the team did next

3:37 – One thing to try this week

4:01 – Join me live on 19 November

🎓 Ready to go deeper?

Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority.

👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

PUBLISH DATE: Monday 9 November 2026 at 6:00am Sydney time EPISODE LENGTH: 4 minutes 29 seconds

THUMBNAIL: Leadership burnout: when caring turns into carrying cover, Liz in the pink jacket on navy, "When caring turns into carrying. I thought I was doing a great job."

Full transcript I used to dream about work every night. I would solve problems in my sleep and then I'd wake up feeling tired and not able to think straight. Sound familiar? The strange part about all of it was that I thought at the time that I was doing a great job. My team was all really happy. Everyone was getting along really well with one another. And I was the one in the background quietly running on empty. Last week we talked about what happens when your head takes over. This week is the other side of that, when your heart takes over and you end up carrying everyone else. In the next five minutes I'm going to share what it cost me and the shift that changed everything. I'd stepped into a new leadership role. I had a lot of responsibility and it all happened pretty much overnight. And not long into the role I had a brand new team, and I needed to train them up on my vision and help them understand what we were working toward. So I did what a lot of caring leaders do. I ran around like a chook with my head cut off. I was someone who just got in there. If someone was stressed, I would take it on. If the pressure was building, I would step in and I would take that pressure off them. Then I'd go home, have a short break and do my own work later at night. And I felt like I was on top of everything. The team was happy and positive, and from the outside it looked like it was working. Then I fell pregnant with my second baby. I had a toddler at home and I wasn't sleeping very well. I was stretched between being a good mum for my toddler, trying to rest being pregnant, and maintaining the high standards that I wanted to maintain at work. I put on a happy face every day, but I was worn out and I wasn't showing up in the way that I wanted to. I'd be working late at night and I'd solve problems throughout the night in my sleep, and then in the morning I'd wake up tired and foggy. And the part that constantly missed out was home. I wasn't present for my toddler and I wasn't present for my partner. I was there, but my head was somewhere else all the time, and I just wasn't being who I planned to be for them. So I started reading Jack Canfield, Jim Rohn, Stephen Covey, Brian Tracy and all the rest, and I slowly worked through it and found that something clicked. My job was not to carry everyone else. My job was to share the vision and show people broadly how things could be done, and then let them find their own way. That was a real aha for me. My job was to champion them while they did it, not carry it for them. So eventually I started stepping back bit by bit, and over time my energy shifted from constantly feeling the pressure of supporting to feeling a sense of lightness, where I was asking more questions and championing more. What surprised me most was the team. They got more excited and started challenging themselves. You could see how proud they were of the conversations they'd been having and the problems that they'd been solving on their own. And me? I got my work done during the day. I started time blocking and the night work stopped. Finally I felt like I had that balance, the harmony between work life and home life. Finally I was showing up in both as the version of myself that I had wanted to be all along. Next time someone brings you a problem, before you jump in, pause and ask them, "What do you think we should do?" Then let them have a go. It'll feel slower at first, and that's okay. Every time you hand it back, you're building their confidence and giving yourself a bit of room to breathe. That's the job. If this is landing for you and you're heading into the end of the year feeling a bit stretched, come and join me live. I'm running a webinar called Finish the Year Without Running on Empty on Thursday the 19th of November, at 12 to 1 Sydney time on Zoom. So the link to save your spot is in the description below. And I also would love to hear in the comments: what's one thing that you're still carrying for your team that you could hand back to them? Transcript tidied for punctuation, capitalisation and paragraph breaks from the recording, wording kept as spoken. No wording changes made beyond tidying.

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | Exceptional Leadership

Reading time, 4 minutes

How to balance results and people as a leader

The numbers look good, so why does your team look like they hate you? A lot of us were taught we have to choose between pushing for results and looking after our people. In this episode I unpack why I don't think that choice is real, what it costs when your head takes over, and why there are no good cops and bad cops in leadership. And if you're feeling stretched heading into the end of the year, join me live on Thursday 19 November.

Key takeaways:

Watch the video:

Watch on YouTube

Listen to this episode:

Listen to the episode 

Read the blog:

Read the blog 

Timestamps:

0:00 – The numbers look good, so why is the team unhappy?

0:38 – How pressure pulls you into your head

1:20 – What it looks like from your team's side

2:00 – Results or people? What one large survey found

2:42 – Leading with heart without lowering the bar

3:10 – Transactional, relational and the good cop, bad cop trap

4:31 – One thing to try this week

4:56 – Join me live on 19 November

🎓 Ready to go deeper?

Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority.

👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

PUBLISH DATE: Monday 2 November 2026 at 6:00am Sydney time

EPISODE LENGTH: 5 minutes 25 seconds

THUMBNAIL: How to balance results and people as a leader cover, Liz in the pink jacket on navy

Full transcript

The numbers look good, so why does my team look like they hate me? I hear some version of that from leaders a lot. They're pushing hard because that's the job. The number targets are getting hit, and the team is getting quieter and more tired.

You know, a lot of us were taught that we have to pick one. Push for results, or look after your people. I don't think that that choice is real. And so in the next five minutes I'm going to show you why, and what doing both looks like in our day to day work life.

So let's start with how we end up here. The pressure comes from above. The board wants the number. Your boss wants the number, or you've promised yourself the number. So you walk into that Monday meeting and it's all about targets. It's all targets, what's behind and what has to happen by this Friday. And that works for a while, until it doesn't. Things have been getting done.

And when you're under pressure, your head just takes over. It's logical and it's great at getting a result. That's a real strength. The trouble is, it stops noticing the people that are delivering the result.

And here's what that looks like from the other side of the table, from your team and their perspective. Your best person stops putting their hand up and saying, "Yes, I'll do that." The team still delivers, but they're running on fumes. And none of that shows up on the dashboard until the day someone hands in their notice. And at this time of year, that's the last thing any of us can afford. The signs were there all along, but you missed them. You got stuck in the numbers. Transactional.

There's one part of this that gets misunderstood a lot, and it's the heart side. I'm going to come back to that.

So is it really results or people? One large survey that I found asked over 60,000 employees what made a leader great in their eyes. The leaders who focused on results and people together were rated great 72% of the time. Focusing on just one of them didn't reliably get them there.

That's what I call Head and Heart Integration, and it's the fifth pillar of my Exceptional Leader Framework. Our head sets the standard, and our heart keeps our people with us while we get there. So far, the pressure pulls us into our head, and the cost lands quietly on our people.

Now, the part I said I'd come back to. Leading with our heart doesn't mean lowering the bar on expectations. It means that you still ask for the number, and you also notice the person that you're asking. You say, "This has to be done by Friday." And you can also say, "I see you've been carrying a lot. What would help you?" Both of those sentences can live in the same conversation. That is the skill.

I see leaders getting stuck here, in this piece, all the time. This is really about the balance between transactional and relational. It's one of the most common topics to come up in 1:1 coaching, because we can get uncomfortable with setting expectations and checking in at the same time.

When we get caught in our head, we come across as transactional and only caring about the bottom line. We may sound a bit dismissive and too task focused, and a bit too instructional. When we are too much in our heart space, we can have a tendency to stretch the boundaries, rescue people and get ourselves caught up in people's issues, carrying those issues as our own.

We may even work in collaboration with another leader and play good cop, bad cop, where one clarifies the expectations and one provides the support. The touchy feely stuff. That's not how we get the best from our team. There are no good cops and bad cops in leadership.

In my experience, the leaders with the strongest teams are the ones who've worked on getting this balance right. Their people feel safe and supported, and they're starting to solve problems and set targets for themselves. And those leaders are a lot less tired at the end of the week.

So here's a question to sit with. When the pressure's on, which one do you reach for first? Your head or your heart?

Try one thing this week. In your next conversation about targets, before you get to the numbers, ask one question about how the person's going with their load. Then listen to the whole answer before you move on. Then hold the standard. Both, in the same conversation.

If this landed, and you're feeling stretched heading into the end of the year, I'm running a live session on Thursday November 19th. It's called Finish the Year Without Running on Empty. It's one hour on Zoom at 12:00 Sydney time. If you'd like the invite, the link's below. And also tell me in the comments: when the pressure's on, do you lean on your head or on your heart?

Transcript tidied for punctuation, capitalisation and paragraph breaks from the recording, wording kept as spoken. Two small repairs: "got get ourselves" smoothed to "get ourselves", and "the pressure builds us into our head" corrected to "pulls us", which reads as an auto-transcription slip.

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | The Inner Leader

Reading time, 4 minutes

Leadership blind spots: when your strength becomes the gap

Seeing the big picture is one of my biggest strengths as a leader, and it's also been one of my biggest blind spots. In this episode I share the story of a client who rated himself strongest on holding steady under pressure while his team saw the exact opposite, and I walk through the 4 places our leadership can quietly slip under pressure. Then I spend some time on Making the Call and Carrying What's Yours, and what sits underneath both.

Key takeaways: 

Watch on YouTube

Listen to the episode 

Read the blog:

Timestamps:

0:00 – The strength that became my blind spot

1:08 – Rated strongest, seen differently by his team

2:08 – The 4 Leadership Mirror pillars

2:51 – Making the Call

3:24 – Carrying What's Yours

4:05 – What sits underneath both

4:23 – One thing to try this week

🎓 Ready to go deeper?

Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority.

👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

PUBLISH DATE: Monday, 26 October 2026 at 6:00am Sydney time

EPISODE LENGTH: 4 minutes 54 seconds

Full transcript

One of my biggest strengths as a leader has also been one of my biggest blind spots. I can see the big picture. I can see where we're heading, and every step that I'll need to take to get there. So I give everyone the training and the information that they need, and then I just expect them to get on with it. What I haven't always done well is stop and ask what they've understood from the training and from my instructions, and what they understand about that big picture vision that we're working toward. And I still catch myself doing that.

Last week we talked about how the people who rate themselves the highest on self-awareness are usually the least likely to have it. This week is about the strength that might be covering your gap. I'm going to share the four places our leadership can quietly slip under pressure, and why the one you feel most confident about might also be the one that you need to look at first.

I had one of my clients complete the Leadership Mirror, and he came out strongest on holding steady under pressure. Interestingly, the feedback from his team was the exact opposite. It's exactly what Tasha Eurich found in her research. The people with the lowest self-awareness often rate themselves the highest.

When we unpacked his results on our 1 to 1 coaching session, I asked him deeper questions, and he then started to see the examples. When the heat came on, he wasn't holding steady at all. He was expecting more from everyone, getting really reactive with everyone, and getting involved in things that just weren't his to get involved in. He was micromanaging his team. And from where he was standing, he just couldn't see it. His team could see it, and they were feeling it, and it was really impacting their productivity.

The Leadership Mirror looks at four areas. Making the Call: how cleanly you make decisions and have the conversations that you need to have. Holding Steady Under Pressure: whether your leadership stays consistent when the heat comes on. Holding the Line: whether the standards you set are the standards you carry and follow through on. And Carrying What's Yours: whether you hold clean boundaries, or quietly carry what belongs to someone else.

I want to spend a minute on the first and the last, because I see them as two ends of the same spectrum.

When we don't make the call, or we make it and then we go back on it, it can feel like we're showing everyone that we're considering their feedback and their ideas. What actually happens is our team gets really frustrated with us. It's really destabilising, because there's no clarity about the direction that we're leading them in. They don't understand what we need them to do. It creates confusion all around, and it puts more pressure on us to have more of the answers.

At the other end is Carrying What's Yours. I see so many passionate leaders burn out here. They want their team to feel happy and supported, so they carry their team's work and their team's emotions. But when we carry what's not ours, we take away our team's chance to work things through and feel that satisfaction that they're getting there themselves. We carry the emotional weight of whatever they're going through, and then we lead with that weight. So we're leading from energy that's being zapped, and it's hard to inspire anyone from there.

So what sits underneath both ends? Usually, we care about the work and we want to be liked. We want our team to feel supported and heard. That care is a real strength, and it just needs to be seen clearly, so that it doesn't quietly turn into the gap.

 So this week, think about the area of your leadership that you feel most confident in, then ask one person in your team how they experience it from their side.

If you want to see all four side by side, that's exactly what the Leadership Mirror is for. It shows you where your leadership holds under pressure and where it quietly slips. It's free, it takes about 5 minutes, and the link's below.

 And tell me in the comments which is the one that you think is your strongest.

 Transcript tidied for punctuation, capitalisation and paragraph breaks from the recording, wording kept as spoken. One small repair: "that get they're getting there themselves" smoothed to "that they're getting there themselves". The self-awareness research mentioned is from Tasha Eurich's book Insight.

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | The Inner Leader

Reading time, 4 minutes

Using ChatGPT for leadership advice: what it misses

I asked ChatGPT how to handle a tricky conversation with someone in my team, and the advice was helpful. But it never asked me a single question about me, and if I didn't know better, I would have walked in quietly confident and completely blind. In this episode I share what AI got right for me, what it missed, and the story of a client who typed his problem in while he was angry. Then I share the one step to take before you act on any advice about your people.

Key takeaways:

Watch the video: Watch on YouTube

Listen to this episode: Listen to the episode

Read the blog: Read the blog

Timestamps: 

0:00 – Quietly confident and completely blind

0:54 – What ChatGPT got right, and what it missed

2:05 – The client who typed it in angry

3:05 – No facts, just perceptions

4:03 – Start with you before you act on any advice

4:22 – What AI can't show you

🎓 Ready to go deeper? Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority. 👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

PUBLISH DATE: Monday, 19 October 2026 at 6:00am Sydney time EPISODE LENGTH: 4 minutes 59 seconds

THUMBNAIL: Using ChatGPT for leadership advice cover, Liz in her pink blazer with the line "Quietly confident. Completely blind."

Full transcript

A while back, I asked ChatGPT how to handle a situation with a team leader. And you know, the advice that I got was pretty helpful. It gave me simple steps, and it gave me also some really good questions to ask, and I thought, wow. But you know what? It never asked me a single question about me. So if I didn't know better, I would have walked into that meeting quietly confident and completely blind.

