Let's Complicate It

What happens when two best friends build very different versions of a meaningful life?

In this episode, I'm joined by my best friend of 23 years, Rachel, to talk about a subject on which we've made very different choices: motherhood. Rachel desperately wanted to become a mother and ultimately went through years of fertility treatments and IVF to have her child. I, meanwhile, have intentionally chosen to be childfree.

But this isn't a debate about who made the "right" choice.

Together, we explore how we separate what we genuinely want from what we've been taught we're supposed to want—especially when it comes to womanhood, motherhood, identity, and purpose. Rachel shares what it was like to grow up assuming motherhood was simply part of her future, only to later consciously choose it again and again through an incredibly difficult fertility journey.

We also complicate one of the most persistent judgments directed at childfree people: that choosing not to have children is selfish. What if having children is selfish, too? And what if "selfish" doesn't have to mean bad? We talk about sacrifice, self-centeredness, contribution, legacy, and the many ways a person can invest in something larger than themselves—with or without becoming a parent.

Along the way, we explore the strange, beautiful spectrum of experiences surrounding parenthood: people who desperately want children, people who never do, people who become parents and love it, people who discover the identity doesn't fit the way they expected, and people who have to build meaningful lives around a choice they never got to make.

And because this is a conversation between two people who have been best friends since seventh grade, we also somehow end up crying about our friendship, reminiscing about the people who unknowingly brought us together 23 years ago, and revisiting the very drunken text I sent Rachel when her daughter was finally born:

"You has baby."

Maybe there isn't one correct way to build a meaningful life. Maybe the more important question is whether we've taken the time to ask ourselves what we actually want—and whether we can celebrate the people we love when their answer looks completely different from ours.

What happens when someone—or something—you support does something that conflicts with your values?

In this episode, Tyler (AKA Alan Sphincter) joins me for a conversation that begins with political accountability and quickly becomes something much bigger: an exploration of loyalty, identity, consumerism, capitalism, and the compromises we make when trying to live according to our values.

We wrestle with what it means to hold "our side" accountable, especially when doing so might come at a political cost. But the dilemma doesn't stop at the ballot box. If our choices reflect our values, what does it mean to stream an artist whose behavior we disagree with? To refuse to buy new Harry Potter merchandise while regularly ordering from Amazon? To love Taylor Swift while questioning the existence of billionaires? And how much responsibility can any individual realistically carry for making perfectly ethical choices inside systems they didn't create? 

Along the way, we explore the uncomfortable places where ethics meet practicality: where we draw our personal lines, what we're willing to compromise on, and why some contradictions bother us more than others. We also examine our tendency to put politicians, celebrities, and billionaires on pedestals—and what happens when loyalty to a person, party, brand, or identity makes it harder to acknowledge the harm they may cause. 

This isn't an episode about achieving moral purity. It's about being willing to examine the things we're attached to—including the things we'd really rather not examine.

Because maybe being "ride or die" isn't something to aspire to.

Maybe every once in a while, we need to unstick our heels, take a few steps back, and look at where we're actually standing.

What does it actually mean to have a community?

Lately, I've been wondering whether I have friends... or whether I have something deeper. In this episode, I unpack the difference between friendship and community, explore my own hyper-independence, and ask why relying on other people can feel so uncomfortable—even when we know they would gladly help.

Drawing from everything from Friends and Community to community theater, yoga studios, social media, and contextual therapy, I explore what we've lost in a culture that prizes self-sufficiency above interdependence. Along the way, I wrestle with questions I don't yet have answers to: Why does asking for a ride to the airport feel harder than paying for one? What makes a "third place" feel like home? Can community exist without inconvenience? And how do we build relationships that are woven into the ordinary rhythms of life instead of surviving on occasional catch-up conversations?

In this episode, we explore:

• The difference between friendship and community

• Hyper-independence and why asking for help can feel so vulnerable

• The role of third places in combating loneliness

• Why hobbies and shared activities often become the foundation for belonging

• The hidden costs of outsourcing everything we can afford to pay for

• Practical ways to cultivate community through small, everyday acts of generosity

• Why healthy communities require vulnerability, conflict repair, and the willingness to inconvenience one another

If you've ever felt surrounded by people but still longed for something deeper, this episode is an invitation to rethink what it means to belong—and to consider whether community isn't something we find, but something we practice.

Because maybe the opposite of loneliness isn't simply having more friends.

Maybe it's becoming part of each other's everyday lives.

What does it actually mean to "feel your age"?

As I celebrate my 35th birthday, I've been thinking less about getting older and more about what aging has given me. In this episode, I reflect on the milestones we're taught to measure ourselves by—marriage, children, careers, homeownership—and question whether they're really the best way to understand a life well lived.

From Gilmore Girls to Sex and the City, from career pivots to divorce, from mistakes to self-trust, I explore why I believe wisdom isn't about having all the answers. It's about learning that life rarely unfolds according to plan—and discovering that the unexpected detours often become the most meaningful parts of our story.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why I'm genuinely excited to get older

• The social expectations women face around age and life milestones

• Why mistakes, pivots, and "wrong turns" can become our greatest teachers

• The freedom that comes from letting go of a perfect life

• How curiosity keeps us growing throughout adulthood

• Why becoming yourself sometimes means unbecoming who you thought you were

If you've ever worried that you're behind in life, or wondered whether you've made too many mistakes, this episode is a reminder that your story isn't measured by how closely it follows a timeline.

It's measured by what you've learned, how you've changed, and who you're still becoming.

Because maybe wisdom isn't about reaching a destination.

Maybe it's about learning to appreciate the divots in your own asteroid.

What if the most important part of your day happens before anyone else knows you're awake?

