In this episode of “LeMent Tonight,” host Bob LeMent welcomes comedian Miles Tidal from Aurora, Illinois, who delivers a series of humorous roasts aimed at Bob. The banter includes jokes about Bob’s past and his questionable habits, such as an anecdote about a painful encounter with a buoyant pool toy. Miles shares his interest in collecting sports memorabilia, including a prized autograph from Walter Payton, while discussing his financial limitations. The conversation takes a comedic turn as they play games, including a segment where Miles offers the worst advice possible. They also touch on humorous personal stories, such as Miles’ awkward moments and his family’s disapproval of certain jokes. The episode wraps up with Miles promoting his presence on TikTok and Static Radio, encouraging viewers to check him out.

Bad AI Transcript

Hey everybody. Welcome to LeMent tonight. Hey, our guest tonight is Mr. Miles Title. Miles Title, no one knows who you are. But you’re here tonight on Lament Tonight. Direct from Aurora, Illinois. Sometimes funny, always filthy. Okay. The filthy stylings of Mr. Miles Title. That’s right. Miles, why don’t you regale us with a few zingers here. All right. Well, welcome to the roast of Bob Lament. Oh my gosh. I should have known this was coming. The roast of Bob Lament here. All right. Now, if I can just read my own writing, this is going to be really good. So here we go. I’ll try not to blow this, but thank you. I’m sure you will blow it. I will blow it. Just like. Oh, may I start? Yeah, go ahead. Hey, I met Bob.
at film school, believe it or not. Yeah. He looked like a fat Ted Nugent. Now he just looks like a present day Colin. I’m cracking myself up. He had some jacked up teeth, man. He really did, man. He wrote a book about it. 50 shades of gray. Yeah. He said medicine he took as a child has colored his teeth. But I knew it was linked to his life time supply of good and plenty. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Hey, you know, Bob’s kind of a heck. He thought he knew a lot about movies. He was always bragging how much he knew, but he was kind of a heck too. He’s like, hey, Miles, you ever see the Star Wars movie? You see where Han Solo shot that Guido at the cantina? I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay.
Bob, please. Greedo. Greedo. Okay. Hey, you know what? Bob. growing up in high school, Bob screwed all the women in Decatur. He really put the D in Decatur that time. Hey, you know what? What? Bob had a three-way in a rock quarry. Yeah, with Fred and Wilma. Bob had sex at McDonald’s with another employee. That’s how he got the name Grimace. Bob got his dick stuck in a zipper. His uncle’s. Nothing? Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay. You know, he went to Decatur High. It was called the home of the running knee pads. Bob made a children’s movie, but not on purpose. Bob would eat with a giant bath towel. I found out later that it was also his rag. Bob made a meal called Fries in a Bag, but it should have been called the Irish Colon Cleaner.
Bob’s been going on vacation quite a bit this year. His next family trip is going to be to bankruptcy court. Thank you. That’s my time. That’s it. So I had, that’s all I had. Okay. Everybody miles title miles. There you go. I had to edit out a few things because I knew it would not be appropriate. Oh, well, I possibly you should edit a few more. Oh, okay. Well, So other than, uh, you know, roasting me, what have you been up to? Uh, mostly work, mostly work. Um, so what’s a hobby. If, if I, if you said, if I said to you, miles, what hobbies do you have? What would you say? Um, I like watching TV. Uh, that’s my favorite. That’s not a hobby.
I like to collect sports items. I think it’s a good hobby. Oh, that is a hobby. That is a hobby. That is a hobby. You know, what always kills me though is like, I’m not funny in a group of people, but one-on-one on phone, like a phone conversation, I kill. I kill. So far, that’s not happening here. Well, I say we’re not one-on-one really though. You know, like I’ll call us like some tech support people. Like you are the funniest dude ever. I’m like, no, come on. No. A crowd of people I will bomb immediately. Tech support thinks I’m funny. I know. Tech people love me. The regular people out in the world hate me. So, yeah. So tell me about the sports memorabilia. Right. What are we talking about? Are we talking about, like, home plate from the World Series? What kind of things are we talking about?
