Léo's Insights

Last week I told the story of the late-blooming boy who demonstrated no interest in learning academic subjects, particularly reading, until much older than the “industry standard” of reading by age six.  Once puberty hit and this young fellow began reading, he quickly excelled and became a power reader.

His dad was a successful investment specialist. He had an agreement with his son that he would purchase any book the son wanted (parental reason prevailing), on condition that it would be read cover to cover. The dad then purchased a bookcase that would only house books after they had been fully read and the contents discussed with dad to ensure the son was understanding what he was reading.

When I visited the family after they had moved to a more opulent house, I was taken to the boy’s room where two outstanding things were observed. First was the grandeur of the room itself. It was more than one would expect of a bedroom! The second thing was the number of books, covering a plethora of subjects, on the multitude of bookshelves accumulated over the last four years.

Considering this young fellow had only started reading four years earlier, it was simply amazing how many books he had read in that short time. I can guarantee there is no way a public school student could have read that many books covering such a broad range of topics, even if they had started at the expected age of six.

This young man had extensive knowledge of many things, well beyond his age, and he had learned it without any curriculum, program or test. This was unschooling at its best.

Unschooling is not unlearning. It is simply not schooling, which allowed this fellow to play as a child and seriously learn what interested him as a young man.

Moral? Work with your child. Don’t try to create something of him/her. God already did that. Provide learning opportunities for your child in keeping with his/her gifts, talents and interests. Don’t waste time meeting meaningless and unmeasurable standards imposed by a disconnected education system.

He was certainly an energetic boy. As he zoomed past his mother and me, I realized this fellow now registered for home education through us was not ready for formal education.

I asked his mother if she thought he was ready and her answer somewhat baffled me. She did not think the lad was ready but she was convinced she should proceed with “schooling” anyway. When I asked her to explain, she said the authorities expected a child to start formal training by age six.

“What authorities?” I asked. She named government and schools. I explained to the mother that since the government had not given birth to her child, she and her husband had greater authority than the government. I further explained that I was the representative of the school and that I was fine with leaving things until the child demonstrated proper readiness.

Although the mother had her reservations, she decided to follow my suggestion not to abuse this young fellow by making him do things he was not ready for. When I returned the following spring, I was very pleased to hear there had been no “schooling” done since my last visit. I applauded the mother’s decision and encouraged her to continue allowing things to happen naturally. She did just that.

All summer and fall there was no formal training. The following spring found the boy still playing and still not interested in much else. The third year was a repeat of unschooling. When I returned in the fall of the fourth year, the boy was still not reading and had little interest in any other subject despite being nearly eleven years old. By now mom was getting nervous, but I assured her she was doing the right thing and that when her son was ready, she would see serious progress.

When I returned the spring of the fourth year, I was stunned to see the young fellow lying on the couch reading Lord Of The Rings! When I asked what was going on, the mother was confused until she realized it had only been a few months since the boy had asked her to teach him to read. Three months later he was constantly immersed in books and serious ones at that!

The moral of this story is very simple. Force children to do what they are not ready to do and you will develop children with a negative attitude about academic learning. Wait until they are ready and they will not only quickly learn, they will excel.

Every family has its quirks and its outstanding features; its strengths and weaknesses; how it shows up in public and its secrets. Every family is weird in some way. Most children want something different from the family in which they grew up regardless of whether their family was good, bad or ugly.

My dad was a World War Two veteran. The things he was exposed to as a teenaged volunteer marred him for life. His marriage was less than stellar, partially because of his issues and partially because of my mother’s. In retrospect, I believe my father suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Nobody considered just how violently damaged the WW II vets were at the time. As a consequence of his psychological damage, my father was distant even when he was at home. So even though I believe my father loved me, my maternal grandfather played a big role in my upbringing.

As a young man, I had a lot of disagreements with my dad. Maybe it was normal, maybe not, but I could not understand why we had to be so often at odds with each other. I now believe it may have been a consequence of his PTSD. In any case, after a particularly sharp disagreement in the presence of my grandfather, I left the house disturbed by yet another example of disapproval at the hands of my father.

While sitting alone and contemplating what on earth was going on, I was surprised to see my grandpa search me out. He did not say much but what he said changed my entire attitude about my dad. He said: “Parfois ton père est difficile, mais il a un bon coeur” – “Your dad can at times be very difficult, but know that he means well.”

That statement changed my life because it changed my attitude. From that point on, I saw my dad differently because of the important lesson I learned that day: Try not to judge based on what you are experiencing, but rather based on the distinct possibility that you may not know the reason those opposing you are acting the way they are. While it is possible someone may indeed have the intent to harm you, most of the time you are just in the wrong place at the wrong time and it may not actually be you the bad behaviour is directed at even if you are the unfortunate recipient. “There may be something here I do not know, and if I knew it, it could change everything.”