So last week I talked about asking instead of telling. This week is all about where do we all go for advice, and what that advice can't see. I'm going to share with you today what AI got right for me, what it missed, and the one step to take before you act on any advice about your people.

I asked AI how to have a difficult conversation with someone who was not open to feedback. They're very confident and quite self-assured. They're the type of personality that always tells but never asks.

What ChatGPT got right was the simple steps of the process during the conversation, and the questions to broach the subject. That part it got right.

What it missed was asking about me. My attitude going in, and what I'd been projecting in the previous interactions with this person. Had I gone in before in Parent mode or Adult mode? It didn't ask. It didn't know. What kind of rapport had I already built with the person, and how might they have felt after previous interactions that I had with them, based on how I was showing up? AI knew none of that. So it actually had half the story.

The real first step is actually reflecting on our own part, then asking the team members some questions to get their understanding before we jump in to start fixing things.

I want to share an example with you of a client who typed it in angry. So he'd taken feedback from a team member really personally, and he had painted a gloomier picture in the heat of the moment. While sitting with that raw emotion and a really bruised ego, he was on the keyboard typing away to AI to get some advice on what to do. And AI told him to start a heavy disciplinary process, based on the information that he put in. It validated his anger and his attitude, and it gave him more ammunition.

So he took the steps with that angry energy, and in the end it escalated to the team member going to HR and putting in a bullying claim against him. It was resolved over time, through some 1 to 1 coaching sessions with him and some support for the team member. But it could have been avoided with a coaching session first, to prepare him for who he was being going into the situation.

I want to share with you what AI can't see. So when it comes to human behaviour, there are no facts, there's just perceptions. Let me say that again. When it comes to human behaviour, there are no facts, there are just perceptions.

AI can't read our mindset, our beliefs or our filters. We all have blinkers on about our own behaviour. We see other people's behaviour based on our state in the moment, and we filter it through that. So our mindset feeds our confirmation bias, and that determines what information we share when we're plugging it into AI to get that advice.

So really interestingly, the research on self-awareness shows that people who report having very high self-awareness are actually the least likely to have high levels of it. And AI can only go off what we are feeding it. So the advice can be good. It's just working from our side of the story.

So before you act on any advice about someone in your team, start with you. Ask yourself what you've contributed and what attitude you were bringing in. Then ask them the questions first, before telling them what you think and your opinion.

You know, AI can give you really good general advice. What it can't do is show you your own patterns, and that's exactly what the Leadership Mirror is for. I designed it specifically for that purpose. It looks at how you lead under pressure, and it shows you where your pattern is. It's free, it takes about 5 minutes, and the link is below.

I'd also love you to share in the comments some examples, or where you've actually asked AI about a leadership question or a leadership problem, and what it missed in that situation.

Transcript tidied for punctuation, capitalisation and paragraph breaks from the recording, wording kept as spoken.The self-awareness research mentioned is from Tasha Eurich's book Insight.

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | Leading the Team

Reading time, 4 minutes

Why the same conversation keeps coming back

"I've already told them." I hear that from leaders all the time, and what I'd love to know is what they asked. In this episode I share two stories about the conversation that keeps coming back: my own three months of dropping hints to a team member, and my client Graham, who was ready to give up on two of his managers. Then I share the shift from telling to asking that changed it for both of us, and the questions to take into your next conversation.

Key takeaways:

Watch the video:

https://youtu.be/GEGnQYmpRi4

Listen to this episode:

https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/podcasts/leading-from-the-edge-podcast/episodes/2149266266 

Read the blog:

 https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/why-the-same-conversation-keeps-coming-back 

Timestamps:

0:00 – "I've already told them"

0:45 – Three months of the same conversation

2:02 – Graham and his two managers

3:51 – Telling vs asking: Parent mode and Adult mode

4:29 – One thing to try before your next conversation

🎓 Ready to go deeper?

Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority.

👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

PUBLISH DATE: Monday, 12 October 2026 at 6:00am Sydney time

EPISODE LENGTH: 5 minutes 13 seconds

THUMBNAIL: Why the same conversation keeps coming back cover, Liz with the line "I've already told them"

Full transcript

"I've already told them." That's what I hear from leaders all the time. And what I'd like to know is, what is it that you already asked them?

Last week we talked about the habits that we already know that we have. This week is the conversation that keeps coming back. Same person, the same issue, and a few weeks later you're all still saying the same thing over and again.

I'm going to share today what changed it for me, and share about a client of mine who was ready to give up on one or two of his managers. So I'm going to share two stories, and I'm also going to share with you the question that I ask before you have that conversation one more time.

So the first one is my story. I had a team member and they weren't pulling their weight. I was trying to work it all out. I didn't know if they didn't understand the commitment that they made to the role, I didn't understand if they didn't know what the role was, or if they just weren't interested in doing what was expected of them.

