“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

Even "cornea" than Part 1, blink and you'll miss it, while not a "patch" on Episode 9…it's got worse pupils than Netflix's Adolescence… We return to 1971's ocular oddity of artistic anarchy…Headless Eyes!

Last time, we prowled through the plotting, as poor Arthur - messed-up, misunderstood and masochistic - hunted and haunted the streets of 70's New York with revenge on his mind, a scalpel in his pocket, divorce papers in his man-bag and a gallery-opening on his year planner. And blimey what a grim and grotty tale it was.

And now we're BACK! To dissect and discuss the creators and creation of this scuzzy bity of "opti-sploitation,"

Who were the team of producers who had one eye on the box-office and one hand on the kleenex when they crowbarred a load of smutty snuff into director Bateman's artsy project?

Was THIS the sort of 42nd street piece of exploitation crapola that Tarantino and Rodruiguez smugly parodied in 2007's 'Grindhouse' and why does the author unreasonably blame Zooey Daschanel for making the whole genre largely unwatchable?

And how is it possible to film a man stalking a woman in an elevator and make it even more tedious than a man NOT stalking a woman in an elevator? And why does it take so fucking long?

Discover ALL THIS and much, much more, as we dig into the history of Grindhouse and find out where - if anywhere - we'll shove the big-box Wizard Picture VHS release of a video nasty that website Fantastic Movie Musings and Ramblings, called "Pointless, pretentious, annoying, and no fun at all…" HEADLESS EYES!

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has appeared on Smershpod, LBC and Radio 5 as well as writing for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

#videonasty #horror #horrormovies #headlesseyes #vhs #kentbateman #jasonbateman #justinebateman #horrorfilms #banned #bbfc #dpp

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

To mark the prestigious achievement of our tenth episode, another two-parter! Join me in the Blockbuster that taste forgot as we hit Grindhouse full in the face, with this 42nd Street foray into ocular obscenity. Fresh from Straw Dogs…yes! Another sensitive academic artsy type finds himself on the wrong end of a weapon (a teaspoon, rather than a mantrap, but that’s Tory cuts for you) and spirals into violent murderous madness, prowling the 70s New York streets with both “stalks” in his diary and “stalks” in his freezer compartment!

Who is this beardy weirdy artist and what drove him to the desperate robbery that resulted in cutlery sticking out of his face..?

When will his ex-wife stop nagging him to give-up his art and get a proper job? Perhaps as a Rob Reiner lookalike..?

Why do tedious scenes of following, sneaking, creeping and pouncing feel like they’re in slow motion when they’re actually not..?

And how is it possible that, with 28 fresh eye-balls dangling in his gallery window, not a single New York Cop on the “eyeball murderer case” thinks to pop in for a chat?

Discover all this and more, as we dig into the gritty grotty grindhouse of this 1971 cheapie, written and shot by the man who would go on to horrify Hollywood even further…by being the dad of Jason Bateman…Headless Eyes!

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has appeared on Smershpod, LBC and Radio 5 as well as writing for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

“I will not have any violence against this house…” And so says Dustin Hoffman as he defends his troublesome wife Susan George and an injured David Warner against the onslaught of a local town driven to mayhem with rage and homebrew.

Oh if only the author of the book “The Siege Of Trencher’s Farm” had been quite so staunch in his defence of his novel before director Peckinpah tore it to pieces, making the writer vow never to work with Americans again...

Add a broken arm, some hired escorts, legal action, furious landowners, Grouty from Porridge and a director giving orders from a London drying-out clinic…plus a panicky BBFC chairman who hid the VHS in a drawer and hoped to retire before anyone realised…and you have the second episode of our feature length two-parter!

Follow the misadventures of a very troublesome picture indeed and how it went from the creator of Get Smart to the desk of Harold Pinter to a walk-out at the first screening…

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has appeared on Smershpod, LBC and Radio 5 as well as writing for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“And just like that”, as the never popular Carrie Bradshaw has somehow made a living saying…it all gets very, VERY serious.