I must admit this is hard to believe. If I count my first lab assistant job at the University of Saskatchewan, this year marks my fiftieth year as a teacher. So, in celebration of this milestone, I decided to finally record some of the multitude of stories I’ve accumulated over the last half century as my vlog series for the year.

To copy an oft-heard disclaimer on some TV series, these stories are all true, only names have been changed to protect the innocent. Actually, not all these stories involve the innocent. In fact, they almost all involve students guilty of being young human beings learning how to navigate an increasingly complex world. Some of these stories also involve adults, parents in particular.

Everybody loves to hear stories, and stories are told for two main reasons. The first is to entertain. Most people love to hear how you fell in the slough and how embarrassed you were when you came out looking like the jolly green giant! The other reason for storytelling is to teach. Jesus did a lot of storytelling. Sometimes the lesson being taught was easy to grasp, sometimes not. Either way, Jesus used a lot of stories to make His point.

My motivation for creating this story-based vlog series involves both elements of storytelling. I hope to entertain and I hope to extend and apply the lessons learned from each story to unschooling, parenting and family.

I pray these stories bless you all.

I want to end this year’s vlog series by sharing a bit of ridiculousness that was prevalent when we began our home education journey, oh so many years ago.

I was one of very few certificated teachers home educating his children in the late 1980s.  In fact, what made me a real unique creature was that I may have been the only one teaching in a public high school while doing so.  This provided me with many opportunities to practice my debating skills on the one hand and to address home education groups, gatherings and conferences on the other.

In the early days of our home education journey, the majority of people truly believed home education meant bringing school methods and expectations home, in an effort to out-perform the school.  In fact, nearly everyone simply referred to the process as home schooling.  As a consequence of this mistaken mindset, there arose a cult-like belief that one could measure how successfully they were accomplishing their home education program by the level of anxiety and burnout they were experiencing.

I saw this to be of questionable value and wondered if it was a display of virtue signalling.  It was as if some were saying, “See how burnt out I am?  That is because I am so selflessly dedicated to out-performing the school at home! I really deserve a medal.”  While pondering the fallacy of this nonsense, I was asked to speak at the Alberta Home Education Association’s provincial conference.  I suggested Dealing With Burnout as my topic, which was readily accepted, as burnout had become a fad within the home education community.

However, it was a trick.  I actually didn’t deal with the symptoms of burnout, I went for the cause.  I pointed out that if one was burning out, it was not a badge of honour or an indication of superior dedication as much as clear evidence that the parent was doing something wrong.  I also pointed out how difficult it would be to have a Ford car operate using Chevrolet parts and so the likely reason people were burning out was that bringing school home and trying to outperform it, not to mention acting the martyr looking for accolades as mom of the year were not working.

You should know there is no competition for mom of the year.  There is also no need to beat school at its folly nor to seek public acknowledgement for superior dedication.  And there is most certainly no good reason for burnout.  Change what you are doing to mitigate the possibility of burnout.  Do not emulate a classroom teacher.  That doesn’t work.  Just love your children as a mom and things will be much more relaxed.

We have moms repeat the word “relax” several times during our initial meeting with new families and often thereafter.  If you are stressed out or burnt out in your home education program, it may be time to re-evaluate how you are approaching things. When you find what is not working or what needs to change, discontinue the offending activity!

Relax, have fun as a family.  Enjoy your summer… and don’t burn (out)!

Although ministry is very rewarding when seeing people healed from what ails them, it is also painful as we tend to suffer with those who are suffering.  We see a lot of pain every year during our facilitation travels.

Maybe it is because we have friendly faces.  Perhaps it is because we are older and people assume we have wisdom.  Hopefully, it is because people see the Spirit within.  Likely, it is because we are not officially part of the family, nor gossips, so secrets are safe with us.  Who knows, but Faye and I seem to be sounding boards for parents in need of sharing family issues, and we have heard plenty of them.

Do not misunderstand what we are saying.  We are not complaining; we are honestly telling you that if you experience one of life’s bombs, you are not alone and it is likely not entirely your fault.  We have been on both sides of this fence.  As young parents, we took a strip off our parents.  They deserved it of course, but then again, in retrospect we could have gone about the confrontation in a much better way.  Thirty some years later, we were on the receiving end and we didn’t appreciate it any more than our parents likely did.

