Looking up to the ceiling, my tears are falling silently. No one has noticed them yet. They are busy preparing the operating room. It seems that going under the knife is inevitable. I have never thought I would go through all this. I can feel the pain in every inch of my bones. As much as my physical pain is killing me, the pain in my heart is unbearable as well. I am not sure anymore where the pain is coming from. She said that she’ll be with me through thick and thin. But here I am on my own. It’s not like I’m a bit under the weather, but who knows, she might simply have bigger fish to fry. Or maybe I’m just a loser and a pain in the neck to her. But after all, I need to pick myself up. I only have one secret weapon left that I can use to wash off my pain at least for the moment. I stick with it. All I need to do is to space out and fantasize about what we used to do together. Honey, I still remember how we used to be an item and how my cheesy pick-up lines made you laugh when we first met back in 2018. I guess that my open physical and emotional wounds would mark a major turning point in my life. I think it is finally time to hang loose. It is time to take care of myself now.