Kirk Cameron is our last hope. Say it with me. Kirk Cameron is our last hope in our fight against Nicolae Carpathia. If we don't move quick, then that ambiguously accented European is gonna take away our guns and cigarettes. Dagnamit, that's not why my great-great-granddaddy died fighting those raskily Balkans. You can take my cigarettes from my cold, dead, red-white-&-blue fingers. Now hush up there, my Full House rerun is starting in a minute and I gotta find out what Kimmy Gibbler has been up to. That girl cracks me up I tell'ya. She gonna be like the next Rodney Dangerfield, mark my words. Johnny Carson gonna be having her on the show any day now, just you wait.

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