Uh, well, your local miles is, uh, somewhat, uh, limited on cash. So I don’t have anything super cool like that. Now it’s mostly football, I suppose, related. It’s not just the chicago bears, but it’s kind of all nfl stuff. Now I’ve started reaching out and, uh, acquiring certain things from, uh, people i know, you know, are you talking about stealing things? No, uh, no, I know a guy that pops lockers for instance. Uh, you know, is that what they call it these days? Okay. Well, I mean, yeah, I was cut more or less. I think it’s legal. I’m not sure how he does that, but he, I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it, but yeah, it’s crazy. It’s crazy. This is a good hobby for you. Why don’t you buy storage lockers? Oh, and flip. Oh, uh, pop them. Yeah.
Yeah. Then you can, cause you’re using all the vernacular there. Maybe you should, uh, get into the action. There’s so much crap around this house right now. I can’t even use, I haven’t ever been able to use my garage garage. It is piled full of stuff that will never be used. Is the old, uh, elephant, uh, decoration out there? Uh, I did create my own elephant once out of, uh, kitty litter, uh, Boxes, I guess, in an old family camping tent that my mom had given me, which i didn’t, I’ve never had the guts to tell her that i tore the thing up and painted it and used it as like a halloween thing. But, uh, I don’t want to tell her either. because I know it’ll break her heart when i tell her that but oh let me out in the wings. It’s miles. Mom, come on in miles mom oh yeah you son of a bitch yeah
I could not get her connected. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My mom’s always asking about this show. She’s like, oh, you’re doing your Howard Stern show, right? I’m like, it’s not mom. You wish it was Howard Stern. I wish it only was as funny. Believe me, entertaining is not. So back to this sports memorabilia. Right. So if you had, if I, asked you, what is the best piece of sports memorabilia that you have you would say oh uh i would say i obtained uh walter payton’s autograph in person at a restaurant that he owned. And that would be probably my favorite. That’s your best one. That’s the best item. Well, personally. Yeah. Oh, okay. I went to that place, didn’t I? I bet you did. No, I went with you. You probably did. That’s just my favorite because it’s on the back of a beer coaster. I love that. What’s the beer? What kind of beer? I don’t think it exists anymore because the gentleman has passed now. He would no longer have an interest in the… They made their own craft beer there.
Oh, okay. It was like, like a house brand kind of thing. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Okay. I didn’t realize that. That’s interesting. Uh, but yeah, definitely. I’d say that’d be right up there with anything else I own right now. Yeah. I have jerseys and, uh, you know, figures and stuff like that. How much, if you, how much would you say you have numb, you know, number of items? Oh, wow. Uh, I don’t know, maybe around 100 maybe. Really? Maybe 100. I don’t know. Does that include little football cards or does that not include those? Oh, no, no. I have a lot of football cards, but I would not include those. You’re talking about items that are not football cards or items. I have balls. People give me balls. I’ve had balls given to me. I think that happened in the locker room.
My niece’s fiance gave me a ball. That was nice. So he didn’t have to, but he did. That’s right. No, I know it’s weird. It’s like, people give me stuff now. Like I don’t even have to buy stuff anymore. Yeah. I’ve had people just like, oh, I was thinking about you here. Have this like, wow. They’re thinking about you, I guess. I don’t know. I’ll be like, oh yeah. You know, have these stadium seats. That’s okay. I’m like, wow, really nice. Yeah. You’ve ascended to the level of old, desperate uncle who wants sports memorabilia? Yeah. Yeah, I backed off a little while, though, because I was trying to get my picture with a guy I’ve been kind of stalking. And, you know, I was getting my selfie with him. And he’s like, hey, you’re not going to basically pleasure yourself with this selfie. I think I probably told you this story before. Yes, yeah.
