On November 26th, 2025, At 3:15am I thought I started having a heart attack. I was completely knocked out asleep and I felt something happen in my chest that I can only compare to the feeling of a butterfly the size of a frisbee fully contracting its wings once violently and then maintaining an unbelievable pace from that moment forward. I was dazed and confused and terrified.

Hannah’s here. Don’t wake her up, you’ll only scare her. But what if you pass out, you need her to call 911. Lord… help me. Please. Don’t let me die on the floor and my baby girl come out and find me in the morning. Please God.

I have to go to the hospital. Right?! Yeah. For sure. Your heart is racing so fast. Why is it racing so fast??? I was asleep?? It’s freezing outside and it snowed. No you can’t just wear crocks. But don’t push your foot in the shower too hard… your heart is gonna explode, Joel. God. Please don’t let my heart explode it feels like it’s totally going to explode any minute. Don’t wake Hannah up. Uber! Yeah. Call the uber. Now.

Thank You God. For being with me right now. I’m scared. I need You.

I get in the Uber: I need to get to the ER now. I think I’m having a heart attack.

Uber driver: “You know… a few months ago I thought the same thing was happenin’ to me. I felt like my heart was racing and they took me to the hospital.”

Me: did they follow the traffic laws?? Cuz I feel like you should probably run these red lights. There’s just us on the roads right now bro. Please. With all due respect… run them. Please sir. Thank you so much.

I arrive at Rush Emergency Room sweating, panicking, grasping at my heart…. “Something’s wrong. My heart is going a hundred miles an hour!!”

Front desk nurse who was busy playing a game on her phone, “Sir please have a seat in the lobby after signing in.”

God, please God. No one is listening to me. I need you to help me, Lord. I love you so much I know you’re here with me.

(5 mins later)

“Barnes…. Come on back”. She walks me back to the triage area and she takes my pulse. She gets on a radio immediately. Someone comes from the back and says “ok Mr. Barnes you are coming with me. Let’s get you in this wheelchair so we can get you back there faster. You’re gonna meet a lot of people right now Mr. Barnes. You are in good hands, ok?”

We turn the corner and 10 people are waiting for me in of the emergency bays. “shirt off Mr. Barnes”. Instantly they put a defibrillator patch on my back and chest. One person is starting an IV in my right arm. Someone else is putting an IV In my left arm. Someone is taking my shoes off, someone else is connecting the EKG machine.

The crash cart is there. The one they use in the TV shows when the person dies and they have to bring em back to life…. That. Someone’s taking blood pressure. Someone’s taking temp. The doctor comes in and begins to ask me questions.

I rattle off every prescription med that I’m on with precise dosages an regularity. I can tell her exactly how much water I’ve had today, when I ate last, every single morsel of information that could affect anything. Then I give her a complete historical account of the last 5 years … I list all 7 surgeries and their dates, half the procedures I’ve had, the chronic regional pain syndrome diagnosis and how badly the chronic pain affects my stress levels, daily. I’m using every medical terminology that I’ve ever learned.

All while people intensely watch the heart monitor.

I look over … “Does that say 221 beats per minute?!!” It did….

The doctor says yes. And we need to get that under control. She outlines the plan. Medication #1 … this should work. Medication #1 has no effect. Twice.

Cardio doctor finally arrives. Let’s give him a third dose of Med #1. ER doctor contests that decision. “That would exceed the daily recommends limit for that drug.” Cardio Doctor: “Ok people were moving to Med #2!!”

The ER doctor explained that this drug is going to basically make me feel like I’m gonna die. “But you won’t. It’ll pass. And we’re right here Mr. Barnes.”

They give it to me… it’s pretty awful. But I remember thinking… I’ve felt worse. lol. This i’snt THAT bad.

They have to give me Med #2 two more times… no effect. Except for the awful feeling getting a little worse each time.

Time for Medication #3. And if this one doesn’t work Mr. Barnes, we’re gonna have to attempt to shock your heart back into the correct rhythm. I had been praying out loud this whole time. The progression from arrival to med #3 probably spanned a time period of an hour and a half. Maybe even more. But my heart was not being affected by anything happening.

So I prayed louder. And call in His name more and more frequently. I even lean up at one point and say, “Hey everyone in here. Y’all are doin a great job. Thank you so much for helping me. Also… I’m not gonna die here today… ok? God says He isn’t done with me yet. So you guys can relax a little.”

They all laugh. The room gets a little lighter. I get back to praying. They get back to getting ready to push drug #3. They push the drug… and nothing. Wait… maybe something. Did y’all just see his heartbeat dip to 210 for a second?

I pray louder. “c’mon Jesus. I need you to slow my heartbeat down.” I put my hand over my heart “Right now. In the Name of Jesus. Slow… down”

They push the second dose of med 3. Heart rate drops to 185. I keep praying.