Over three months I had heaps of meetings with them. I kept dropping hints about what they needed to do and where to find the information that they needed, and I felt like I was really bending over backwards to help them. And it cost me dearly, because the work wasn't getting done. Everyone around them in their team was really paying for it, and they didn't seem to know or seem to care.

So call me a slow learner, but it wasn't until I stopped telling them what to do and started asking them questions that everything changed. So what I asked them was, what's your vision for this role, and what are your priorities?

Once I finally did that, what came out was that they were actually uncomfortable with what the role was asking of them. The training they'd been avoiding actually helped walk them through all of those exact steps. But they didn't know that, and neither did I, because I hadn't turned around and asked them the question.

I want to share a story with you about one of my clients. Let's call him Graham. So he kept calling me on his way home from work, and he was really frustrated. He had these same two managers who, three months in a row, he kept calling me because he had an issue with them, and it was unresolved. And interestingly, Graham was running the same pattern as me. He was telling them what to do, and they weren't listening to him.

And so he agreed to coaching, because he wanted to finally get rid of this frustration. It was really consuming him. So what was happening for Graham, as soon as he got to work he was so frustrated, he would walk into the office and start barking orders straight away. He was frustrated, tired and bossy, and he was micromanaging his team, and they were really feeling it.

I was so pleased that Graham finally agreed to sit down and have some coaching sessions with me. He started by just letting out his frustration. He was at tipping point, he was really frustrated and saying, "You know, I might as well just pack up and sell the business. This is too hard."

After we sat down for coaching, what he did differently was he started having regular scheduled catch ups with them, and asking them deeper questions to understand what was happening from their side, from their point of view. So now, as a result of that, they're all working as a team. Everyone's happier, they're more productive, everyone's getting everything done. But most importantly, Graham has got the time now and the headspace to get things done that are important to him, because he doesn't feel that pressure of having to micromanage everybody.

So what are the takeaways from all of this? It's all about telling versus asking. So telling is what I call Parent mode, where we're bossy, we're judging, we're making assumptions, and we're coming in with that fixed mindset, below the line. Asking is Adult mode, above the line, where we're curious and we have an open mind.

When a leader tells me, "I've already told them," I say, "I'm hearing what you already told them. What I'd love to know is, what did you ask them?" Telling is Parent mode, below the line. Asking is Adult mode, above the line.

So in both of those stories I shared, the conversation kept coming back while we kept telling. It moved when we started asking.

So here's something to try this week. Think of the conversation that you feel like you keep having, and it's frustrating you. Before you have that conversation again, book the time and go in with a question rather than an instruction. Try the questions that worked for me: what's your vision for this role? What are your priorities right now?

If you've said "I already told them" this month, try asking instead. If you want to see which pattern is driving yours, take my Leadership Mirror. It's free, it only takes about 5 minutes max, and the link is below. Also share in the comments, what's the conversation that you keep having and getting stuck in a loop on?

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | Leading the Team

Reading time, 4 minutes

"I know I'm doing it, it's just what I always do." I hear that from experienced leaders all the time, smart people who've read all the books and can name their habit perfectly, and yet it still runs. In this episode I share two stories, my own early career spiral and my client Kara's, about why knowing a habit isn't the same as changing it, plus two questions I ask my clients and one thing to try before your next big call.

Key takeaways:

Watch the video: https://youtu.be/Xi59Zb0QnCw

Listen to this episode: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/podcasts/leading-from-the-edge-podcast/episodes/2149262870 

Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/you-already-know-what-you-do

Timestamps:

0:00 – The habit you know but can't shift

0:47 – My early career spiral

1:36 – Kara and the feedback she avoided

2:48 – The 2 questions I ask my clients

3:03 – One thing to try before your next call

🎓 Ready to go deeper?

Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority.

👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

EPISODE LENGTH: 3 minutes 41 seconds

Full transcript

"I know I'm doing it. It's just what I always do."

I hear that from experienced leaders all the time. Really smart people, and people who have read all the books. They can name their habit perfectly, and yet they're still running it.

So if you already know what to do, why hasn't knowing it changed anything? That is exactly what we're here unpacking today. Because knowing your habit and seeing what drives it are two very different things.

In the next five minutes, I'm going to share with you two stories, two questions that I ask my clients that you might find helpful, and I'm going to share one thing to try before you make the next big call that you have to make.

Early in my career, I remember making a decision, and I was very excited about it. I set this huge plan in place and I presented it to my leadership team. I couldn't wait for their feedback. Then one of them pushed back with a completely different perspective.

I was shattered, and that's when my spiral started. I was questioning myself, thinking, is their idea better than mine? Will they follow through if it's my idea? And then I really started to think, am I even cut out for this?