you were accused of masturbatory autograph hunting. Yeah, like, hey, stalker, I know how to get rid of stalkers. I’ll accuse them of, you know yeah so that, I don’t know. I took a little break at that point. I’m like let me assess the whole situation. I took like a week off and I said, no, I’m going back. And you’re like, I like masturbate I’m gonna go do it some more. Kirk, I started it. I could not complete. I’m sorry. I want to say that to him so bad. So bad. I want to say that to him. Well, any closing remarks for this segment in your collection of things? Do you want to estimate the value of all of your things? I don’t have like a big item, you know, ticket item things here. I don’t know, maybe a couple thousand dollars maybe. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Maybe. We’ll get to Cancun on this. Yeah. Cash it in. Yeah. I can join you on your next family trip.
wherever you’re going. I don’t think it’s quite enough for that. What if I did go on a family trip with you? Would you allow me? No. Yeah. The songs of silence. I’ve tried to get you to go on a trip with me. Yeah. But not a family trip. If it’s a family trip, then no, you’re not invited. Well, you’re always like, could you wear like this maid’s outfit for me? Like, no, come on. That’s weird. I don’t think so. That’s weird, Bob. I can’t. I don’t think. But I’ve tried to get you to go on trips with me. Yeah. You never did. you never go. You’re always like, uh, I don’t know how it’s going to go. You know what I’m saying? Things to do, Bob. I’m sorry. I don’t, I don’t want it to get weird. I don’t want to go down to Carbondale with you for the weekend. No. Yeah. Well, I know how you get, when you get down there, you’re going to get all, you know, nuts, crazy. And you’d be like, you’re Frank, the tank or something. You get down there, you know, it’s going to get a little out of hand.
You think so? I think so. Yeah, I knew you in college. So I know that you’d probably like go way overboard with it. Like, you know, get a little pinchy here and there, you know, kind of thing. Pinchy? I don’t know what that means. You know, pinchy. Ooh, Christmas goose. Okay. Yeah. I’m not so sure about that. I don’t know. We need to take a quick break here, Miles. And then we’re going to come back and we’re going to play a game. Ooh. All right. Everybody hold on here. And we’ll get back with Miles here in just a second. I was trying to get myself on there. There we are, just me. The Lament Tonight. Let me tell you, I normally play a commercial during this time, but I don’t have one prepared. But I’m going to do a live commercial. And that’s for Static Radio. Every Monday night at 9.30 p.m. Central. I guess that would be 10.30 Eastern, 7.30 Pacific.
You can stop by Plausible and join in the fun with me and Miles for Static Radio. And if you don’t happen to make it, which, you know, is usually the case, you can always listen to it later at StaticRadio.com. So everybody stop by or not, listen or not, StaticRadio.com. Bob, you are a great asshole. Thank you, Gary. I don’t know why you have to jump in there, Gary. Jeez. We’re back with Miles. Hey, I beat autism. Neighborhood kid? Yeah, no. I’m going to make my own shirt. It’s called I Beat Autism. I thought it was $5 foot long. That was the shirt you were wearing. Here’s the beef or something like that. Yeah, here’s the beef. We’re going to play a little game. It’s called What a Story. All right.
I’m going to ask you to tell everybody a story. I’m going to pick a random topic and then put you on the spot. You have to tell a story about my topic. Wait, I’m making up a story or telling a true story? Well, it doesn’t matter to me, but you have to somehow wrap it in the topic that I’m going to give you. Okay, so it could be completely made up. Okay, go ahead. The topic is submersibles. Submersible. Yeah. Figure that one out. Uh, okay. Um, when i was a child, okay. Yeah. When I was a child, we went on vacation and we stopped by St. Louis and there was this place called noah’s Ark. Yes. Yeah. It’s like an old hotel. I don’t know i don’t think it was a chain, but anyway, it wasn’t, but it wasn’t. You’re right. It was an old hotel. You’re
No, I don’t know. It was like west of St. Louis. I don’t know. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. It was just in out in St. Charles. Yeah. Okay. I thought there, I remember, I don’t know why I remember this, but I was a little kid and there was like these, uh, uh, like animal things. Uh, I don’t know if it was their ceramic or what. I don’t know if they were meant to go in the pool or not, but, uh, I know we were using them as like pool toys, you know, like kind of dunking them under the water and they’d like shoot right up. Cause they were like buoyant, you know? And I did that, and I still remember this. I did this like a hippo or something. It came up, and it hit me right in the nut, man. I was like, oh, oh, oh. And I never told anyone, but man, did I regret that. Yeah, that’s true story. Did you throw it between your legs, and then it shot up quicker than you thought?