In this episode, I'm sharing the morning ritual that carried me through my PhD—and continues to ground me in this new chapter of my life. This isn't a list of productivity hacks or a "5 a.m. millionaire morning routine." It's a slower, quieter practice built around coffee, books, movement, and a handful of small rituals that remind me who I am before the world starts asking things of me.

I walk through my morning from the moment my alarm goes off to the time I leave for work, including the habits I've intentionally built, the ones I've accidentally stumbled into, and how I've adapted them to fit a busy season of teaching, leadership, rehearsals, and podcasting.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why I protect the first hour of my morning
• The simple rituals that helped me survive my PhD
• How I use rewards—not willpower—to build habits that stick
• The books, podcasts, games, and routines that bring me joy
• Why I think daily practices reveal what we truly value
• How small, consistent rituals can shape a meaningful life

If you've ever wanted to create a morning that feels less rushed and more intentional—or if you're simply curious about the surprisingly specific routine of someone who loves coffee, books, and philosophy—this episode is for you.

Sometimes the things that change our lives aren't dramatic at all.

Sometimes they're just the quiet rituals we return to every morning.

What if a mid-year review wasn't about measuring your productivity—but about noticing who you're becoming?

In this episode, I take a different approach to the familiar mid-year check-in. Rather than asking whether I've accomplished enough or stayed on track with my goals, I explore a deeper set of questions: How have the past six months changed me? What assumptions have I let go of? Where has my energy been going? And what kind of life am I actually trying to build?

Reflecting on the first half of 2026, I share how finishing my PhD, stepping into leadership, launching this podcast, returning to therapy as a client, and navigating changing relationships have reshaped the way I think about achievement, identity, creativity, and success. Along the way, I question our obsession with milestones and argue that the more meaningful measure of a life may not be what we've accomplished—but who we're becoming through our daily choices.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why calendars, birthdays, and "fresh starts" are more socially constructed than we realize

• How to reflect without turning reflection into self-criticism

• Identity as something we practice, not just something we possess

• What your energy, habits, and relationships reveal about your values

• The difference between building a life you'll appreciate someday and one you enjoy living today

• Why some dreams should become practices instead of projects

Whether you're halfway through the year, celebrating a birthday, or simply finding yourself at a crossroads, this episode offers a different way to pause, reflect, and move forward with intention.

Because sometimes the most meaningful question isn't, "What have I achieved?"

It's, "Who am I becoming?"

"You can't pour from an empty cup."

We've all heard the phrase. It's become one of the most common reminders to prioritize self-care and avoid burnout. But what if this advice, while well-intentioned, is missing something important?

In this episode, I unpack one of today's most popular therapeutic metaphors and ask what happens when we shift our focus away from the individual and toward relationships, reciprocity, and community. Is the solution to burnout always to stop giving? Or have we overlooked the role that other people play in helping sustain us?

Drawing from contextual therapy, I explore how we give and receive different kinds of resources—time, attention, emotional labor, cognitive labor, hope, presence, and expertise—and why healthy relationships aren't necessarily equal, but equitable. Along the way, I challenge the idea that self-care is solely an individual responsibility and offer a different way of thinking about what it means to care for one another.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why "you can't pour from an empty cup" may be an incomplete metaphor

• The difference between self-care and relational care

• Symmetrical and asymmetrical relationships

• Reciprocity, fairness, and what we owe one another

• Why giving doesn't always deplete us—and can sometimes fill us

• A new metaphor for thinking about care, community, and mutual responsibility

What if the answer isn't simply to refill your own cup?

What if the more interesting question is how we build communities where no one's cup has to run dry in the first place?

What if purpose isn't something you achieve, but something you practice?

In this solo episode, I reflect on why I started this podcast, what happened when I finally published Episode 1, and why waiting until you're confident, ready, or perfect might be the very thing keeping you from doing the work that matters most.

Inspired by Florence Given's call for women to be more audacious, I explore my complicated relationship with purpose, self-doubt, achievement, and creative expression. Along the way, I share why I've become increasingly interested in helping people step outside of their own perspectives, how that philosophy shapes my work as a therapist, and why I believe many of our personal and societal struggles stem from our difficulty seeing beyond ourselves.

We also talk about:

• Why purpose is more about daily practice than grand achievements

• The difference between self-improvement and contributing to something larger than yourself

• Perspective-taking, conflict, and intellectual humility

• Why writing scares me more than speaking

• The fear of having your ideas misunderstood

• Audacity, vulnerability, and taking up space anyway

This episode is, in many ways, a conversation about creation itself: what happens when you stop waiting to feel ready and begin before you're certain.

Because maybe purpose isn't something you find.

Maybe it's something you live.

Welcome to the very first episode of Let's Complicate It.

After spending years working toward a PhD, I found myself confronting an unexpected question: Now what? In this episode, I explore the concept of the "arrival fallacy"—the idea that achieving a long-awaited goal often doesn't feel the way we imagine it will—and reflect on what happens when the thing you've been working toward is suddenly behind you.

Along the way, I share how earning my doctorate changed the way I think about identity, achievement, ambiguity, and the pressure to always be striving for the next thing. Joined by my partner Tyler (also known as "Alan Sphincter," for reasons that will make sense once you listen), we discuss perfectionism, the challenge of being present, the allure of self-improvement, and why I believe our world desperately needs more nuance, more curiosity, and more willingness to hold multiple perspectives at once.

This episode is also an introduction to the podcast itself: what Let's Complicate It is, why I'm creating it, and why I think life's most meaningful questions are rarely solved by simple answers.

In this episode:

• The arrival fallacy and life after a major achievement

• Finishing a PhD and redefining success

• Why ambiguity and paradox matter

• The pressure to constantly improve yourself

• Identity, perspective-taking, and intellectual humility

• Why we're starting this podcast in the first place

Because life is complicated—and that's exactly where the interesting conversations begin.