This Week On the latest episode of LeMent Tonight, host Bob LeMent sits down with Ted the Impressionist, an alt-comedy performer specializing in rapid-fire, absurdist impressions of animals, ghosts, and vegetables, such as a cat pretending to be a microwave and a squash with bad taste. Eschewing standard 2020s observational humor, Ted describes his act as clean, accessible, and designed to generate comic tension through sheer presentation rather than classic punchlines. Ted discusses the grind of breaking through the industry's "chicken-and-egg" experience barrier, sharing how he continuously experiments with his act much like Thomas Edison or Shakespeare borrowing from his sources. The conversation takes several bizarre, comedic turns as Ted introduces his puppet sidekicks, Wally—a neutrino turned nutritionist—and Barney Bacteria, who chimes in with gut-health advice and poop jokes. Bob and Ted also chat about Ted's side project, Bushmiller Remixed, a Facebook page dedicated to modifying old, "lame" Nancy and Sluggo comic strips with lyrics from the Ramones or Barnes & Barnes' cult-classic song "Fish Heads." The interview wraps up with a surreal advice segment where Ted hilariously suggests Bob resolve a neighborhood cat love triangle by equipping everyone in matching, color-coded Crocs and beekeeper suits. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR3yuJJjtu0 Bad AI Transcript Okay. Ted's ready. Here we go. Welcome to Wednesday. And with me tonight is Ted the Impressionist. And his little cats on the whiteboard. And it can do. As always with me is Gary Limes and the Flea Tones. And welcome to Metal Limits tonight, everybody. I'm Bob LeMets. Now, my guest here tonight is Ted the Impressionist. Now, Ted, believe it or not, an impressionist, always delivers what his mama told him. Whenever you meet new people, Always make good impressions. I think she said it just like that. And so his mission on stage compels Ted to perform fabulous impressions of dogs, cats, got to see that one, birds, chimps, ghosts, vegetables, chickens, and more. So many. It's like getting hit on the head with a shovel. They all leave a deep impression on your mind. Ted has performed throughout the Northeast and in New York City nightclubs. He produces his own shows, Coop Comedy.
bronco uh brad dang tootin good time show whoo that's a mouthful. And Gonzo Gala. Hey, everybody. It's Ted, the Impressionist. Welcome, Ted. Hello, Bob. How you doing? Nice to see you there shouldn't I? Yeah, it's great. I don't smoke. It probably fits in your impressions right there. There you go. Yes, thank you but well it's good to be here, Bob. So take it away. I'm sorry. Say that again. Take it away. Let's get some impressioning going here. Oh, okay. Right. I'm sorry. That's right. It's my cue. Sorry about that, Bob. Okay. Well, thank you, Bob. And hello everyone for you. A lovely audience out there. Okay. So many people enjoy cat impressions. And so why not have some cat impressions? Okay, great. Here's a cat.
pretending to be a backhoe. Always good for cleaning the litter box. Thank you, Bob. I wrote that. Okay. Now here's a cat as a microwave. Meow. Dinner's ready. Okay. Now, here are cats racing at the Indianapolis 500. Well, except for the Kyle Busch cat. Okay. Now, here is some dog impressions for you. A hillbilly dog convinced his dead father talks to him through his foot. you say paw now here's a dog as quality control inspector at the sandpaper factory rough i wrote that okay well and uh let's see here's uh hmm oh here's a dog actor in a tarantino western slowly dying in a hail of bullets Tino wrote that. Well, that's been a wonderful two minutes. I'm certainly glad to be here, Bob. Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much for inviting me here. Appreciate it. Oh, I don't smoke. OK, so how about you? Thank you very much. And, you know, a little triggering. But other than that, it's now where have I where have I seen you or met you before, Bob?
Well, you probably see me here on lament tonight at the desk. Oh, well, i mean like at a comedy show, though, haven't i seen? No, probably not i'm not i don't live in new york apologies okay i live i live in the Midwest, and uh so yeah oh okay i haven't performed with you or alongside you in a plausible show or a zoom mic anywhere? Oh, you might have seen me on the uh monthly comedy contest. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. I usually show up for those. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Yeah. I haven't done one in a while. Maybe that's when it was. Yeah. You know what? It's not about me. It's about you. Huh? It's not about me. It's about you. We need to talk about you, Ted. Oh, well, no, I don't want to be selfish. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all about me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. What does Ted like? What does he like to eat? Where does he like to go swimming? All good questions. Tai Chi? No, you know, Bob, it's a give and take conversation. You know, people want to know about, you know, what kind of guy you are. So, you know, we're going to give and take. But I'm just curious because I wanted to know.