Yeah. I didn’t think it was going to shoot up that fast. It was like a rocket, like to the nuts. It was like, were these things you’re supposed to be playing with? I don’t know. I don’t know if they were like really pool toys or something by the pool. They were like plasticky, you know, holes in them, I guess, because no, they did not. No, they were very, uh, they could float. Yes. They were very buoyant. I mean, No, I don’t think they were. I think they were hollow. I think these things were hollow. Why didn’t they just blow away? I mean, we have tornadoes here. Come on. I don’t know. This was a long time ago, like before they had tornadoes. You stayed at the Noah’s Ark Hotel is what you’re saying. We did. Yes, we did. That’s true. Yeah. Did you stay in a room with an animal sticking out of it? That part, all I remember is getting hit in the nuts. I really don’t remember anything else about it, but I do remember that.
Yes. Like my first time, like my first time really getting hit in the nuts hard, you know yeah yeah how old were you? Oh, 18, 19. no i don’t know i was a little kid. I don’t know why i even remember that, but i remember it like oh wow man now the funny thing is, uh, I mean, I’m very, I’m somewhat familiar. I’ve never stayed at the nowhere. I wasn’t, you know, high class enough to stay at the Noah’s Ark hotel. Let’s be honest. It was, that was a highfalutin kind of place. Right. And they did, they literally had animals sticking out of windows because the whole place was shaped like a boat. Yeah. Yeah. And it, I mean, it was, it, the Noah’s Ark hotel was still there whenever I moved down here for quite a number of years, actually, believe it or not. You know,
If I search through our family videos, I bet you we might have something, a brief thing on it, maybe. Probably your dad standing by a giraffe’s neck with his pelvis sticking out. Or by some woman, random woman in a bikini probably, pointing towards her nether regions. Yeah, that’s true. Yeah. But yeah, it’s gone now. It’s all been. changed over to something else. But yeah, for many many years if you drove out to St. Charles, definitely in the 90s. Yeah. It was still there. In the 2000s, maybe not so much i think i had to be there in the 70s, about late 70s. I would imagine, because i think that was the heyday for the noah’s Ark. Yeah, like, you know, they used to have kind of trendy, kind of, no not trendy, but, you know, I don’t know what you’re gonna call it, but something like that, you know so miles so you tonight you told some jokes
at my expense. Right. Now, is this going to be something that you’re going to continue doing there? Uh, I’d like to, sure. Why not? Uh, I had some ones that my family told me, please do not do that. That is really going to be probably not. Well, this material is what you’re saying. Yeah. My son, I trust my son. He’s got a pretty good sense of humor and he’s just a dad. I really would not do, you know, You want to throw one of those out at us to see what we think? Uh, I was just going to say, if things keep going the way they are, Bob’s going to have to get a Ouija board to contact his friends. Yeah, no kidding. But yeah, you know, stuff like that. I thought that was a joke. Oh gosh. Yeah. He said, don’t do that one yet. Yeah. Like dad, please do not do that joke. He will not forget. It’s funny. It’s very hurtful.