“Ok Mr. Barnes, if this last dose doesn’t get it down to a normal rate we are going to sedate you and we’ll use this defib machine to shock your heart back down to normal rhythm.”

They push dose 3 of med #3… the butterfly returns and with one strong flutter, you can watch my heart rate drop down from 185 to about 90 beats per minute. The tension in the room melts instantly. A couple people clap. A couple laugh. Everyone in the room had on a smile, at the very least.

“told y’all I wasn’t gonna die”. lol.

The peace I had through this situation was uncanny. It’s the peace that Paul was describing in Philippians 4:7 when he says “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” He’s basically saying that it won’t even make SENSE how peaceful you feel. And that was the peace that I had even back at home while thinking through each next step. Shoes. Uber. Don’t wake Hannah. It could have been freakin’ chaos and calling an ambulance and terrifying my kid but it wasn’t.

And why? Because of the instruction that is in the scripture RIGHT before the peace that surpassed understanding. Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭So what he’s saying is that if, instead of worrying, you talk to God, (prayer and petition) with a grateful heart, present your requests to God. Then when you know that you have done that, a peace that doesn’t even make sense will fall on your heart and your mind.

First of all, I love this scripture, and there is SO much to unpack that I know I could fill an entire blog post and I want to save that to another time. What I will say about this experience and this scripture is that this was one of the first scriptures that I meditated on about 15 years ago as I was discovering that I had anxious and depressive tendencies. So I have meditated in this scripture and unpacked this scripture and buried this scripture deeply in my heart over a decade and a half. I didn’t just almost have a heart attack and experience supernatural peace without practice. Significant bouts of doubts and peace and practice and trouble and supernatural encounters and affirmation and…. Practice. And more practice. And even then still, just because I didn’t freak out this time, it doesn’t mean I won’t next time. I’m just sayin.

This peace was a gift from God. And that peace was a gift and a blessing to not just myself… you could palpably FEEL the gift of peace permitting the room of medical professionals all huddled up around me to keep me from dying. That supernatural peace blessed THEM too!

But just as I had gotten home the next day, and the adrenaline had worn off and the severity of the possible circumstances of the night before set in… I realized that some of what had happened the night before was also an attribute of surviving significant trauma and different points in my life. I’ve spent a decent amount of time working on myself and at this stage of my life, I’ve realized that I have some ‘delays’ setup in my psyche that help to protect me in the moments of immediate danger. Then eventually catch up to me in the coming days. Once, in therapy, I described this like an oil tanker, driving full speed uphill. All of the liquid is at the back of the tanker. This is how I respond to immediate trauma, the worry and incapacitation, represented by the oil in the back of the tanker, is compartmentalized. When the tanker slows down and or comes to a sudden halt, all of that liquid comes sloshing forward. That’s the feeling I get when the emotions of a traumatic situation catch up to me. The more work I do, the less violent that transition from trauma to normalcy becomes.

I still kept waiting for the emotion of that night to “catch up” to me, but it wasn’t happening. Not only that, but I also couldn’t sleep… This had happened in the middle of the night, my mind, and my body was terrified that it would happen again.

I want you to pay attention right now to the way the evil one is chipping away at that piece that surpassed all understanding that I had just experienced only days before. Not only am I stuck in this pattern of almost waiting for the next shoe to drop, I’m having physical manifestations of anxiety due to this event. I kept asking God, “What’s going on? I haven’t even let out the emotions of that day, can you show me what you want me to learn from all of this?”

I didn’t tell anyone what had happened for almost a week because I was just trying to spend time with a God and get him to help me understand what he wanted me to see or learn from this situation. I remember even pleading with God saying, “God you know that I don’t take any day on earth for granted? already… You know that if you tell me to text someone or call someone to reach out to someone or pray for someone that I respond as fast as I physically can… Already. What are you trying to show me with this mortality reminder?” I prayed about this for days… I have to also admit, that when you sincerely feel like you appreciate life and each day that comes, it almost felt hurtful that God was trying to teach me something about something I felt that I so genuinely already appreciated. And then, out of nowhere, I had a flashback to being on the ER table, surrounded by all the doctors, and I had this fleeting thought.

I remember thinking that if this was my time to go, that I would embrace my father in heaven, and that at least I knew that I would finally get rest. If I were to go home to heaven that day, at least my suffering would finally be over. At least I wouldn’t hurt so bad every day anymore. At least I wouldn’t have to scrounge around to pay bills and struggle every day to keep a roof over our heads. I remember thinking that if I went to heaven, at least that peace would last forever….

