Life Coaching for the Soul.

There is a reason we are called Human Beings and not Human Doings and I’m only just beginning to understand the importance of this distinction now. The energy that is required to do the doing is very different to the energy that is utilised in just being. We are skipping over a crucial part of what it is to truly embody this life experience and enjoy the fruits of our labour.

My relationship to self has always been rather a toxic one, one that was ashamed and embarrassed by what I looked like and the awkwardness of my existence. I spent my youth desperately trying to fit in and yet craving something other than what was presented as normal. Not wanting to stick out for fear of rebuke and yet wanting someone to notice that I was there. My approach to life presented as paradoxical whilst I navigated what it was to be me.

I wish I’d known then how the very nature of being so ashamed in itself created more of the same. Whilst I tried my hardest to remain invisible, so I was never seen. And so too, my desperate need to be seen, became a toxic approach to attention-seeking. This way of being then attracted more of the same to me: toxic relationships built on needs that were being asked of from the wrong person, someone who could never fill that hole for me.

And all the while the shame built up around me, as defensive barriers between me and other, until soon I had created a barricade around myself that did as much to trap me in as it did keep others out. My days were spent in constant defence of those walls, my weapons disguised as reassuring smiles, heightened functioning, and over giving. What that looks like from the outside is someone who has it all together. What it feels like from the inside is I need help but I will never ask for it.

And what does that then call in? No help, and no one noticing that I need it.

Such excellent coping strategies that work… until they don’t. And that protective layer starts to crack, slowly but surely as the relationships with the wrong people get more damaging, and the life circumstances start to reflect the internal damage caused by all that pretending. And eventually I’m left with a choice: to keep going down the wormhole towards potential self-destruction, or choose differently for myself.

So I chose differently, which had to start with my relationship - not to others but to myself. Because until I started to notice me, no one else would. Until I recognised the beauty in me, no one else could. Until I fully embodied what it meant to be me, no one would know me for who I truly am.

And so began the hardest journey of my life, one that only I could take, because this experience is designed specifically for me and my ultimate evolution. And everything around me is merely the compass to direct me there.

Only we can make the changes in our world.

One step at a time.

Picture this: you’re going round to your sister’s for dinner. You aren’t looking forward to it because she makes you feel like you’re useless because she’s so professional and up together, and you’re still struggling to find a career you enjoy. She dresses like she’s walking the red carpet every day whilst you can’t seem to get out of your sweat pants. But you feel like you have to go as she’s your sister. So you take a deep breath, steel yourself, and prepare for the usual onslaught of questions about what you’re doing with your life. Meanwhile your sister is so tired of being the capable one, the one who is always organising everyone and making sure everything is perfect because that’s her duty as the older sister. She sees everyone around her ‘just not bothering’ so she does it all for them and then complains that she does ‘everything around here’. What she’d really like is to be comfortable doing nothing and that be ok, but no, the buck always stops with her so she can’t afford that luxury.

So you both get together out of obligation and duty to the other, and in your preparation for the ‘inevitable’ you strap on your armour, grab your swords and prepare for battle.

Then meet on the proverbial battle field.

What happens when you armour up and approach another in a defensive manner is that they have no choice but to energetically meet you in the same way. You are then both defensive, both ready to attack and defend your own reasons for being. And so that is the way things stay…until they don’t.

But here’s the thing, by simply making the choice to show up in a different way, you can entirely change the interaction. By stripping off the armour, putting down the weapons and offering yourself vulnerable and open, she will respond accordingly. She will likely open the door in her usual defensive way but immediately soften in the face of your openness and love. It can’t not happen that way. It’s by design. How you show up directly affects the other, always. She might not understand why but she will feel different towards you. It likely will throw her off balance for a moment, make her question her change in emotions towards you, she may even still be abrupt, but if you hold your ground in that authentically loving way, she will respond accordingly.

So take off your armour, recognise the situation for what it is – a chance for you to soften your defences (aka earth suit, aka nervous system) – and see what happens….

Only you can make the changes in your world.

Using Conscious Writing to Receive Guidance - how creativity is our quickest access to the answers we seek

Creativity opens us to receiving help and guidance from our highest self. It bypasses the part of the brain that feels like it has all the answers, so we can channel true and divine guidance from the Universe when we need it. Try it!

Being in a Bad Mood Isn't Bad ~ It's a Reminder to check in with Yourself

I've always advocated wallowing - it's a chance to indulge being grumpy and pissed off whilst also recognising that it's a reminder to check in with yourself too.... To go inside and realise it's all coming from inside of you not 'out there'. Today I was in a foul mood and this is what I had to remind myself of. And after breathing and working with the energy that was causing the grump, I felt much better!! And you can too x

I have been reminded recently about how much all the work I have done on myself has positively affected my relationships, specifically those with my family. And that rather than meet them on the battlefield, armoured up and defensive, I have surrendered my weapons and softened towards them, which in return has transformed my relationship to them.

It makes for a much happier and harmonious experience all round.

Try it.

www.12creativesteps.com

Choosing the life you desire regardless of anyone else - it's not selfish, it's creating from the heart.

Not choosing for ourselves first is where we come unstuck in creating the life we desire. We have all been taught to put others first and ourselves last, but in doing so we can’t manifest because it becomes an ‘I’d really like this BUT I can’t because…’

This is our own unique experience which means we can only choose for ourselves and everything else will align when we do, IF we do it from the heart.

Try it.

www.12creativesteps.com

Change the Narrative, Change the Outcome - this is manifesting at its most basic.

What is one thing you can change the narrative on today that will create a different reality, a different outcome within your experience?

Playing around with how you are unconsciously approaching things is a great way to start to manifest something different. Start with something simple, as I did, and you see how quickly things change. It's not a mistake, it's just how the universe works!

Yes I do realise that’s a quote from The Lion King!

It’s also very true - and this mini podcast episode discusses why the soul (you) has lost its way by letting the mind lead.

All we have to do is remember why we came, what medicine it is that we brought, and the soul will resume its place as the master of our experience.

What does that mean? Life will become more joyful, more fulfilling, easier…

The mind makes it harder than it needs to be.

When you look around at your environment what do you think it says about you?

If our external environment is a reflection of our internal environment, how can we take that information and turn it into a positive decluttering of our past?