The real issue was actually that I'd planned first, and then I started second guessing as soon as that feedback from them came in. So, over time, making the same mistake, I learnt it's important to gather your ideas first and then build the plan. It took me a long time to get there.

I have a client, her name's Kara, and she had a team member who just kept making the same mistake over and over. And Kara was giving feedback, giving subtle hints, making suggestions, but she never really got to the heart of it.

And the story that she was saying to herself was that they aren't ready to hear it yet. They've got too much on. It wouldn't be fair at this stage, with everything that's going on in their life.

The cost, though, is that it kept happening and happening, and the rest of her team started complaining about her team member.

The thing that was really driving it, though, underneath, was that she had a really bad boss who had given her feedback in a really hurtful way, and she didn't want her team member feeling that way too. In fact, she never wanted any of her team to feel the way that she felt with the way that her old team leader addressed issues.

Once Kara saw that, real and specific feedback became the thing that would actually help the situation. So Kara knew the habit. What changed it was seeing what was underneath it.

When a leader tells me, "I know I'm doing it, it's just that it's what I always do," I ask them two things. The first one is, what has it been costing you? And the second, what difference would it make to replace it now?

Before you make your next call, pause and ask yourself, "If I were leading from clarity and certainty, completely aligned with my vision, what would I do in this situation?"

Knowing your habit is where it starts. Seeing what drives it is what changes it.

If you want to find out which pattern is driving yours, take the Leadership Mirror. It looks at four areas of how you lead under pressure, and it shows you where your authority is quietly slipping. It's free, and the link is below.

Tell me in the comments: what's the habit you know you do, and you still do it anyway?

Edge of Possibilities | Liz Murray | Drivers and Defaults

Reading time, 2 minutes

Rescuing instead of empowering

I used to think being available for every problem was the job. Turns out I wasn't lightening anyone's load, I was just carrying it for them instead of teaching them to carry it themselves. This episode is about the shift that changed that, and why it gives you your own energy back too.

Key takeaways:

Watch the video: https://youtu.be/3lRUHBtBRF0
Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/rescuing-isnt-leading 

P.S. If this pattern's showing up for you, this month's free guide, Why momentum breaks down under pressure, covers 5 more like it and exactly where to catch each one: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/pl/2148850780

🎓 Ready to go deeper?
Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority.
👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:
🔗 Start Here, everything in one place
▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos
🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version
💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights
📩 [email protected]

Transcript

I used to pride myself on being there for my team — being responsive whenever they needed me.

If I could ease their load, I would. They were exceptional at what they did, and I wanted to support them in every single way that I could.

I genuinely wished there were more hours in the day so I could help them even more.

And I thought I was being helpful.

What I didn’t realise was that I wasn’t lightening their load. I was just taking on their problem and wishing for more time to carry it for them.

It was never about having enough time or not having enough time.

The real issue was that I was rescuing them.

I wasn’t empowering them to trust their own thinking.

And here’s the part that really gets me: my actual job was teaching people how to solve problems using their own critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Real teaching and learning.

And there I was, telling instead of asking. Solving instead of stepping back.

Doing the exact opposite of the thing I was meant to be building in them.

And it doesn’t stop at their problem.

Every time we rescue, we carry more of someone else’s burden as our own. We end up sitting under more pressure, not less, because our own projects have lost momentum while we were busy holding theirs.

From that place, you’re running on depleted energy.

And that’s the energy you bring to everyone and everything, without even realising it.

So here’s what changed it for me:

Handing a problem back isn’t handing someone a solution.

It’s a deeper question.

That’s it. That’s the whole shift.

And it’s not a loss for them either. It’s a win-win, because it gives them the opportunity to work out what actually fits for them, and it gives you the opportunity to hold your focus and energy for the work only you can do.

The old story in my head was that I needed to keep helping them so I could make it easier for them.

The new one is this:

When I trust them enough to think for themselves, they get the satisfaction of solving it — and I get to keep the momentum going on my own work.

That’s what being in adult mode actually looks like here.

Not doing more for people.

Believing they’re capable of more, and getting out of the way long enough to let them prove it to themselves.

And that’s the whole arc this month in one line: rescuing, demanding respect, missing your own default, letting the standard slip, and then carrying what was never yours.

All five of these come back to the same choice:

Are you leading from clarity, or running on a default?

If you want to see exactly where your own authority holds — and where it quietly drifts — that’s what the Leadership Mirror shows you in 10 minutes.

The link is below.

Where are you still rescuing instead of empowering?

Tell me in the comments. I really would love to know.

Over the last three weeks we've named three traps, rescuing, correcting and reacting, and they all come from the same root, a default taking over instead of you actually choosing how to lead. This week I'm answering the obvious question: if those are the traps, what's actually on the other side of them? What does leading from adult actually look like, in the exact same moments those traps show up?