The tears instantly began to flow as I released the trauma of that day. I remembered the feeling of complete surrender to whatever it was that God wanted to do in that moment… even if it meant that I would breathe my last breath. There was no one that I hadn’t forgiven. I felt like I had done my best while I was here. I had begged for forgiveness for anyone that I knew I had wronged. If the suffering went away forever, I just prayed that my legacy was that “that guy loved and shared Jesus… even when he suffered.” God wasn’t trying to convict me with a lesson… I believe He was trying to allow me to feel complete peace. For the first time in my life.

But as FAST as I arrived at that truth, the Devil swooped in with a lie.

Oh your faith is “so strong” but you wanted to give up. Again. I thought you said you defeated ‘those thoughts’. And you would leave Hannah, huh? And your mom, friends, family… you were ok with that?? Oh and your ministry. All those isolated people that you wanted to bring into connection… guess you weren’t really chosen by God to lead those people towards connection, huh? What a waste of faith.

I went from serenity to turmoil… that fast.

What I want to make sure you understand is this. Sometimes the lies don’t sound so far fetched. The devil is clever and he’ll make it all sound similar to the truth that it’ll be hard to decipher what is what, at times. In this moment, I was so vulnerable that there was an opening… even in my time of prayer… to steal my thoughts and beat me upside the head with them. I could tell that this felt off… but now I’m stuck in a familiar shame spiral about letting my kid down and/or letting down the people I care about. I became hyper-fixated on trying to figure out which end was up, and what was actually true about all of these swirling thoughts.

Back to prayer.

God I KNOW these feelings of doubt aren’t from you but I cannot shake them. I didn’t mean to want to give up… I wasn’t trying to give up. I was just content. You gave me that gift. But I can’t access it right now.

What ended up being crucial for me, in this 20 ish hours of doubt and shame, was for me to ultimately run this all by a trusted friend of mine. I took her through the particulars as I have done with you guys today…Through the curiosity I had about what God was trying to show me… then into the serene peace that I felt in such a hectic and chaotic and terrifying moment. But then how it had been almost intercepted by cruel thoughts of myself and the second guessing of my own faith. My friend held space for me… heard me out… and then held up a gentle and powerful mirror for me.

“Joel with the amount of pain that you have felt in the last few years… not even God could blame you for wanting rest. No one who knows you doubts your love for your daughter, family or friends. No one could doubt your commitment to standing in the gap with people.”

Here’s what I think God was trying to show me that I feel compelled to share. No matter where you are on your faith journey, it’s not too early or too late to understand that there IS an enemy out there that wants to steal your joy, peace and security. The Bible says: “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Have you ever seen any nature show? Who does the lion go after? Not the prey that is tucked into community. No, he goes after the one separated and isolated from the pack. He’s not going after the prey that is healthy and strong, he’s hunting the vulnerable. There is an enemy. You have to understand that. God has won. God wins in the end. But as someone who pursues faith, you are marked as an enemy BY the enemy.

Next thing to know is that as you strengthen your faith, the enemy understands that he must get more creative in his strategy to attack. I had a divine experience… and I had a divine revelation. If you really take a 30,000 foot view of my experience, what more could someone hope for if they were to be at the end of their story? I felt reminded and encouraged that it was NOT my end… but even THAT revelation brought peace and encouragement in some scary and potentially dark moments. Not to mention the tension in that ER room that you could have cut with a knife being evaporated with the calling on the Name of Jesus. And then… immediately after increasingly vocal prayer, and in what seemed like the last inning, my heart responded to my prayer. Yeah… maybe it was my third iteration of drugs forming a hodgepodge of a cocktail in my bloodstream. Maybe. But maybe 10 doctors and nurses heard the Name of Jesus called out by a man that should have been scared… and wasn’t. Maybe.

The last thing I feel compelled to share about this experience is the importance of wise counsel. The Bible has this to say: “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs‬ ‭12‬:‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬. Left to my own thoughts, who knows how long I would have let the shame spiral continue but I’m blessed enough to have cultivated a safe relationship with someone who has done life with God for a long time. I was able to share this event and my feelings around it in a way that allowed for the truth to be spoken into my story. That’s yet another blessing that this whole experience allowed me to experience.

You guys like bullet points. So, I’ll end with a quick recap:

* The devil be on some b******t… stay vigilant to that… no matter where you are in your faith journey

* The fact that you are even entertaining a faith journey makes you a threat. Evil wants to win. God won’t let it.

* Don’t be afraid to call on the Name of Jesus when you are scared… He listens and there is so much power in His name

* Community and connection keep you safer than isolation and disconnection. Find your people. Learn how to become wise counsel for them and they will be wise counsel for you.

I love y’all. Let me know how I can pray for you! You can DM me at @wehavetoshare or @joeldavidbarnes or email me at [email protected] 🤟🏽

Also I signed up for this new thing … they are saying it’s a way to support people’s content. If it’s something you wanna do, it’s appreciated. ☕

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