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Lessons in Self-Doubt: The Mother I Feared I Couldn’t Be
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When I first found out I was pregnant, fear was the loudest emotion I felt. Not because I didn’t want my baby, but because I was terrified I’d mess it all up. Growing up in an unconventional household, raised by my grandmother after my parents’ divorce, I had no blueprint for what a “normal” family looked like. I doubted everything about myself as a soon-to-be single mom.
So I did what I always do when I’m scared: I went to the library. 📚 I read every parenting book Fayetteville, NC had on its shelves. I thought knowledge alone could erase my fear. But it wasn’t until almost a year later—after losing my grandmother and learning to trust myself—that I realized I wasn’t behind because of how I was raised. I was ahead because of it.
In this episode of Have a Cup of Johanny, I share how self-doubt shaped my early years of motherhood, how my grandmother’s love became my guide, and how fear can sometimes be proof that you care deeply about getting it right.
✨ Preorder my debut novel, The Ordinary Bruja—a story about finding strength in self-doubt and learning to trust your own magic: haveacupofjohanny.com
Support the show
If today’s episode hit you in the chest the way it hit me, don’t just walk away—walk toward something that reflects you.
Subscribe to the podcast, hit that YouTube channel for the behind-the-scenes, and if you’re ready to read a story about what it really means to come home to yourself—
👉🏽 Preorder The Ordinary Bruja.
https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/
It’s about a Dominican-American bruja who’s been running from herself her whole life until ancestral magic, generational wounds, and a haunted-ass hill force her to face the truth.
If you’ve ever felt “too much,” “not enough,” or like you don’t fit anywhere, you’re exactly who this story was written for.
🎙️ Subscribe.
📺 Follow on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2SRDePbyy8M85Wbf25VUCg
📚 Preorder The Ordinary Bruja. https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/
Because becoming who you are is the bravest kind of magic.
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By Johanny Ortega
5
11 ratings
Send us a text
When I first found out I was pregnant, fear was the loudest emotion I felt. Not because I didn’t want my baby, but because I was terrified I’d mess it all up. Growing up in an unconventional household, raised by my grandmother after my parents’ divorce, I had no blueprint for what a “normal” family looked like. I doubted everything about myself as a soon-to-be single mom.
So I did what I always do when I’m scared: I went to the library. 📚 I read every parenting book Fayetteville, NC had on its shelves. I thought knowledge alone could erase my fear. But it wasn’t until almost a year later—after losing my grandmother and learning to trust myself—that I realized I wasn’t behind because of how I was raised. I was ahead because of it.
In this episode of Have a Cup of Johanny, I share how self-doubt shaped my early years of motherhood, how my grandmother’s love became my guide, and how fear can sometimes be proof that you care deeply about getting it right.
✨ Preorder my debut novel, The Ordinary Bruja—a story about finding strength in self-doubt and learning to trust your own magic: haveacupofjohanny.com
Support the show
If today’s episode hit you in the chest the way it hit me, don’t just walk away—walk toward something that reflects you.
Subscribe to the podcast, hit that YouTube channel for the behind-the-scenes, and if you’re ready to read a story about what it really means to come home to yourself—
👉🏽 Preorder The Ordinary Bruja.
https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/
It’s about a Dominican-American bruja who’s been running from herself her whole life until ancestral magic, generational wounds, and a haunted-ass hill force her to face the truth.
If you’ve ever felt “too much,” “not enough,” or like you don’t fit anywhere, you’re exactly who this story was written for.
🎙️ Subscribe.
📺 Follow on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2SRDePbyy8M85Wbf25VUCg
📚 Preorder The Ordinary Bruja. https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/
Because becoming who you are is the bravest kind of magic.