I was going to do a joke about your dog that froze to death too. Oh, man. My wife said, please do not do something like that. That is a really nice story, by the way. I know it is a true story. Unbeknownst to me, of course, I was probably out getting drunk or something and I had no idea that he froze to death until later. Yeah. I was not being the best person at that point. I didn’t People were watching the dog. Let me put it that way. Yeah. Who I will not say who they were, but yeah. Yeah. It wasn’t like I abandoned the dog and it froze to death. Right. You had nothing to do with it. I had nothing to do with it. I was, yeah. Yeah. I was just not living there at that point in time. Right. Yeah. So I did edit those out. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyway, that’s terrible. That’s a terrible joke. I’m glad they told you not to tell you that one. Well, sometimes I need that. I need a little filter. You’re going to be reined in. You’re a wild card. I do need to be reined in. Yes, I do. I do cross the line sometimes. Yes, I do. Hmm. That’s interesting. I don’t know. My dad was like that too, though. He actually broke off a relationship, like a friendship he had for a guy at work for like 20 years because he was like, you know, he was telling dirty jokes at like a company thing. He’s like, Oh Wayne, my friend Wayne told me this dirty joke and he kept doing it like all night and find this Wayne guy. He’s like, all right, F you. Like, I don’t think they ever talked again after that. It was like, Oh boy. You know?
Poor Wayne. Yeah, poor Wayne. He ribbed Wayne a little hard, is what you’re saying. Yeah. Well, when you attribute a joke to somebody, like, yeah, you know, Bob Lament told me this. Well, he really didn’t tell the joke, is what you’re saying. Yeah, right. No, he had nothing to do with it, but my dad kept throwing his name into it, like, oh. Going under the bus. Yeah. Good old Wayne said the dog froze to death. Right, yeah. Yeah, so it was like a 20-year friendship, like, bing. Wow, that’s harsh. on on So yeah, you need a filter. You need a filter. I think, yeah, I think you need a HEPA. You need, you need a Brita. Yeah, I do. I do. Yeah. You need a brita filter, I think, to get all those heavy metals out of your business there. Well, uh, Gary’s gonna, I think gary wants to play us a song. Gary, you want to play a song?
Thank you, and good night. No, it’s not time for that yet. You need to play a song, Gary. Here we go. Gary’s going to play us a song. Ready? One, two, three, four. you guess that song miles uh i think that was closer to the heart by Rush, wasn’t that or no no i don’t what was it? I don’t know. Rocky Like a hurricane by the Scorpions. but sounded nothing nothing that was no it’s the song at you know full tilt it’s just really yeah balls to the wall, yeah. Oh. I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess. Try another one. Maybe we’ll get this one. Okay. All right. Okay. Gary, you ready to play another one here? Alright, here we go. Bye.
Aha. Aha. Take on me. Oh, I love take on me. Yes. That’s what Wayne said. Take on me. Okay. Miles, here we go. Another game real quick here called ask not. Okay. Go ahead. Questions to you. And you’re going to give me the worst advice possible. Are you ready, sir? Yeah, go ahead. All right. I’ve got $500, and I want to get the best Bears memorabilia that I can get. What are you suggesting? You got $500. Cash money. Cash money. Yeah. As they say, you can’t just say cash. You have to say cash money. Cash money. Yes, I understand what cash money is. I got, you know, some Zlotties. I got some cash money. You got some C notes. Okay, you got five C notes. Yeah. For the best Bears memorabilia I can purchase. Remember, this is the worst advice.