Key takeaways:

Watch the video: https://youtu.be/0G91r1cOez0 

Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/adult-to-adult-leadership-what-it-looks-like 

Timestamps: 

0:00 – Three traps, one root: a default taking over

0:20 – The obvious question: what's on the other side?

0:35 – It's not a personality, it's a handful of repeatable choices

0:50 – Rescuing, flipped: asking instead of solving

1:10 – Correcting, flipped: checking the outcome, not rewriting the method

1:30 – Reacting, flipped: pause, one question, leave it open

1:50 – Why it works precisely because it isn't dramatic

2:05 – You'll still slip, so will I, the goal is just to notice faster

2:25 – Which trap is yours? The Leadership Mirror shows you

2:45 – The closing question

🎓 Ready to go deeper? Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority. 👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected] 

Full transcript

Over the last three weeks, we've covered three traps. Rescuing, solving your team's problems for them because it feels good to have all the answers. Correcting, redoing their work for them because it feels good to be right. And reacting, needing to be right the moment you're challenged, because being questioned feels like being attacked. These are three different traps, but they all come from the same root. All three have a default taking over, instead of you actually choosing how to lead in that moment.

So today I want to answer the obvious question. If those are the traps, what's actually on the other side of them? What does it look like when a leader is operating from adult, not from one of those defaults?

It's quieter than you think. It's not a personality. It's not confidence or charisma, or having it all figured out. It's a handful of small, repeatable choices, made in the exact same moments the traps show up.

Someone brings you a problem. Instead of solving it for them, you ask what they've already tried, and what they think the right move is. You're still fully present, you're just not doing their thinking for them anymore.

Someone's work isn't done your way. Instead of rewriting it, you check the outcome against the standard that you actually said out loud. If the outcome's right, you let the method be theirs.

Someone challenges you in front of the room. Instead of getting defensive, you pause. You ask one question. And you let the conversation stay open a moment longer than what feels comfortable.

None of that's dramatic, that's exactly why it works. Leading from adult doesn't announce itself, it just quietly stops the pattern before it even starts.

And here's what I want you to hear really clearly. You will still slip, I still do. The goal was never to rescue, it was never to correct, and it was never to react again. The goal is just to notice faster, to catch ourselves a little earlier each time, and then choose again. That's the whole practice. It's not about perfection, it's just a shorter gap between the default and the choice.

Now, if you've watched all three of these, and you're wondering which one you slip into most under pressure, that's exactly what the Leadership Mirror is. It's designed to show you. It's free, it takes five minutes, where your own authority holds and where it quietly drifts away. The link's below if you'd like to take it.

So, of the three we've been covering this month, rescuing, correcting, and reacting, which one's yours? I genuinely would love to know. Tell me in the comments.

The leadership trap that looks like passion

Someone once told me I was one of the most passionate people they'd worked with. I took it as a compliment for years, until I noticed what they were actually describing was how fast I reacted the moment I was challenged. This week I'm looking at the third trap in the September series, the one that doesn't look like a flaw at all, it looks like commitment, and what it actually costs you when your team learns which topics aren't safe to raise.

Key takeaways:

Watch the video: https://youtu.be/EuCWJ-zQ9z0 

Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/respond-instead-of-react-under-pressure 

🎓 Ready to go deeper?

Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority. 👉 Join here

Connect with Liz:

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights

📩 [email protected]

 Full transcript

Someone once told me that I was one of the most passionate people they had worked with. I took it as a compliment for years. It took me a long time to notice that what they were actually describing was how quickly I reacted when I was challenged. My voice got a bit louder, my explanation got a bit longer, and I needed the room to see I was right before we could move on to the next thing.

That is the third trap in this series, and it's the hardest one to catch, because it doesn't look like a flaw. It looks like commitment. Weeks one and two were both about doing too much: rescuing, then correcting. This one's different. This one is about reacting instead of leading.

Psychologically, this is the Child default that you hear me talking about. Not childish, just the part of us that takes things personally and needs to be seen as right, especially when we're under pressure.

Here's what it actually looks like in a leader. Someone challenges a decision, and instead of getting curious, we get defensive. We start justifying before we've even heard the challenge. Someone raises a problem and it lands as criticism of us, not information about the work. We explain our reasoning at length when a simple question would have done, because somewhere underneath it, we need them to agree that we were right.

And here's the thing about authority: it doesn't collapse all at once, it drifts, and it drifts fastest exactly in this moment, the moment someone's watching to see how we handle it when we're challenged.

There are three signs we know we're in it. See if any of these feel familiar for you. The first one: you feel your chest tighten before you've even heard the whole point. You're already forming the defence while the other person is still talking. Or meetings start to feel like something to manage, not something to think in.

