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Letting Go of Guilt and Shame in Families Impacted by Addiction | Sharing Without Shame | Ep58
In this episode of Sharing Without Shame, Donna Marston welcomes Darlene Lancer, licensed marriage and family therapist, author, and internationally recognized expert on codependency, shame, and emotional healing.
With over 30 years of clinical experience, Darlene shares how shame often sits at the core of addiction, codependency, anxiety, depression, and unhealthy family dynamics—and why healing symptoms alone isn’t enough.
Together, Donna and Darlene explore how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, how families unintentionally pass down shame, and why setting boundaries is essential for both recovery and peace.
In this episode, we discuss:
- The difference between shame and guilt and why it matters
- How childhood emotional suppression fuels codependency
- Why addiction is often a form of self-soothing, not rebellion
- The connection between shame, anxiety, and perfectionism
- How families absorb and carry shame around addiction
- Why enabling feels like love but often causes harm
- Detachment, boundaries, and letting others experience consequences
- Gaslighting, loss of self-trust, and emotional survival in addiction
- Why healing must address the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical self
Darlene also shares practical insights on recognizing inner criticism, rebuilding self-esteem, and beginning the process of releasing long-held shame.
About the Guest:
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT is the author of Codependency For Dummies, Conquering Shame and Codependency, Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, and several workbooks and healing resources.
Connect with Darlene:
Darlene Lancer: https://darlenelancer.com/
What is Codependency: https://whatiscodependency.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/codependencyrecovery/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darlenelancerlmft/
👉 Learn more about Donna’s work and resources at sharingwithoutshame.com
Grab my free "5 Boundaries and Breakthrough" Guide. here: https://sharing-with-out-shame.kit.com/690016dc78
Sponsors:
Experience Inner Peace with Calming Therapy Bracelets
Website: https://snappbandz.com/
Use SWOS or SharingWithoutShame code
Learn more: https://linktr.ee/Sharingwithoutshame
Thank you for tuning in! May your faith and strength heal your heart.
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By Donna Marston
4.9
88 ratings
In this episode of Sharing Without Shame, Donna Marston welcomes Darlene Lancer, licensed marriage and family therapist, author, and internationally recognized expert on codependency, shame, and emotional healing.
With over 30 years of clinical experience, Darlene shares how shame often sits at the core of addiction, codependency, anxiety, depression, and unhealthy family dynamics—and why healing symptoms alone isn’t enough.
Together, Donna and Darlene explore how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, how families unintentionally pass down shame, and why setting boundaries is essential for both recovery and peace.
In this episode, we discuss:
- The difference between shame and guilt and why it matters
- How childhood emotional suppression fuels codependency
- Why addiction is often a form of self-soothing, not rebellion
- The connection between shame, anxiety, and perfectionism
- How families absorb and carry shame around addiction
- Why enabling feels like love but often causes harm
- Detachment, boundaries, and letting others experience consequences
- Gaslighting, loss of self-trust, and emotional survival in addiction
- Why healing must address the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical self
Darlene also shares practical insights on recognizing inner criticism, rebuilding self-esteem, and beginning the process of releasing long-held shame.
About the Guest:
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT is the author of Codependency For Dummies, Conquering Shame and Codependency, Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, and several workbooks and healing resources.
Connect with Darlene:
Darlene Lancer: https://darlenelancer.com/
What is Codependency: https://whatiscodependency.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/codependencyrecovery/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darlenelancerlmft/
👉 Learn more about Donna’s work and resources at sharingwithoutshame.com
Grab my free "5 Boundaries and Breakthrough" Guide. here: https://sharing-with-out-shame.kit.com/690016dc78
Sponsors:
Experience Inner Peace with Calming Therapy Bracelets
Website: https://snappbandz.com/
Use SWOS or SharingWithoutShame code
Learn more: https://linktr.ee/Sharingwithoutshame
Thank you for tuning in! May your faith and strength heal your heart.