Caregiver Tea Time with Donna Hemingway

Let's Get Real with Active Grief


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00:20 Val gives an example of how grief hits her at random times.

01:00 Val shares how she feels stronger after doing this podcast.

02:10 Val shares her thoughts about the masculine and feminine sides of grief. She found a book, "Swallowed by a snake. The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing" by Thomas Golden. https://tgolden.com/books-and-videos/

03:10 Thomas Golden's book reports the masculine path to grieving usually happens through taking action. and the feminine path through relating to others. He qualifies this statement with the known fact that men have a feminine side and women a masculine side and the mix of the two determines how an individual processes grief.

03:50 Val shares about the importance of "standing in the tension of grief, " and choices that come with that.

04:35 Val relates to a quote from the author Richard Rohr, https://cac.org/about/our-teachers/cac-founder-richard-rohr/
who coined the term "hope infused with realistic awareness." She feels this is an attitude to strive for when handling tough times. Val shares how she struggled to feel as though she had enough information to have "realistic" awareness.

06:20 Val shares her ideal for how the medical system could include a team member trained in palliative care to reduce emotional pain and suffering for the caregiver.

07:45 Val returns to the subject of grief, and she uses examples from Thomas Golden's book to describe a grief ritual and how to structure it.

09:13 Val shares how she structured grief in the early days after her son passed away and how she is structuring it now.

12:50 Val shares about her grief ritual of going to a coffee shop to drink one of her son's favorite coffee beverages, a cortado.

14:05 Val shares about hiring a death doula to be with her to offer support as she sorts through her son's things at home. Val is grateful to have the opportunity to work with Allie Jones, [https://soulcompanionservices.com/about]
who recently opened a business called Soul Companion Services. Val explains what a death doula does and she shares that Allie has a unique perspective on life, because she was born with Fanconi Anemia, the same genetic disorder Val's son had.

16:35 Val shares her special message about her fears related to needless suffering and that she believes it is necessary to feel the pain of grief, but we don't need to suffer from it.

16:50 Val's cheer: "I'm feeling the pain of my grief, and I'm letting go of the suffering!" Cheers!

Additional information and links can be found at:

https://www.caregiverteatime.com/

 

 

 

Look for the full version of Val's theme song, Nothing But the Good Things on your favorite music streaming service now!

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Caregiver Tea Time with Donna HemingwayBy Donna Hemingway