Leading in Balance

"So, what do you do?"

I was at a dinner party two years into my transition out of law enforcement when someone asked me that question. And I froze. Not because I didn't have an answer—I had plenty. I froze because for the first time in 25 years, I didn't lead with my title. And without it, I wasn't entirely sure who I was.

This episode is about the identity crisis nobody warns you about: what happens when the professional shorthand you've used for decades suddenly doesn't fit anymore. We'll dig into why your brain is wired to resist this shift, why you can't think your way into a new identity (you have to live your way into it), and how to start separating who you are from what you do.

Asbatra Worksheet: Identity Inventory

Resources and Research:

1. Dr. Maya Shankar, A Slight Change of Plans (podcast on identity and change)
2. Herminia Ibarra, Working Identity, www.herminiaibarra.com
3. Erik Erikson's identity development theory, which you can read more about here: Maehler, D. B., & Hernández-Torrano, D. (2025). Identity development research: a systematic review of reviews. Self and Identity, 24(8), 907–942. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2025.2549770

Mentioned in this episode:

About Leading in Balance

Episode Summary

You've set the boundary. You meant it this time. And then someone called with a "quick question" and forty minutes later you're sitting in a parking lot wondering why you can't just say no.

This episode is about the real reason your boundaries keep failing—and it's not because you lack willpower.

I share my own breakdown moment (literally, in my car), unpack what behavior research actually says about why motivation alone won't save you, and walk through a practical framework for boundaries that stick. We'll talk about what boundaries are really protecting, why transitions make this harder, and how to design your way around the guilt instead of trying to white-knuckle through it.

Asbatra Worksheet: The Boundary Audit

Research/Book References:

• Book: Fogg, BJ. Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Found on Amazon at: https://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Habits-Changes-Change-Everything/dp/0358003326
• Brené Brown resources on setting boundaries include books Daring Greatly, Atlas of the Heart, and more than one podcast you can find at www.brenebrown.com

Mentioned in this episode:

About Leading in Balance

Leading in Balance with Dr. Jessica Herbert

From stuck to strategic. From overwhelmed to empowered.

Episode Summary:

In this introductory episode, Dr. Jessica Herbert explores the often-overlooked “murky middle” of leadership transitions. Whether you’re facing a new role, a reorganization, retirement, or a personal shift, this episode offers a candid look at the challenges and opportunities that come with change. Jessica shares her own story, outlines the four phases of transition, and introduces the podcast’s unique structure—combining real stories, research, and actionable reflection activities.

Key Topics Covered:

1. The discomfort and uncertainty of leadership transitions
2. Personal stories of change and self-discovery
3. Why traditional leadership advice often falls short
4. The four phases of transition:
5. Recognizing you’re in transition
6. Navigating ambiguity and exploration
7. Designing intentional living and leadership
8. Sustaining change and integration
9. The importance of reflection and actionable insight
10. How to redefine success and set new boundaries

Reflection Activity:

Jessica invites listeners to pause and reflect on three key questions:

1. What has changed in the last 6–12 months that’s making you question your identity as a leader?
2. What are you afraid will happen if you address this transition head-on?
3. If you could design your next chapter without anyone else’s expectations, what would it look like?

About the Host:

Dr. Jessica Herbert is an ICF professional certified coach, data scientist, and thought leader with 27 years of experience working with leaders in high-stress, high-impact roles.

Connect & Learn More:

• Be sure to subscribe to Asbatra Coaching on Substack

1. New episodes every Thursday: On Substack or on Spotify
2. Join the conversation: https://asbatracoaching.substack.com/
3. Work with me: www.asbatra.com or www.drjessicaherbert.com
4. For coaching, workshops, and retreats, visit www.asbatra.com, or www.asbatra-retreats.org, to schedule your call with Jessica today.

Closing Thought:

“Insight without action is just entertainment. You’re here for the transformation.”

Thank you for listening to Leading In Balance!

Mentioned in this episode:

About Leading in Balance