What we refer to as the bomb is actually part of our humanity.  It is targeted at our basic need to be loved and appreciated which leaves us all vulnerable.  There is nothing more painful than to be rejected or abandoned by those we love the most.  This is especially so when it involves parents, children or spouse.  The closer the relationship, the greater the potential for pain.

Considering God will never, ever, ever turn His back on us, we see nothing but darkness and evil when loved ones “bomb” us, and anger when others do as well.  We want to lash out, make somebody pay for our pain. Anything to try to reduce the level of discomfort we are experiencing. But it is probably best to do nothing, at least immediately after the bomb has been detonated.

You do not really know what precipitated this most unwelcome action, but it is probably a good guess the problem originates with the individual dropping the bomb.  When we bombed our parents, we were experiencing some major financial challenges.  I was jobless and we were sleepless with young children.  When our children bombed us they were dealing with their own issues and the only common denominator to their unique situations was Faye and me.  You could say both our parents and us were actually hit by the shrapnel, but it felt like bombs.  This does not make being bombed any easier to accept, but it may prevent us from reacting badly.

Extending the consideration that the bomber may be experiencing some difficult situations in their life should also help us to extend a bit of grace when we are badly treated by strangers, like the grumpy servant, unpleasant colleague or taciturn policeman.  Could it be they are having a tough time in their lives and simply passing their discomfort to you?  This may not be a bomb, but it could be a cry for help.

Every family will have the opportunity to deal with bombs.  That is because of two things.  First, we live in a fallen world where bombs exist.  Second, if the family is of prime significance to God, the enemy will make it his prime target and let’s face it, he inflicts maximum pain when he can trick those we love the most into being his unwitting agents and accomplices.

Occasionally we find ourselves directly or indirectly in the bombing range and we can end up as collateral damage of someone else’s war.  While it is best to avoid such situations, we may find ourselves involved as protectors of the innocent.  Child abuse comes to mind.  God sees and appreciates having a representative on the scene.  However, it is not fun!

Eventually the dust settles and things return to normal, but most likely a new normal.  That was the case with our folks, as it was with us.  We took the unfortunate incidents to re-evaluate how things needed to change, usually in small ways so we could stay clear of the trip wires that detonated the bomb.

We only want to share this with you so you understand that if you are experiencing the pain of rejection, abandonment or death, you are not alone.  Jesus’ last words were “Why have You forsaken me?”  He knows what you are going through.

Faye and I have had to endure our share of pain.  Every year we witness and/or hear others’ painful stories which often beg the question, “Why?”, to which there sometimes simply is no answer.  While we may not understand why bad things happen, we need to reconcile with our situation so we can carry on with the life we have been given.  We do this by making sure those people whom God has put in our lives are encouraged through us.  This will help to make the pain go away.  And remember, there is One who stays closer than a brother, even when others have forgotten just how valuable we are.  You are not alone.

With over thirty years of facilitation under our belt, my wife, Faye, and I have witnessed pretty well everything, both good and bad.   We were the very first to visit our assigned families as a couple.  This sure turned a lot of heads as it set a new trend.  There are still a few couples facilitating today, some working through Education Unlimited.

We have seen a large part of the Province of Alberta and been involved with a number of families of different cultures and religious affiliations.

We have watched as children grow up, move from home, start families and enrol their children with us.  In fact, we are not very far from enrolling children from the next generation meaning there is a good chance we will soon see three generations of home educators.  Wow!

We have been at this so long, we have graduated from individual visits to family reunions.  What a blessing it is to see the “old” folks come to their children’s places and visit with us when we facilitate their grandchildren.

I am sure we could write a book on the adventures we have had while doing what we believe is the best job on earth.  In jest, we sometimes refer to our facilitation travels as missionary journeys.  I believe we have been on over sixty of them in the course of thirty years, half in the fall and half in the spring.  We have come to prefer the spring visits as there is more light to travel in, but often that comes with the price of mud.

During all that time, we have been blessed with the best of cultural cuisine, wild game and decadent desserts.  Not only have we been fed, but continuously blessed with a multitude of gifts and we can’t count the number of field trips, fun rides and additional travels our parents took us on to share their lives with us.

We have been blessed beyond measure and description.  We have learned a great deal about the wonderful mosaic of people that make up this great province and we have had a big hand in the restoration of familial authority.  We have done our best to pass this wisdom to the wonderful folks who we are blessed to have working with us in serving the home educating community of this province.

Why this testimony?  Simply to say you should enjoy your facilitator and look forward to their visits.  I know we did and the fact that so many came to our 50th celebration leads us to believe the feeling was mutual.  It is our hope and prayer that every home educating family would also want to attend an event celebrating the life of their facilitator.  Would you go to a special event for yours?  I hope so, as this is what we believe a family-facilitator relationship should look like.

