Big Idea: Build relationships wisely through using your words, being a good neighbor, and being a reliable and honest friend.
We’re wrapping up our series on spiritual friendship today. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. It’s an important topic, but one that we often forget to talk about. In a world that leans toward being individualistic, we need to recapture a vision of what it looks like to be living in community the way that God intended.
And so we’ve seen:
that Jesus says that our spiritual family is even more important than our physical family
that the gospel forms the basis of our shared identity
that the Holy Spirit empowers us to become a community that’s on mission together
that God calls each of us to play a role within the church — that all of us need each other
that God uses friendships — deep, committed, covenanted friendships — to accomplish his purposes in our lives
and that singles aren’t second class within the church
Today as we wrap up, I want to get very practical. I want to end the series with what the Bible says we can do, at a very practical level, to be good friends to each other.
So I want to look at what Proverbs has to say. As I’ve studied Proverbs on this topic, I’ve found that it teaches us three principles on friendship. There are three things we need to learn.
Learn How to Use Your Words
Listen to what Proverbs says about our words:
The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
(Proverbs 12:18)
The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
(Proverbs 18:21)
We need to remember two words: Words matter. Your words are like a fire. Your words, the Bible says, are like a sword that can cut right into people. It can kill. But your words can also bring healing and life. How you speak is going to bring you and everyone around you life, or death.
Words can kill, but they can also give life. How then should we speak?
It’s actually quite easy. Proverbs tells us how we should speak: Speak less, speak honestly, and speak fittingly. Simple – yet as we’re going to see, impossible without God’s help.
Speak less – The average person speaks sixteen thousand words a day. There’s lots of room to get into trouble with this many words. One former U.S. president (Calvin Coolidge) said, “I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.” Proverbs says something similar:
Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.
(Proverbs 10:19)
And then one of my favorite proverbs:
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues.
(Proverbs 17:28)
One of the best ways that we could improve in how we use words is to speak less. Words are so powerful that we need to guard how many words we actually use.
Speak honestly – When we do speak, though, it’s important to speak honestly. Proverbs 12:19 says:
Truthful lips endure forever,
but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.
Proverbs 24:26 says:
An honest answer
is like a kiss on the lips.
Telling the truth is right, beneficial. Telling the truth is a kind act. One of my friends says that many times we’re too unloving to be truthful. Telling the truth is an act of love, even if what we’re going to say is hard. What we say has to be for the other person’s good, but our words must be honest even when it’s hard.
Speak fittingly – This is the hardest. It takes real wisdom to know what to say and when to say it. Proverbs 15:23 says:
A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—
and how good is a timely word!
Proverbs 25:11 says:
A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (NIV)
There’s a beauty, artistry, and skill in knowing how to speak. In fact, we can’t do it without God’s help. Proverbs 16:1 says:
To human beings bel…