The worst advice, the worst advice would be to buy something, an autograph that has not been authenticated. No, that’s good advice. That’s good advice. Take a guy’s word that something is like legit. Oh, okay. Don’t, don’t vet the autograph. Just like this guy. Yeah, this is sweetness. Like, this is his jockstrap. I’m telling you right now. This is game-worn memorabilia. This is actual sweat. Yeah. Okay. That’d be bad, I guess. Yeah, that’s pretty bad. I mean, unless it really was his jockstrap, I suppose. Well, I mean, yeah. I don’t know how to prove that. If you could prove that, I mean… Hey, that guy’s got some small nuts. I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t buy it if I could be proved, I guess. If it was $5, you’d buy it? Is that what you’re saying? If it was a deal, the guy cut me a deal, yeah. $500, though, probably out of the… Yeah, no, I would never spend $500. Out of the realm there. I am too cheap. There’s no even way that would happen. That’s why I had a hard time with that one. Maybe I shouldn’t ask that because you’re a fool on his money. You probably would spend $500 on a used jockstrap saying it was
This is refrigerator Perry’s jockstrap. Oh yeah. I’ll give you $500. I just spent a hundred bucks about a month ago and I thought that was a lot. Yeah. Okay. Well, it is a lot by the way. I don’t know what you’re spending a hundred dollars on, but jockstrap. Yeah. I was going to say two strings. So here’s another one for you. All right. I have to, I’m going to go to college and get a degree. What degree should I get? Oh, man. Well, I was going to say library science, but maybe with a minor in French, you know, I don’t know. That’s your worst advice. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Wow. You know that vetting process you talked about earlier? Yeah, you’re right. I’m getting warmed up now. Okay. Yeah. It’s just almost over. I know. I know. That’s my style. Yeah. Yeah. That’s true. I say the good stuff till the end. Yeah. That’s what they always say. Yeah. So, uh, miles way before we go, where can people find you at? I am, uh, all over social media, man. You know, if you want to,
check me out on the tiktokers and the Instagrammers. I stay away from twitter somewhat, but yeah because it’s not, it’s called x now. Did you know all right yeah i don’t know. I’m so old. I don’t know. I’m like, Oh, you know, I’m trying to use periscope right now. I don’t know how that works. I have no idea what that means. That’s funny. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. But what’s your handle? You got to tell them your handle. You can’t just say I’m there and then people are like, where? Miles Title. Just look up Miles Title. I love TikTok. I love TikTok. It’s my favorite. What’s your favorite thing about TikTok? Young cheerleaders and stuff like that. Oh, my gosh. No, I don’t know. Uncomfortable laugh right there. No, there’s interesting stuff on there. Like what? Other than young cheerleaders, what?
Does this have to do with sitting on food? Uh, no. Sorry. Uh, there is a lady on Instagram that does do that. She is a cake sitter. She sings as she sits on cakes. Yes. I’ve seen this. What kind of songs does she sing? Could you give us an example here? Uh, you won’t believe me if I told you this, but I think she was singing Sarah smile. I think it’s what she, my Hall of notes, I think. No, no, no, no, no. That’s not. Yeah. That’s the wrong song. Which one is it then? It’s a very, it’s a kind of a slow song. Okay. I guess you don’t really want to say a fast song when you’re trying to do like a slow, you know, sexy sitting on a cake. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Yeah. I don’t understand the sitting on food, but that’s something that you would seem to enjoy. Well, no, I mean, I don’t enjoy it. I mean, it’s just something unusual. I mean, I just happened upon it one day, you know, like, you know, researching a book I’m working on and like, Oh, when’s that book coming out? Uh, well, pretty soon, pretty soon. Yeah. It’s going to be just, uh, on,
You know, the Kindle or other places? Yes, it’ll be all over. You’re going to pick it up at the airport, you think? I’ll be at the airport selling it, yeah. All right, Miles. Well, thank you for being here and being my guest on Lament tonight. And I guess folks will be looking for you on the TikTok. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me on. Thank you, Bob. People can watch you watching other people, but do you actually post things on TikTok? I post you a lot. Yeah. I just, I black out your eyes sometimes, you know, so it’s not too obvious, but yeah. Really? Yeah. I don’t think that’s very nice. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What do you say about me? Am I sitting on things?
I put clown makeup on you with the use of AI. You’re always walking around. Here’s John Wayne Gacy. There he is. Oh, my gosh. Well, Gary, play us out. And thank you again, Miles, for being here tonight. My guest, Miles Title, you can catch him on the TikTok as well as weekly on Static Radio. Any parting shots here? Bob, save your $500, okay? Save your $500. I will. You know I will anyway. Yeah. Thank you. Whistle.