For episode 9 – a feature length two-parter –  we step away from the creepies and the cheapies and take our first bold move into the 70s and a very, very troublesome picture indeed.

The movie of which Nick Schager of  Slant Magazine said "Sitting through Peckinpah's controversial classic is not unlike watching a lit fuse make its slow, inexorable way toward its combustible destination — the taut build-up is as shocking and vicious as its fiery conclusion is inevitable.”

This episode introduces the cast and crew and sets the scene for the decade and we go step by step, blow by blow through the troublesome tale of David (Dustin Hoffman) and Amy (Susan George) – two young liberals who find out what happens when you disrupt and endanger secluded countryfolk…

For people who want their fair-minded sexual political representation from the man who made The Wild Bunch…ladies and gents and everyone inbetween, I present 1970’s exercise in home invasion mayhem, BBFC controversy and Chekovs mantrap – Sam Peckinpahs masterpiece – STRAW DOGS. You’re not going to want to miss this one. Seriously.

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has appeared on Smershpod, LBC and Radio 5 as well as writing for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

QUIZ! In February of 1970, what was “…Guaranteed to upset your stomach!” What warned “no-one admitted without a vomit bag…” And had reviewers saying “some of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen.” Was it...

A. The Berni Inn, Prestatyn?

B. Scotland’s World Cup First 11?

or C. Michael Armstrong’s ‘Mark Of The Devil’?

Welcome to episode 8 of your new favourite Video nasty review-pod – a special bonus length super edition as we arrive screaming at the 1970’s - and ohhh and what nasty fun doth await the punter and his/her popcorn (hopefully not confused with the bag of vomit halfway through the third reel – bag supplied at every cinema from the Sick ‘n’ Mix counter.

Shot on genuine Witch-Trial locations in castles and courts of the 1700s and with horrifically rusty torture equipment being plucked from museums and waved about the place, you’ll come for the glorious performances by Udo Keir and Herbert Lom…but you’ll stay for tricorn hats and tongue removal… Rated V for violence (a certificate they just made up…) yes, it’s our most lavish and lecherous VHS yet!

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has appeared on Smershpod, LBC and Radio 5 as well as writing for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

A sneak peak at Episode 3 of our Bonus Extras Hark! What is that on the wind?! A summoning by our leader… a gathering of us village folk… a dark night of the soul…plus crisps and peanuts!

The third BONUS EPISODE see us alarmed by a Facebook advert, intrigued by a sales pitch and donning our best hiking spectacles to spend a wonderful couple of hours in a spooky old hall in that there Old London Town! Launching a fascinating new history of the Video Nasty phenomena – “Cannibal Error -  publishers HeadPress with the help of the Fortean Society host an evening with some of the smartest, wisest and best-informed horror fans in London in a fascinating winter evening of history and hysteria and learning more about 80s Britain and the political propaganda behind the video nasty panic. Discover what it is to hang out with the spookiest, most sinister, smartest and most splendidly dressed horror fans in the country. Great hats, British teeth, silver jewellery and more black denim than a goth Johnny Cash tribute band’s funeral.

Grab a fedora for the head and a Fangoria for the journey. It’s Bonus 3 – DRAG ME TO HOLBORN…

The full show is of course available exclusively for subscribers – a cosy club you can join via Patreon or Apple Podcasts.

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has appeared on Smershpod, LBC and Radio 5 as well as writing for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

When gorillas meet grapples in gruesome groovy get-up… Yes! Thank HAYSTACKS the DPP were there to remove this 1969 Mexican wrestling/monster movie mash-up from the eyes of innocents. And bless BIG DADDY I’m here to take you through it!

Movie legend Rene Cardona directs a cast of hammy have-a-go heroes and dastardly doctors in this bloodthirsty tale where masked Lucha Libre toss opponents from the ring…while a half man half ape abomination tears Mexico City folk to bloody shreds.