Now that we have reviewed the definition and history of facilitation in Alberta, there remains one more thing to discuss.  Do you have the right facilitator to help you through your home education journey?  Here are a few general considerations to keep in mind.

First and foremost, you are the boss.  I know I have said this ad nauseam, but if you miss this point, you will find yourself being directed rather than directing your home education program.  Exercising this authority will help qualify your potential or existing facilitator.

If you are home educating for faith-based reasons, sharing the same worldview perspective is important, but it is not critical.  Still, if this is important to you, you should ask without judgement.

It is always a good thing to know the experience and understanding an advisor has before taking advice from them.  Again, maybe not critical, but good to know.  Even though I believe one should have personally experienced home education as a parent or student through to completion before advising others, I also believe that any teacher can “repent” after realizing why school is not the best place for learning.  Knowing what not to do is just as valuable as having correctly done so in the first place.  Either way is good experience with which to advise others.  Ask your facilitator about their experience with home education.  This will help you to better understand their approach and to determine if their reason for facilitating is money or ministry, which I generally define as desiring to help people avoid error.

Having said that, personalities sometime clash, even when two people are coming from the same perspective and heading in the same direction.  Perhaps the best measure for determining the “fit” of your facilitator is your reaction to their involvement in your life.  If you take the news of their pending visit with trepidation, you likely are not suitably fitted.  If you are neither threatened nor excited, you are probably okay.  If you look forward to your visit and find yourself encouraged each time you meet, you have a gem worth keeping.  You decide.  You’re the boss.  Is your facilitator the right one for you?

Many years ago, when I first started facilitating professionally, which means when I started getting paid for facilitating after years of pro bono service to our local school division, my wife and I were assigned a family in Viking, Alberta.  When we arrived, we found a lady so nervous her hands were shaking and her complexion was very pale.  At first I thought she was being abused by someone, but only she and the children were home.  I then began to think she had just finished a very serious phone call or had just left some kind of confrontational meeting.

In spite of her obvious nervousness, I proceeded to ask her questions regarding her home education program and chit chatted with the children.  My wife and I did everything to assure the mother she was doing a good job.  After a while, the mother settled down and she felt comfortable enough to offer some tea and cookies.  We continued to talk about family, children and living outside the standard world as home educators.  As we were about to leave, we learned what the problem was at our arrival when the mother asked if that was all there was to our facilitation visit.

When we asked her what she meant, she nearly broke down in tears.  She was initially deathly afraid of our visit because of the negative experience she had had with her previous school supervisor.  We were baffled by her account of having had to personally do a spelling test to prove to her supervisor that she was educated enough to educate her own children.  The story went on to detail the abuse she experienced from this overbearing, self-righteous representative of the government and the school.  By the time we left, not only were we encouraged by having helped this mother, but the lady who initially greeted us with deep reservation insisted on giving us each a hug on the way out.

Followup visits were really good as we continued to encourage this lady with the understanding that she was doing a great job and that she, of all people, was the most qualified teacher possible, the one called mom.

I share this story with you to help you gauge if you have the best possible facilitator.  As he/she leaves, do you hug your facilitator or do you celebrate the departure?  A facilitator should be seen as a friend, not someone you dread.

Now that you know how the term “facilitator” came into being and why it is largely a made-in-Alberta phenomenon, we will proceed to describe what facilitation entails.  But first, let me explain why facilitation is necessary.

Government does not “usually” dole out money without strings attached.  While Alberta’s funding of home education is unique and appreciated, there are some provisions that must be met.  Although there is the option to simply notify the government and home educate without school supervision and funding, the majority of home educators accept funding and, correspondingly, the obligations that come with it.

Funded home education in Alberta comes with expectations of both parents and sponsoring schools.  Parents must agree to have their home education “supervised” and schools must do the supervising.  If the school is understanding and amicable toward the home educated, the assigned teacher will be encouraged to work with parents as a facilitator and so will not likely be seen as a threat to them.  Should the assigned teacher be more of a school-supporting supervisor he/she will tend to exercise authority over the parents and the home education program.

This means it is very important to know the agency with which you choose to enroll your children.  Understanding that the funding provisions for government programs come at a higher rate than for traditional home education or unschooling, there is a simple test to be able to ascertain whether your future assigned teacher will indeed facilitate or supervise.

Assuming you desire maximum autonomy while exercising your parental authority and that you desire to unschool, ask the potential home education provider if it is possible to receive high school government accreditation through their agency.  If the answer is yes, find another board.  An affirmative answer means the school will likely be pushing you toward better paying government programming, and the assigned supervising teacher will probably be less accommodating of your desires.