Dear Aida,

Most people think desire arises from within — that it comes from your unique preferences, your private longings, your authentic self.

But desire is far less individual than it feels.

Much of what people want — in love and in life — is shaped by what they see others wanting.
We are mimetic creatures.
We learn desire by imitation.
We are drawn not just to objects, but to what others signal is valuable.

This is what makes desire so complicated:
It feels personal, but it is often social.
It feels authentic, but it is often borrowed.

And nowhere is this more powerful — or more dangerous — than in love.