WHO is the wrestler in the red mask, and does Batman’s copyright lawyer have her details?

WHAT is the deformed creature that stalks the indoor sets, unconvincingly sprinkled with grass cuttings?

HAS the make-up department honestly never seen a monkey before? I mean, EVER?

Join Richard Asplin for a horrific adventure with a bloody ape – aka Spurious George – and discover a world of wrestling, resuscitation and a riotously rubbery rampage.

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has written for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk

More?! Surely not! Hello Ban Fans! Its me, your horror host Richard Asplin. Just dropping by for a moment to offer you a free glimpse into the newest “XXX-Rated Extras” “Bonus Episode. For those with a fascination of what goes on BEHIND the camera, how low-budget horrors get from script to screen and why so much VHS on the Banned list was badly lit and crackly recorded by wobbly cameras on cardboard sets…the answers revealed! We’re taking a hilarious look at the bonkers budgets and painful productions that created our favourite nasties and explaining how you could have made Blood Feast 20 times over for the cost of Avengers-Endgame catering budget…

The full show is of course available exclusively for subscribers – a club you can join via Patron or Apple Podcasts.

But to tempt you, here’s a little slice…

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has written for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

From the studio that somehow brought you 'Downfall' (the last days of a meglomaniacal insane fascist lunatic) and 'Willy Wonka' (the last days of another meglomaniacal …oh you get the idea), probably the goriest yet campest piece of Teutonic soft-core silliness and fairy tale filth!

While 70’s barmy Britain served up the soft, saucy sex-comedies of Robin Asquith and Fiona Richmond,  from Germany we have this! What happens when classic fairy tales of princesses and enchantment meet nubile naked booby woodland rumpo along with talking dogs, dopey dwarves, sexy spells and very horny toads?

It’s exhausting, it’s humourless, it’s joyfully ridiculous.

Imagine Disney replaced Rachel Zegler with Kenny Everett.

And then let Sid James & Co borrow the set of The Princess Bride for a dirty weekend.

Add some giant comedy cocks and “einer Chuckle Bruden” and tah-daah!

Straight from the DPP List 3 bin-bag…it’s a hilarious romp through the Grimm side of Euro-smut…episode 7 of Let’s Get The Banned Back Together – THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SNOW WHITE!

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has written for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

Well it couldn’t stay fun for long. On the flip side of the silly splattery slapstick, the movie monsters, fake blood and prosthetics…this. The first true 'exploitation' in our 'exploration'.

A nasty little exercise in soft core women-in-prison unpleasantness, the movie that launched the thankfully short-lived nazisploitation trend, from the director of Mondo Bizarro, Love Is A 4 Letter Word and Hollywood’s World Of Flesh. This early effort virtually created this unpleasant Women In Prison genre of exploitation picture, whihc brought us 1971s Women in Cages and 72s The Big Bird Cage both giving the world an early glimpse of the legendary Pam “Foxy Brown” Grier. 

WHO are the two brave women sent to enemy territory to be picked up and imprisoned?

WHAT is the weapons-grade secret they have been sent to retrieve from poor Martha Grossman?

HAS this entire piece of nonsense really been shot on one cardboard set over a weekend?

HOW MANY times can they claim this is a true story shot on location when it clearly is snuffy titillating drivel knocked up by a bored theatre group?

HONESTLY - the German Shepherd is the only watchable thing in it. And he still looks like a wrong ‘un.

God bless the BBFC who got rid of this forever. If you want to know how and why, join me for an adults only edition of Lets Get The Banned Back Together – Episode 5. LOVE CAMP 7

Richard Asplin is an award nominated novelist, comedian, pub quiz host and has written for The Guardian and The Sunday Telegraph.

“Entertaining, sometimes brilliantly funny…” Chortle.co.uk