Here's the cost. Your team learns fast which topics are safe to raise with you and which ones aren't, and the hard truths, the ones we actually need to hear, quietly stop reaching us at all.

So what does it look like to lead from a calm place under exactly the same pressure? It starts with simply a pause, not a performance of calm, an actual half second before we respond. In that half second, we just need to ask one question instead of giving one answer. What makes you say that? Tell me more. What are you seeing that I'm missing, or that I'm not seeing?

That single move does two things. It buys us space to actually think, and it tells the other person the conversation is still open, it's not already decided. Separate the person from the problem, out loud if you need to. This isn't about whether I'm right, it's about whether we're getting this right.

You don't have to stop caring to do this well. Passion was never the problem. Reacting from it, instead of leading through it, was.

So, have you been getting caught in this one too? Not rescuing, not correcting, but needing to be right the moment you're challenged?

I used to think I was holding a high standard. I was actually just correcting everything before anyone else got the chance to. This week I'm looking at the flip side of last week's rescuing trap: the critical, controlling default that feels like leadership but is really about control, and what it costs your team when you rewrite instead of ask.

Key takeaways:

Correcting everyone's work feels good because it feels like being right, but it's the same default as rescuing, just wearing a different disguise This trap is harder to spot than rescuing because it doesn't feel like control, it feels like protecting the standard

Three signs you're in it: you rewrite instead of ask, feedback turns into a redo instead of a conversation, and people check with you before they act on things they shouldn't need to check The real cost isn't your time, it's your team's confidence, and you end up doing everyone's job behind them as well

Watch the video: https://youtu.be/GYNwgk_zZJ0 

Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/how-to-hold-high-standards-without-micromanaging-your-team 

🎓 Ready to go deeper? Be Exceptional is Liz's signature leadership course for leaders who are ready to stop over-functioning and start leading with clarity and authority. 👉 Join here

Connect with Liz: 

🔗 Start Here, everything in one place 

▶️ Take 5 With Me on YouTube, weekly leadership videos 

🎧 Leading From The Edge on Spotify, the audio version 

💼 LinkedIn, weekly newsletter and insights 

📩 [email protected]

Transcript: Are you clarifying or correcting?

I used to think that I was holding a high standard, really. I was just correcting everything before anyone else got the chance to. A report would land on my desk and I'd rewrite half of it before it even went out. Or we'd be in a meeting and someone would make a call, and then I'd quietly override it ten minutes later.

I told myself it was about quality, and maintaining high quality and high standards, about doing things properly. But here's what I didn't want to admit: it wasn't about the standard. It was all about control. And that's the trap I want to talk about today, because it's the flip side of what we covered last week.

Last week was about rescuing, answering everyone's questions for them because it just felt good to have all the answers, and I felt like as a leader that was what was required. This week it's the other side of that coin: correcting everyone's work for them because it feels good to be right, and it feels like as a leader we should be right.

Psychologically they're both the same default. Last week was the soft, rescuing parent. This week is the critical, controlling parent. Sometimes we can be a bit of both. And this is a much harder trap to see yourself in, because it doesn't feel like control, it feels like leadership.

You tell yourself that you're protecting the standard. You tell yourself this team just doesn't see the detail that you see. Meanwhile, what's actually happening is your team stops bringing you their best thinking. They start bringing you the safest version of the work instead, the version least likely to get picked apart. They stop taking initiative, because initiative gets corrected, and correction, even well meant, feels like failure.

So here's three signs that you're in it. See if any of these land with you. You rewrite instead of ask. Feedback turns into a redo, not a conversation. And people check with you before they act on things they shouldn't need to check.

Over time you end up with a team that waits. Waits for your sign off, waits for your version, waits to be told exactly how instead of being trusted with what. And you end up exhausted, because now you're not just leading, you're doing everyone's job behind them as well. That's the real cost, not just your time. Their confidence.

So what does it look like to hold genuinely high standards without controlling every single step? It starts with a shift in what you're actually correcting. Stop correcting the method. Start clarifying the outcome. Tell your team exactly what good looks like, the actual standard, in plain language, before the work starts, not after, when it's already done and it feels like a personal failure to fix it. Then let them find their own way there.

If the outcome is wrong, it's a real coaching conversation. If the method's just different to yours, that's not a mistake, that's someone else's way of getting to the same place. Ask yourself, before you touch someone's work: is this actually wrong, or is it just not how I would have done it? Those are two very different problems, and only one of them is yours to fix.

You know, the leaders I respect most hold an incredibly high bar. But they hold it on the outcome, not on the method, and their teams know exactly where that bar is, because it's being said out loud, not just corrected into existence way after the fact.

So have you been getting caught in this one too? Not rescuing this time, but correcting, holding the standard so tightly that no one else ever gets a chance to meet it their own way.