Okay. So that's, uh, you want to go back to me? Yeah, let's go back to you now. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Your, your bio says, you know, you, uh, started doing these impressions uh i'm guessing we talked about your mother. So I'm guessing it was when you were younger. Now, do you, you said cats, birds, chimps, ghosts, vegetables? Do you only do, uh, do you ever do inanimate objects or does it always have to be animal based? No, there are vegetable impressions that I've written as well. Oh, okay. Give me a demonstration, like cauliflower? Oh, would you like to see that? Oh, okay. Oh, okay, a demonstration. Okay, here's, let's see, a squash with bad taste. Hey, everyone, how do you like my checkered pants?
Now, here's a zucchini. Well, let's see, a zucchini that has no moral values. Oh, I'm full of moral conundrums. I think all zucchini have no moral values, but that just may be. Well, that's a good philosophical point. Right. Oh, here's a green tomato. Hey, can someone tell me what I'm supposed to do? I haven't been trained. Now here's a fried green tomato. So, okay. So we've got vegetable, we've got animal vegetables. Do you do minerals? No, but that's a very good one. Yeah, I should try that. You know, the whole animal, vegetable, mineral thing, because there's a song on a Broadway show about that. Well, you know, granite and marble, you know, they don't do anything. They just sit on the ground. You know, that's kind of wacky to do a granite impression. It's crazy. You know, it might be a good, you know,
balance for things, you know, from the cats. I'll certainly give that a try, Bob. Yeah. Oh, I don't smoke. So have you done these things your whole life, these impressions this way? Or, I mean, when did this, you know, you're like, you wake up one morning and you're like, I want to do impressions that most people don't do. Well, you know, I, Been working steadily on my comedy career, and this is the kind of thing that's really taken off. I've tried doing edgelord material. I wrote this bit about smoking weed, playing with your pee-pee, and the Russo-Japanese War of 1905. Would you like to hear it? Sure. Okay. Hey, everyone. Have you ever fought in a war against the Russian fleet and they completely annihilate you? And you say to yourself, what the heck? Am I just smoking weed and playing with my pee-pee? I wrote that. There you go. But the impressions really took off. Yeah, that's good. Oh, I don't smoke. Okay.
to you, Bob. go back to me so so i'm like what where what was the antithesis of this was your list like i mean with the other stuff just wasn't working? And you're like, you know what? I think i would rather do, you know, kitten impersonations than doing historical uh masturbation material. Help. The historic stuff wasn't really going over at kids parties. So I figured, you know, why not try some impressions, see how it works out. You know, it's kind of clean comedy. Most people can relate to because most people have either a cat or a dog, sometimes both. Many people do eat vegetables. So it was easy enough to just move over to that genre of doing impressions that appeals to a wider audience.
Okay. Do you ever think about doing, you know, like fast food or anything like that? I'm a Big Mac and I'm, you know. Not yet, but I'll consider that. Possibly, I'll consider that. You know, I'm still working on this, you know, this whole thing, Bob. You know, it's just at the very crest of my career. Here's the crest. career and now it's cresting. Oh, you're cresting. So yeah, I'm still working on it yeah i haven't reached the apex yet. You know, this is good for all you geometry majors out there. Crest, apex, you know, optimal curve trajectory all that yeah later on i'll be discussing quantum equations. Oh, very good. You think this would play in the quantum realm? Well, that's where wally the happy talking neutrino comes in oh
But I find that I have to explain what a neutrino is because it's just not in the common parlance. Is it like a neutrino is like smaller than a red box? Yeah, exactly. The tiniest particle in the universe. At the moment. Okay, Mr. Buckyball, you got me there. Good point. At the moment, I think, because everything changes. And so they thought the smallest thing was dust. And then now we're all the way down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think Ben Franklin was like, dust is the smallest thing. Right. So Wally, the neutrino, has recently double crossed me. He has explained now to the audience on the stage that he's now Wally, the happy talking nutritionist. And so I have to go along with it because otherwise he won't perform live. So what are you going to do? You got your partner, you know, grows, evolves, and, you know, you have to grow and evolve with them. When you're at the bottom of the food chain, what are you going to do? Well, I wouldn't know